Lieutenant Commander B'Elanna Torres beamed as she emerged from the nursery of her Starfleet-provided San Francisco apartment. She was carrying one-year-old Michael in her arms. Having just fed him, she watched with pure enjoyment as her husband hugged their six-year-old daughter, Miral.
If a person could glow, that was B'Elanna. Her husband was so happy, a Starfleet commander now and Voyager's First Officer. And in a few months, a promotion to Captain and a Starship command of his own.
Her beloved had just returned from a six month mission to the Beta Quadrant, one of several short-term missions completed over the last three years. And once again those familiar and worn duffle bags had been dropped on the living room floor of their quarters.
And, yes, once again he had met her at the door, picking her up in his arms and over the threshold as he came in with his now-traditional 'I'm home, did you miss me?' She never got tired of that one.
They did miss him; Miral had nearly knocked him over this time, as she squealed in glee. And B'Elanna, well, she was beside herself that her Tommy was home once again.
The half-human, half-Klingon Starfleet officer and mother placed the sleeping Michael in his crib and covered him with his blanket.
"Umm, Miral, why don't you go play in your room for a while? I need to…umm…talk in private with your Daddy."
Miral knew exactly what that meant. She had been around her parents long enough in her short life to know what they really wanted was some mushy stuff. And Daddy had not been home in months. That meant a lot of laughing and giggling later coming from their bedroom. And a lot of banging noises. And some smashed objects in the morning that Mommy always cleaned up while singing to herself. Something about a 'brown-eyed girl.'
Miral had no sooner left when B'Elanna flopped herself onto her husband's lap and kissed him senseless. Their hands traveled freely over their bodies, as they refamiliarized themselves with their scent. She nibbled on his chin with her tongue, feeling the scar that matched hers. Left there from their wedding night when they took the blood-oath years ago.
Tom kissed his wife thoroughly. "It's been too long this time, B'Ella. I thought once we came back from the Delta Quadrant that we would not be separated as much. And I know that I am in a command track but frankly I miss our being family like we were on Voyager. Being together most of the time. And I miss you terribly. I just don't like being without you. It's not the same; you not being aboard Voyager, as chief engineer."
B'Elanna fixed her brown orbs on her husband's cerulean eyes. She gently kissed his lips several times.
"There is only one more survey mission left and that isn't for four months, Tom. After that you will be promoted to the rank of captain and given command of the USS Orion. That ship is big enough to accommodate families. And by then I will have finished my doctorate in engineering. The timing is perfect, honey."
Paris nodded. "You are right, I suppose. You always are…about everything."
His strong arms shifted her on his lap so she could straddle him, her groin now lined up with his.
"The best decision I ever made in my life was to marry you. You are everything to me, B'Ella. My life. My blood. I don't know what I would do without you."
Now she was crying. She smacked his arm. "Me either, you sap! Welcome home, helmboy." They kissed fervently and then headed for their bedroom hand-in-hand.
"Gentle or rough tonight?" Tom looked at his wife expectantly.
"Let's see where it takes us. I finally fixed that damned dermal regenerator."
/
Eyes open. Not again. No, no, no!
Lieutenant Commander B'Elanna Torres woke up. She shot up in bed, her red silk nightgown drenched with sweat. She rubbed her forehead ridges. Her head hurt so much.
There was that damned dream once again. Her being married to Tom Paris and having children together. And it always ended the same way. With her kissing Tom. Her husband. The father of her two children. And then off to bed to make love.
None of that was true, of course. B'Elanna was not even married. In fact, she was considered a spinster now at age forty-nine going on fifty. No husband, no lovers, nothing but emptiness in her life.
The USS Voyager had returned last year from the Delta Quadrant after twenty-seven years. And during that time she had no one. To be sure there had been a few advances such as the ever-persistent Ensign Freddy Bristow. But she was known as the ship's 'ice queen.' No matter how hard she tried she could not find a suitable mate who was her equal. Not like Tom Paris had once treated her and respected her so long ago.
But Tom was married to Sue Nicoletti. They had been for nearly twenty-one years now. That had happened on Voyager long before they discovered and negotiated the wormhole that returned them to the Alpha Quadrant. That anomaly not only brought them to Earth but meant having to fight their way through Borg space. And they lost more than half the crew doing it. Seven-of-Nine. Megan Delaney. Joe Carey. Naomi Wildman. The list went on and on.
That dream is always so real. But it wasn't real, was it?
Sue was pregnant long before they returned home, giving birth on Voyager to her and Tom's son, Owen Thomas Paris. Later they added a daughter, Myra Julia Paris.
Owen was twenty now and a Starfleet Academy cadet. He had just become engaged to Melanie Baxter-Delaney, the daughter of Lieutenant Commanders Walter Baxter and Jenny Delaney. Myra was eighteen and about to enter the Academy's diplomatic corps track in the fall. They should have been my children. Who would have thought we would be home now? It should have taken seventy years.
