Here is my new story idea, and yes this is another hurt Sam story because well, to be honest I love a little injured Sam, big brother Dean story. This story line has been something that I have had in mind for a while because season 5 was just SO SAD, I hated the brothers not talking and not getting on so this is my take on how they would get back together.
All mistakes are mine. I have no medical training so if there are any inaccuracies just go with it!.
Where the Heart is.
Chapter one – Under a Rock
Sam's POV
Sam had always wanted to have a normal life, away from hunting, away from grungy motel rooms, greasy diner food and having to patch his family up with dental floss and gaffer tape. The safe, normal life he was living now, however was not quite what he had envisioned, or anywhere near the life he had, lived once upon a time in Stanford.
Each day of the last eleven months for Sam had consisted of pain, pain and more pain, from all along his left side, his leg, or his shoulder and his heart and soul. A dull ache all day long, that not even medication, alcohol or sleeping pills could dissipate, but he had learnt to live with it, the fact that he could feel at all, was a miracle, so if he could feel pain, then he would keep going, he would get up each morning and do exactly what he did the day before.
The difference was that Sam was a lone Winchester in this small town, on the other side of the country, away from his brother, away from his family. In his head, he knew that it was what his brother wanted, he had practically disowned him, in order to clean up the mess he had made. So he stopped fighting and gave him exactly what he had asked for, he became an orphan. His heart however yearned for the big brother from his childhood. The big brother who had cared for him, loved him, trusted him and protected him from the world.
He knew after everything he had done to his brother, to Bobby and to the world, that he deserved to be alone, that he deserved what had happened to him, he deserved these aches and pains. Actually in his heart he believed he deserved to be taken out like the monster, he had turned himself into all those months ago, trusting a demon and drinking her blood. His brother had been merciful allowing him to live and to disappear like he had. So he was going to stay hidden, stay in darkness of the little rock he had crawled under and kept out of trouble.
That was what he had promised himself and everyone he had ever hurt with his bad choices.
Sam pushed himself out of the recliner that he had fallen asleep in the night before, because he couldn't get comfortable in his own bed for the third night in a row.
Grabbing his cane, he hobbled over to the coffee maker to start the brewing process.
Sam thought about his day, which consisted of his physical therapy, followed by a meeting with his psychologist, then to the library to pick up his latest pay check, he had also planned on doing some repairs around the main house for his benefactor and landlady Anna, who had kindly taken him in, paid for all his medical expenses before and after he had been released from the hospital. When no one else would, when he thought no one would care about the man who had started the apocalypse and had condemned them all.
When she had first taken him in, she had allowed the salt that he had laid along all the windows and the funky symbols that he had painted under all the door mats around the property.
At first she had thought of them as quirky but one day after finding one carved into the hard wood floor of the guest house, she had to ask why and he had told her the whole story, including all the nasty, gory details, and she had believed him. She had trusted that what he told her was the truth. Anna would not however, let him dwell in self pity or guilt, even if he thought the world would be better off without him, she wouldn't take no for an answer.
Anna had sympathized with the injured young man who obviously carried a lot of self-hatred and had wondered why he was going through his recovery alone. Where was his family, why weren't they here to help him, why didn't he talk about them? All questions she had asked herself but each time she was about to ask him, he would get this look on his face, sadness so deep that it broke her heart. She thought of him as a lost soul, someone who desired redemption but thought the mountain of his sins was too high to climb. She made it her mission to show him that even if he had committed the most heinous of crimes, that he still deserved forgiveness and if, like he said, he had condemned the world to the apocalypse, then she, as part of the human race had forgiven him.
His answer to her was "One down, seven billion to go" for which she just smacked him at the back of the head and called him a "smart ass".
They joked together a lot and even though there was a good fifteen years between them, they had a lot in common. They both enjoyed doing the Sunday crossword, reading crime novels, watching the Discovery channel and they both had things from their past that had changed them. Things that had irrevocably made them into the guilt ridden, damaged survivors they were today.
Anna treated Sam like the mother he never had, or at least that he could remember. His father and brother never really talked about their mother. It hurt them too much, it brought up so many memories, all they would say was that she loved him and that she had died trying to save him. Sam also in turn helped heal Anna's heart, after the tragic circumstances of her son's death, Sam had helped fill a void in her life. She knew he could not replace her son but it helped to have someone to take care of, to redirect her grief and turn it into caring for the young, damaged man who now lived in her guest house.
He poured himself a cup of coffee, put in milk and sugar and stirred it, distracted by his thoughts. Sam's psychiatrist had asked him to think about his family and what his relationship was like with them for his session next today.
His relationship with his father was one of differing opinions, teenage rebellion and strict military rules, where as his relationship with his brother was one of adoration, friendship then guilt and betrayal. He knew that today wasn't going to be easy, there were some parts of his story that he had to keep hidden, he knew he had to talk to someone but if he told the whole truth, he would be locked up for good.
He took a sip of his coffee and walked slowly toward his dining table, putting the cup down, then pulling out a chair and sitting down with a groan. His leg was really aching today, his physical therapist would really have to concentrate on getting those muscles loosened today otherwise he would go another day with no more that 3 hours of solid sleep.
