I always think my life is worth living for..
apparently its a lie...its all lies to me...
First day of school I was terrified...then as I got older it starts to get harder and harder.
Now in the years of a eighteen year old girl now everything is heading down to hell.
How do I know?
Cause I know.
My first crush was my one and only guy friend I met named Kenny...but after the fight...I took the blame for it and deserved for what happened..
I lost my friend and I deserved it.
In middle school..I lost the rest of my friends...I forgot how...but I suffered through it.
I always sat down by a small tree alone outside the cafeteria... always alone...
I sat there everyday. I even fell asleep sometimes.
I do feel lonely all the time. But..I could care less. I deserve it. It proves I'm a loner.
Always look 'sad' and 'alone' making people come over to me.
...I don't make friends like that..I don't intend to..
I was on my own for a very long time. Until...well...few months later..
I had good friends and there super.
But in highschool...is hell to me...
Relationships bloom there and stat perfect!
HA! What a laugh! I don't bloom..I stay as a bud..a dead one...
Look at me I'm a frickin geek of anime...
No guy wants to talk to me...guys HATE me.
My crush had a girlfriend..I stayed away from him...
I stay away from guys having girlfriends so I can leave them absolutely alone...I rip out my existence from them...like I don't want them to remember me...
I don't want them to...
I remember that...when I dated Zack. I look to Kenny...I was sad and never wanted to do this...go back to Zack...
I left and...broke up with Zack...then at sober grad night...Kenny asked me a advice to how to break up with a girlfriend...I told him just be yourself and express your feelings and tell her why...but in a understanding calm tone.
It was great...best night I ever had with my best friend. When we were in the bus he played on my lap and j could hardly breathe. I felt like fainting...
I had a crush on him and never told him.
Probably never will. Cause its not important...not important anyways...
Sober grad night was fun..I wish my grandpa was here to see me happy. But I bet he did.
When I got home I fell asleep. Hoping something good will finally happen...
..probably not...
(Look out for chapter 2!)