Mad Max: Furiosa's Road
Let me make this clear: This is PURE CRACK. It is not in any way one of my best works. It was pretty much a challenge for a friend. So if you like Mad Max, and you like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you might actually want to steer clear of this. If you want to laugh a little bit, read on. (Also don't worry, I will be posting more of "From Eden" very soon)
He wasn't entirely conversational, her watcher. He mostly spoke in a series of grunts, gestures, and the occasional scream. Furiosa hadn't trusted him at first, but after a while a sort of unspoken communication developed between them. At first slaying vampires had been a mess, what with Max just shoving books under her nose and grunting towards a particular passage. It had taken Furiosa throwing a knife and pinning his shirt to the library wall behind him for Max to wake up and see he wasn't the only one in charge.
As far as slaying went, Furiosa was a natural. She killed her marks with vigor, yet she remained open minded enough to save whom she could. The only times Furiosa wasn't completely on her game was when Max was involved. She didn't think she cared much for her watcher beyond a fragile acceptance until a rouge demon had kidnapped him to get to her.
Furiosa remembered pacing the floor of her bedroom, her hands on her shaved head, fingers digging into her scalp. She had punched a hole through her wall in her rage. When she had found him, Max had been tortured within an inch of his life, all of his blood nearly drained and he was speaking (or grunting) even less than usual. It was then, clutching him tightly in her arms, and looking into his gray eyes for signs of life, that Furiosa realized she felt something more than just an acceptance towards Max.
The feeling only continued to grow after that. It started small. Catching the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, or a brush of the hand and a moment of held breath in the library. It started in kind gestures. The way he would hug her when she survived a particularly viscous hunt, or how they took turns bringing each other coffee in the morning. Max wasn't really that much older than her, he was young for a watcher. And his silence left something to be desired. Soon, Furiosa started thinking of Max as a mystery to solve, a treasure to unlock, a challenge to face.
Tonight was the night to face that challenge. Furiosa wondered why it was that every demon and vamp out there decided it was a good idea to kidnap her friends. It seemed like one of them was kidnapped every week! Lately a substitute teacher had been hanging around the library, trying to get in Max's pants, and Furiosa had just about had enough. It was only on Thursday when Max didn't show up for work that Furiosa suspected the substitute in the killings that had been happening lately. First the science teacher she was subbing for, who's decapitated corpse had shown up in a freezer, and then a string of disappearances, like that idiotic Xander boy from second period, and now Max. Furiosa only connected the dots an hour after Max was gone, then she did research and found where the bitch was hiding.
Furiosa kicked down the door, her machete gripped firmly in her hand and anger sparking in her eyes. She stomped around the house, not even bothering to be quiet, and kicked down the door at the top of the basement stairs. She was prepared to kill something, but she wasn't prepared for what she saw. Max was chained up against a post, his arms and legs splayed out, and before him was a giant praying mantis, at least eight feet tall. It was making disgusting noises and secreting a sort of slime onto Max's legs. Furiosa launched herself from the stairs and onto the thing's back, slicing it's head off in one swoop with no competition from the creature. It's corpse fell to the ground, bringing Furiosa down with it. She jumped off and landed before Max.
"Max! I'm so glad you're okay!" She told him as she hacked at the chains binding him. Max grunted in appreciation as he was freed and Furiosa turned to help Xander the idiot out of his prison as well. Once Xander was freed he ran up the stairs, nodding his thanks to Furiosa as he went. Furiosa turned to leave but tripped over the corpse of the praying mantis, her foot was enveloped instantly in a thick layer of green slime. As she tripped strong arms came to catch her, and Furiosa found most of her body pressed up to Max's. She looked up into his eyes and became speechless, her mouth seemed all too dry and her mind went blank. He looked down at her, his brow quirked in a question.
"Max . . . I . . ." Furiosa couldn't help what happened next, it was word vomit at its worst. "Max I think I'm in love with you." She didn't even make an effort to right herself, she just continued resting her weight against Max as the goo from her fallen foe seeped through her pant leg. Max opened his mouth as if to speak but she cut him off, "It's just that since you've become my watcher I just . . . I can't stand to see you hurt. When you got kidnapped the time before the time before last I thought my world was ending. Every time we touch I feel this electric spark and I just-,"
Max looked as if he were about to speak again, but she cut him off once again, "I know what you're going to say, that we can't be together because you're employed at the school and I'm a student there but we can find a way around that, Max. We can be together." She put her hand on the side of Max's face and bit her lip, waiting for him to lean down and kiss her. Max's eyes flitted about the room nervously for a minute before he released Furiosa from his grip completely and she fell face first into the corpse of the praying mantis substitute teacher,becoming completely submerged in warm, sticky, smelly slime. Furiosa looked up at Max in shock as he stepped away hastily from her.
"Um . . . no . . ." he mumbled. Those were the first, and last words Furiosa ever heard Max speak.