i am the red in the rose, the flowers
on the blankets on your bedroom floor
Remus had always hated his room at home; hand-me-down furnishings in colors and patterns more suitable to an elderly woman. Besides, it didn't feel comfortable, not after the Gryffindor tower dormitory. There was no one at home who would support him back to his bed after the full moons, no one who was there when wolfish nightmares disrupted his sleep.
Until Sirius started coming around.
He had sworn up and down that he didn't need the Marauders after school ended, didn't need the help with his 'furry little problem' anymore. They were free to live their own lives. James and Lily were getting married, and Remus was going back to his childhood home until he could find a job, could find somewhere else to go.
Sirius had never made fun of the fussy old-lady flowered comforter he slept under. He swore he liked the roses; he said they reminded him of summers spent at James'.
and i am the grey in the ghost that hides
with your clothes behind your closet door
The flat wasn't really haunted. It was just very, very old, that being all they could possibly afford. Remus was unemployed, and the Order of the Phoenix wasn't exactly a paying career. They lived on Sirius' inheritance and regular Galleon-filled cards from James and Lily. It wasn't much, but it was better than memories that felt like real ghosts, not just the occasional shivery sense of oddness that swept the place through.
It didn't feel like his parents' house had after they had been killed, and it didn't feel like the dormitory he remembered, but it was home. He had Sirius still, and that seemed like more every day.
i am the green in the grass that bends back
from underneath your feet
The Potters - the younger generation of Potters, rather, the elder having also gone the way of the Lupins - were constantly after them to stay with them, to stay in the charming place in Godric's Hollow. Both of them felt like they were interrupting something, but they went every so often, just so their friends would know they had not forgotten them.
Remus always looked less haggard, less tired in the bright sun and green yard, Sirius less worried, less torn by the war he was fighting in. James and Lily were having a baby, and the touch of dark magic seemed far from here. They could almost forget that there was a war.
But they always went back.
and i am the blue in your back alley view
where the horizon and the rooftops meet
It was darker in the city, but every so often they got clear days, unmarred by weather-changing spells and the constant presence of dementors, dimming the spirit of every soul in London. Remus was always at the window then, because he had nowhere else to go. No one would hire a werewolf, particularly not in a day with Fenrir Greyback on the lose, being set on those who dared defy the will of Voldemort.
Sirius would come to him then, fresh from Order business or some odd job he had picked up, and put an arm around his shoulders.
"It will be all right," he always said. "It will be all right." Like a mantra. But it never was.
if you cut me i suppose i would bleed
the colors of the evening stars;
you can go anywhere you wish,
'cause i'll be there, wherever you are
Full moons came and went; they had a spell-locked room, not willing to risk letting the wolf out in open air. Remus could not care. He had a star with him whenever the moon ripped him apart.
He lay gasping on the floor after one of the transformations, which seemed to be getting worse and worse as time went on. His hair was peppered with grey now, though he was still young. There were more scars. Sirius didn't seem to care. He whined at him, still in his Animagus form, worriedly nosing at his friend's shoulder before shifting back and slowly, carefully, helping Remus back to their tiny bed.
They shared it, now. There was no point not to, since this living together seemed to be a permanent arrangement.
i am the black in the book,
the letters on the pages that you memorize
Remus still read, even though he was now a member of the Order of the Phoenix as well, and more involved in the war than he had ever hoped to be. He had wished, for a while, that he could manage a normal life. But he could not stomach the thought of his friends fighting without him, could not fathom the idea of losing them without a fight.
Especially Sirius.
The other had gotten hurt more than once, had come home distraught by yet another death in their ranks. Remus had joined up for him, more than for the ideal of protecting the wizarding world. He could hardly protect him, but he could at least be by his side.
and i am the orange in the overcast
of color that you visualize
Dreams became memories: memories of spells, of battles, of murders. Of identifying bodies. Of funerals. Remus stopped hoping there would every be anything approaching normalcy, ever again.
i am the white in the walls that soak up
all the sound when you cannot sleep
Because he hardly slept anymore, even in the days following the full moon. Sirius stayed up with him, but Remus could feel that his temper was growing thin. He was suspicious now, not only of the werewolf but of everything. Someone was leaking information from the Order to Voldemort. People were getting killed because of this. Someone was handing the world's most dangerous dark wizard his enemies on a silver platter, and Sirius thought it could be him.
He did not sleep at all in the days following a ridiculous fight, a painful accusation, and Sirius storming off in the middle of the night. Did not sleep until the other came back, tail between his legs, and whispered apologies, curling around Remus on their tiny shared mattress.
Remus forgave him. He always did. And they went away.
and i am the peach in the starfish on the beach
that wish the harbor wasn't quite so deep
It was quiet. Dumbledore had given them leave, but their time was ending soon. Soon it would be back into the turmoil of war, back into the tiny flat, back into the paranoia and suspicion that had colored their lives for too long. They stood on the shore and said nothing at all.
Sirius kissed him, and Remus responded like a man drowning.
Maybe they knew even then.
if you cut me i suppose i would bleed
the colors of the evening stars
James and Lily were dead. Sirius had betrayed them. Sirius, for all his placing blame and accusing people, had been the spy. Sirius had killed Peter, too. Sirius was in Azkaban.
Remus felt the world drain away from him. He did not need dementors to make him feel he would never be happy again.
you can go anywhere you wish
'cause i'll be there, wherever you are
Years whirled past him in blurs. No more Order of the Phoenix, no more war. The normalcy he had always dreamed of. It felt more bizarre than anything else could have. And then he was Professor Remus J. Lupin, back at Hogwarts, teaching Lily and James' son. And Sirius Black had broken out of Azkaban, somehow, and had come back.
Not to him. Not for him. He had never been a murderer, and Harry Potter kept him from becoming one. The real spy scurried back to his master, the rat, and Voldemort rose again.
But Remus had Sirius.
wherever you are
The Order of the Phoenix had been revived, back to fight a second war. There was no tiny flat this time, but Number 12 Grimmauld Place, Sirius' old family home. They were older and greyer, but never any less than they had been once upon a time, no matter how many years had passed.
And then the unthinkable: the Department of Mysteries, Voldemort's plan to force Harry to retrieve a prophecy. Bellatrix Lestrange. The curse, the archway. Sirius' face as he was suddenly gone, leaving Remus behind.
He had said everything would be all right. It wasn't. It would never be again.
wherever you are
He lived. He married. Tonks understood. And when they were alone, she looked so much like him..
Then the Order was called on one more time, to make one final stand. Harry Potter was the banner they rallied behind, Hogwarts the battlefield against the great enemy. Remus kissed his son and his wife, who had promised to stay with the child, goodbye. He knew he would not survive this war.
All he saw when he died was Tonks beside him, and she smiled, forgiving. His last sight was a flash of Black eyes, a face that turned in his mind's eye from the woman he had settled for to the man he had always loved. Sirius reached out to him from a cool, warm light, and smiled.
wherever you are...