B'Elanna stood up a bit stiffly and stretched, her aching bones telling her that age was already beginning to creep up on her. Too much hard labor and endless radiation exposure, as Voyager's chief engineer. So many injuries. Her back hurt constantly.
She poked her wrist chronometer with sore fingers. 0835 hours. Plenty of time to get ready for tonight's crew party celebrating the one year anniversary of returning to the Alpha Quadrant.
When she received the invitation last week from Professor Mark Johnson and his wife Rear Admiral Kathryn Janeway she almost sent her regrets. Frankly, she had avoided contact with Voyager's crew over the past year unless it was absolutely necessary. But that was just a continuation of life on Voyager in general.
For the last twenty years she had no real friends. Her relationship with Tom Paris had ended by her own desire long ago and Harry Kim wanted less and less to do with her over time. If she talked to anyone socially it was Neelix or Chakotay. And occasionally Tuvok or the EMH when she needed help with her depression. All she did was work and occasionally go to Sandrine's or another Holodeck. And sometimes take some shore leave where she felt like a third thumb.
She tossed her bed clothes into the refresher and took a sonic shower. Grabbing a clean pair of panties and a bra she dressed herself while looking in the mirror. Still a tight body but with a few sags here and there. Breasts and ass could use another lift. Lines around the eyes. Some cellulite that should be expunged when I see Doctor Joe next week.
She brushed her teeth and made sure to floss with that sonic dental pick. Not unattractive, just unwanted. That half-Klingon so-and-so icy bitch. Yeah, right. A veritable glacier.
And now she once again felt that familiar emotional pain of what had happened in her life because of her foolish insecurities and meddling with the Temporal Directive. If only I had never found that damned box.
Twenty-six years ago Torres and Neelix had been on Hotak, an M-Class planet in the Delta Quadrant. Neelix knew something of the local history and had talked about a civil war annihilating the planet. And of a holy man who could see the future and whose warning went unheeded.
During their explorations, B'Elanna wandered into a ruined temple and found a leather-covered box. Curiosity drove her to open the silver latch and peer inside. That caused her to have visions. She could see events before they unfolded. Things that would happen if they ran their intended course without interference.
One of the visualizations involved finding gallicite for the warp core. That panned out. Another had to do with Chakotay being in love with Janeway. He was at the time but later he married a former Borg, Seven-of-Nine, who became Annika Hansen. But she had died along with so many others as they outran that Borg cube and sphere through the wormhole and into the Alpha Quadrant. Chakotay had never been the same.
There were other visions as well. One in particular that she now regretted meddling with. The one that had destroyed her one chance of love and happiness.
That one had been so breathtaking. She had been feeling things for Lieutenant Tom Paris, things that she was so confused about at the time. Opening the lid of that box, she wished to know what would happen to them, understanding that she would see only bits and pieces of what was to occur.
And she discovered that she had fallen in love with Tom and eventually married him. They made love on a blanket on the floor of the Delta Flyer during their honeymoon. He was calling her B'Ella and she called him Tommy. And they were so happy.
The sight of them being that way had both thrilled and disgusted her. Sure, she had feelings for him as a cadet at Starfleet Academy and later as a Maquis but had never acted on them. He was a drunk and a playboy who would bed anyone. And she was not a person who slept around. She settled for nothing. She was monogamous. Not going to be someone's notch. He was a pig.
She later found out that those stories about Tom were lies generated by Seska but had foolishly believed them.
And they had been on Voyager only a year when she and the away team had beamed down to Hotak. A few weeks earlier, Paris had shown a side of him she never expected while in the Vidiian prison. He had visited her constantly during her rejoining in Sickbay. Afterwards he became a friend, for a while. Then she sensed it; there was more. And she was scared.
I was so young and immature then.
At the time, her mind was churning as her body responded to the strong urge for Tom. And she wondered how in the hell she could end up marrying him, of all people.
But now she wished she had. Watching him on Voyager as a husband and father these last twenty years had shown he wasn't what she had thought he was. He was kind and devoted.
And now on Earth he was Captain Thomas Eugene Paris, a successful professional Starfleet officer in command of a Starship, a dedicated husband to Sue, and a loving father to his two children. If anything, he was everything she had wanted in a mate and more. But he wasn't her husband, was he?
That was what she would have had if she had allowed what was in that box to unfold. But she didn't. And yes, she had done this to herself. And it was killing her. She felt dead inside.
She had used her knowledge of what was going to happen in the future between them to push him away.
She just had to do it, didn't she? As that box had showed, he definitely became interested in her the third year of their time together in the Delta Quadrant. And she did everything to deflect his pursuit of her. And he did not give up easily. He really wanted her; he loved her.
But she did that to him in spite of what her mind and body were telling her, that this was the man she was destined to spend the rest of her life with. He was the one man in the entire universe who would love her completely as her equal. And she him.