Finishing off his coffee and standing up with yet another groan, he grabbed his keys, wallet and his jacket and his gym bag, he made his way to the door, leaving a quick note for Anna, who would be doing his cleaning today, that he would be home after his therapy sessions.
He walked to his secondhand car, hopping into the drivers seat and stowed his cane on the passenger seat and drove slowly toward the clinic.
Twenty five minutes later saw a flushed Sam in the gym of his physical therapist, covered in a light layer of sweat, doing stretches, bends and light weights, working through the excruciating pain and finally swimming in the heated pool, which was by far his favourite form of exercise, even back in high school he had loved swimming and all the thinking you could do while doing laps. His shoulder and leg would move more freely through the water, so every chance he got, he would jump into the pool and the results, when he exercised his aching muscles in the heated water were amazing but once they cooled down again they would return and he would count down the days, hours, minutes until his next aqua therapy session.
His doctor had told him that he would never regain full use of his leg. He had more metal in it than bone as his injuries had been so severe when he was first rushed to the hospital and his shoulder had been pulled out of its socket and when it was put back into place it had pinched a nerve that could never be repaired.
Despite all the bad news, his doctor told him that with repeated therapy he could get 60 to 70% of normal movement back in both appendages, he had accepted the doctors challenge and vowed to do better. So far, it was slow going but as his father and brother had always told him, he was stubborn to a fault, so he wasn't going to give up.
An hour and forty five minutes later and he was dressed in clean clothes, freshly showered and sitting in his rather expensive therapists office waiting his turn to see her.
"Mr Campbell, the doctor will see you know" Sam stood up and grabbed his cane, then walked through the door, closing it behind him. He shook Dr Greeling's hand and took a seat on the patient's sofa facing her.
Once Sam was comfortable and had put his cane beside the couch the doctor smiled at him and said "How are you feeling today Sam?, you just had your physical therapy didn't you?"
"Yeah, that's right, Doctor, I just came from the gym, so unfortunately I may smell like menthol rub sorry." Sam says a little nervous as he usually was for the first 10 minutes of each session, even after attending therapy for nine of the last eleven months he still got nervous, like he was waiting for them to lock him up and throw away the key.
"It's fine Sam, I'm used to the smell, its not unpleasant... Know, did you do your homework as I asked you at our last session" She asked with a smile.
"I did, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my family lately" Sam says going over what his story was in his head quickly.
"Ok great so, what do you have to stay about them? Start with your Mother..."
Sam went on to tell the doctor about how he never knew his mother except from one old photograph and a few stories that he had heard his father and brother tell over the years, mostly when they were drunk and on the anniversary of his mothers death, so his mother was a vague mythical creature to him, someone he knew existed but had no evidence of in his heart.
His father however had been in one word ...strict, about everything and for most of his childhood he hadn't quite measure up. The fight about Stanford had been the turning point for both of them, and even though he was the one who had walked away, he had been the one who felt betrayed and abandoned, by his family.
To Sam his big brother was the pinnacle of all that was smart, strong, brave and the perfect soldier in not just their fathers war, but in practically everything he tried his hand at. Sam had looked up to him all his life, even now. But he could never match his skill or cunning. At every turn he had been a failure. But he didn't hold it against Dean, no, he loved him more and more, for his patience, his guidance and his love. But the shame of letting him down ate at him, had made him sick, so he did what he had too, leave.
The doctor listened to Sam tell his stories about his family, one by one, putting the pieces of the puzzle that is Sam Campbell together, to see the picture that was, this kind, smart, gentle, brave young man in front of her. She didn't quite understand why he had so much guilt on his shoulders but he did and she wanted to lighten his burden and today was going to be another step in that direction.
When Sam had finished talking the doctor spoke "Sam, I want to ask you something and I want you to answer with the first word that comes into your head. What would you say, if your brother walked through that door right now?"
She watched all the emotions cross Sam's handsome face, he glanced at the door, almost waiting for him to walk through the door, before he answered. "I would say I was sorry"
The doctor was not surprised by his answer but she was hoping for something more. "What would you do, would you sit down and talk to him or would you want to escape?"
Sam looked at his hands, blinking his eyes, finally he looked her in the eye and said "I would probably want to run away as fast as I could, but I think what I would actually do is talk to him, I would want to know how he was doing, and what his life has been like. But I know that afterwards when we were done talking, we would go back to our corners and stay there. We can't be happy together Doctor, all I seem to do is let him down, make the wrong choices. ...No, he doesn't need me to mess anything else up." Sam says eyes welling up but no tears fell, he had vowed not to cry about it anymore. His brother had chosen not to have him in his life and he would respect that.
"Would you also tell him about your injuries, how you came to be in that hospital?" The Doctor asked, watching his face.
"No, Dean doesn't need to know about that, it was because of me anyway, my bad choices, that those men came after me. He does not need to deal with me and my problems" Sam answered, his emotions rearing up unexpectedly.
"We are better off apart." Finally a single tear ran down his cheek, he wiped if away quickly, cleared his throat and looked out the window.
TBC