Disclaimer: I do not own Third Watch or any of the characters used in this chapter.
"Kim?" Alex pounded on the door of her friend's apartment. "Kim, open up! Please!" She tried not to let the panic she was feeling show in her voice as thousands of thoughts flew through her head, none of them reassuring. She'd seen Kim leave the station after forgetting to pick up her son; she'd seen the dead, desperate look in those normally bright green eyes. She'd tried calling multiple times and she knew Kim would have been home for a while now. 'Maybe she's gone out,' Alex told herself but as soon as she said it she knew it couldn't be right; Kim hadn't gone out since Bobby died.
"Kim!" She grabbed the handle and was surprised when she felt it give and turn. The door opened and Alex stood there a moment before coming back to life. "Kim? Kim where are you?" She stepped inside, closing the door behind her. The click of the door closing seemed so loud in the stillness of the apartment. "Kim?" She tried again, her voice soft. When there was no answer she moved forwards into the living room. She didn't hear it at first; in fact she almost didn't hear the soft clink of a glass and the small sob that followed it.
Kim Zambrano sat fully clothed in the tub her knees curled up to her chest. Her mind raced around endlessly in circles that never seemed to stop. She couldn't make them stop; all she had wanted to do was sleep but it wouldn't happen. Jimmy didn't understand; the one man she had left in her life didn't understand. But then again, she reasoned, how could he? I forgot about my own son.
She was so lost in these thought that she didn't hear the pounding on her door or Alex's frantic voice. She sighed, the ache in her chest growing. The pain wouldn't go away, it had been there since Bobby died, a constant dull pain gnawing at her stomach, squeezing at her heart. How could she have let it happen? She shook her head and studied the bottle she held in her hands; reading the prescription carefully, though she already knew what it said. With trembling hands she put it on the edge of the tub and reached for the crystal wine glass, remembering when she'd gotten it at her wedding as she stared at the dark red wine in it. She took a small sip as if testing it and set it on the edge of the tub. For a moment she stared at her trembling hands, fascinated by their relentless trembling that she could do nothing to stop. Her chest tightened and suddenly she was dizzy. A soft sob escaped her throat as she read that bottle one more time, shaking its entire contents out into her hand, counting every single capsule, already knowing that there were exactly 20. It was more than enough, she knew, she'd seen the results man times, had been the one frantically trying to revive those who hadn't wanted to live. She picked up the wine in her other hand; it was time.
"Kim!" Alex's voice rose to an unnaturally high pitch as she stared at the scene in front of her. Kim froze, her hands beginning to shake so badly that some of the wine splashed from the glass, leaving a deep red stain on her shirt. She couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. She thought she must have been imagining Alex for a moment until she felt the glass being taken from her hands and then the pills. Still she didn't move, a roaring sound filling her head as her body screamed for air.
"Kim?" Alex's voice was soft now, gentle. For the first time, Kim moved, her eyes meeting Alex's gaze for a moment. A raw sob escaped from her throat and Kim bent over at the waist as she began to cry in earnest, every sob robbing her lungs of air.
Alex stood motionless for a moment watching as Kim began to shake. Then the moment was over and she knelt next to the tub and whispered softly, "Oh Kim…I didn't realize…" She closed her mouth unsure of how to say what she was thinking and instead put a hand on Kim's back. Instinctively she reached her other hand into her pocked for her cell phone.