I was originally going to play this straight and then end it with a pun, but before I knew it, it got away from me and turned into something else entirely. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out though. The 'manatee incident' will be a full length fanfic in the future in case you wonder.
Madoka stood in front of the door and raised her hand to knock for the fourth time in the past ten minutes. Like the past three times she held her hand just in front of the door for a few seconds and then lowered it again. She sighed in exasperation and smacked her face with both hands.
"Come on me, get it together."
The door she was standing in front of belonged to Akemi Homura, the quiet yet alluring girl from her class. She had received quite a shock earlier in the year when it had turned out that said girl was, in fact, the ruler of the universe and, even more shockingly, had usurped the position from Madoka herself in an attempt to give Madoka a human life and to thwart an alien races plan to turn magical girls into abominations as a more efficient energy source.
Despite the girls behaviour wildly swinging between over the top evil gloating and melodramatic self-flagellation, and her friend Sayaka's aggression, after Madoka's memories had spottily returned she had sat all five of her magical girl friends down and sorted out the entire mess diplomatically…or at least she'd tried to. After a week of squabbling a particularly nasty incident took place where Sayaka's soul gem had gone missing, leading to Kyoko putting her hitherto unknown ventriloquism skills to good use in the Miki household. Homura had protested her innocence the entire time of course, and without any actual proof Madoka had managed to keep the others from going on a witch hunt (although she herself had more than a few suspicions).
After five days of dragging around the girl's lifeless body and doing one of the greatest puppet/ventriloquism acts of all time, they had found her soul gem in the local aquariums manatee display. After reviving the poor girl they found that she had no recollection of what had happened, so even then punishment couldn't be meted out, no matter how much she insisted it was Homura who was to blame (or how obvious it was, what with her walking around smirking even more than usual). Homura didn't help matters with her insistence that Sayaka had obviously dropped her soul gem in there herself, or with her response when the soul gem was found.
"Oh, the manatee display? That makes sense I suppose. You should have just left her there in peace. If she wants to return to her own kind then who are we to stop her?"
That remark had whipped Sayaka into a righteous fury that that even Madoka, Mami and Kyoko combined couldn't stop and the resultant fight would have levelled at least one building, if Madoka hadn't thought fast and defused the situation…by slapping Homura across the face, repeatedly. The action had shocked both Homura and Sayaka into submission and after a stunned silence, Homura had flapped her mouth open and shut for a full ten seconds before suddenly bursting into tears and running away with her hands clutching her face, making wailing noises that even Tatsuya would have been embarrassed to make. After an awkward silence, Sayaka had mumbled something like "Can't beat up someone that pathetic" and headed home (although now that Madoka thought about it she was pretty sure that Sayaka's house was in the other direction…and come to think of it the aquarium was in the direction she had headed, but she was probably just imagining things).
After that embarrassment, they had finally talked things through properly, came to an understanding, magically solved the Incubator problem and sorted out the situation in a way that made everyone happy, and now everyone was living happilyish ever after. Madoka was glad that the 13 years of misery that had occurred were finally over (not that she could remember most of it, but still) and had turned her thoughts to the future, a future that hopefully involved the black haired girl whose door she was still standing gormlessly in front of.
Her friends thought that she was a fool for even considering going after her after the painful history they shared - "Rescue romances never work out Kaname-san", "Why the hell would you want to date that miserable lunatic", "Well I guess she's got a nice pair…of legs I mean, it's not like there's anything out front; but she'll probably be the kind of girlfriend that cries and clings to you if you leave her alone for more than an hour, you know? It's your funeral" and "Cool, can I be a bridesmaid and can you have cheesecake at the wedding?" being the responses, but she was not deterred. The girl's combination of attempting to be in control while actually being one of the feeblest people Madoka knew made Madoka's heart go a-doki-dokiing in her chest. The more the girl defied her the more Madoka wanted to tame her and leave her begging for Madoka's permission to do the simplest things (not that Madoka would say that out loud of course, she was a good girl), and her desires had only grown stronger since the 'slapping incident'.
'I wonder if she'll let me step on her…' she thought to herself.
Suddenly realising that her recollection had taken up another 10 minutes of her time, she shook her head quickly and raised her hand once more…and sighed as it betrayed her yet again by failing to knock for her.
'Maybe I'll just write her a letter instead.'
Sighing in defeat, she decided to go home, however the door opened at that very moment. Unfortunately for both her and Homura, the amount of nervous tension she'd built up over the past half hour had shredded her nerves and what should have been a minor surprise became a great shock, leading to her still hovering hand clenching shut and shooting forward, straight into Homura's face.
Madoka stood there with her hand implanted in Homura's face for several seconds before she came to her senses and removed it. The other girl stood there in shocked silence for a moment before letting out a truly pathetic wail and slamming the door shut. Madoka listened to the noise retreat back into the house before it faded out, feeling a little guilty, slightly aroused, but mostly just struck with a nasty case of second hand embarrassment.
