Letter Home
You're the only girl that
I have ever wanted
Every other girl is trying to be you
My mama says that I should write you letters
[…]
Take my hand, you'll like it
You don't even have to call
Take my hand
You don't even have to call
[…]
You're somewhere out there after all
You're all I ever wanted
You're all I ever wanted
You're all I ever wanted
Letter Home – Childish Gambino
"Here, take him."
"Shepard?"
Bewilderment and pain crackled through Garrus' sub-harmonics, voice weaker than Shepard was used to hearing it, his eyes locking with hers instantly. Hazel-green bore into his crystal blue eyes, her voice striking like lightning through his battered body. Tali wrapped her arm tightly around Garrus, neither of her oldest friends looking away from the other, the full weight of the armored Turian falling on the smaller Quarian.
"You gotta get out of here", Ameenah cracked, her voice strained, throat knotted with tears she dare not allow surface.
Garrus' brow plates furrowed even deeper, gaze growing even more intense. The emotions rocketing between the two of them was thick. Pain, refusal, love, defeat.
"And you've gotta be kidding me", Garrus retorted back, pain taking a backseat to indignation.
He would not leave her to face this alone. This was the final push and she needed him, dammit. He was not going to leave her six unwatched. He was not going to allow her to succumb to any kind of danger if he, himself, was not there. Her eyes implored for his acceptance, refusing to give any ground for him to come but praying he could understand her reasoning.
"Don't argue Garrus", she replied; voice rough, body shifting ever so slightly towards him. Her gaze intensified. She was shutting down any other option than following her orders, trying to pull her Commander mask back into place. He could see through it though, the orders, the lack of callousness, she couldn't shut him out. Not now.
"We're in this till the end", Garrus stated, his resolve weakening. The anger was beginning to weaken, dozens upon dozens of words and feelings being exchanged between their locked eyes
Shepard could feel the tell-tale pinpricks of tears trying to escape, eyes glazing in unshed tears. She began to close the space between the two of them.
"No matter what happens here", she uttered, closing the gap between the both of them. She stops a step away from taking him in her arms, not wanting to completely lose it. "You know I love you. I always will."
Her hand came up and rested lightly upon Garrus' right mandible, fingertips gently running over the healed scars upon his face. Her thumb gently ran underneath his eye, her body lingering as the dual tone of his voice rushed through her.
"Shepard", Garrus breathed out softly, knowing that this was not a battle he was going to win. "I…"
A pre-emptive heart break filled his chest, choking his voice, turning into her gentle touch, swallowing a keen of anguish that threatened to erupt from his throat. His hand rose and gently wrapped around her wrist, stealing a few more seconds for himself. Memorizing every inch of her face, the touch of her hand, the look in her eyes. Her round, almost childlike face was covered in dirt and blood; her normally tan-bronze skin stained shades of black and gray and crimson. Her plump bottom lip was pulled into her mouth, between her teeth, taking relentless abuse as she savored what felt like the last moments. Her large, cat-like eyes were shimmering, he could see the unshed tears just waiting. He memorized each and every detail, committing it, swearing that if she didn't return the same way she left, that he would hold himself accountable. That he would completely blame himself for anything that befell her. Her heart ached and she couldn't help but concede, knowing this was the only way he wouldn't charge after her. Agree to these terms; let him have some upper hand in this. She agreed silently, a tear escaping and falling down her soot covered, bronze cheek.
"Love you too", he completed, his three fingers tightening slightly around her wrist as he watched her begin to withdraw. His hand reached for her as she was suddenly out of his grasp, their eyes still locked upon one another. His told her to come back, hers promised that she would try her damnedest. For they both knew, there was no Shepard without Vakarian.
The sounds of an approaching Reaper finally tore Ameenah's eyes away from Garrus'. Too much time, she had wasted too much time. She couldn't wait any longer; if she didn't send them away she risked the lives of the whole Normandy crew. Backing down the ramp, she quickly turned and looked over her shoulder, quickly pointing up the ramp.
"Go", she screamed, quickly from Garrus and to Tali, the Quarian who had grown into her sister. Silently she told her that she demanded that they both make it out of this war alive. Tali nodded quickly as Garrus' arm dropped, Shepard turning her back on them and taking back off towards the beam that would take her to the Citadel.
Tali and Garrus watched her double time through enemy fire, the ramp slowly beginning to rise, as fellow soldiers on board returned fire on the approaching husks. Garrus watched in a dazed stupor as the love of his life ran towards the only thing that could save the galaxy. He knew what she was thinking. The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few, that this was needed if any of them could even think of having a future. She was more than able-bodied. She was an N7 soldier, a Spectre, elite of elites among all soldiers. Still Ameenah wasn't just a soldier, wasn't just the future savior of the universe. To him, she was the woman, the beautiful woman that he would one day make his mate, the one who made every fucked up thing is this universe make sense, the one who he could find home in no matter what. And he had let her go. What kind of Turian was he?
