First ever Kensi/Deeks fanfic!
This basically takes place about a week after the team goes to Romania.
This chapter kinda follows Kensi's train of thought from a 3rd person perspective.
Kensi Blye stood on the balcony, drenched in the pouring rain.
She had only her jeans and tank top on, in -60 C, middle of the night Romanian weather, but she didn't care.
Tears were running down her face, mixing with the rain so that she couldn't tell one from the other. She wanted to die, she wanted to run away as fast as she could from all of it, from her damn partner.
She looked back through the open door at his sleeping form, splayed out on the bed in the way it seemed that all men slept. Taking up the whole bed, face in the pillow, dead to the world.
Thank god there was a couch, she wouldn't want to share with him.
And it was pretty obvious he didn't want to share with her.
And now she really didn't want to share with him.
Because she had found the papers.
The ones he had to sign to become an agent.
The ones that were dated back a week.
The ones he didn't sign.
She couldn't think of a reason he wouldn't at first, this job was made for him.
Everyone knew that Hetty didn't really need a liaison.
Everyone knew that Hetty had not wanted him as one anyway.
Everyone knew that Hetty wanted him as an agent, eventually.
Deeks was good at his job, amazing really. He was the best detective at LAPD, even if everyone there hated him. But he could be even better at this job, at being an agent for NCIS Special Ops Los Angeles.
Why would he didn't he sign those papers? Why?
She could not understand it...so she tried coming up with excuses for him.
They had all just quit, handed back heir guns and badges. So there wasn't a team to join anymore.
There was only one excuse she could come up with, and it was gone that didn't make any sense at all. Because they were all going back...of course they were.
So it didn't make any sense...
Then it hit her.
If Deeks didn't sign those papers, they would eventually send him back to LAPD.
If he was willing to go back to the place where people hated him, then...
He must hate it even more at NCIS. Does he think that they hate him? Is that it?
Deeks wanted this to be temporary.
Sure they teased him, they complained, they maybe didn't trust him completely.
But she did... even if she didn't show it. She trusted him with her life, he had saved it more times than he can count on two hands.
But she never showed it.
And now he didn't wasn't going to become an agent because of her.
Because he thought that she didn't trust him.
That she still wanted a new partner.
That she didn't care.
In truth, something she might never utter aloud, she cared about him to much. To much for partners, or friends. She thought that she was this close to loving him.
She loved him.
And he was giving up the best offer he can get, he was giving up her...
Because of her. Because she was to afraid to show her feelings.
Because she acted cold, like she really didn't care.
Suddenly she was hit with all the things they had done, she had done.
They didn't check if he was okay after a firefight, not like they did each other.
They constantly criticized him, even when he was in the hospital, after being shot because of her. They didn't even stop after he had saved her, they just kept pileing on the things he had done wrong.
There is another, they never let anything he did go, any mistake they held onto to use against him someday.
Then after he had saved her life again in that explosion, nobody thought to check on him. Once G and Sam were there, they crowded around her, no one noticed Deeks hadn't even stood up. They found out later, two months later, from Hetty, that the impact had cracked a spinal disk, bruised 4 ribs & broken 2, punctured his lung, and shattered his right ankle.
And nobody had even asked how he was.
They never used his first name, like they did with each other. They always called him Deeks, and when she thought about it, that on its own sounded pretty cold.
If it was her, she would think that nobody cared, that they didn't trust her, that she wasn't part of their little 'family', it was enough to hate.
She knew he thought he wasn't good enough, he had said it many times before, and the worst thing was it was them making him feel that way.
And now he thought that if he needed them, they wouldn't have his back. That she wouldn't have his back.
And he hated her for it.
It killed her.
She was crying so hard now, sobbing in the rain.
She was cold, her clothes and skin and everything was wet and cold.
She wanted to die.
She wished that the lightening that had begun to strike would hit her.
Because the man she loved most in the world didn't trust her, hated her.
She loved Marty Deeks, and he thought she didn't care.
She had sunk down to the ground.
She wasn't sure how or when.
But she was curled in a ball on that balcony in Romania, in the cold rain, lightening flashing all around her, sobbing her heart out because she had been so stupid.
Okay...not exactly what I planned.
A little sad, I admit. And confusing...but have you ever tried to follow your own thoughts...mine at least go everywhere all at once. So I thought these were fairly focused. :)
Reviews are love!:) Yazzy