And she treated him very badly, didn't she? He went from being a 'pig' to 'Paris' to 'Tom' then back to 'Paris' to nothing really. She would often turn and walk away whenever he approached her. She refused dozens of invitations to dinner and the Holodeck. And she would never return his personal PADD messages. She laughed at him when he asked for an explanation over what he had done to her to deserve this. So often told him to his face to just get lost.
He eventually got the message. He gave up and left her alone, for a while. And she was so happy. Now he would never leave her because she had left him. Even though there was no 'him' to leave. After all, she was just an ugly half-Klingon with a bad temper. And Tom would have dumped her eventually. Just as her father had abandoned her and her mother when she was five.
Later that same year Vorik transferred the pon farr to her, which caused a rare Klingon blood fever to emerge. Her repressed desire for Tom came out as she was going to beam down to Sakari IV with him to look for gallicite. He was professional and was ready to do the mission despite his knowing she despised him. They went together but it only lasted an hour. She had the urge to bite him but didn't do it. She pushed him away and fairly forcefully.
Or was it Sue Nicoletti who was there? Hard to remember anymore. Too many headaches. Pain.
When they came back to Voyager things had changed. B'Elanna had beaten Vorik to a pulp that cured her fever but she still had the unfulfilled yearning for Tom. But he was not as interested in her anymore. And she was happy with that, or so she thought. Gradually those intense feelings for him just slipped away like sand through her fingers. And he began to show a reemerging interest in Sue Nicoletti, which B'Elanna encouraged, as Sue's supervisor.
But although B'Elanna did her best to rid herself of Tom Paris he was still drawn to her as a friend and maybe more over their fourth year in purgatory and tried to help her reconcile her Klingon side. She had allowed him to work on a Hologram program with her regarding the Day of Honor. She never went through with it, which upset him to no end. He was more disappointed in himself than her but she used it as another way to dig at him. She kept telling him it was just nonsense and he was wasting his time.
When Voyager's warp core overloaded that same morning and had to be jettisoned, Janeway sent Tom in a shuttle to retrieve it. B'Elanna was going as the chief engineer but managed to convince Janeway to send Sue instead. The two almost died in space and apparently something really connected there because they became a couple. And then they married in year seven.
And then she caught that damned wedding bouquet, didn't she? And she thought she was so happy. But inside she knew she had made a big mistake. Watching them together drove her nuts. That should have been her wedding. She knew she was still in love with Tom Paris and it had been that way for years. All she could do was love him in silence, as she regretted everything she had done.
So much for tradition and myth. She had kept one pressed flower as a reminder of what might have been. She touched it now. Dried up like his love for her. I am such a damned fool.
And a few months after his marriage, Tom announced that Sue was pregnant. They were all standing around in a group on Voyager at the time talking about an alien memorial and temporal timelines.
And Tom mentioned how he had taken a gander at that box himself once and how he had spent hours on the planet with someone from engineering. Sue. But he kept looking at B'Elanna when he said it. And she knew that he was not saying what he really saw. And how sad he looked. And how hard that hit her. Because she knew. She knew he had seen them together on Sakari IV. As it was supposed to have happened. And maybe he saw what happened later. Oh God, Tom. I still love you.
But all that was water under the bridge. It was Saturday and her day off. She decided to go shopping for a new dress and shoes. Maybe she could buy some happiness and manage to have a good time at the party after all.
/
A still-beautiful middle-aged woman in a form-fitting red dress watched as the door opened in front of her. It had taken a lot of courage to ring that door chime. She had almost walked away twice.
"B'Elanna! Come in, please! Look everyone! It's Lieutenant Commander B'Elanna Torres! Or should we now say 'Doctor' Torres? Congratulations!" Mark Johnson gave her a light kiss on the cheek.
"The bar is over there. Help yourself. Lots of people you know are already here. Snacks are on the dining room table."
She thanked Mark for the 'well done' and mingled for a bit. Then she went to mix herself a cocktail. There was Neelix, pretending he was the bartender.
"B'Elanna! Oh my gosh, it is so good to see you! Too long! Been too long!"
They hugged. He handed her a gin and tonic. No ice, of course. He remembered.
"And how have you been, Neelix?" She stirred her drink.
Neelix's face turned into a pained expression. "Not well, B'Elanna. Frankly, I have been having recurring nightmares. And not good ones. A lot of pain in my head. They are always the same, as if what has happened in my life should never have occurred."
"I mean, I really do not have anything to complain about. Being a garbage disposal manager is fine. It sort of matches being a junk trader. Ch'rega has been a wonderful wife and frankly I could not ask for anyone else to be in love with. And living on Q'onoS has been interesting as a minority. But something is just not right, you know?"
"Yeah, I know." Believe me, I know.
