A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first TID fic… it's actually my first Cassandra Clare fic really. Well, I hope you enjoy! :D BTW THERE ARE SPOILERS IF YOU DIDN'T READ THE SECOND BOOK.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Infernal Devices. I wish I did, but I don't (I will say no further, now read on)

Pain

You stare at the ground, expressionless. Expressionless. You've mastered that quite a few years ago. But now, now, with all of the pain, all of the stress, all of the loneliness and lack of love just looming down on you, you break.

Your knees go first. You feel yourself hitting the ground, but don't feel the pain. (It's because you're already hurting so much, but you don't know that)

Then, without realizing it, your hands start to shake. It's an uncontrollable shake. You look down at your hands, wondering why they're shaking. A tear rolls down your cheek, and drops down onto your hand.

That tear is your breaking point. With that, you fall into a series of uncontrollable sobs. What would Tessa say if she saw you like this?

You want her to be happy. You want Jem to be happy. Hell, he barely has much to live, you want him to live his life to the fullest. (You do. You really do. But there's that part of you, thinking, What about me? You banish those thoughts right away, and try to pretend that it isn't effecting you)

As long as he's happy, you'll be happy. (And so you told yourself. But that all changed when you met Tessa.)

You hear footsteps behind you, and with those fast reflexes of yours, you whirl around, reaching for your stele.

"Will! It's just me!" Jem puts his hands out defensively.

His lips are pale, and it's clear that he hasn't been taking the drug. You remember that there are tears on your face, as you hastily try to wipe them away, as you turn away from him.

You take a deep breath in, deep breath out. You feel Jem standing behind you. He is always there for you, to give you space, but be there. Your parabatai.

After you turn to him, you can feel his sympathetic gaze. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." you reply, as you put on the expressionless face once more.

You know that this is a cycle you will repeat. But for Jem's happiness, and Tessa's happiness, you pretend it doesn't hurt you. (If you'd only realize that they know.)

A/N: That was a random one-shot btw. Hope you liked. Please review, follow and favourite! ;)