December 14th, 2017
Anthony was in his room, depressed about something. He picked up the phone and called Whatshername.
Anthony: Hey Whatshername, remember when we saw Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip the day Stair Wax: The Farts Awaken came out?
Whatshername: Of course I do. I loved that.
Anthony: Well, Stair Wax: The Farts Awaken 2 comes out tomorrow, and I wanted to start a tradition. Every time a new Stair Wax movie comes out, we see the 20th Century Fox movie that comes out on the same day. This year's is Ferdinand.
Whatshername: Sounds awesome. Let's do it.
Anthony: Yeah, I thought it sounded awesome too. But guess what The Company That Won't Stop Freaking Buying Everything is buying?
Whatshername: …No…..No! They're buying 20th Century Fox?
Anthony: They're buying 20th Century Fox!
Whatshername: You have got to be squidding kidding me!
Anthony: I wish I was.
Whatshername: Well, they haven't bought them yet. Maybe we'll still have time to see Ferdinand tomorrow.
Anthony: Actually, it's possible they already have. I've been checking the internet every once in a while, but haven't in a couple hours or so. And I don't want to anymore.
Whatshername: Can we at least see a movie tomorrow?
Anthony: Sure. Let me see what else is playing, then I'll call you back.
Anthony hung up.
Anthony: Why? Why?! This is the worst possible time for them to buy Fox! It's like they KNEW about my plans! Oh well, at least they didn't buy How I Met Your Mother.
Karli had overheard Whatshername's conversation and walked over to her.
Karli: Who's buying 20th Century Fox?
Whatshername: Ah!
Whatshername turned around and saw Karli wearing different clothes than she usually wears.
Whatshername: …Karli! You joined Team Aqua?! Has your brain stopped working?
Karli: Who's this "Karli" you speak of? My name's Meghan. Now give me your Pokémon!
Whatshername: Oh, really? Your name is Meghan? Because you look exactly like my rival Karli, and you're wearing the same stupid hat.
Karli was triggered for a second, but then she pretended it didn't bother her because it would give away that she's Karli.
Karli: Well, the next time you see her, tell her she's got freaking GREAT taste in hats.
Whatshername: Hey Karli, you have freaking great taste in hats.
Karli: Why thank you Whatshername, that's really…..
Whatshername: Wow. You're even stupider than I thought. Now explain yourself! Are you pretending to be a Team Aqua member so you can go undercover and stop them?
Karli: That's exactly what I'm doing.
Whatshername: Awesome! I hate you less now. If you can pull this off, I might stop hating you all together.
Karli (thinking): …Ok, a world in which me and Whatshername don't hate each other sounds pretty great.
Whatshername: Are you ok? You're just standing there, not saying anything. It's pretty weird.
Karli: Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about…..my plan to stop Team Aqua.
Whatshername: Sweet! What is it?
Karli: Uhh…I don't have one yet. Do you know a way that I can make a guy forget how to make pancakes?
Whatshername: Uhh…no. Why?
Karli: Long story. But it's for stopping Team Aqua.
Whatshername: Well, maybe you could…
Whatshername's phone rang.
Whatshername: 'Scuse me a second. That's Anthony. Hello?
Anthony: How does a double feature of It's a Wonderful Life and Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh sound?
Whatshername: …I've never heard of either of those movies.
Anthony: Well, they're both awesome. So should I get us tickets to it?
Whatshername looked over at Karli.
Whatshername: Make it 3 tickets. I want Karli to come with us.
Anthony: I thought you hated her?
Whatshername: I do. But guess what she just told me she's gonna do!
Anthony: She's gonna post a YouTube video of her saying she hates Splatoon 2?
Whatshername: Even better…maybe. She's…
Karli took Whatshername's phone from her and accidentally hung it up.
Whatshername: Hey!
Karli: Anthony's one of my best friends. I want him, and all my other friends, to find out about you know what from me.
Whatshername: Well why didn't you tell him then?
Karli: I didn't say I wanna tell him now.
Whatshername's phone rang again.
Whatshername: Oh, what a surprise. He called back.
Karli: Ok, how do you know who's calling?
Whatshername: I have a different ring tone set for each person I know. You would know phones could do that if you had one.
Whatshername took her phone back and put it on speaker.
Anthony: So what's this secret Karli's got?
*awkward silence*
Anthony: Karli?
Karli took the phone back.
Karli: I don't wanna tell you this over the phone, especially not one of these not '90s phones that are still weird to me. I'll tell you at the movies tomorrow.
Anthony: …Ok.
Karli: Whatshername, can you hang up the phone? I have no idea how to. Do people still say "hang up the phone?" 'Cause it doesn't really make sense for phones like this.
Whatshername hung up.
Whatshername: Yeah, people still say it.
Karli: Ok. But why is the ring tone for Anthony's house Another One Bites the Dust?
Whatshername: Because..…uh…Karli?
Karli: Yeah?
Whatshername: You're standing in front of…
JOHN CENA!
JOHN CENA: Do either of you girls know what the deal with this "The Company That Won't Stop Freaking Buying Everything buying 20th Century Fox" thing is?
Karli: Oh! I should've known that's who it was.
Whatshername: I just found out about it. Apparently, it's likely they'll own them by tomorrow.
JOHN CENA: So I guess that means Ferdinand, which stars me, is gonna be a…
Karli: Are you guys gonna wrestle, or what?
Whatshername: …Wrestle?
Karli: Well yeah, that's why JOHN CENA's here, isn't it?
Whatshername: ….….No. That's not why he's…
JOHN CENA: We could wrestle, if you want.