'What an appalling noise. If Tatsuya made noises like that I'd take him to the doctors.'
Resigning herself to a horribly awkward conversation to come, she pushed the door open and followed the wailing noises to Homura's bedroom.
"Homura-chan, I'm sorry. You just startled me when I was about to knock. Your face isn't hurt, right?"
"D-d-d-don't lie to me! I know you hate me! I know you were trying to kill meeeee!" Homura howled.
'Why do I like her again? Oh wait, this is why.'
"It really was an accident Homura-chan. I could never hate you, you know? Forgive me?"
Homura hiccupped and looked up at Madoka with teary eyes and snot dribbling down her lips and chin.
"Do you really mean it?" she sniffed.
"Of course."
"Thank you Madoka, I don't deserve a friend like you."
"Er, actually I kind of came here to talk about our friendship-"
"I KNEW IT! YOU REALLY DON'T WANT US TO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE!"
"Oh f- I mean, Homura-chan, please stop and let me finish okay?"
Homura managed to compose herself and was quiet for the moment.
Madoka opened her mouth to speak, but found herself hypnotised by a stray tendril of snot and drool swinging back and forth from Homura's chin. She found her eyes following it as it swung, completely forgetting what she was going to say. A minute passed, then another. Homura started to become uncomfortable at being stared at for so long, but Madoka had told her to be quiet, so she endured it. Maybe Madoka was testing her somehow.
Thankfully the dribblesnot dripped onto the floor at that moment, and Madoka snapped out of her reverie.
"Er, what I came here to say is...I think that after everything that's happened between us, there's no point in beating around the bush any longer. W-would you like to go on a date with me? Right now?"
Homura's eyes widened in shock and she stood in silence for a moment.
'Wow, she must really have thought that I hadn't noticed the way she felt. What a silly girl.'
Madoka thought that she'd finally sealed the deal, but...
"Madoka... I-I never realised you felt that way. I'm sorry if I ever inadvertently led you on, but I just don't feel that way about you. I'm sorry. I'm actually heterosexual."
'Wait... what!?'
"Wha- hang on a minute! You said that you loved me! You said that you did it all for ai yo!"
"I did, for my very best friend. Its platonic love, I thought it was obvious, but I must have been mistaken. I was in hospital for a long time, so I never had a chance to learn how friends act with one another. I'm so sorry Madoka, I've caused you trouble again."
"B-but you kept holding my hand! And hugging me! And blushing, and staring at me, and looking at my breasts! There was skinship!"
"I was so happy to finally have a friend that I suppose I was too clingy. I never intended it that way, I can only apologise."
"Then why were you sleeping over at my house so often!? You were there every other day some timelines!"
"To keep you safe from Kyubey, mainly..."
"Mainly?"
"Um, if I'm being honest, for an older man, your father is..." she broke off and giggled here.
'Oh god no.'
Seeing Madoka's horrified face, Homura stopped giggling and looked serious.
"I really am sorry Madoka, I never meant for you to get the wrong idea. W-We can still be friends, right?" she said hopefully.
Madoka was still reeling in shock, but she had enough of her wits about her to know that she still had to protect her 'nice girl' reputation.
"O-Of course Homura-chan. I've always valued our friendship, I'd be so sad if I lost it. Let's keep being good friends and forget this ever happened."
She forced a reasonably realistic smile onto her face, the one she had dubbed 'benevolent smile number 3' (the other two were too cheerful for the situation at hand).
"Oh, I'm so glad!" Homura simpered, "Would you like to stay for some tea?"
'Tea? I come here to get some ass and all I get is tea? Goddamn it all to hell.'
"Sorry Homura-chan, I should go and finish my homework. Maybe later okay?" she said as sweetly as she could manage without it seeming forced.
Homura looked disappointed, but smiled and agreed.
As she left, Madoka waved goodbye, smiling all the wider to mask her true feelings.
Walking along, feelings of bitterness and disappointment welled up inside of her. Homura was the puniest sub out there that wasn't walking around on a collar and chain, and she'd dedicated more than half of her life to Madoka already. She was the perfect girl to groom into an obedient wife to ensure that Madoka's every desire was fulfilled, but once again Madoka had been thwarted by heterosexualism.
'Haaah...maybe I can turn her gay if I drop things in front of her while wearing tight trousers often enough. ...No, it's no good. If it hasn't happened after thirteen years then it's hopeless.'
Madoka was filled with despair. As she walked along the street heading back to her house, a single tear rolled down her cheek, and only the wind heard her whispered lament:
'No Homu...'
Homura stood in the middle of her apartment smirking at thin air.
"Mwahahahaha!" she cackled, "That'll teach her to lead me on for 13 years and then punch me in the face! She must be full of despair right now!"
A thought entered her mind that made her stop laughing at that point however.
'Wait a minute... I wanted her to love me all along. Didn't I just ruin my own life?'
"..."
"...Madokaaaaaa! Come baaaaaaack!"
THE END