Torres excused herself and walked over to talk with Admiral Janeway. Kathryn seemed self-absorbed, as if something weighty was preying on her mind. Still, she was every bit the hostess and so glad to see her former chief engineer.
She mingled for a few more hours, noticing that the crewmen actually talked to her now. Time, she supposed, does cure all wounds. But not the one that had gashed her soul. The one that would never heal.
Then the newly-minted Doctor Torres opened the French doors and went outside onto the balcony. The air was crisp; she could see a coming storm forming in the distance far out in the Pacific Ocean. The thirtieth-floor view was spectacular at night with its marvelous panorama of the bay and the lights of San Francisco. She sipped her drink and breathed in the now chilly air. Her mind was far away thinking about lost opportunities.
"Latinum for your thoughts."
B'Elanna turned to that familiar voice and got warm all over. She looked up straight into the cerulean eyes of Tom Paris. Another foot and they would be touching noses.
"Tom!" She nearly dropped her drink as she hugged him, not being able to control herself. His scent. It was still so powerful. And those black trousers and that blue silk shirt that matched his eyes. And his body was still rock hard. And he hugged her back. She noticed he was sniffing her hair. She did not see his eyes tear up.
"You look…wonderful, Tom. Or should I say 'Captain' Paris? Sorry about the hug, I just got a bit overcome. Last time I saw you was what, a year ago? As we were leaving Voyager and heading to the debriefings and all that medical and psychological stuff."
Tom smiled and reluctantly released her. He straightened his shirt and smoothed out a few new wrinkles while she shifted her dress. "It's okay. Sue…well…she never…. In fact, she's…. Never mind. I am…so very glad…to see you again, B'Elanna. So very glad. You look…smashing! That dress is…."
She smiled and wiggled a finger. "Yeah, sure. Look, I'm a middle-aged frump. And you, Tom Paris, are still a flatterer."
He grinned. Damn, she still sends me. And I'm fifty-two-years-old now. And losing hair rapidly. And I just can't get her out of my mind. Like she has always been part of me. And I love her.
Sue came out on the balcony with a tray of drinks, three martinis for her and a glass of fresh orange juice for Tom. He no longer drank alcohol. And she was slightly tipsy already. One went down the hatch. She handed Tom his juice. Then the second one slid down her throat. Put the tray down on a table.
She ate two olives. "So there you are, my darling boy! I suspected you might be out here…enjoying the view…such as it is. And there is that engineering marvel B'Elanna Torres! In the flesh! Of course she would be out here! No surprise. Why, it is just so damned good to see you. I see you have a few gray hairs and eye wrinkles now but still not bad. I can recommend a nice hair stylist. She took good care of me, roots and all." She laughed.
B'Elanna gave her the look she used to freeze water. They hugged very briefly. Still a bitch.
"Sorry to break this up even if you are my former boss but I need my husband back. Chakotay just showed up and he is still mourning Annika's death. He was just released from the hospital. Cut his wrists again. So sad. But so nice to see you once more. We really should do lunch."
"Same. Sure."
"Doctor Torres." Sue grabbed her remaining drink in one hand and led Tom by the other into the living room. But he glanced back at B'Elanna with sadness in his eyes. She was staring at him with a forlorn look on her face. He should have been mine. What an idiot I was.
/
The party was breaking up now but B'Elanna had said her goodbyes earlier. Now she stood at the hover-bus stand in the early morning darkness as the rain fell in sheets. She had forgotten her rain coat and her shoes and feet were soaking wet. The shoe polish would bleed through and stain her stockings and skin.
She pulled up the collar of her summer jacket and held the top closed with her fists. Her hair became stringy and her eyes were watering; she could no longer hold back the tears. Why? Why did I do what I did?
As she wallowed in her misery, the rain suddenly stopped just above her. She felt a presence. No, it was his scent once again. Turning around, she saw Tom Paris.
He was holding his umbrella over her head. "A beautiful brown-eyed girl should never stand in the rain getting soaked."
She smiled. "Voyager's ice queen. Think I will melt?" She loved his banter now. He was so easy to talk with.
"No! And you are not that at all. But I saw you leave as it was starting to rain. I did not think you should be standing out here by yourself, B'Elanna. It is not safe here in the dark. I told Sue I needed to make sure you got to your bus. I hope you don't mind."
He looked at the ground and shifted his feet. "I know you can take care of yourself. And I will leave you alone if you want me to. You…usually do. Want me to leave you alone, that is."
He was right, of course. For twenty years she had turned avoiding Tom Paris into an art form on a ship as small as Voyager. But now she shook her head. "That is so nice of you, Tom. No, I don't mind at all. Really. I welcome your…the company."
Tom seemed despondent, as if he wanted to say something.
"You look miserable, Torres. There is an all-night café over there with hot coffee. Let me buy you a cup and you can dry off. Sue has already gone home and I told her I wouldn't be back until I knew you were safe."
