Kurt strode towards the Dalton Academy auditorium with a new determination in his stride. He'd just spent the last two hours swaying in the background at a Warblers rehearsal. He'd been at Dalton for several months now and he was sick of blending in. For once, just once, he wanted to stand out. He wanted to be the diva, the gay guy wearing designer clothes, the soprano with the over-the-top voice. He didn't want to be the Warbler in the suit and tie who sang in the background and went unnoticed, especially by Blaine who no longer seemed to care for him.
Luckily for Kurt, the auditorium door was unlocked and when he slipped inside, he saw that it was empty. Kurt took the opportunity to quickly change into one of his old, outlandish outfits, before taking center stage.
Then, he began to sing. "Rose's Turn" had sounded good in the McKinley auditorium, but at Dalton, the song sounded phenomenal.
All that work and what did it get me?
Why did I do it?
Scrapbooks full of me in the background
Give 'em love and what does it getcha?
What does it getcha?
Once quick look as each of 'em leaves you
All your life and what does it getcha?
"Thanks a lot" and out with the garbage
They take bows and you're battin' zero
Why had he tried to change who he was (again)? He hadn't let the bullies at McKinley get to him. Why was Dalton different? Kurt supposed it was because of Blaine. Blaine, who he idolized, had encouraged him to fit in and not stand out. Blaine was the one to secure a place for him as part of the Warblers, swaying and singing in the back row. Kurt was used to being overshadowed by others. Being thrown in dumpsters (literally being put out with the garbage), receiving slushie facials, and constantly being shoved into lockers had reduced him to a mere shadow of the boy he had once been. The abuse had taken a toll on his soul and he was becoming a hardened cynic, resigned to his role of being everyone's punching bag. He no longer felt appreciated, least of all by Blaine. Everyone, from New Directions to his own family, had begun to distance themselves from him. Blaine was the only one left, and even he would leave eventually.
I had a dream
I dreamed it for you, Blaine
It wasn't for me, Blaine
And if it wasn't for me, then where would you be, Miss Rachel Berry?
Oh, Blaine, thought Kurt, as he sang to the absent boy. Why did you have to come into my life and show me all that I was missing? I've tried to do my best, tried to live up to your expectations of me. I love you. But I can't do it anymore. I can't be who you seem to want me to be and still be true to myself. Dalton and Kurt Hummel don't go together.
Well, someone tell me
When is it my turn?
Don't I get a dream for myself?
Starting now it's gonna be my turn
Gangway, world, get off of my runway
Starting now I bat a thousand
Kurt sang the lines about dreaming for himself with such anguish that his invisible audience should have been on their knees overcome with pain. Kurt sang as never before. He'd been with the Warblers for so long that he'd been afraid his voice had lost its power. With the Warblers, only coming in during the chorus had taken a lot out of the male diva. Yet now, Kurt rediscovered what it meant to be a singer and to really feel the words being sung. He'd never felt this way before. Dalton was choking him and making him lose sight of what he wanted out of life, not what someone else envisioned for him.
This time, boys, I'm takin' the bows and…
Everything's comin' up Kurt
Everything's comin' up Hummel
Everything's comin' up Kurt
This time for me
Hahahahaha…
As Kurt sang to the "boys" in the audience, he snarled, pretending that the Warblers were present and that he was singing to them, letting them know that enough was enough. Kurt Hummel could be the ideal Warbler, but they would never take this "alone" time in the auditorium away from him. He needed a release and this was it. They weren't going to bring him down while he was here, on stage where he belonged. Not even Blaine had that much control over him.
For me
For me
For me
For me
For me
For ME!
Ya!
With each leap, Kurt felt as though his heart was being released from a cage he hadn't known it had been in. He felt free from the restrictions of Dalton. Hell, he could fly if he wanted to, and boy, did he want to. He wanted to fly away and never look back. His only regret would be leaving Blaine behind, yet even his thoughts of Blaine were now cynical after months of being treated the same as everyone else. Kurt thought that what he and Blaine had was special. Guess he'd been wrong, as he saw over time that he wasn't different from any of the other Warblers, just one of the background singers.
