'It's Always Been Her'
"Come on Joker! We have to get out of here!" Shepard said as he arrived behind Joker's chair.
"No, I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still save her!" Joker shouted in resolve.
I'm in no mood for this now! Shepard thought, towering over Joker in his chair. "The Normandy's dead. Just like us if we don't get the hell out of here!"
"No! We just have to…" Joker leaned closer to the readout. "Oh no" he said quietly to himself. "They're coming around for another attack!"
The mysterious dreadnought circled the Normandy and primed its canons once more. The final blow to Shepard's ship was only seconds away.
The Normandy shuddered as the enemy's beam smashed through the CIC. Shepard turned to look down the hall, witnessing the beam rip through his ship. He turned to grab Joker out of his chair.
"Ow! Watch the arm!" Joker snapped. Shepard firmly gripped and twisted Joker's arm and pulled it behind his head. Joker limped, but Shepard pulled him towards the escape pod behind the bridge. The hatch opened but a blast knocked both of them back.
"Shepard!" The distorted voice came from down the hall.
"Tali! What the hell are you…" Shepard started. Somehow, she made it past the devastating beam in the CIC. Another blast pushed him and Joker back.
She made it over to them and helped lift Joker on the other side, putting his arm over her shoulders. "I couldn't…"
Shepard pushed up and wrapped his arm around Joker's waist. "Doesn't matter now. Get to the escape pod!" he shouted. What the hell is she doing here? Engineering cleared out. She's suppose to be off this ship! They made it to the hatch and he guided Joker inside first.
When Joker was firmly in his harness Shepard turned around once more and witnessed the CIC being torn away from the bridge. He turned to Tali and pointed to the hatch. "Get in there!"
As the CIC finally broke apart the force pushed Shepard away from the open hatch. A new enemy beam separated him from Tali and Joker. He twisted around and watched her enter. She turned around and reached for him. "Shepard!"
He waved at her to leave. "Go! Get out of here!"
She continued to reach for him. "No, I'm not…" An explosion shook her to her feet.
"Go!" he screamed. Knowing what his final selfless act was going to be he turned and activated the escape pod from one of the panels closest to him. He turned and watched the pod's hatch start to close, but it stopped half way.
The beam continued to shred the bridge until the bridge tore apart from the rest of the ship. The shudder threw Shepard up and the force of the final explosion hurled him into open space.
Shepard couldn't see the bridge or the hallway in his vision, only stars and parts of the wreckage as they floated by. Shit! The hatch didn't close. She could close it, though. Shit, shit, shit! She wasn't supposed to be here! I can't have them die on me. Not Joker. Not her.
His thoughts were interrupted by a pop and a hissing noise. He reached behind to find the cause and started having difficulty breathing. A breach? No, no, no, no! He frantically ran his hands along his suit, desperately trying to find the breach. His hands shook from panic. His breathing quickened and became shallow. Oh no. This is it.
His vision went blurry and he swore he saw burning wreckage fly past him. Then he was hit softly from behind and watched an arm with a three fingered hand wrap around his chest. He felt pressure on the back of his suit. Different areas on his suit were being padded down. Slowly the hissing disappeared, his breathing became easier and his vision returned.
When the pressure returned he activated his Omni Comm. "Tali? What's happening?"
Her voice was rushed and higher in pitch than John remembered. "I'm applying Omni Gel to your suit breaches."
His thoughts went back to the numerous times she had proven her cleverness to him. He then brought his mind back to the present. "What happened back on the bridge? Did Joker make it?"
"Yes. I closed the hatch and launched the pod." She said still padding Omni Gel to his back.
His frustration from before returned. He never wanted to ever yell at her, but her sudden appearance on the bridge was a frightening shock and an added stress he didn't need. For the first time since he met her, he was upset at her. "What the hell were you doing back there? Engineering was all clear! Damn it, Tali! You were supposed to be off the ship!"
Her voice was still rushed, but with a growing, rare resolve. "Shepard, you should know this by now…" She moved around him and faced his front. Her voice was now calm, warm and meaningful. "I've got your back".
