How do you stand up to something that's not there?
He's there…he's gone. You're still here, tied to a chair… but then you're ten, and your father is leaving. He's there and gone. You're back in the chair, smell of burning fish entrails assaulting your senses. He's back. But which one is he this time? Where is your head? You need to focus, if only your head wasn't pounding and you could see straight.
How are you supposed to stand up and fight against something you can't see?
You're burning. Burning from the inside out. You don't want this. You never wanted this. But it's grabbed you and will not let go. You're supposed to be strong enough, he wasn't supposed to be able to beat you, to break you.
But you can't fight against something that isn't there.
Months pass… you're stronger now. But it's still not enough. You can't save everyone. But damn you try! You're naive… you're so stupid. Voices meld, past and present. Why'd you do it? Why risk your life for a murder? Again and again? You don't really know. But this time it worked. Your count is even.
Years pass. You still sense its presence in the back of your mind every once in a while, it's a siren's call. You ignore it. No narcotics. You're adamant. Nothing could ever hurt you as much as they can. You can take the physical pain. You already know it, you understand it. You can fight it.
But you still don't know how to fight against what isn't there.
AN: Hello! thanks for reading this strange little piece, I found it in a notebook as I was cleaning out my room... I hope you enjoyed it, con-crit is welcome! And I don't own even the idea of spencer reid :/