Kurt fell to his ending position on his hands and knees, crouching down as close to the stage floor as was humanly possible.
What Kurt didn't know was that Blaine had followed him from Warblers practice. Blaine had noticed his friend acting peculiar, in that he didn't even try to stand out. So, Blaine trailed discreetly after him. When he saw Kurt slip through the doors of the auditorium, Blaine had wondered what was on Kurt's mind that would make him sneak off to the darkened theater. Slipping in after him, Blaine took a seat near the back of the room, close enough to see but not be seen.
Blaine saw Kurt come out on stage looking more like himself than he had in months. With a pang, Blaine realized that Dalton had changed Kurt, and not for the better. With another stab at his heart, Blaine also realized that he had helped the transformation come about, what with denying Kurt the solo (though that hadn't been his fault—being the bearer of bad news had forced him to receive the full force of Kurt's expressive eyes that had emanated pain and confusion) and pointing out the obvious differences between Dalton and McKinley (uniforms, teamwork, etc.). In hind sight, Blaine hadn't been a real friend to Kurt these past few months.
Blaine was pulled from his thoughts as Kurt began to sing. The knife in his heart gave a painful twist as he recognized the song, "Rose's Turn," and how this was Kurt's only means of expressing himself.
Blaine was in agony as he heard the uncanny similarities between the song and Kurt's life. He knew Kurt hadn't had it easy. He was always putting others before himself. Well, there had been enough of that. After seeing this performance, Blaine saw that Dalton was not the place for Kurt. As he thought about it, Dalton wasn't the place for himself anymore, either. Blaine truly believed that Dalton had helped both him and Kurt heal. But now it was time to face the past head on. No more running away. Blaine could tell that Kurt missed New Directions, more than he was letting on. Blaine wouldn't stand in the way of Kurt's happiness. He'd encourage Kurt to do what felt right and he would follow. He would always follow Kurt. And if Kurt led him to McKinley, then he'd view that as a chance to make up for past regrets.
Blaine thought his heart would stop as Kurt sang to him, dedicating it to him, explaining himself to him. He realized how selfish his behavior had been, trying to get Kurt to conform to Dalton's ways. That was wrong. A student shouldn't have to fit in to be accepted at school. He should be able to stand out and do or be whatever he wants, and still be liked for who he is. Blaine had told Kurt the exact opposite, how Dalton was about being a part of a team and how the team came first. Kurt had been putting others first long enough. He'd done it yet again by trying to fit in at Dalton—for Blaine's sake. It was time for someone, namely Blaine, to put Kurt first.
As Kurt fell to his knees, Blaine decided to make his presence known.
Blaine stood up and began to move towards the stage, clapping the entire time.
"Kurt," he said, breathlessly. "That was wonderful."
At the sound of clapping, Kurt had glanced up, only to lock eyes with Blaine. He immediately wished that the earth would open up and swallow him whole. Here he'd been trying to let off a little steam before resuming his role of the dutiful Warbler, and he'd been caught.
"I'm sorry, Blaine," he said, talking to the stage and not meeting Blaine's eyes. "I didn't think anyone would mind if I came in here for a few minutes. I was just going. I'm sorry I let you down."
Yet Kurt made no move to leave. Instead, he remained hunched over on his hands and knees. He was paralyzed with fear. For once, he was afraid of Blaine. He knew that Blaine held power over the Warblers, despite not being part of the council. He thought Blaine might use that influence to kick him out of the Warblers, after witnessing his little performance. Despite how controlling the Warblers (and Dalton) were in terms of style and manner, and however much Kurt despised swaying and singing in the background, it was all he had to remind him of his former life. Singing was his passion, after fashion, and he didn't want to lose that means of expressing himself. He didn't want to be reduced to sneaking into the auditorium and having that be the only time he could sing.