"Okay, thanks...Paris." They laughed.
He took her by the hand to avoid the puddles. Electric. Had not actually touched her in years but it was still there. And she was feeling the same way.
They entered the café and Tom placed his wet umbrella in the available stand, the initials 'TEP' plain to see on the worn oak handle. Not wanting to let go of each other they nonetheless found a table in the corner and ordered raktajino, the 'Time to Grind' being one of the only locations in San Francisco that made it fresh.
The proprietor took their order, two cups of strong, black Klingon coffee and sweet rolls. He smiled when he returned. They were now holding hands across the table. Two people so obviously in love. He had that feeling once but she was gone. Died of cervical cancer. Twenty-two years or so now.
They sat in silence, each sipping a huge cup of the steaming black liquid as they looked into each other's eyes; the awkwardness of the moment washing over them like the rain had done a few minutes before.
Then Tom spoke, as he rubbed her hand with his thumb. After so many years it just came out.
"I know what you did."
Know what? B'Elanna looked confused at first but then she looked deeper into his eyes. The ones she could always read like a book. Oh God. He knew alright.
"You remember back on Voyager when I told you I saw into the future and someone from engineering was with me in a cave on Sakari IV? I told you then that it was Sue. Remember?"
B'Elanna bit her lip and nodded. She was shaking and not just from a half-Klingon being cold. Hot coffee burned her cup hand but she did not notice. "Yes, I remember, Tom. But that was a long time ago."
"It was. About twenty years. But I remember that day as if it just happened. And now you have to know."
She looked puzzled. "Know what?"
"I lied."
She pursed her lips. "Oh."
Tom now put his hands together. "It was you I was with. It was you and I down there in those caves when I looked into that box. And Chakotay and Neelix and Tuvok. And later Vorik. You bit me B'Elanna. You claimed me as your mate. And I admitted that I cared for you and you told me that you wanted me. And we kissed and I was going nuts. I wanted you so much. But I could not do it because I wanted us to be special. For it to be more than just sex. I wanted…us to be…married someday. To take the blood oath and be bonded forever."
B'Elanna was stunned. Oh my God.
"But it did not happen that way. Yes, you were there. But only for an hour, not three. You did not bite me. You just kept pushing me away. You hit me several times with your fists and just cursed at me. And almost shot me with a Phaser rifle that you threatened me with. And then I knew that you really did not want me. I…did not understand. I…"
He started to cry. His hands went to his face as he tried to prevent over twenty years of anguish from flowing down his cheeks. He wasn't succeeding. "And then time somehow changed because you were never there. Sue was, for three hours. And we did it…."
"Tom, don't. Please…." She reached out and touched his face. He did not pull away.
"No! You have to hear this. I was so in love with you, B'Elanna! I wanted to make love with you when it was the right time. Not because of Klingon blood fever or that idiot Vorik and the pon farr. Because I had hoped that we could be more than friends one day. Have a life together. But…that never happened, did it?"
He was angry for a moment then calmed down. "Why didn't it happen, B'Elanna? It was supposed to. All of my nightmares keep telling me that."
Her eyes widened. Nightmares? "Nightmares? What are they telling you?"
Tom's eyes now overflowed, as he spoke in measured tones.
"There is so much pain in my head! That none of this was supposed to happen like it is now. You did bite me. Claimed me as your mate. The Day of Honor floating in space with you and nearly dying. You told me you loved me. Three days later one hell of a kiss that I had been wanting for so long. Then making love with you for the first time was like flying. Flying! Later asking you aboard the Delta Flyer during a race to marry me. That you and I actually got married that night. We honeymooned on the Delta Flyer and made love for hours. That I asked you to take the blood oath and we became bonded. We claimed each other forever. Bit each other. Kept the scars."
He paused to catch his breath. "Sorry. The pain is getting worse every day."
She nodded. She knew. It was happening to her.
Then he continued. "That we have two children, Miral and Michael. That after we got back I got promoted to lieutenant commander. And then later commander and became First Officer of Voyager under Captain Chakotay. Then a Starship captain, like now. That you were promoted to lieutenant commander upon return. Then you went on to Starfleet Academy and earned three degrees so damned fast because you are so brilliant. And you became the pioneer of developing slipstream engines and the theory behind them. That we would live long and happy lives together, as husband and wife."
She stared. He had seen it all. And even more. So much emotion coming out. Pent up emotion.
"And because we were, we are, so damned in love with each other. That's what. And I see this vision two or three nights a week. Every frigging week for five years now. Much worse since we have returned. And lots of headaches that just won't go away and keep increasing in strength. I am going to go insane!" He was rubbing his head.
B'Elanna stared. Almost her exact same dream. Same pain. Hers had been intensifying, as well.
"And I do love you, B'Elanna Torres. Always will. You were the only one for me. Sad, isn't it?"
He paused. "Well…say something."
