(A/N: If you wonder about references to her past, I intended to make this story a long affair. I didn't end up explaining any of her back-story due to other restraints. Hence the 'optional' prequel!)
When Zero takes Kali to Shinjuku, she decides to set the wheels of time rolling. She's discussed it with Kallen, the pilot who is now her closest friend. She remembers Kallen's outstretched hand outside the bathroom door- I'm Kallen, and I'm starting over - and takes her offer. They have together set off on this road. Now to kickstart the engine.
"Suzaku," she says, as they watch the ashy ruins of the settlement from inside a ruined building. "Yeah?" He's distant, eyes reflecting the darkness he sees. "Maybe it's time to let Euphie go." He's taken by surprise. "What?" "It's been over a year. Maybe you should let Euphie go." Her voice is unwavering. When Kali's mind is made up, she doesn't turn back. She knows it and uses it to her advantage, as he uses his will to live. Suzaku's eyes are dark- not a mirror but a window. "I can't just forget my… my princess." "I'm not telling you to forget her. Just to let her go." His eyes narrow. Anger rises off him, smoke billowing from a volcano. "And you think you get to decide when I let Euphie go?"
"You should stop holding her ghost back in your hell." Suzaku's eyes are full of hate. Maybe it's self-directed. His weaknesses are direly obvious and she regrets using them, even unintentionally. He says, "I killed a lot of people. I wear their mask, I carry their memories, as my punishment." She knows. She too pays the price for the blood she's washed in. But yesterday is gone and they need to face its expectant neighbours. Suzaku is shaking his head. "I can never atone. I've known that since I was ten. Now at last…" He drops his chin to his hands. "I'm getting what I deserve." Yes, they deserve this cage of history they've imprisoned themselves in. But Kali knows she can join the dead from here, or take what they never had: a second chance. She knows she must live for that opportunity. It's a punishment for surviving, in its own right.
Suzaku doesn't see it that way, but they need each other. All of them, the survivors. That's why these specters in their way must leave. "Suzaku," she says slowly. "I killed enough people too- coldly, behind a screen in an intelligence bureau. I should've…" She can't go on, she wasn't supposed to think about this. He looks up at her from his crossed arms with his tragic eyes carrying the weight of the world. That takes a little burden off her shoulders. "But we'll just have to find a new way to live. We can't taint this new canvas with the past." He understands. Euphie wanted that clean canvas too. Sorrow surfaces past his hatred, threatens to spill over and blur everything. "Why are you telling me? I have no future, not even this one." Barely a whisper. Kali knows she'll regret her next words. "Because Euphie is dead, Suzaku, but you live on."
She knows she has cut right into his heart. He looks at her once, trembling, green eyes wide, then slams the mask onto his head and runs. Kali doesn't follow. She ties a scarf across her face and makes her way out of the ruined basement to buy a ticket to Ashford, thinking of another pair of green eyes that are decidedly gone. What a hypocrite she is. She can't let her own past go while she lectures him. They need each other to step forward, or so she guesses. As the train speeds through Shinjuku, she notices a single green patch.
Someone is tending the ashes, bringing the land back to life.
Kali makes her way back to the school. There's a convenient rumor that Suzaku Kururugi's ghost haunts it. Indeed, Zero comes here in his rare breaks, unmasked but hidden. Masochist. Kali wanders the building, trying and failing to avoid memories of the battles, the data she never withheld. When she thinks of her best friend, she begins to run. She will never earn the right to see those green eyes again, but at least this pair is damned with her.
She finds him on the roof, and it's much worse than expected. "Suzaku?" He doesn't respond, just continues brokenly… sobbing? "Suzaku!" He's on his knees with his back to the door, facing a blank wall, eyes turned inwards. "Suzaku," she pleads. He doesn't even seem to register her presence.
Since the first FLEIJA launched, Kali has withdrawn into a trance in the presence of tears, unable to confront her surface emotions. But she can mourn once she has a way ahead. So she grounds herself in the world, in his desperation. With his eyes shut to the world, sobs racking him, the only way Kali knows to reach him is touch. She puts her arms around him and rocks him back and forth like a child. Suzaku's mask is shattered, even as Zero's eyes them disdainfully from the ground.
Eventually his sobs dull to occasional dry gasps, and then abate. His beautiful eyes are hazy and hopeless. He doesn't fight his own fall. Kali catches his weight, the weight of the world.
A blue-haired student finds them soon after. She forces herself to stay calm. The student is enthusiastic and unsurprised at the 'dead' boy in disarray on her lap. He says, grinning, "I'm Rivalz. Do you need help? It's getting dark here."