A low groan snapped him out of his stupor, his head slowly turning to look down at the smaller Quarian who was supporting his weight while looking like she was going to collapse under her own. His eyes swept over her, seeing cuts and gashes covering her body, obvious breaches in her suit. Garrus' brow plates rose in surprise, finding himself on the slowest elevator ride up to the second deck. He pushed his body off of hers, leaning back into the corner of the elevator and looking his fellow dextro-based friend over. Without holding him up, her body slumped slightly into itself, trying to keep upright.
'Dammit', Garrus cursed, a sudden influx of pain surging through his body.
"Tali", Garrus murmured, voice coming out strained, Tali turning her head weakly to look at him. Garrus' hand came up, lightly hitting the side of his visor. Although it had been showing run errors, pressing a few buttons weakly, Tali's vitals flashing for a few moments before disappearing. Fever, several infections gaining strength, her suit trying to re-seal itself. Honestly, the only thing that was keeping her upright was the fact that every few seconds or so, medi-gel would rush over her body trying to quell the fever and infection. "Can't this thing move any faster?"
As if hearing his demand, the elevator stopped on the second floor and opened to pure chaos. The men and women who were not on the ground or making sure the ship stayed in the air were currently assisting their fellow soldiers. Non-life threatening injuries were being treated with medi-gel in the dining hall; quick stitches, head wounds, lacerations that pulled people out of the field but were not going to kill them. Those facing the worst of the worst were in the medbay with Chakwas and Glyph. Glyph flitted about the room, stabilizing vitals by manipulating the automated medical tables while Chakwas tended to patients personally.
"In the elevator", a non-essential engineer called, pointing two of his fellow 'medical' staff to the two aliens that were losing consciousness. The three men ran to the elevator, one coming in and quickly scooping Tali into his arms before making room for the other two men to grab the collapsing Turian. Garrus felt two sets of hands grab him on either side, two arms wrapping around his waist, leading him towards the medbay. Garrus' eyes closed, consciousness slipping from him momentarily.
"-lyph set up the sterilization!"
Chakwas' voice filtered through Garrus' haze, his head tilting to the side and staring at the projected screen that covered his body. He could feel the copious amounts of medigel currently running through his system, his mind sluggish from the quantity. He tried to follow the hologram listing off his injuries, only catching glimpses of a few, mind too numbed to keep up with the constant scroll. Cracked carapace, cracked right spur, several fractured ribs. Garrus' eyes slipped closed again, a soft growl forming in his subvocals. How could he be so weak? He left her, he left her to do this alone.
She had Anderson, and while he respected him, he didn't know how she moved on the battlefield. Someone else wouldn't know that she became impulsive. To someone who hadn't watched her dance methodically across the battlefield, her moves would come off as erratic and unable to follow. He knew that pattern, her dance steps, the only time she let that rhythm show. He knew when he needed to shoot, when he needed to pause and when he needed to tell her to get her ass down. Anderson may have seen her battle style three years ago, before she had lost her life, before she had found new powers for her to exploit as a Vanguard. Before she could zip across the field in a blaze of blue biotics and practically take down a krogan. Before she became eerily proficient in both a sniper rifle and a assault rifle, switching between long-range and short in mere moments. That was his job to know, his responsibility. That was his mate...well was going to be when he finally got the nerve. That wasn't important though, that was his obligation to her, his promise to her. A soft keen unconsciously left him, anesthetic and medi-gel finally pulling him all the way under.
"You falling asleep on me Vakarian?"
Shepard's voice was warm against his soft, leathery skin, sending shivers spiraling through him. Garrus' eyes quickly fluttered open, light flooding the dark and making spots swim in his vision before they focused. Shepard was snug against his chest, arms wrapped loosely around his neck, her face pressed into the side of his neck and cowl. He could feel her hips pressed flush into his, her thighs over his hip bones, her ass pressing into his plates. Any other time and this position would have been a sure way to loosen his plates, but shock was sobering.
Garrus' eyes quickly swept over the room, not moving for fear of breaking the illusion. They were back in her cabin on the Normandy. Her under suits and paperwork, notes and weapons mods were scattered about in her organized chaos. His items were tucked politely to one corner of her room, as he always left them. She teased that it's because he was going to try and leave at a moments notice, but he always reassured her that she was 'so fortunately' stuck with his grand presence. How long had he been here? This could have any number of times in the last few weeks, an end to their night.