He sighed. He was always enamored by her sense of selflessness. Saving herself was something that HE wanted for her, but she would never allow herself that thought. Through the months they've gotten to know each other, he found her unquestionable loyalty as one of her best features. Not just to him, but to her beliefs. She was always being her true self, and at that he couldn't be mad at her. He looked up at her and grabbed her arms as the space between them shifted and with half a smile said "Quite literally this time."
She chuckled and then sighed. "Keelah, Shepard. The Normandy. Our home. Who did this?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. They came out of nowhere. Saw right through our stealth systems." Her head tilted in what he interpreted as concern. "Did everyone in Engineering make it out?" he continued.
She looked down. "Everyone who could make it to an escape pod did."
"And those who couldn't?" he pressed.
She looked back up at him. "I helped two who were in the hallway, but there were four bodies in Engineering."
"Who were they?" His voice was soft. He knew all too well about dealing with the death of soldiers, crewmates, but it was something he never will never fully get used to. He didn't want to get used to it. He didn't want the feeling to become common. He always wanted it to make him uneasy.
"Tucks, Grieco…" she looked down "and both Talitha and Rosamund." He heard a slight sobbing in her voice and pulled her closer.
"Did Adams activate the ALL CLEAR?" he continued.
"I did…" She looked to the side. "after I pushed Adams through the hatch and launched the pods."
Shepard stared at her bewildered for a moment. That didn't seem like Tali at all. He then shook it off. "Do you know about any other part of the ship?"
She again looked down. "There were three bodies on the crew deck. Emerson, Tanaka and Lowe. Then I saw Barrett, Chase, Pakti, Felawa and Grenado on the CIC." She looked at him and tilted her head. Her sobbing had grown stronger. "I'm so sorry this happened. All those crewmen..." She paused for a moment, looked to the side and held her grip on him tighter. He returned it and just held her. This was tough for both of them, but she didn't cry. Shepard didn't know how much a part of her existence losing a crewmate was.
After a moment he pushed her away a little and looked at her. "I got a beacon sent. The escape pods can maintain a safe orbit. A majority of them were full, so most of the crew made it out. Once we get rescued we'll sort out what happened and get back at whoever did this." Shepard was trying to keep his focus. Almost being blown up and spaced after losing their ship would make anyone want to break down, but he had a crewmate who needed his leadership. He knew Tali looked up to him. He didn't want to let her down
"I'm sorry to be a disappointment, Shepard." She stated after a moment, no longer sobbing.
He was taken aback, no longer focusing on his previous thoughts. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close. "What do you mean?"
She deflated and looked down again. "I abandoned my post. I disobeyed a direct order from Adams." She looked up at him again. "A direct order from you. The first time I ever acted selfish. And in an emergency! Keelah!"
He can tell how conflicted she sounded. Her actions during the attack were not normal for her. Then again, he didn't fully understand Quarian psychology. He decided to try to keep her grounded and pulled her closer. He spoke with a comforting voice. "Hey, I…you…as a Quarian, don't you consider me your captain?"
"Yes?" She said, as if he asked her if she knew basic knowledge of engines.
"Well" he started, "you just saved your captain's life. And the lives of three of your crew members. That doesn't sound like a disappointment to me."
She stared at him for a moment and adjusted her grip on him to bring her head closer to his. She spoke with barely a whisper. "I couldn't leave you behind."
He felt his heart skip. A warmth flowed through his body. He just stared at her while she continued, her head looking down in shame. "I'll accept whatever punishment awaits me."
He huffed a small laugh. "Tali, you're not a member of the Alliance. They can't officially reprimand you. Besides, you acted selflessly in a crisis. You should be commended." He paused for a moment. "If you want a punishment, maybe I can arrange something for you… in private."
She huffed a small laugh, smirked and slowly looked up at him. "Hopefully nothing too severe?"
He shifted his grip on her and placed his hands on her back and waist. "That was pretty clever what you did with the Omni Gel. Without you, I would have been spaced."
