Hey y'all! I found this story in my email drafts, (I have fan-fictions saved EVERYWHERE!) and I wanted to go and begin posting it, even though it isn't completed yet. I do have multiple chapters written, so I'll probably post most of them soon. I came up with this idea from watching SAINW for the billionth time this summer, and wondered where Donatello could have been. So that's where I got this idea, of course. My good friend DomLocked and I sort of tossed ideas back and forth, so that's when I started writing this. I will change the POV from 1st to 3rd multiple times. If you have any questions, concerns, criticism, just leave a review! If you have an idea or just something I could try to incorporate, leave it in a review! (No promises of putting it in though! Sorry!) I don't own any teenage mutant ninja turtles, just my OC, Bliss! Enjoy!

Title: Happiness is Bliss
Chapter 1

SAINW Michelangelo's POV-

Thirty years ago, my older brother Donatello disappeared. He left us, his family, behind to fend for ourselves as an incomplete and broken team. No one knew why, no one knows whatever happened to him. To be honest, I don't think I want to know. That IDIOT just ups and leaves us, for a reason even LEO, the all-knowing and perfect turtle, didn't know of, and doesn't show his sorry shell for thirty years? Yeah, he can keep it to himself.

Thirty years ago, without the glue that held us all together, our team, and our family shattered. Splinter died, protecting us with his last burst of adrenaline from Shredder as Karai and her legions destroyed our home. Without his sacrifice, none of us would be alive today. But that doesn't make me feel any better about it; why couldn't I have died in his place? I don't deserve it.

Thirty years ago, Casey Jones, Raph's best friend, was murdered. Raph went crazy that night, beating up anyone and everyone in his way. He left for two weeks; and after, he never was the same. Who else would take him to go beat the shell out of some purple dragons? Who else would he watch wrestling with every Friday night? Who else would go out riding their bikes around the city, probably running over dogs and knocking down street lights?

I would have, but he didn't want to go with me. That was his and Casey's paradise, their favorite pastime to do, just the two of them.

Thirty years ago, there was one final fight. Leo snapped, and Raph was quick to follow. Harsh words that never would be resolved were hissed through clenched teeth, punches and kicks were thrown as they tried to best the other. I tried to stop it, but no matter what I said, they never listened.

All I can say is that it was one shell of a fight.

I begged Raph to stay. He packed up his bags and left that night, not saying one final word to me. He left me alone with Leo, who was just as battered and bruised as the one he inflicted damage on himself. I was kinda surprised Raph managed to make it out; Leo had beaten up Raph far more than ever before. That night, as I tended to Leo's wounds, Leo swore he would always stay with me. He promised he would never leave me alone.

The liar. The next morning he was gone too, and I was left alone for thirty years.

Have you any idea how hard it is to carry on? A brother, someone you have laughed with, cried with, hurt with, gone, just like that. A father, the one who kissed your knee when you fell off your skateboard, the one you ran to when you had a bad dream, the one who would sacrifice anything for his child, was gone in one final battle against the Shredder. Your heroes, the ones you idolize for their strength, for their bravery, for their love, all gone.

My family. All gone.

I still saw them occasionally. Leo would jump down to beat up the same group of Foot as me, and for a brief moment, it would be like old times, just minus two. April had become leader of the resistance against the Shredder, and occasionally I would stop by and help her. Okay, more than occasionally. I practically lived at the resistance base with April and Angel and the rest of the rebels.

Raphael and I ended up in the same bar once or twice, getting wasted and cursing life together. I can certainly say that wasn't like old times, but at least we were together. But every morning after, I'd be left with a hangover, and no older brother.

We all went through our changes. No more fun loving, happy go lucky me anymore. When you're all alone, what's the point of playing clown? Nobody's there to watch you. But I'm sure that the shadows would love a performance every once and a while. Even harder to play pranks, especially with one hand.

That's right, I said one hand. I ran into the Karaibots, out on the streets looking for the resistance. So of course, I attacked them. I was carrying out orders from April, who had earlier told me that whenever I saw anything related to Shredder to try and take them down.

Leo was with me that night; he had jumped down from the roof to help take them down. He was there as one of them got a lucky shot in, as my arm sliced off with one neat cut. He was there as I screamed and sobbed in utmost agony in the middle of the street. He was there as I tried to use my old worn ninja pads to help staunch the bleeding. He was there through the nightmares, through the hallucinations that Donny had returned home.

That was the worst. When I broke through the fevers and hallucinations, he was gone. As was Leo.

Leo had held me in his arms the entire time, but as soon as I was normal - as normal as you can be being a mutant turtle with one arm - he left.

And I grew bitter. Didn't he know I needed him? I needed ALL my brothers, I needed my family back. I couldn't do anything with one hand, much less fight anymore. So I pulled what Don and I would call a 'Leonardo.'

I trained. I trained night and day, day and night, day after day. I grew in my skills, making up for the lack of an arm. My skills would have rivaled Leo's, or at least the Leo back in the day.

See, I didn't need them anymore! Still don't. But who knows, maybe one of them would someday need me, and I wouldn't be there to help. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold.

Raph lost an eye. Leo became blind. Raph had been captured by Shredder, and he had Karai torture him for information everyday on the resistance and where we were.

