Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters...Apart from Skulduggery's newest and evilest enemy.

I don't like cats.

Detectives Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant marched down the tight, curving garden path that lead up to a rotting porch.

They were both only feet away from the first warped wooden step when Valkyrie let out a sudden "Awww!"

Skulduggery whirled round to face his partner expecting to see a serial killer pouncing on her trying to stab her. As a force of habit his revolver had 'leapt' into his bony hand; his thumb resting on the hammer.

But his nonexistent eyes were only met by the sight of Valkyrie kneeing by a grey-blue Scottish fold cat. Who in turn, was purring like a car motor, and innocently rubbing against Val's pink face.

"Who is adorable?!" Giggled Valkyrie lovingly towards the feline as she scratched behind it's ears. She had now completely forgotten her skeleton friend's company.

Skulduggery saw the large window of opportunity... and he had to take it. "I am, of course." He even let pride creep into his voice.

Valkyrie's giggling stopped and she turned towards him, smug smile in place. "Keep dreaming."

"Please, Valkyrie. You do realise that this flea bag isn't as cute and innocent as it may seem. It is in reality a mass murdering, attempted world conquering psychopath? It is a cat; after all...It is what they do. Think of all the birds it has consumed." Skulduggery replied smoothly.

Valkyrie's pretty face scrunched up in confusion. "I thought you disliked birds? Because they poop on the Bentley?"

If Skulduggery had a face...He would have certainly been cringing. "Minor detail. My titanic dislike for cats outweighs my minorly large dislike for birds."

"And why would you hate such an adorable, terrific creature? Hmm?"

"Uh, well. Not all of them are cute...You've seen those hairless ones that the Egyptians praised. You know the ones that look like they are plotting your very painful death?" Skulduggery shook his skull slowly to emphasise his point of disapproval.

Valkyrie laughed and picked up the cat, who was still purring contently. Val waved the grey cat in front of Skulduggery. "Isn't it gorgeous?"

"Please don't do that. Or I might 'accidently' end up kicking it." Muttered Skulduggery, stepping away from the swaying feline who was staring into his hollow sockets with intelligent grey eyes.

It was clear; this cat was out for his second death. Its face and species said so. He knew it.

Putting the cat down Valkyrie laughed at Skulduggery's silence and continued the short walk up to the weathered steps.

Skulduggery threw one last cold glance at the cat before he too walked up the steps confidently, leaving his newest enemy behind him.

~Fin

So...Um, this happened. I wrote the first three quarters of it and then forgot about it. I just rediscovered it, and I had lost my train of thought/plan for it so I finished it the best I could. xD

It was inspired by my derpy cat companion Tiger.

Did you like it? Or did you love it? Leave a review and a favourite, please! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Until next time,

Illuminating Colours.