Argus Filch
Damn kids. Damn kids spreading their mucky little footprints all over my clean floor. Disgusting. Hang 'em up from their ankles and beat them with a stick, that's my policy. Damn Dumbledore and his 'morals' What does he know about taking care of a school? Nowt I tell you, nowt.
Here I am, mopping these damn floors for the fifth time today, and he's all comfy like in his little office, doing god knows what, all secretive and cosy like. Lazy ol' fool.
Good job all them kids are in their lessons cos if one more runt as much a steps on my nice clean corridors, I am gonna grab this brush and whack um on the arse, to hell with Dumbledore-
Oooohhh, here comes my sweetie. Ello lovely, how are you today? My Mrs Norris, the only reason I'm so mellow. If it weren't for her I'd ruddy kill that Dumbledore. She softens me heart she does. She's got that look in her eye, she does. I know that look. Something's happening. Something that damn well shouldn't be.
If it's them damn Weasley twins again… I ruddy swear…. Mrs Norris knows see. I'm passing the bathroom, the kitchens. Mrs Norris and me, we know each other see, she sees something and as quick as lightning I'm there. Like now. I'm following her to…. Ah… the trophy room. 'Oi! Who's there?' No answer. Oh my sweet, who's here? Shall we catch um my sweet?
Where's me lamp? Ahhhh, here it is. Who needs a damn wand when I got this. Let's light it up. Ah. Lovely. 'Who's here? You damn hooligans!'
No one behind this trophy cabinet is there my sweet. Oh, can you hear that lovely? Over there. 'I got you now I 'ave! No escape!'
They've quietened up now, aven't they love? Don't worry, we'll find 'em.
'Over here you slimy minger!' Who was that? I smell Weasleys… 'orrible, nasty Weasleys!
'Oi, you nasty, orrible little acne- traps-'
'Methinks, Mr. Filch deserves a lesson, do you agree Fred?' Damn kid. When I get a hold of-
'Oh, most certainly George.'
'When I find you, you're going to wish you'd never been bor-'
BANG! The door. Was that the door? The damn door! 'OI! OI! Let me out you nasty, 'orrible little toerags!'
'Job well done Fred!' Giggling. How I ruddy hate that damn giggling!
'Let me out! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna punish you me self! 'Ang you from the ceiling by your nose hair I will!'
Damn them! They're gone. They've gone and left me 'ere! I'll wring their necks, I will. You see if I don't! We'll get them my sweet, we'll get them damn kiddies...
This was just a pointless little one-shot I thought up. Short and not so sweet. Hope you enjoyed and please review-thanks, Soph