She smiled and looked to the side, then traced her eyes up his chest, to his helmet and into his eyes. "Well, I couldn't pass up the chance to rescue you. For once" she continued with a smirk.
"Tali…" Shepard looked down, then slowly back up at her. "you've been rescuing me since the moment I rescued you in that hallway in the Wards."
She tilted her head. Then said with playfulness "Are you trying to say the Ancestors sent me to be your Soul Guardian?"
He softly laughed. "I think they did." Shepard smiled and stared right into her bright eyes. She stared right back. After a moment he looked around at the space surrounding them. "Well, looks like we're going to be here a while. You got a homing beacon in that suit?"
She moved her left arm up between her and Shepard and activated her Omni Tool. "Every suit is equipped with a 1624MHz Distress Beacon."
"Holy crap, Tali! That's more powerful than any beacon in the Alliance!"
"Quarians may have trained more for situations like this, but we don't like the idea of being spaced more than any other race. When your rescue ship comes, we'll be the first signal they find."
"That's a shame" Shepard said in mock disappointment. "I want them to find us last."
Tali tilted her head and looked at him, "What! Why?"
"Well, it would give us more time to…" Shepard stopped as the alarm on his Omni Tool sounded. He activated the display. It showed two red dots following a dotted course to the surface of the planet. "No" he said to himself.
He looked over his shoulder. The first pieces of Normandy debris started glowing orange and entering the planet's atmosphere. He took a deep breath as the thoughts of his next action filled his heart with horror.
He turned back to Tali and with his left hand grabbed her air outtake hose on her jaw and pulled it out.
"Shepard? Shepard!" Tali screamed. She grabbed his arm with both her hands and struggled to put the tube back. "What are you doing?"
He pulled a small hose from his collar with his free hand and stuck it in the port he just pulled her tube out of. "I'm giving you the rest of my air."
"What! Shepard, no! You don't…you need that air!" She said as panic filled her voice.
He grabbed both her wrists. "Tali, I know you're going to get sick, but you need to listen to me." He steadied his voice to give himself strength. "We're both falling toward the planet. There's no way to save both of us. But there's a way to save one of us."
Tali shook her head. "Shepard! No, no, no, no" her voice was growing weak.
He pulled her closer to him. "Tali, you need to promise me."
She violently shook her head and struggled against him. "Shepard, please! We'll find another way!" she began to cry.
He pulled her in even closer. "Tali, there's no other way. Promise me. Promise me you'll make it back to the flotilla. Become an admiral one day. Win back your home world!"
"Shepard" she weakly pleaded.
"And when you've done that, find a nice Quarian man…"
"No, no, no, no…" She shook her head.
"And fall in love…"
"But…" she trembled and looked directly in his eyes. "I already am in love" she whimpered. "Shepard!" she cried.
He reached around her arm and held her softly. "You…you can call me John."
"John…" she pleaded. "Please…"
He reached for her helmet, where her cheek would be and caressed it. "Tali, I wish we had more time." He saw two bright streaks run down her face through her mask. "I really wanted you to stay. Learn more about you. Share more with each other. You've become very special to me."
His alarm sounded once more. He pulled his hose out and reattached her tube to her port. Softly he tapped the front of his helmet on her mask, resting it there and placed his hands on her shoulders.
"John, please" she said above a whisper.
"I'm sorry, Tali. Please forgive me."
He lifted his knees up, placed his feet on her abdomen and launched himself off her.
He couldn't bring himself to watch her. To see that young woman desperately clawing through the air, franticly reaching towards him would have been too much. Instead he brought up his Omni Tool. The display showed two red dots drifting apart. The top one turned green and followed a dotted course safely orbiting the planet. The bottom one stayed red and followed a new, steeper course. He turned off his Omni Tool and closed his eyes.
"I know I don't believe in you…" he whispered. "but Ancestors, watch over her. It's not me that you need to win this war. It's her." He felt his insides push against his abdominal plate. His armor had shuddered and began to warm. He opened his eyes and accepted the orange glow growing in his vision. "It's always been her."