Kali has sort of heard about Rivalz, so she considers what's to be done next. "I guess we should put him in a room. I'm not sure if we can wake him up- he's pretty exhausted." "Just what were you doing on the school premises?" Rivalz winks. She appreciates the effort at teasing. "Is there somewhere he can sleep it off… safely?" It's an unasked request for Rivalz's silence. Rivalz is quick to answer, "Lots of places, but I think the Student Council headquarters are the least…" He doesn't need to finish. They both know to avoid bloodstains.
Rivalz is genuinely surprised when Kali tosses Suzaku over her shoulder, covering him partly with her woolen coat. She hands Rivalz the mask and cloak reluctantly. "Lead the way. And avoid people." He obeys her orders, and Kali dumps Suzaku on the plump sofa. She turns to Rivalz sharply. "You know some very problematic information, Mr Rivalz." In another world she might've blackmailed or shot him. But he just smiles and says, "Don't worry. I believe in the guy under the mask." Damn it, he knows. They'll just have to deal with this. "There should be food and water in the cupboard. But don't switch on any lights. The Council hasn't been re-elected yet."
Kali is touched. She says genuinely, "Thank you so much." She chooses to trust Rivalz. In this new future, they'll have to rely on trust. At the door he teaches her the Council's 'new especial top-secret ultra-classified door knock' and declares her an honorary member. She triple-bolts the heavy door behind him. A few granola bars suffice for dinner as she watches the kindling storm outside the huge windows. When it begins to rain and Suzaku shivers, she puts her coat over him and decides to sleep.
In the clear morning, Kali doesn't wake Suzaku when Rivalz knocks five times and meows. She picks up her umbrella and opens the door a crack. Three people stand outside. "Milly?" Milly engulfs Kali in a bear hug, Kallen pushes her way past them, and suddenly Kali is so glad they came to Ashford. Milly is laughing almost hysterically as Rivalz cuts in, "Wait, you two know each other?"
Kali remembers it like it was yesterday: waiting at the studio for her new neighbor, the TV anchor, so they could catch the train home together. The world plunging into darkness, dashing into the studio pulling her radio transmitter from her pocket, linking the last flickering computer to the Britannian military network, the weapon snaking across their battle plan, assessing its damage parameters, jumping into action…
Milly remembers it like it was yesterday: her new neighbor, the air traffic controller, shouting evacuation orders into her headset, leaping out of the director's chair as she pulled the mouthpiece away, yelling, "Get the fuck out of here now!" Milly dragging her out last as she barked into the mouthpiece until they were left with only the static on the truck radio.
But they survived that. Now Kallen speed-dials the Empress to explain that Zero's taking a sick day. Rivalz is dispatched to bring breakfast. The three girls laugh at their strange circumstances over. Suzaku drifts in and out of semi-consciousness, asking for Euphie and Lelouch. Kali asks whether he sleeps much and Kallen shrugs, "I'm not sure if he knows how to." Rivalz watches them together, Kallen's smirking insults and Kali's calm distance and Milly's generous warmth. When they've exhausted pointless conversation, Kallen grins and challenges them to handstands.
Kali's laughing at Rivalz when Suzaku awakens. "What on earth is going on?" She regards him upside down. His eyes are wide. "What on earth are you guys doing?" Kallen rights herself angrily, arms shaking. "You evil thing, I'd never have set this up if I'd known you could outlast me!" Rivalz rubs his numerous bruises and grins sheepishly at Suzaku. "Welcome back to the Student Council."
Suzaku breathes and eats and talks and his green eyes sparkle. He is completely irreconcilable with the boy on the roof. Kali doesn't know whether he's bipolar, well-masked, or just turbulent and unreadable. All those possibilities scare her. But she went to Shinjuku with him mainly because they were both so alone- for now, they can breathe and laugh and talk amongst friends.
The rest of the week flies by in work. It's part of her meditation. Aviation control is her personal zone. Here, she's a grandmaster in time, shuffling pieces into place across four dimensions. Besides, against the stress of war, managing diplomatic and civil flights is a breeze. At seven, she wraps up and hands the controls to someone else. She asks their name- "Chiba"- because if it ever happens again, nobody else must die namelessly in her memory.
She certainly isn't expecting Suzaku in a wide-brimmed hat and scarf sitting on her doorstep like an impossible, untamable cowboy. She wordlessly lets him in, sets down her shopping and releases her hair from its bun. Suzaku just sits on a stool. His green eyes follow her around, comfortable in the silence. When she pulls out ingredients for noodle soup, he scrubs and chops the vegetables.