She was speechless. All she could get out was "You picked a fine time to tell me, Tom."
He smirked. "Yeah. As if that matters. As if twenty years wasn't enough time. I wonder what would have happened, if you hadn't found that damned box."
She knew. "I would have…."
He held up his hand. "Stop. Don't bother, B'Elanna. It's too late. No problem." He dropped some latinum on the table and got up.
"Looks like the rain stopped. I have to go and your bus will be here soon. I just wanted to say that I won't be seeing you again, probably for a long time, if ever. I have been selected for rear admiral and Sue and I have orders for Bajor in two months. I was nominated to be the Starfleet liaison to the Bajoran fleet for three years. Won't get back to Earth anytime soon. So I guess…this is good bye."
If ever B'Elanna Torres' heart had cracked, it did now. All eight ventricles were breaking and she failed to hold back her emotions anymore. Nor wanted to. She began to sob. She rubbed her face and looked down at the table.
"Oh God, Tom! I made such a big mistake back then. I saw what would happen to us and I was afraid you would eventually leave me like Daddy did if things played out as they were going to. So I did everything possible to spurn your advances. Even though I know you are the right man for me. The only man for me."
"Now I have nothing to live for. Yeah, I'm a successful officer, professor, and engineer but no family, nothing. I suppose if anything good came out of this it is that you and Sue have your life together and your children." She wiped her tears away. But they came back just as fast.
He looked at her with compassion and love. He touched her face tenderly and she nuzzled his hand.
"Sue and I…. We haven't slept together in over five years, B'Elanna. She drinks. The only reason we haven't divorced is that I married her, for better or worse. I am not the type of person who simply walks away from a committed relationship. I don't abandon…my mate."
He looked up at the ceiling. "Our marriage is platonic and passionless, B'Elanna, but I will never leave her until death do us part. I guess I am old-fashioned that way. I was raised an admiral's son. Honor and all of that."
She understood honor. She wondered where hers had gone. Now she looked at him as her bus arrived. They hailed it.
The door opened. She put a foot up on the step and then she turned to him. "I'm so sorry, Tom. If I could turn back time things would be so different."
She paused a moment. "I am such a coward. For what it's worth now, I am finally going to say it. I love you Thomas Eugene Paris. And I have for over two decades. I was just too damned stubborn to admit it to you. Until right now."
And then B'Elanna did something she should have done years ago. She flung herself into Tom's arms and kissed him. Hard. With her tongue prying into his mouth. And he reciprocated. He picked her up and swung her around and around as they kissed, nearly knocking over a couple of people trying to board. They held each other tightly until the bus driver sounded his horn.
Breaking apart they stared into each other's eyes. Tom managed a smile. "You'll miss your bus. Goodbye, B'Ella. I love you! You'll always be my brown-eyed girl."
B'Ella! He called me B'Ella. Oh God.
He watched as she waved, the bus taking away the only person in his life that really mattered, other than his children.
/
Rear Admiral Kathryn Janeway sat at a table deep within the highly-classified section of Project Pathfinder. Her right leg was crossed over her left and twitching with anxiety. Admiral Owen Paris was going over his PADD while being briefed by Voyager's EMH and Lieutenant Commander Reginald Barclay. Rear Admiral Deanna Troi sat nearby.
Voyager's EMH spoke. "So what is happening, admirals, is that the entire crew of Voyager, the remaining seventy-four of them, are all experiencing incredible and increasingly painful nightmares. These visions tell of an alternative life, one that is completely different than what they are living now."
Owen Paris nodded. "And to what do you attribute this sensation, Doctor?"
The EMH rubbed his balding head. "At some point in Voyager's journey back home, someone I won't name affected the Temporal Directive. That resulted in an alternative timeline branch, an offshoot of time itself. While the rest of the universe is operating on one timeline, Voyager's crew is on another."
Now the admiral was interested. "So they are…out of phase?"
The Doctor nodded. "In simple terms, yes. But it is more than that, Admiral. They remain connected to our reality so that is causing them to exhibit irrational behavior."
"Explain."
"Admiral, the crew is becoming mentally unstable. In other words, they are going insane. Some have already attempted suicide. A few succeeded. As of now most of them are just having painful dreams that are in actuality reality. What was supposed to have happened but didn't. But their brains cannot handle the real reality versus the new one. They are becoming delusional and in a year or two none of them will be able to function. It is already happening to Tuvok and Chakotay. And that is going to happen to all the organics. Myself, of course, will not be affected."
Now Lieutenant Commander Barclay spoke up. "Admiral, it is as if they exist on two different planes." He held his arms above his head. Then he moved his right arm slowly to the side.
"Okay, so my arms are connected to my body. Think of my body as time. One arm is reality and moves in one direction, straight up. The other arm is the anomaly or Voyager's timeline. Time is moving in two different directions at once."
Owen understood. "Okay, got it."
