I've always been interested in Anakin's descent to the Dark Side. It seems like too big a decision to be made in such a short time — even if it was the only way (supposedly) to save Padmé from dying. Which got me to thinking: did Anakin ever think about the possibility of turning to the Dark Side before Palpatine approached him? Was he aware of his actions and their implications? Was he supremely confident in his identity as the Chosen One, or did he ever have doubts? So when I saw this prompt, I couldn't resist the urge to let Ani do a little soul-searching. I'm a sucker for flawed heroes.
This was inspired by a prompt from Anidala Week 2014 over on Tumblr.
The Dark Side is getting stronger. Anakin can feel it growing every day, like a seed slowly spreading its poison throughout the galaxy. The Council is concerned; their foresight is becoming more and more clouded.
He tries to avoid thinking about it, throwing himself into each battle with increasing vigour. He focuses on teaching his Padawan, on leading his men, but it lingers in the back of his mind like a parasite.
Jedi control their emotions. Jedi don't lash out in rage. Jedi don't seek revenge. Jedi don't slaughter an entire tribe, innocent and guilty alike. Jedi don't secretly marry beautiful senators.
The Dark Side does not tempt Jedi.
And it doesn't tempt him, either. Dooku is just baiting him, trying to distract him in the hopes of gaining the upper hand. Anakin is the Chosen One. He's destined to save the galaxy and bring balance to the Force. He can't turn to the Dark Side. He won't.
Unable to sleep, Anakin rises. Padmé stirs beside him, but doesn't wake. All the better. She doesn't need to be burdened with this.
The night air is cool, the streets of Coruscant bustling with life. Anakin closes his eyes, searching for the inner calm Obi-Wan has so often spoken of, but all he can sense is the shadows pulling at him like the sweetest of temptations.
Come to us, they whisper. This is where you belong.
Anakin shakes his head. "No," he hisses, fists clenching. "I'm not. I'm the Chosen One."
Chosen for us. To restore our empire to its former glory.
"NO!"
"Ani?"
He turns guiltily to face his wife's concern. Her nightdress hangs from her frame like gossamer, silver and shimmering in the light. At times like these, he's still not convinced she isn't an angel from the moons of Iego.
"Are you all right?" Padmé asks gently.
"Fine," he mumbles, turning to face the street. "I didn't mean to wake you."
He feels her arms slip around his waist and closes his eyes, savouring her warmth.
"Was it another dream?"
He shakes his head. "No. Nothing like that."
Her lips press against his shoulder blade softly. "Then what is it?"
Anakin sighs. He doesn't want to talk about it, but she won't let it go. "I'm afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
Of losing you. Of dying. Of betraying the Order. Of failing. "I'm afraid I'll be tempted."
"Tempted?" Her tone is playful. "I am not enough for you?"
He grimaces. If only it were that simple. "By the Dark Side."
Padmé stiffens. "Don't be ridiculous."
Her scorn frustrates him. "I'm not the Jedi I should be!" he snaps, pulling away. "I've broken my vows by marrying you, I've slaughtered innocent people in the name of revenge, I've—" he breaks off, catching sight of her alarmed expression. "I can't control my anger," he whispers.
"Everyone makes mistakes, Ani. It doesn't mean you're evil, it means you're human," Padmé soothes, pulling him to her once more. "Our flaws make us stronger."
He wants to give in to her comfort but he can't shake the silken whisper in the back of his mind, always tempting. "But I should be able to control myself! I'm a Jedi!"
"No Jedi is perfect. The Code is an ideal to strive for, but I don't think anyone can uphold it all the time."
Anakin raises his eyebrows. His wife has always been very diplomatic when discussing the Order. "Not even Master Yoda?"
Padmé smiles. "Not even Master Yoda."
Still, he can't convince himself. "But I'm the Chosen One. I should be stronger than this."
"You're a very powerful Jedi. You're not a god," Padmé says sharply. "I know the Jedi believe in this prophecy," she adds softly, "but you can't let it dictate your life. You're whoever you want to be."
Anakin manages a grin. "So you don't think I'm the Chosen One?"
"You're my Ani," Padmé says with a smile, refusing to fall into his trap. "That's all that matters to me."
Anakin closes his eyes. This is why he married her. Not because of a need to sate some forbidden desire, not because he's falling to the Dark Side, but because she sees him. Not the Hero With No Fear, not the Chosen One, but Anakin, the boy from Tatooine with a knack for fixing things.
"You know how much I love you, right?" he asks, burying his face in her hair. It smells of blossoms.
She smiles. "Not as much as I love you."
He rolls his eyes. "Are we really going to start this now, Senator?"
Padmé blinks, the picture of innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about, General."
He laughs, bending to press his lips to hers. The kiss is slow and Anakin forces himself to savour it, trying to squash the desperation rising up inside him, the need to remind himself that he is good, that he won't fall to the darkness. When they pull apart, neither of them is laughing.
"Hey," Padmé says, catching sight of the inner conflict Anakin can't quite keep hidden. "Hey." Her dark eyes lock with his and he can't look away, no matter how much he might want to. He can't hide things from her nearly as well as he thinks he can.
"You're greatest enemy is yourself, Ani. Your doubts are more dangerous than any Sith lord." She reaches up to trace the scar bisecting his eye tenderly. "You're the greatest man I know. And the last one to ever fall to the Dark Side."
"Padmé—" One can never know who will fall victim to the darkness. No one thought Dooku would ever turn, and look at him now.
"Sith lords aren't capable of love, Ani. They're governed by hate." She smiles. "You'd make a terrible Sith."
"You don't think I'm capable of being evil?" He teases, but can't quite shake the little voice in the back of his mind reminding him of how all too capable he is.
Padmé shakes her head, smirking. "With all that love in your heart? You wouldn't last two minutes. You're too soft."
Anakin raises an eyebrow. "Too soft, am I? Well, we can't have that can we?"
She shrieks as he sweeps her off her feet and slings her over his shoulder. Her fists pound against his back, but he ignores them as he carries her back inside and throws her on the bed.
Padmé giggles helplessly as he pulls his tunic over his head. "Going to show me how tough you are, General?"
"Among other things," he growls, bending to capture her mouth with his.
Three days later, Anakin receives summons from the Temple. He and Ahsoka are travelling to the Bith system in an attempt to track down General Grievous.
Padmé watches him pack silently. Their conversation of several nights before seems to have been forgotten. Anakin wishes it were so easy to let it go. Wishes he had more faith in himself.
He's gathering his pack when she finally speaks.
"I love you, Ani. No matter what happens."
The look in her eyes tells him she hasn't forgotten their conversation either.
He smiles. "Even if I'm the worst Sith lord in the galaxy?"
She grins. "Especially then."
For the first time in months, he feels like himself again.
As long as he has her love, they cannot tempt him.