Once the pot is on the flame, she perches on the counter and offers, "Drink?" He laughs. "Do you have any?" She points at a shelf and he shakes his head. "No, I was just asking. I don't really find it… Helpful." His smile is apologetic. She doesn't want him to apologize. She wants him to recognize what a mess he is. At least it'll make her feel better about being a mess. "I, um-" They start talking simultaneously and both stop. She forces his hand by moving to try the soup. Nerves clench in her stomach; she has a feeling their cooking will be left uneaten. She should've at least taken out the alcohol.
"Kali…" His voice trails off, already giving up. "Yes," she says firmly. It's an order: go on. Suzaku can deal with orders. "I've done some thinking and I'm going to try. To let- to let Euphie go." She turns to him, a noodle dangling from her lips, trying to remain poker-faced as ever. "And?" He swallows. "I know I have to find a way to navigate- but I don't know where to start. And," he looks at her with those big green eyes, "You cannot comprehend what a maze it is."
Kali slurps up the noodle and serves him the soup, touched by this admission. While he ignores the soup, she says, "I want to offer you a contract." His eyebrows wrinkle. "Suzaku, I respected your difficult choices at first. Then you lost Euphemia when I lost my-" she breaks off and he reaches across the counter and gently taps her knuckle, pushing her on. "After the Requiem, when you showed up in the control room and begged Lloyd to kill you… We were both lost. My best friend was Japanese and she died. You reminded me of her. So I thought we'd make a good team in this new world." He asks softly, "What's the contract?" Kali closes her eyes.
"We- the living and the dead- we desired peace and happiness. Now we have a chance at them. So I suggest we set up a happiness paradox. If your happiness is mine and mine is yours- we're stuck in it." An alternative, if idealistic, cage. She thinks Suzaku has a masochistic liking for them. A deep frown cuts into his forehead. "What do you want from me?" he asks, on guard.
"I want to be your happiness." She mentally winces at the phrasing. It's soppy, but comprehensive.
Suzaku leans away. His hands clench into fists on the counter. She touches them, knowing she can't turn back now. "What's the matter?" His eyes duck away from her, and he says, "I've been sold a lot of false promises." Kali asks, "Well, what do you want from me?"
Suzaku laughs slowly. It makes her skin crawl. "Suzaku. Please." His smile is razor-edged as he admits, "I really am more alone than I've ever been before. I guess what I want from you is you. I can't believe how selfish I am…" The razor smile is for him, not for her.
She knows his weak point and refuses to exploit it. No more of this 'we must save the world' or 'only you can save me'. So she tells him what she and Kallen discussed: "This isn't to set an example. And no knights of justice. The world- what's left of it- we must heal together. We have to make the future more tangible to ourselves than the past."
Suzaku laughs darkly again. "A happiness paradox, huh? If anyone is happy, both are happy forever?" She shrugs. He narrows his eyes. "Euphie told me we'd be happy forever, and that was the day before she died." Kali almost flinches again. But he's off the target. "I don't believe in forever. Just in today. A lot of todays."
Suzaku shakes his head, eyes still narrow, hands still fisted. "I can't take this contract of yours. You and Lelouch never had a clue on how the world works. Damn idealists, leading us on, and then at the end we'll all realize your plan sounded great but doesn't work the same way." Kali swallows the sense that he's right. "Your Euphie was an idealist." "Correct, and my Euphie is dead."
Kali can't do this anymore. "Forget the contract. I just wanted something I could trust in. To believe in someone and to be believed in. I don't know how else we- any of us- can do this." She stalks out, unwilling to betray any further emotion. The night breezes into her face at the door and she leaves, hoping he won't risk following her onto the road. The long avenue is lit softly enough to allow her to drift. As she turns the corner, heading nowhere, someone grabs her arm.
She spins to find Suzaku, not even out of breath. He drags her closer, buries his head in her shoulder, and says, "Nobody can see my face." She glances down, catches a hint of green under the cascade of brown hair, and says, "I can." He smiles darkly against her.
"I'm not taking any contracts. But come back." He turns and darts down the avenue impossibly fast. He's an unrecognizable blur in the kimono he's taken to wearing under the cloak. He'd requested Kallen to get him Japanese clothes again, and the tailor had begged the famous Kallen Kouzuki to allow him to embroider for free. The crimson birds flap in and out of Geass shapes as she watches, following.