"So in this case their bodies are physically here like my body. But their minds are going forward in time in the direction of my arm to my right. But their subconscious minds are being pulled upward toward what should have happened or the arm above my head. Commander Deanna Troi calls it a form of déjà vu but it is in fact a splinter in time. It is a rip, a rip that should not be there. And it is getting bigger. They are being torn apart as their minds try to exist in two places at once but their body is here."
Admiral Paris was concerned. "Admiral Janeway…Kathryn…just what the hell caused this? And don't give me any of that Starfleet mumbo jumbo."
Janeway looked at Owen Paris. She did not want to get into the gory details but he had to know some of it.
"Admiral, during the first year of Voyager being in the Delta Quadrant, one of my crewmen, an officer actually, found a device, a box, on an M-class planet. That device allowed her to see into the future. What she saw there she did not like. So she resisted the events from happening. By doing so, what was supposed to happen did not occur."
"But it also caused a ripple effect that not only affected her life but everyone on board. There were a lot of social problems and the crew did not function effectively. We had a lot of discipline issues. A once harmonious crew degraded. It was as if people's emotions were always on edge and I could not correct it. That was especially true of three officers in particular; two women and one man. And what went on between them really affected everyone. It even led to a Maquis uprising later."
"So, instead of returning sooner as a cohesive crew we became dysfunctional. We spent twenty-seven years in the Delta Quadrant when we could have been back sooner. And I made a key error in judgement then that resulted in the loss of half my crew and nearly destroyed Voyager in the process."
Now Admiral Paris was angry. His Project Pathfinder scientists knew that the ship could have come back in seven years but for some reason it always veered away from the Alpha Quadrant wormhole while in Borg space. "Who was it? Who looked into the future?"
Here goes. "First, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres. Later, your son Tom."
Owen stared. "My daughter-in-law and Tom? Why would B'Elanna do something like that? Or Tom?"
Everyone stared. What did he just say?
Troi cautiously said something. "Sir, Lieutenant Commander Torres is not your daughter-in-law. Tom is married to Lieutenant Commander Sue Nicoletti."
Owen looked a bit confused. "What? Oh, of course. Sue. Sure. How could I have muddled that? Tom has no feelings for Torres. Must be a senior moment." He laughed but only half-heartedly. Tom and B'Elanna are not married? Something is wrong.
He continued. "Okay. I see, Kathryn. Look, I understand the theory behind temporal distortions and the law of the Temporal Directive and all of that. Project Pathfinder utilizes some of it to create a distortion. But there is no way to go back in time."
Kathryn was adamant. Her head hurt so much now.
"No, Sir! That is not the case! Just last year you found Captain Alexander Scott and his entire ship caught in a 100-year time loop. They were freed from that and continue to live in the here and now. Evidently in their situation, nothing affected the temporal time stream. But in our case it is momentous. Not only are people's lives affected by future insanity or suicide but a lot of people died who were not supposed to. Their absence is causing massive ripples. Lieutenant Commander Barclay can model it in the neuro-computers. The rip is going to get bigger and affect everything eventually. I can only imagine what Q will do to intervene."
Admiral Paris looked concerned but was not yet convinced.
"Go on. I'm listening."
"But we can repair the rip. I can repair the rip. I can stop this, prevent the insanity, and return the crew to its proper place in time."
"Look. Okay, let's say I believe you. How?"
"I have acquired a chrono deflector, Admiral. From the Klingons. It will allow me to use a shuttle to travel back in time to January 2377 by following a very special tachyon burst. It will allow me to rejoin Voyager during the beginning of the sixth year of our voyage. Having a year to prepare Voyager correctly, I will be able to bring the ship through the wormhole without significant damage to the ship or the crew and to evade and then destroy the Borg who will try to eliminate us. We will return in February 2378, twenty years earlier."
"Perhaps it is possible. I have heard of such a device but never thought it was real. How can there be two Kathryn Janeway's at the same time?"
She had consulted with the Klingon Korath, the one who had provided the chrono deflector. "I will be operating and existing in a time flux. I will convince myself to do the right thing. Once I do then there will be only one Janeway on board because I must leave the ship to do what I have to do with the Borg. I will have to do something radical. No matter. I have explained how it works and I have put that information into Section Fourteen of my proposal on your PADD."
"In sum, I will be highly drugged with chronexaline, which will protect me long enough to go back in time. The drug will also make sure I remember what to do and keep me in flux. And I am going to bring future technology back with me that the Borg will not be able to defeat. Upgraded armor, anti-tractor beam coatings, phased Photon torpedoes."
"Admiral, if the Borg get their hands on that stuff twenty-one-years ago we won't be able to stop an invasion of the Alpha or Beta Quadrants."
"They won't. They will be destroyed."
Admiral Paris nodded. He didn't like it but if they could get Voyager back earlier…. "Okay. Very risky but do it. But we will be prepared nonetheless. What next?"