Ameenah hummed softly against his throat, nuzzling softly and planting a gentle kiss where she just spoke. Affectionate, warm, possibly erotic but for now she was simply basking in his glow. Her hair was completely out, freshly washed, the normally tight curls of what she called an 'afro' were loose, waves and curls of umber and light brown hanging to the middle of her back. This was the time that she'd normally run her fingers through it to completely 'detangle' it then French braid it. At times she'd let him do it when he was in the mood for grooming her. His hand slowly rose from the small of her back and slowly ran through her hair. He could feel the dampness lightly wet his fingers, the hair pull straight then spring back in a nest full of curls. Her clean scent intensified, the smell of that standard issue shampoo and a perfume, jasmine and vanilla he had been told. Spirits, this was real. Was he hallucinating? Was that run to the beam just a dream? Had he been in a coma and woke up with her back? No, that last one wouldn't make any sense. Shaking his head slowly, he tilted his head a little more down, mandible slacking slightly before he found his voice.
"M-Meena", Garrus choked out, his voice squeaking and coming out as a slight squawk.
"Hm", Ameenah hummed softly, tilting her head up and staring into his eyes.
He looked at her completely dumbfounded, hazel eyes blinking lazily, slowly, a smile spreading across her full lips. Her eyebrow slowly began to furrow, staring up at his troubled expression, hand reaching out to gently touch his left, scarred mandible.
"Garrus", Ameenah questioned, hand gently running over his mandible. "What's wrong? Nightmares?"
Garrus shook his head numbly, her touch send tendrils of warmth completely through him, his hand slowly raising to cover hers. It enveloped hers, a soft keen breaking rising in his subvocals, Garrus turning his head slowly and pressing his lip plates against her hand. Concern filled her eyes but she knew he needed this, her hand slowly rising and stroking the back of his neck. A soft purr of contentment left his throat, doubt quieting the enjoyment and fear swallowing the comfort it should have been bringing.
"Garrus…"
Ameenah's voice trailed as she watched Garrus' head raise, staring her in the eyes again, his hand still holding to hers tight.
"You know I love you, right?" she asked softly, her cheeks flushing slightly.
"I-I love you too Ame", Garrus choked out, dipping his head and pressing his forehead against hers desperately. He nuzzled against her, soft, quiet keens praying that this was real.
"It's going to be alright", Ameenah murmured softly, nuzzling against him gently before stilling. "That's why you're going to have to get better, okay?"
Garrus pulled up, staring at her, bewilderment slowly rising into his eyes.
"What do y-"
Shepard quickly cut him off, shaking her head, tears brimming in her eyes.
"You need to get better okay", she asked, locking eyes with him, tears escaping. "I need you to be there when I get back, alright? Remember, no Shepard without Vakarian."
"Shep no-"
Garrus was suddenly thrown from the oasis of the dream and back to the med-bay. Slowly sitting up, Garrus groaned softly, the fractured rib a bruise now, the heavy bone weave and medi-gel doing their job. Resting on his forearms, Garrus looked around the med-bay to see Chakwas running from patient to patient, making sure their systems were still up and running.
Chakwas pausing for a moment to look at her Turian patient, sympathy in her eyes, silent understanding transferring from one person to the other. The sterilization process for Tali's holo-gurny beeped, her fever on the verge of breaking, only the tougher infections remaining. Looking down at herself, Garrus could see that Chakwas hadn't tried to take his armor off. Garrus kicked his legs over the edge of the medical table. The dull thunk of metal armor on the metal floor echoed through the med-bay, Chakwas looking over and giving a nod of approval. She knew there was no way, short of severely sedating the Turian, that was going to keep him away from at least witnessing what was happening in battle.
Garrus moved in auto-pilot, navigating between the men and women whose wounds were being patched and healed and those who needed time to recuperate before they could resume their stations. Nodding briefly at several of them, Garrus couldn't really focus on any of the faces. His mind was on Shepard. Had she and Anderson made it to Citadel controls yet? How much resistance had they faced when they arrived on the Citadel? Was she hurt? Garrus' head snapped up as the doors of the elevator opened onto the second floor. Pure chaos awaited him, men and women rushing around consoles, sending coordinates of attack, and firing attacks themselves. Garrus rushed through the War Room to CIC, stopping in front of the Galaxy Map as an announcement rang through the entirety of the ship.
"All fleets, the Crucible has been armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point."
Garrus took a few more steps before stopping in front of the door for the decon room, watching as Traynor and Liara tried to get through to Joker. Jokers hands continued to fly over the keyboard, EDI's hands and his in synch.
