The story I have in mind is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, don't worry, the next few chapters won't be as sad, I'm going to write a few flashbacks to get some foresight on what happened. Stick around till the end cause it's going to be a tearjerker, I'll try and update as soon as I can :) Aslo try listening to the Ghost of You by 5SOS while reading, it makes it a little better.

The Ghost of Us

Here I am waking up, still can't sleep on your side
There's your coffee cup, the lipstick stain fades with time
If I can dream long enough, you'd tell me I'd be just fine
I'll be just fine. – 5SOS

The skies are relentless tonight, my thoughts as dark as the New York smog drifting through the skyline outside my apartment. Nights like these haunt me, the overcast skies mirror my emotions of fear, anger, loss, longing and sadness. They remind me all too much of the night when she… when my life came to a violent jerking halt. The painful remnants of that night when everything was out of my favor, time, help, the weather and every other possible external force in the universe. I could have helped had I made it there in time. I would have saved her if had cautioned her against driving in the rain. I could have held her I had been more patient that night…

I hate everything about how we ended. I hate myself for everything that happened. I could have loved her better…

The night is wearing away slower than ever, I want it all to end. I want to apologize for everything. Before you go ahead and sympathize my situation, you should know that it was my fault. Even though I was not the one driving a pickup truck way past the speed limit while I was intoxicated, even though I did not cause a fatal accident on the highway resulting in the death of the most perfect girl alive, I blame myself every event that led up to that moment.

Before our story went dreadfully wrong, I spent my days living in the moment.

I was happiest with Santana, she made right of everything that was wrong with this world. I loved the feeling of having our pinkies interlocked between us as we walked, I loved kissing her cheek when she bashfully complimented me, I didn't mind restraining her gently when she got angry and every worry I had went away the moment she kissed me or when I woke up beside her…

I never had the need to be concerned about the state of relationship. We were so very different but we learned to love that about each other, we worked our way around little arguments and I learnt how to love her, more than I had loved anyone else. Not everyone saw what I saw in the girl that made my heart take flight every time she walked in the room, most people thought of her as temperamental and sarcastic, I knew her as the girl who stole kisses from me as we danced till morning, helped everyone through their own issues and never got the credit and deserved the whole fucking world.

What hurts the most is the use of the past tense, I used to be able to say "I love her smile," but now all I can say is that I did. One thing that will always remain in the present tense is how sorry I am for everything. And I wish she knew how much she meant to me, I wish that her last memory wasn't of me begging her to stay. Santana, know that I wanted to treat you right. I wanted to grow old with you, I wanted to wake up next to you each morning, I wanted to be the one to put you to bed with a kiss on your forehead. I love you, and I did not cheat on you, I never would have. Hear me out, even though you can't. So I'll try to close my eyes and conjure up you smile tonight, but you'll always be gone tomorrow.

'All good things must come to an end' is the most hurtful truth out there, only it never told us how soon. She was only twenty-six when it happened; in fact it was only two days from her birthday. I was planning to surprise her with the most amazing day of her life when life decided to have its cruel ways and took her away from me. I tried San I tried. I wanted to make you happy… for the rest of your life; I had it all planned out… I wish you were there to see what I had in mind, I wish we thought before we argued pointlessly over a lethal lie. I just... want you back San.

- Britt