Janeway looked around. "I want to get the crew and their families here for a briefing. They are all going to be affected by this and they should know what is going to happen."
"When?"
"Tomorrow afternoon. Everyone was just here for the reunion. Now's the time."
/
"So that is what I intend to do. Seventy-two hours from now."
Janeway looked over the faces of her stunned crew and their remaining loved ones who were still alive. They had unanimously agreed that it had to be done. The pain was too much and getting worse.
"This will work. Voyager will come back after seven years. Not twenty-seven. Everyone should survive. Time will recalibrate as it should be except in the case where the Temporal Directive was deliberately manipulated. That can be corrected as well. But it will take the person who did it to undo what they did. If not, then their life and those they directly affected will remain as it became. The mental pain will go away but the events will not have been fulfilled, which will alter their future and those they interact with."
Harry Kim raised his hand. "Admiral, I remember talking with myself from the future once before. I was the captain of the USS Rhode Island then. But none of that has happened yet and I am going to be medically discharged because of my anxiety attacks. Are you saying that this will be corrected?"
Janeway nodded. "If that was meant to be according to the correct time stream, then yes. Nothing is certain, of course, because of free will. But the only one who will know what might happen is me, that is the future me. And I am going to have to do a lot of convincing to get my past self to do the right thing at the right time even though it will go against everything I then believed to be true."
B'Elanna Torres was squirming and raised her hand. "None of us back then are going to know anything about ourselves in the future, is that correct, Admiral?"
"Yes. But I will."
"So you did say past events can be 'corrected' to put them back on line where they should have gone. I am sorry but the pain in my head often causes me to hear things that are not real."
Now Tom Paris was also paying attention. Sue was holding on to his arm but not really listening. She was feeling pretty good, given the 'pocket cheater' in her purse.
Janeway looked at Torres. "I said yes, of course. I mean, you will be living in January 2377 just as it was then. You will go about your lives just as it was. The only difference is that I will come from the future to try and convince everyone of what is going to happen if we do not do the right thing at the right time in February 2378. But none of you will be aware of the future no more than you are right now. You will continue to act the same way…."
"…unless something is done to change that person's behavior." B'Elanna looked very anxious. She had to know if she could really undo what she had done.
"Yes, I would say from what I know of the Temporal Directive that you are correct. A person's behavior can be changed else I would not be able to convince Captain Janeway to do the right thing."
B'Elanna bit her lower lip and looked across the room at Tom. He was staring right at her. March 2377 was when Tom asked Sue to marry him. During a race. Janeway would be coming back to Voyager two months earlier. B'Elanna had sixty days to put things right.
For the first time in decades, Torres had a glimmer of hope. She smiled at Tom who smiled right back. She then turned back to Janeway. "Ma'am, may I come see you at your apartment tonight? I want to give you something."
/
B'Elanna sat in Kathryn Janeway's living room drinking black coffee. Her green sweater and black pants fit just a little bit better it seemed. She was actually feeling pretty good about herself. She even looked a bit younger.
Kathryn was holding a PADD, the one that Torres had just given her.
"So you made a recording of yourself, for me to give to yourself. Is that correct?"
B'Elanna nodded affirmatively. "Admiral, there is only one person in the universe that can convince B'Elanna Torres in January 2377 that what she is doing is absolutely stupid. And that is B'Elanna Torres. And if I can't convince myself that I need to go in a different direction, then I deserve what I have now. Which is nothing. And if I can't persuade myself with that video, then that is what that little box is for. I don't know what else to do."
Janeway looked at the PADD and the box. She knew what they both contained.
"If what I do works, B'Elanna, the Temporal Directive will be corrected and Voyager comes back in one piece. If what you do works then your life will change, as you know it now. The events with you and Tom did not play out as they should have then but the end result will be as it should be."
Janeway smiled and took B'Elanna's hand. "What you are doing is a very brave thing, Commander. B'Elanna. But I always believed that you and Tom Paris, well, you had something special there for a while. I never knew why it went south but now that you have explained it I do. I suppose you did it for what you thought were the right reasons but it had such a negative impact upon the crew. It was as if all the joy got sucked out of Voyager. No more Captain Proton or movie nights. Everyone expected you two to…."
She paused. "What should I do if you can't persuade yourself?"
B'Elanna had contemplated this. She knew she only had this one chance. A second chance for love.
"Nothing. I have to sway myself or it really does not matter. Tom will still have Sue and I will have to live with myself and what I did. Just as I do now."
Then she thought about her life. "But I have learned a lot over the years, Admiral. And I know now when I must do the right thing. I knew it then, too. But now I must act on it. I was afraid of being abandoned then but I think the future B'Elanna Torres can convince her past self to fix an incredible wrong. There is too much at stake and not only for me. I have one chance to make this right and I do not intend to fail."
Admiral Janeway smiled. "And neither will I."