"I repeat, disengage and get the hell out of here."
Liara approached again and laid her hand lightly on Joker's shoulders, head drooping slightly, sorrow filling her voice.
"Joker...we've got to go."
Joker stared at the screen, no contact from Shepard through the coms, the computer constantly reading errors as it tried to connect to their commander.
"Dammit…"
Joker's hands moved from the screen, not quite dropping into his lap, head looking down into his lap, sparing a glance over at EDI. Her lips were drawn into a thin line, a range of emotions playing over her face. Turning back to the screen, Joker lightly typed against the holo interface and swept it aside, turning the ship around and setting course for the rendezvous point.
"No…"
Garrus' voice came out weakly, staring through the window of the ship and watching them pull away from the Crucible.
"We can't just leave Shepard there", Garrus murmured, finding himself to speak an louder. "Joker, this isn't the time for your dramatics. Turn around and go get her."
There was a strong ferocity in his tone, voice never growing in volume as he suddenly found the strength to walk forward. Samantha placed a hand on his shoulder yet lightly pressed by the comm specialist. She wasn't his target. Liara stepped directly in front of Garrus, their close rapport easily revealing what his actions were going to be.
"Garrus I'm sorry", Liara began, lightly placing her hand against his armored chest. "But we need to go."
Joker continued to navigate the ship, slowly, his body looking as if it had wilted, pain visible in his every movement.
"Sorry", a bitter shadow of a chuckle slipped from his mouth. "Sorry is not going to cut it. She just saved all our asses and we fucking owe it to her to save hers! She died when she went back to save you, I'll be damned if we don't do the same fucking thing!"
"Garrus stop", Liara yelled, her face twisted into pain, tears running down her face. Silence slowly enveloped them, painful breathing and subvocals of pain echoing through the cockpit. The emotions in the room were palatable yet all similar. Absolute misery over the fact that they were leaving a comrade, a friend behind. Guilt at the fact they they felt like there was nothing they could do, that there were turning tail on her. Anger at the fact that this was hopeless, absolutely hopeless. And yet, there was a small bit of hope lingering in the very back of their minds. Hope that she was alive, a fool's paradise, but still something they couldn't let go of.
Joker's hands began to fly across the screen, watching as the Normandy sped through the field of the relay. Red light began to slowly grow in brightness as the beam from the Crucible grew closer to them, licking hungrily at their tails as they tried to outrun the light. Suddenly the light was upon them as the relay put them at the rendezvous point, the Normandy coming out but not slowing upon arrival.
"Shit", Joker cursed softly, his body stiffening as a message popped up on the screen.
'Artificial Intelligence automated piloting is down.'
The words flashed repeatedly, Joker's head snapping over to look at the passenger's seat next to him, EDI's platform frozen, hands still held up, still in mid-action. Joker's eyes widened, another curse of 'shit' leaving his lips as he quickly turned his head back to the holo-screen and navigated the Normandy through the numerous ships that had arrived at the rendezvous point. Joker's hands flew, overriding EDI's primary initiative of controlling the ship being down causing systems that she ran exclusively to suddenly be unmanned. Taking control ticked away at precious time, watching as they sped closer and closer to Terra Nova.
"Brace for impact", Joker yelled through the comm's on the ship, voice strained as the ship gradually began to lose speed as it entered the environment.
They were north, far north, a planet of green and blue beginning to turn into more detailed images of water and plants, Joker's hands moving faster and faster as the Normandy approached the earth. The ship crashed into the ground, bouncing and skidding on wooded terrain before sliding to a halt. Liara slowly released Joker's chair, her death grip having been the only thing to keep her standing. Samantha had crashed into Garrus, the two having been pushed back against one of the consoles right outside the cockpit. Joker's seat had absorbed most of the shock of the crash, his hands slowing before completely dropping from his console. Looking over at EDI, a pained expression crossed his face before he pushed away from the console and as quickly as he could stood. Walking past a stunned Liara and Traynor, he headed toward the exit, his hand ghosting over the console. The hiss of the airlock releasing, stairs dropping brought Garrus out of his stupor. His mandible clamped tightly shut against his face, chagrin over his actions suddenly hitting him like a ton of rocks. Garrus watched as Joker gently climbed down the steps of the Normandy, hand rising to black the sun from his eyes. Carefully, Garrus followed after him, looking out over the environment that greeted them both. They had landed in the middle of the forest, giving them a perfect view of the entire area. More trees made of vines and leaves and water and foliage and mountains. Stopping next to Joker, the two exchanged a look, an apology, a mutual pain at what had be said, what had happened. Turning again, Garrus and Joker stared ahead, accepting the fact that they had no idea what was going to happen next.