Title: Life goes on
Rating: General
Warnings: Character death!
Persons involved: Clara Oswald(mentioned), Danny Pink (mentioned), Mr. Dunlop, Me, Anah, Anahson, Rigsy (Jenny & Lucy).
Spoilers: Do not read if you haven't seen Face the raven!
Author's Notes: How unfair it sometimes seems, and how unwanted it feels, life does go on. A small exploration of how three very different people cope with the news of Clara's death.
xxxx
Aaron Dunlop sat on the edge of the platform, trying his hardest to will the clock to stop ticking. He hadn't dreaded the start of the school day like this since he had been a student himself.
How was he going to face his students and tell them – again - one of their favorite teachers had died?
Luckily, he didn't have to do this on his own. His colleagues had rallied around him and in one scarily efficient meeting late last night they had organized this assembly in under an hour. Jess had turned up a few favorate poems, Charles had downloaded appropriate music. Elisa had even used her contacts to round up guidance counselors who could take care of the grieving students . Only, somehow, knowing exactly what to do, didn't make it any easier than it had been last time.
The only decision that had taken some discussion, was which photo to use for this memorial. The older, more traditional teachers wanted to use her official portrait. But – he and the others had argued – that picture just wasn't her. They had selected a candid shot of her, taken during an art exhibit here at the school. She toasted the photographer – Danny – with a flute of orange juice. She had a smile on her face and a mischievous look in her eyes. Aaron remembered that night fondly. Those two had honestly thought they were being subtle, that no one knew about their secret dates. But no one could hide such happiness. By the end, the entire school, students and parents included, had known about their relationship.
In a way it fit that she had died of a heart attack – of a broken heart. She had never been the same since Danny's accident. She had thrown herself into her work, churning out top notch lesson plans and somehow motivating even the most cynical students.
When UNIT called him and told him she was also working for them, he could hardly believe it. Secret missions for the government and still correcting all her schoolwork on time? And taking seven grade taekwando? Where did she find the time?
Still. Young motivated teachers were incredibly hard to find. So the few times she had missed a class or had fallen asleep during – admittedly boring – faculty meetings, he had willingly turned a blind eye. Perhaps he should have stopped her. Should have laid down the law and ordered her to choose one career. Perhaps she wouldn't have burned out so soon...
He told the blond woman, with red-rimmed eyes from UNIT who had conveyed the news so. She had just smiled sadly at him and asked him how well he thought that would have gone over with Clara. Then she had assured him she had been in excellent health. And that all their investigations had found no reason, why her heart had just given out on that bench near the cemetery where both her parents and Danny Pink had been laid to rest. And she would soon join them.
He looked at the clock. A few more seconds before he would have to break his students hearts. Aaron sighed and grabbed the cue cards he had laid beside him. He wondered if he would get through the speech he had carefully composed.
He suddenly remembered a quote he had seen late last night – or perhaps early this morning - when he felt his own words weren't enough and he had looked for inspiration online: "the greatest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude," by Thornton Wilder.
With renewed purpose, he rose and took his place on the stage. In honor of Clara, he would take care of her students. Just like she had done the short few years she had walked these halls.
Xxxxx
Me had barricaded herself in her office. She had told everyone she had important paperwork to do and wasn't to be disturbed. Only, she hadn't written a word in hours.
She knew she had to commit the events of the past few days to paper. Future Me needed to stay clear from the Doctor, from Timelords in general. She also deserved to know why. She had always been completely honest with herself, she knew her flaws perfectly. Even when you live as long as she had, wasting time not learning from your mistakes was foolish. Foolish acts got people hurt. Killed. Like …
She was disturbed by a hesitant knock on the door.
'Go away,' she snapped at the closed door. Paradoxically she both resented the intrusion as craved the interruption of her thoughts.
'Major Me,' the young boy – or should she say girl? – entered defiantly, heads raised high. Me sagged in her chair, feeling her years. This was no underling she could simply send on its way.
'You needn't call me that anymore.'
Anason – would she change his name now her secret was out? – blinked in surprise. Before long, she would grow into her gift as a telepath and nothing would get past her. But today she was still a fledgling. 'So you know what I'm here to tell you?'
'You are no longer safe here, so you and your mother will leave us.' Me didn't bother avoiding the young woman's eyes. She even hoped Anahson would feel the words that were so hard to say.
This had been part of her plan all along. She had jeopardized the safety of the kindest, gentlest soul in her community for the safety of the others. It should have been the only thing to regret in the aftermath. Other memories could be reprogrammed, but Anah – and now Anahson as well - would always be able to read her. Me figured Anah would just disappear one day, just as unexpectedly as she had shown up one day, with a young boy on her hip.
'We will help, off course,' Me added, 'I can make some calls, …'
The raven cawed loudly, interrupting her. Me looked at the window, she could just make out the cage in the distance. Not for the first time she wondered if the Shadow could kill her – permanently. If she would ever have the courage to face the Raven. If she could be brave like …
'You won't,' Anahson's voice told her, even though Me never saw her lips move. The girl spoke emotionlessly, but the words cut more than a reproach ever could.
A gentle hand found Me's shoulder, who hadn't realized she was still staring at the window.
The girl continued, 'Like with the Doctor, I can hardly read you – too much past, but also a lot of future. I see a lot of pain. But also purpose. Someday, you will make amends.'
Me gripped her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. 'I'm just sorry I wasn't able to help you.'
Without another word Anahson left her office. Me knew she wouldn't see the girl or her mother again.
She alone would remember, so she needed to write this down.
A few hours later, Kabel came to collect her. A new refugee had asked for sanctuary. Me wiped away a stray tear, stood and took a deep breath. Time to become Major Me again.
Xxxxxx
'Shh now honey.'
The little person known as Lucy couldn't help it. She knew she was worrying milk-and-hugs-mommy by crying constantly, but there was no other way to express her anxiety. Where was strong-warm-arms-daddy? He had been gone for many feedings now, longer than when he left for something called work he and milk-and-hugs often talked about.
To make matters worse, Mommy left her all alone in her crib the moment they heard the front door openening. She made her displeasure clear by adding another decibel to her cries.
It worked: daddy came storming into the room and took her in his strong arms! She sighed happily. He was back and still warm! Warmer than he had been when he had left with shouty-brows and longlong-pretty-hair. He had been covered in a cold blanket then, but her eyes couldn't see it and her tiny fists hadn't been able to grab it and pull it off him either.
Tired, she yawned and settled into her second-favorite place in the world, daddies arms, close to his steadily beating heart. He was telling her a story again. He liked to do that sometimes and she liked to answer in coos and gurgles. Tonight she was too tired to listen and barely registered the familiar word 'Clara' before she nodded off.
Something wet dripped on her face. She paid it no attention whatsoever. Daddy was home, they were safe and all was well in the world.