Raph never gave in. He kept his head held high, he never screamed or broke. April said that Raph's imprisonment and torture went on for three months, and towards the end, Shredder took his eye. No anesthesia, no put to sleep. The Shredder carved out Raph's eye with his own blades.

But Raph never gave in.

After the resistance managed to break him out, Raph disappeared again. April said that his temper grew so much, it was a surprise he was still sane with all that hatred and anger. I hadn't seen him for years after that; almost ten years had passed before we met up in the bar again. That's how I learned how he lost his eye, and that Leo was now blind.

Drunken secrets were shared, and I learned that Leo had been beaten by the Purple Dragons. Yes, the Purple Dragons. The PDs and Bishop had allied up to take him down. Leo was fighting one day, and one of the gang members sprayed him right in the eyes with this special spray that would be guaranteed to burn and destroy your eyesight. He was blind in a matter of days.

I never found out why he wore that trench coat. I suppose he wore the glasses to prevent anyone from seeing his scarred, jacked up eyes. I certainly wouldn't want to see it, but who wants to see my stub of an arm, either? Leo never wore his blue mask again. Raph still wore his, but he had also crudely sewn up the spot where his eye was gone. I assume so no one would have to look into a soulless, black socket. Huh, Leo and Raph still have something in common after all those years.

I still visit the lair. Not often, but enough. Christmas, birthdays, just in remembrance. So many memories. Good, and bad, but it's still our home. It's still my home.

At times I would visit it in winter and discover the snow was brushed off; it seemed like I wasn't the only visitor our Sensei ever got. Once I even went and found incense sprinkled on top.

Leo was always one for the traditional Japanese customs.

But anyway, thirty years passed slowly and painfully. Thirty agonizing years full of grief and tragedy.

All because of Donatello.

SAINW Leonardo's POV-

I have to admit, being blind is awful. The agony as the spray tore into my eyes, ripping nerves. At first, I could still see everything fine. But it faded, and faded, and then I could no longer see color. I would rather still have no color than be blind like I am now.

I suppose it isn't as bad as having one arm. Whenever I check in on Mikey, he's always training. Training to make up for his loss of a nunchuck. Whatever happened to the fun loving turtle? Does he still have his comic books? Maybe he even plays video games, when he's alone. And now, he's always alone.

I think Raph got off the easiest. Just one eye? He can still see; he still has both arms. But his temper has grown so much; all he has left is hatred. Hatred for me. Hatred for Donny. Hatred for the Shredder. Hatred for the way our lives turned out.

And then there's Donny...

Sometimes I wonder why Donny left. He had to know that we loved him, that we cared for him. He was our brother and a part of our family. Why did he have to go?

Sometimes I wonder what he'd look like now. Would he look like us, war-hardened and battled scarred? Or would he barely have changed a bit. It's not like I could see him though, anyway.

Sometimes I wonder if he hadn't had left, what would things be like now? Would Mikey still have two arms? Would I be able to see? Would Splinter and Casey still be alive? Maybe Raph would still have both eyes. Maybe Mike wouldn't be as bitter and war-hardened as he is now. Shell, Raph might've even mellowed out some as we got older! That'd be the day!

Sometimes I wonder if we would have defeated the Shredder by now. We tried, oh, we tried. But three turtles, only three quarters of a team, we lost. We lost countless times, and because of it, we would lose people we cared about. Casey... Splinter…

Sometimes I wonder what I'd say to him, if I ever saw him in the past thirty years. Would I rejoice? Or would I turn my back on him, cold and untrusting after leaving us alone? What would we even talk about,

"Hey, these past thirty years without you have been the best?" I'm pretty sure I'd slap him, probably use quite a few choice words that are Raph's pride and joy. And knowing Don, he'd probably either say them back or take it calmly. Oh, Don. I miss you.

Would he know that everyone he loves is broken? That his father is dead, that his brothers are all handicapped? That April is old, that Casey is dead? Would he even care? Does he even care?

But there isn't any use of being wrapped up in 'what it's?' What's done is done; there isn't anything I can do to change that.

It's the same as it's always been.

But even when I wonder why Donny left, I have to imagine, what is his life like today? I have to imagine that he's still alive, that's he's happy. If he's happy, at least one of my little brothers is. It kills me to see them this way.

It's my entire fault.

I was the one who got into that fight with Raph. I was the one who left Mikey when he needed us most. I was the one who led us in failed attempt after failed attempt against Shredder.

It's my fault my family is broken, and there's nothing I can do about it.

And if I could just say one final thing to him, I would ask him, "Why?"

SAINW Raphael's POV -
I think I'm the lucky one. Well, lucky still in a sadistic kind of way. Fate is cruel; fate has always been cruel, especially with my family. But as I said, yeah, I'm the lucky one.

You see, I've seen good old Donny once in the past thirty years.

End of chapter 1! Yeah, I know I haven't written Bliss in yet, but I sort of wanted to try out the SAINW turtles' thoughts and feelings of those thirty years. I know Mikey's is the longest, but that's only because he just explains kind of what happened. And yes, Raph's will be longer; his is in the next chapter! I think that's all I have to say now; sorry my notes were kind of long, I wanted to have most everything explained! And I think it's pretty obvious this is/will be set in the 2003 series, so if any of you 2012 fans haven't watched Same As It Never Was yet, I suggest you do so!