Blaine joined Kurt on stage. He grimaced when Kurt remained on his hands and knees, practically groveling at Blaine's feet.
Wow, thought Blaine. I must be really out of touch with Kurt if I can't even get him to look at me. Instead, he's crouching at my feet. That's not right. After what I've put him through, I should be the one groveling. Not him. Never him.
"Kurt," Blaine urged. "Look at me."
When Kurt still couldn't bring himself to meet Blaine's caring expression, Blaine brought himself to Kurt's level, taking a seat next to the young boy.
"I'm not going to hurt you, you know," he said gently.
At that, Kurt snapped. His eyes flashed as they met Blaine's.
"No, I don't know that," he declared. "I don't know you anymore. When you're here, at Dalton, you aren't the same boy who took me out to coffee or who drove all the way to McKinley to talk to a bully for me, a bully who ended up shoving you into a chain link fence and who probably left a few bruises."
Kurt's outburst didn't seem to surprise Blaine, who merely sat back on his heels with a satisfied look on his face.
"That's the Kurt I know and love. Where've you been hiding?" he said.
Kurt dropped his gaze and shut down again.
Blaine sighed. "Okay, Kurt. I think it's time you got my back-story and learned about what happened to me. Then, maybe, you'll understand why I'm different when I'm at Dalton compared to when I'm with you."
He waited for a sign of confirmation from Kurt that he was willing to hear Blaine's story. With none forthcoming, Blaine forged ahead anyway.
"I'm no stranger to bruises, Kurt," he began. "I was badly beaten at my old school, simply for being gay. I didn't have friends—they all left when I came out to them. No one stood up for me and I lacked the courage to stand up for myself. The bullying started out innocent enough, if bullying can ever be considered innocent. The occasional shove, sometimes someone tripped me. If a teacher was around, they'd make a point of helping me up and saying that they hadn't seen me. Then the bullying got more violent. They'd shove me harder. I'd hit the lockers, or I'd go tumbling to the ground. There was never anything to cushion the fall. Finally, the bullying came to a head. A group of my peers were waiting for me after school. They jumped me and dragged me behind the school. They beat me within an inch of my life and once they were finished, they began to undress me."
At this revelation, Kurt moved out of his uncomfortable crouch and sat up, eyes locked on Blaine, pleading for him to say that his story wasn't going where Kurt thought it was going.
Blaine shook his head. "They merely took my shirt off. But, once that was off, one of the boys pulled out a pocket knife."
Kurt began shaking his head violently.
Blaine continued, lost in the past. "The others pinned me down while the boy with the knife wrote on my arm with it. I screamed and cried and pleaded, but they wouldn't stop and no one was around to hear me."
Kurt could only stare at Blaine, sickened at the thought of someone permanently marking Blaine in such a way.
"There's a reason you've only ever seen me in long-sleeve shirts, Kurt. And it has nothing to do with the weather."
As he spoke, Blaine took off his Dalton blazer and then began to unbutton his shirt. Kurt's hands closed over his and finished the job.
Blaine shrugged out of his shirt, leaving himself exposed to Kurt, who openly gaped at him.
Blaine's tormentors had carved the word "fag" into Blaine's arm. Not only that, but scars from the beating he had suffered still remained, littering his chest and back.
Blaine lowered his eyes, ashamed for what he'd allowed to happen, all because he wasn't brave enough, all because he'd lacked Kurt's courage.
He was shocked when he felt a cool hand tilt his chin up towards the light. He met Kurt's unsure gaze with one of his own. He could tell that Kurt had been afraid of him when he'd first set foot on the stage. Now, they were both afraid. Blaine had let his walls come down and could only hope that Kurt would remain by his side, standing strong, and wouldn't desert him as countless others had.
"You didn't deserve that," came Kurt's quiet voice. "No one deserves something like that to happen to them, but you, least of all."
Blaine made the sound of a poorly-concealed sob.
