National Weigh-In Day
Gai certainly is one to be aware of all the random things of the world while seemingly forgetting about the more important. He has a calendar that explains to him, IN DETAIL, random holidays that people have never heard of. And, as one would have it, today was January 10th, which meant it was… THAT HOLIDAY.
"MERRY WEIGH-IN DAY!!!" cheered Gai as he slammed open the door of the secret jounin hide out place.
Everyone was used to this since Gai screamed something outrageous every morning so they all tried to ignore him the best they could. Gai, of course, wouldn't be ignored for long! He frolicked on over to Asuma, Kakashi and Kurenai who were currently attempting to slip out the back before they got caught being seen with Gai on one of his stranger days, but it was far too late for them. No one can outrun Gai, especially when he has a superb idea planned.
"Merry Weigh-In Day, friends!" Gai said.
"Uh… Merry Weigh-In Day." They said, hoping to shut him up.
"I'll have you know that I stand at a proud six feet tall and weigh one hundred and sixty eight pounds!" Gai announced, loud enough for everyone to hear.
"That's great Gai." Said Asuma. "We're so happy for you."
Gai gasped. "Don't tell me!" he said. "You don't know the purpose of National Weigh-In Day!!"
"Fine, we won't tell you that." Kakashi said, rolling his eyes.
"It's SO important!" Gai said. "It's the day in which you measure your height and weight and find out whether or not you're at a healthy weight for your height and if you're NOT, you must strive to become so!!"
"I had no idea." Said Kurenai with a sigh.
"I was just about to take this scale and this measuring device to MY students and impose my ridiculous celebratory ritual on them as well!" Gai said, whipping out the mentioned tools. "Anyone interested in figuring out whether or not your students are in tip top condition?"
Kurenai, Asuma and Kakashi looked at each other and shrugged. It's not like they were doing anything ELSE today… January 10th. National Weigh-In Day.
It took approximately thirty-six minutes and forty-five and a half seconds to round up all twelve students.
"All right!" said Gai after explaining the meaning and importance of National Weigh-In Day to everyone again. "Since it was my idea, my students get to go first!"
"I refuse to announce my weight to everyone else!" Tenten declared.
But she eventually gave into peer pressure thanks to a few threats on her life as she trudged forward to do her crazy teacher's bidding.
"Let's see…" Gai mumbled. "Tenten comes in at five feet and one inches and a WHOPPING ninety-three pounds!"
"I'd prefer if you didn't use that adjective to describe my weight!" Tenten complained, turning red.
"That's FAR too skinny!" Gai said, looking mad as he whipped out a chart that told him averages. "You must gain weight if you wish to be a healthy ninja! You're hardly in the 25 percentile range!"
Tenten ran back to the group where she could be protected from the harsh reality.
"Gai, I think you should be a little gentler…" Kurenai whispered.
"NONSENSE!!!" Gai yelled. "LEE!! Your turn! You must make me proud!"
"YES GAI!!" screamed Lee as he sprinted over to Gai.
Gai took a moment to measure Lee in every which way and then look over his chart.
"How pleasing!" Gai said finally. "Lee, you are one hundred and three pounds and you stand at five feet and two inches! You are in the 50 percentile range!"
"YAY!!" cheered Lee. "It's ALL muscle!"
"You are healthy, Lee!" Gai said. "Neji! Your turn!"
Neji was about to open his mouth in protest but then Kakashi leaned over to Gai.
"I looked underneath the underneath and I had a feeling he'd protest just for the sake of protesting so while he wasn't paying attention, I took down his height and weight." He said.
Neji looked down to see that he was standing on a scale. He only sort of had that "WTF?" expression on for a moment as Kakashi relayed the information on to Gai.
"Neji, this is very disappointing!" Gai exclaimed. "You are an inch taller than Lee, yet you are two pounds lighter than he is! That puts you in the VERY LOW 25 percentile range!! THAT IS UNHEALTHY!!!"
"Um." Said Neji. He didn't really know how else to react to that. He had never considered himself to be unhealthy before and it's doubtful he'd do anything proactive about it considering it was GAI giving him this advice and we all know how often Neji listens to Gai.
