Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to a very rich lady. I am neither rich nor a lady. :D
Written with help from Chook Loves The Enz…BFF!
.x.x.x.
After saying 'no' to James Potter's 689th attempt at asking her out, Lily Evans decided to write a list.
101 Ways To Kill James Potter
Avada Kedavra
Chainsaw
Saw
Gun
Knife
Thumbtacks
Grenades
Bomb
Run him over (once I get my licence…)
Send a swarm of angry bees after him (Year of discovering he was allergic: 3rd year)
Send a tarantula after him
Set a rabies-infested badger on him
Slingshot
Stab him with a quill
Ice cream with general poison (Year of discovering he loves ice cream: 2nd year)
Ice cream with syringes
Ice cream with drugs
Ice cream with knives
Ice cream with razor blades
Ice cream with pins and needles
Ice cream with arsenic
Ice cream with rocks
Ice cream
Then I get him with a chainsaw
Behead him with one of those top hats that have knives as brims
Concrete his feet and throw him off a dock
Stick him in a concrete mixer
Steal his teddy bear; Snuggles
And if he hasn't died from the loss of his bear, give it back to him covered in deadly drugs
Choke him
Strangle him
Strangle him with a rope
Drown him
Drown him in ice cream
Suffocate him with a pillow
Spike his pumpkin juice
Get some Slytherin to hit a Bludger at his head
Nail him to a cross and crucify him
Sacrifice him to the gods
Burn him at the stake
Hang him
Behead him (with a guillotine)
Stone him
Stick him in the electric chair
Swap his mattress for a bed of nails
Set an Acromantula on him
Feed him so much chewing gum that he gets that 'laxative effect' and dies 'cause I locked all the bathrooms and took the keys
Throw an axe at him
Throw a pineapple at him
Throw a brick at him
Throw darts at him
Throw a cauldron at him
Throw a broomstick at him
Throw a house-elf at him
Throw ice cream at him
Followed by a chainsaw
Find a willing dragon and set that on him
Hire some thugs
Hire some goons
Hire a kamikaze pilot (and his plane)
Hire a hitman
Hire a hitwoman
Hire some ninjas
Hire some ice cream ninjas
Hire some kerosene ninjas
Followed by some fire ninjas
Hire some chainsaw ninjas
Drop a dumbbell on him
Drop a piano on him
Push a statue onto him
Drop my Arithmancy textbook on his head
Drop the library's entire collection of books onto his head
Drop ice cream onto him
Followed by a chainsaw
Wrap him up in a rug and throw him into the lake
Wrap him up in a rug and throw him into an abandoned mine shaft
Wrap him up in a rug and throw him into a mine shaft, followed by some lit dynamite
Set a Manticore on him
Whack him with a paddle until he dies
Spill boiling water on him (accidentally, of course…)
Marinate him in kelp juice and throw him to the giant squid
Tie him under a car and drive him around a cacti plantation
Strangle him with that ugly scarf he bought me
Strangle him with that ugly necklace he gave me
Set a Griffin on him
Set a Chimaera on him
Smother him with a tapestry
Send vultures after him
Set Honey Pie (my homicidal owl) on him
Set a Kappa on him
Set a Kelpie on him
Stick him in a catapult, aiming for some kind of rock formation
Blast 180 decibels of sound in his ears
Push him off the Astronomy tower
Push him off a cliff
Push him in front of a train
Throw him into a lion pit
Throw him into a shark pool
Push him into a bench saw
Steal his wand and set the Abominable Snowman on him
…
Or…
I guess I could just say yes.