Ghirahim's Sex Education: For the Marginally Experienced
A/N: This was originally a joke in a PM conversation I was having with an author on this site, but I kind of went overboard... And THIS happened. Not sure I'll continue this. -hint hint- I'll see how much interest people seem to exhibit...-BLATANT REVIEW REQUESTING-
The classroom full of teenagers was excruciatingly quiet, an aberration from the usual settings which featured the students' lessons. The upperclassmen were now long past the nervous anticipation over the professors' use of the Socratic Method, and instructors' entrances usually required some halting of the rather excited chattering among the students.
This time, however, there was a volatile silence, occasionally interrupted by the sound of students' uncomfortable shifting in their seats, and the anxious tapping of pencils against notebooks.
The class was a pilot, an experimental syllabus that was being considered for permanent inclusion in the Skyloft Academy's curriculum. No one had known in advance what the material of the class would cover, and truthfully, the only rumors that had been circulated seemed ludicrous, laughable in their unlikely foundations.
To everyone's surprise, however, the mystery class had been made mandatory for all middle and upperclassmen. With some confusion, and rather a copious amount of hushed gossip, the students had registered for the allotted timeslots.
It was only after they picked up their required materials that morning that they realized the paralyzing authenticity behind the whispers.
In the end, there was only one question the students really had: Which of their rather Victorian and prudish instructors would be teaching the class on ...slightly more advanced...sex education?
The discommodious silence of the room was promptly shattered; with a jarring slam that made everyone jump in their seats, the classroom door burst open with theatrical flair.
"Good morning, skychildren!" rang a delighted voice.
Ghirahim made his entrance, sauntering swiftly into the classroom, a graceful, flamboyant blur of svelte limbs and white diamonds. He tossed a crimson cloak onto the desk and adjusted his metallic, non-prescription boxframes as he extended a pale hand in greeting.
The students stared.
The Demon Lord offered a dashing smile at the class, and snapped his fingers, summoning a lecture pointer made of dark energy. With a sharp swipe, he rapped the pointer across the blackboard, casting a flowing line of text across the black mineral which read, "Sex Education: For the Marginally Experienced" in an elegant script.
"Welcome to Sex Ed: 201" the demon began in very professional, albeit slightly gleeful tone, raising a pointed hand, as if for emphasis. "I advise all of you to pay rapt attention... In light of all the..." the pale male figure frowned momentarily, readjusting his exclusively aesthetic frames. "...Misleading -though scintillating- tales that have circulated, I have accepted the duty of educating you all on the rewarding act that is..." the Demon Lord allowed a sly smile to spread across his features, spreading his arms out in a grand flourish. "...sex."
In the split-second that followed, the young knights-in-training suddenly seemed to re-evaluate this whole "graduating" thing. Immediately, the screeching of chairs filled the room as students pushed back from their desks, and began looking toward the exit with no small amount of panic.
One of the braver students suddenly shut his notebook as if to leave.
Frowning, Ghirahim raised an eyebrow, a foreboding note of threat in his voice. "Oh, I don't think so..."
Snapping his fingers, the students stared in horror as bars slammed down across the door, effectively locking them inside the room with the flamboyant instructor.
As if the interruption had never occurred, Ghirahim shot them an enthusiastic smile, and snapped his fingers again, the writing on the board disappearing to yield a new line:
"Rule 1: Good sex is wet sex"
"Now, then... Lesson 1: Lubrication and anal sex."
The students naively began to pray for mercy.