"I will now pass my charts and weighing implements over to my rival, Kakashi!" said Gai. "I'll have you know that we are currently competing over who has the healthiest students and I am so far unsatisfied that I have one student in the high 25, one student in the low 25 and only ONE healthy student!"
"Where are you getting these percentages?" Shikamaru questioned.
"SILENCE!" bellowed Gai.
"All right… who's first?" Kakashi asked his three students.
"ME!!" shouted Naruto as he sprinted forth.
Kakashi did some calculations in his head and then looked over the chart. "Congratulations, Naruto." He said. "Standing at four foot nine and eighty-eight pounds, according to this chart, you are healthy."
"YES!" cheered Naruto. "SCORE!"
"Sasuke?" Kakashi beckoned.
Sasuke figured that if he just did it then he'd be done with it and then he could go back to training and eventually kill Itachi. So he wasn't going to stall anymore.
"Four feet eleven inches…" Kakashi said. "Ninety-three pounds…"
Kakashi looked at the chart.
"You are healthy as well." Kakashi said.
"NOOOO!!" yelled Gai, dropping to his knees. "Kakashi has TWO perfectly healthy students while two of mine are unhealthy, one of which is DRASTICALLY withering away into nothing!!"
"I hope he's not talking about me." Said Neji, mostly to himself.
"I think he is." Lee said since he's under the impression that he belongs in every conversation.
"And finally…" Kakashi said, gesturing for Sakura to come forth. Sakura was determined to have a good impressive weight for Sasuke to admire but also be healthy. "Sakura…four feet and ten inches… seventy-eight pounds…"
Gai leaned over Kakashi's shoulder.
"FAITH!" he exclaimed. "You're almost as unhealthy as Neji!!"
"What?!" Sakura gasped.
"You need to gain at least fifteen pounds to be healthy." Kakashi said.
Sakura almost fainted.
"As for me…" Kakashi said, stepping on the scale himself. "One hundred and forty nine pounds… five feet and eleven inches…Well, I'm ALMOST in the fifty percentile range."
"HA!" laughed Gai. "I AM in there! So that means our teams are officially equal since you and Sakura are unhealthy compared to my Tenten and Neji! And I also get another win over you because I'm healthier! The score is now 51 to 52!!"
"Am I at 52?" Kakashi asked.
"NO, I AM!!!" Gai yelled, throwing a temper tantrum.
"ANYWAY!" said Kurenai, taking the charts away from Kakashi. "Now it's time for my team! Any takers to go first? Hinata?"
"Oh…um…okay…" Hinata said nervously as she stepped on the scale.
"Four feet, ten inches." Kurenai said. "Eighty-four pounds." Hinata blushed. "Don't worry about it, Hinata! If you gain another five pounds or so, you'll be perfectly healthy!"
"Oh—" Hinata stuttered as she stepped off the scale.
"Yay!" cheered Kiba. "Congratulations Hinata!"
"Um…thanks…" Hinata said.
Kiba put Akamaru down and decided that it was now his turn.
"All right, Kiba." Said Kurenai. "Four feet and eleven inches…"
"No way!" said Kiba. "I am DEFINITELY five feet tall."
Kurenai double-checked. "No…you're an inch shy."
"That's not right!" Kiba argued. Akamaru barked at him. "What do YOU know, Akamaru?!"
"Anyway…" Kurenai cleared her throat. "Ninety-five pounds. Kiba, you're in fine condition. The fifty percentile."
"Go me!" cheered Kiba as he hopped off the scale. "Shino, it's your turn!"
Shino had a similar thought process as Sasuke, except without that whole killing Itachi thing. It was actually just his plots to defeat Kankuro for so shamelessly dropping out of the tournament in the Chuunin Exam. So he stepped on the scale without any comment. What a surprise!
"Shino, you are five feet and two inches." Kurenai reported. "One hundred and one pounds! And you, like Kiba, are perfectly healthy! Keep up the good work!"
"Damn you, Kurenai!" said Gai. "You have such healthy and so very youthful students!"