"I know you're ashamed," Kurt continued. "You think that you're a hypocrite, preaching to the choir, when you tell me to have courage yet you didn't do anything about your own bullies. But Blaine, you telling me to have courage was coming from experience. You didn't have anyone there for you, so when you saw me, you saw a younger version of yourself. You became the person I could turn to in order to make up for the fact that no one was there for you to turn to. Blaine, that's the boy I fell in love with. But the person you are when you're at Dalton, or when you're with the Warblers—I can't stand that person. He's cold and impersonal. He's not the warm, kind-hearted Blaine who got me coffee and offered me hope in my darkest hour. Where is he?"
Blaine, having bared himself to Kurt, allowed himself a moment to cry, before attempting to explain.
"When I first came to Dalton, I was in shock. I'd just had the word "fag" carved into my skin. I was a wreck. I jumped at the slightest sound. I was jittery around others. I was wary of anyone who tried to befriend me. I had trust issues. I wanted to be invisible and Dalton allowed me to become that. I didn't stand out. I put everyone before myself, not wanting to anger anyone or get on anyone's bad side. I faded away, only coming alive when I sang. Then, I met you. I saw how I had been before I came to Dalton. I was alive, like you, and stood out, like you. Then, the bullies got to me and I wanted nothing more than to disappear. Dalton allowed that to happen. I became ordinary. I blended in. Kurt, that worked for me because that's what I wanted. But you, you're so full of life. Don't let that happen to you. You've got this spark that I would hate to see die. And if you stay at Dalton, I guarantee you that that spark will die out."
"What are you saying, Blaine? Do you want me to go back to McKinley? I'm sorry if I haven't been working as hard in the Warblers as I could have. I'm sorry, I'll work harder. I can do it, Blaine. I can become like you. I—"
Blaine interrupted Kurt's rambling. "No, Kurt. I don't want you to become like me. What I'm saying is, I think you should go back to McKinley—"
"No!" Now Kurt was the one to interrupt Blaine. "In case you've forgotten, I don't feel safe there, what with Karofsky lurking around every corner and the jocks lying in wait to slushie me or toss me in the dumpster. I only feel safe when I'm near you."
At this point, Blaine overcame his disgust for his past weakness and pulled Kurt into his lap. "I know, honey, I know. Which is why I would be going back with you."
"What?" Kurt lifted his head to meet Blaine's sincere gaze. "You'd follow me to McKinley?"
"Kurt, I'd follow you to the moon and back," Blaine vowed. "I love you."
"I…just…wow. You love me?"
"Yes, I do. And I promise to spend my whole life making you feel safe—starting at McKinley."
Kurt buried his face in Blaine's chest. "I love you too," he mumbled, and Blaine heard because he'd trained his ears to catch that particular phrase if it ever left Kurt's delicious looking lips.
Blaine bent over and kissed Kurt's head.
"I'll protect you, baby," he whispered. "You'll always be safe with me."
Kurt raised his head to look at Blaine.
Blaine took the moment to apologize for the months Kurt had spent at Dalton. "I'm sorry that your image of Dalton was spoiled. I'm sorry I made it sound like a utopia—"
Kurt interrupted him. "All you had to do was say "zero-tolerance policy" and I was sold. You didn't exaggerate, you didn't embellish. My mind did that on its own."
Blaine pulled Kurt back to his chest. "Most of all, I'm sorry of my treatment of you. I haven't been a real friend to you and I will spend the rest of my life making that up to you."
Kurt smiled to himself. "You've already made it up to me. You apologized and you told me that you love me. That's good enough for me."
"Kurt," said Blaine, once more unsure of himself. "There's one more thing I'd like to do."
"What is it, Blaine?" asked Kurt, looking up at him.
Blaine pulled away, shifting Kurt out of his lap. Kurt moaned slightly at the loss of contact. Blaine merely grinned at Kurt's response and offered him a hand to help him up.
Once they were standing level, Kurt handed Blaine his shirt, motioning for Blaine to turn around so that Kurt could help ease the material onto Blaine's back.