Whatshername: …..Am I allowed to use this?
Whatshername took out her Splat Roller.
JOHN CENA: I don't see why you wouldn't be.
Whatshername: Alright then!
And so, Whatshername and JOHN CENA wrestled. JOHN CENA won, of course.
JOHN CENA: See ya'. I've gotta get to the hospital to see a Make-A-Wish kid.
The Next Day
Anthony and Whatshername were at the movie theater waiting for Karli. Anthony had a Christmas-themed movie snack.
Whatshername: There's no way they're gonna let us bring in our own snacks.
Anthony: They will if we go to the concession stand and get enough snacks that they're equal in value to our gingerbread house.
Whatshername: If we're gonna get snacks at the concession stand anyway, why don't we just eat those?
Anthony: Because they're not Christmas-themed.
Karli showed up with her hands behind her back and wearing her normal clothes.
Karli: What's with the gingerbread house?
Anthony: We're seeing 2 Christmas movies. It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. So what's this secret you and Whatshername were talking about yesterday?
Karli: It's….that….I…wanted to give you your present 10 days early.
Whatshername made an angry "Why didn't you tell him the real secret?" face. Karli handed Anthony the present that she was hiding behind her back.
Anthony: Really? Wow! Thanks, Karli. Whatshername, will you hold the Christmas-themed movie snack?
Anthony handed Whatshername the Christmas-themed movie snack. He took Karli's present from her and opened it. It was…
Anthony: THE FIRE EMBLEM WARRIORS SPECIAL EDITION?!
Karli: You're welcome. Also, I joined Team Aqua.
Anthony: What? Did you say something?
Karli: ….I joined Team Aqua.
Anthony: ….Yeah, I already knew that.
Karli and Whatshername: ….How?
Anthony: Which answer do you want, the one that does or doesn't break the fourth wall?
Karli: Doesn't.
Whatshername: Does.
Anthony: The doesn't answer is that Robin told me, the does answer is that I know everything that the guy who writes our lives knows because I'm based on him.
Karli: But…you're cool with it?
Anthony: Course I am, as long as you stay not evil. Joining an evil team just for the fun of it is one thing, but…
Whatshername: What?! Karli, you said it was because you were gonna stop Team Aqua. Is that why, or did you lie to me?
Karli: …I AM gonna try to stop them, yes.
Whatshername: Karli.
Karli: …..I had no intention of trying to stop them until you gave me the idea.
Whatshername threw the Christmas-themed movie snack on the ground in anger, smashing it to pieces.
Top 10 Saddest Anime Deaths
Anthony: Our movie snack.
Whatshername: I take back everything I said! My hatred for you has not gone down, it's gone way up.
Karli: Yeah well…Uhh…You're lucky I can't think of a good comeback, or I would so be going to town on you right now!
Anthony: Hey, you know what you girls need? A couple of feel-good Christmas movies. Come on, let's go watch them and not argue with each other.
Whatshername: I am NOT going to the movies with this lying, genwunner octopus!
Karli: Well, I'm not going to the movies with this Splatoon 2 hater who calls people genwunners when they're clearly not. So leave!
Whatshername: You're the one who has to leave! This was just supposed to be me and Anthony's thing. You wouldn't be here if I hadn't invited you.
Karli (sarcastic): Yeah, because if anyone should get to stay to see these Christmas movies, it should be the one who doesn't celebrate Christmas.
Whatshername: Squidmas is pretty much the same thing!
Karli: IT IS NOT!
Anthony: Guys, guys! Obviously you aren't gonna be able to agree on who has to leave. So what do you say I pick?
Whatshername: No way in heck!
Karli: YES way in heck!
Whatshername: You're only saying that because you think he's gonna pick you.
Karli: Uh, all I'm hearing is you think he's gonna pick me too.
Whatshername: No, he is going to pick ME. I used to be his girlfriend. Did YOU used to be his girlfriend?
Karli: That's not even possible!
Anthony: So can I pick who has to leave, or what?
Whatshername: …Fine, whatever.
Karli: You already know I want you to, but I'm gonna answer that question anyway. Yes you can.
Anthony: Ok then…My heart is saying to choose….me.
Karli and Whatshername: You?
Anthony: Yes, me. I'll be at home playing Fire Emblem Warriors. See ya'.
Anthony ran off and dropped the tickets in front of Karli and Whatshername. They picked up their tickets and looked at each other angrily.
Karli: Do you prefer sitting in the front or the back of the theater?
Whatshername: The back. You?
Karli: The front. I'll be sitting there.
Whatshername: I'll be sitting in the back.
Karli: That worked out perfectly.
Karli went inside.
Whatshername: Well, this isn't going the way I wanted it to. At least this year the Stair Wax fans aren't…
Stair Wax Fans: *screaming so loud you can hear them from outside like they did 2 years ago*
Whatshername: Never mind.
Karli and Whatshername were the only two people in their theater because everybody else was seeing Stair Wax: The Farts Awaken 2.
They were watching the part of It's a Wonderful Life where the main character wishes he had never been born.
Whatshername: I wish KARLI had never been born.
Karli: I wish WHATSHERNAME had never been born.
But nothing happened.
Karli looked back at Whatshername.
Karli: Hey! Do you think that since we both wished the other was never born, that caused us to still be born?
Whatshername: What do you mean?
Karli: If neither of us were ever born, then neither of us would've been able to wish the other was never born.
Whatshername: …Or you know, us wishing for something just did nothing. That's always a possibility.
Karli: Oh, you're no fun.