"Let's see just how healthy YOU are though!" said Asuma.
"I'm not telling any of you my weight!" said Kurenai as she grabbed the scale and ran into the secluded part of wherever they were. She returned a few moments later after checking. "I'm five feet and seven inches… X pounds. And I'll have you know that I am perfectly healthy as well!"
"How do we know you're not lying?" said Gai.
"I'm not." Said Kurenai with a scoff.
"We'll just have to take her word for it." sighed Asuma, taking the charts. "Next is MY team! Shikamaru, you're first!"
"This is the most troublesome thing you have ever made us do, Asuma." Shikamaru said.
"Oh I know, Shikamaru." Said Asuma. "But it'll all be over soon."
Shikamaru stepped on the scale and Asuma took a look.
"Four feet and eleven inches." He said. "Ninety-three pounds. Shikamaru, I am SO proud of you! You are in the 50 percentile!"
"Hoo-rah." Said Shikamaru.
"Ino, your turn!" Asuma ordered.
Ino half wanted to weigh less than Sakura, but she didn't want to be ridiculed for being unhealthy. She had seen the way Sasuke's eyes flared when it had been announced that Sakura was so unhealthy.
She stepped on the scale, not knowing what she wanted.
"Four feet, eleven inches and eighty four pounds." Asuma said. "Ino, you must gain seven to ten pounds in order to be healthy!"
Ino hung her head in shame.
"Have ANY of the girls been healthy yet?!" demanded Gai. "The girls and… NEJI! Neji, you dishonor me!"
"One more!" said Asuma, looking annoyed that Gai kept interrupting. "Chouji?"
Chouji sighed. He stepped on the scale, feeling a little embarrassed as Asuma looked up the weight on the chart.
"One hundred and thirty-seven pounds for four feet and eleven inches…" Asuma said under his breath. Then his face lit up. "Actually, that's still healthy! It wouldn't hurt to lose some weight, but it's still healthy!"
"Really?" Chouji said happily.
"And as for you, Asuma?" Kakashi asked.
"I am one hundred and eighty pounds and six feet and three inches!" Asuma announced, checking the scale. Then he checked the chart. "I'm healthy too! What a great and healthy team I have!"
"Okay, what have we gained or learned from this humiliation?" Gai addressed the students.
"Neji and the girls are unhealthy?" Lee tried.
"And Kakashi." Gai corrected. "But yes! You all must strive to improve our statistics for the NEXT January 10th! And if I don't see some improvements then I will do something SO drastic that… oh I don't even know! But it'll be drastic!"
"So were we the healthiest team?" Kiba asked Kurenai.
"We were." Said Kurenai, patting the heads of her team contently.
"I have to work hard to become healthy!" Hinata said ambitiously.
"Don't worry about it, Hinata!" said Kiba. "I think you're FINE just the way you are, right Shino?"
"I'm Shino." Said Shino.
"I'm so glad I found out that I'm not hideously obese like I previously believed!" Chouji said as he opened up a bag of chips.
"Chouji, you WILL be if you keep eating like that!" Ino bleched.
"Ino, keep in mind that YOU'RE the unhealthy one, not Chouji." Shikamaru said with a smirk. Ino frowned.
"I can't believe I have to gain fifteen pounds!" Sakura said, looking pale.
"Sakura, you're FINE!" Naruto assured her. "These tests are silly! You don't have to listen to them at all!"
"Can we get back to training?" Sasuke requested.
"I think I read the chart wrong." Kakashi was thinking aloud but to himself.
"Neji, I hope you take this all to heart!" said Gai, putting a hand over his heart. "What we have learned today is very important! You don't have to be concerned about your figure if you want to be healthy!"
Neji gave Gai a glare. "I'm not DIETING." He said, sounding annoyed.
"It's all right, Neji." Said Lee, putting a hand on Neji's shoulder. "It all came out today. You can tell me if you have an eating disorder. I'm your friend. I can get you help!" Then he looked at Tenten. "You too!"
"I don't have an eating disorder!" Tenten argued.
"I want to see those charts." Neji said, looking BEYOND irritated.