Blaine turned around once more and looked at Kurt, really looked at him, with such love and devotion in his eyes that Kurt was taken aback.
Blaine took Kurt's hand in his and knelt before him. "Kurt Hummel, I love you more than life itself. Will you do me the incredible honor of being my boyfriend?"
Kurt stared at him, flabbergasted, momentarily robbed of his speech capabilities. When he saw Blaine continue to stare at him nervously, Kurt remembered their current situation.
He threw himself on his knees in front of Blaine and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug.
"Yes. Yes, of course. I would love to be your boyfriend. Nothing would make me happier. I love you so much!"
Blaine had been nervous, until Kurt threw himself down in front of Blaine and pulled him into the tightest hug he'd ever had. Then he spoke the words that made Blaine's heart soar.
He returned the hug, whispering in Kurt's ear, "You've made me the happiest man alive."
When they pulled apart, Kurt was blushing.
"You're cute when you blush," said Blaine.
Kurt smiled good-naturedly.
There was a crackling in the air, almost like static, as the two boys regarded each other. Recently having gotten a glimpse into Blaine's mind, Kurt knew instinctively that Blaine was waiting for him to make the first move. Having been assaulted by Karofsky, Blaine would want Kurt's first real kiss to be his own choice.
So, Kurt leaned in towards Blaine and tilted his head to the side. Blaine had been watching him and followed his movements exactly.
When their lips met in the middle, both boys swore that there were fireworks to rival those of Disney.
It was the perfect first kiss.
When they pulled back, both were breathing heavily.
"That was…wow," murmured Blaine.
"Wow is right. That was wonderful. I love you, so much," said Kurt.
"I love you too, Kurt. Come on," he said, holding out his hand for Kurt to take. "Let's go set our transfer in motion. That is, if this is what you really want to do."
"Yes, it is," said Kurt, after thinking for a moment. "I miss New Directions. The Warblers have become friends, but New Directions will always be my family."
"Then let's go home," said Blaine.
Kurt gave him a dazzling smile before joining their hands and leading Blaine out of the theater.
Kurt's homecoming was rejoiced by all and Blaine was welcomed with open arms.
If the jocks tried to mess with Kurt at all, Blaine was by his side, prepared to be slushied or pushed around for the sake of his boyfriend. They didn't hide their relationship. It was who they were and they weren't ashamed of that.
Blaine made up for his past regrets by standing up to McKinley's bullies on more than one occasion. When it came time for him to go to college, he left the jocks in fear, as he had gained enough confidence at Dalton so that he was no longer afraid of what anyone could do to him. His only fear was for Kurt, and this fear drove him to make the jocks afraid of him. He was successful. In his many visits after leaving, Kurt never once complained about any of the jocks giving him a hard time.
Blaine's courage inspired the others in New Directions to take a stand and defend Kurt (and themselves). By the time they graduated, the various forms of torture (slushies, dumpster dives, etc.) had pretty much been wiped out.
New Directions sang at graduation and received a standing ovation.
Once everyone had been handed their diplomas and been introduced as the new Class of 2013, the first one on the field was Blaine, who gathered Kurt to his chest and told him how wonderful he was and how beautiful he looked.
He then pulled away, only to go down on one knee and pull a ring out of his pocket.
"Kurt Hummel," he declared. "I love you more than life itself. Will you do me the incredibly honor of accepting my hand in marriage?"
Kurt smiled as he recognized the words Blaine had spoken to him in that darkened auditorium at Dalton the previous year. He then repeated his own actions by throwing himself at Blaine's feet and wrapping his arms around him tightly.
"Yes. Yes, of course I'll accept your hand in marriage. Nothing would make me happier. I love you so much!"
Not letting go of each other, they rose to their feet and met in a passionate lip-lock.
Everyone was cheering for them, New Directions most of all.
Having fought for their love to be accepted, and won, Kurt and Blaine had finally come home—to each other.