A Shadow and Nothing More
Hello there. Behold, here is my second Songfic ever- my first one was a Legolas & Arwen pairing, called 'My Immortal, My Evenstar'- go read it!
Okay, like I said before...this is a Songfic, and it's an Eowyn & Aragorn pairing (finally! Some different characters!!!)...not very much romance really, more of Eowyn's feelings towards Aragorn (in my point of view). But which song is it based on? Read the disclaimer below.
DISCLAIMER: I own NONE of these characters, though I would love to. The words in italics are not my own. The song is called 'I Don't Know how to Love Him', from the Album: Jesus Christ Superstar Soundtrack (it's really a terrific song, and a terrific spiritual musical play). Also I am only using some lines from the song, and am not using it in its entirety. The song only comes in later in the story, as I want to get some things in before that.
I have also taken some lines from the movie 'The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King', where the transcript is based on the original script by Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, and Phillipa Boyens, who, in turn, based their work on the book by JRR Tolkien.
Please read and review!
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It is late at night time, and my uncle's men are camped at Dunharrow. I am sitting here by the fire, watching them with my tired eyes. Everyone is hardworking, and they are preparing bravely for battle. There is no fright inside of me, instead I am courageous that everything will go well tomorrow, if everyone has faith. I guess I have always been courageous in one way or another, I just hoped that my Uncle would see it. It has only been tradition for women to farewell the men before the actual battle, but never have the women been allowed fight in the battle itself. Of course, I strongly oppose that. Sitting here and waiting anxiously for the end of the bloody war would only make me feel horribly useless.
My thoughts drift over to Aragorn, and linger there. The first time I laid my eyes upon this dark, mysterious ranger, I felt a tugging at my heart, a great compassion, and a hungering for a deep relationship. I would always fidget and blush in his presence; never have I felt such a way towards any man. And I wonder, does he feel the same way about me? I look over at where he is standing, not far away from where I am sitting. He is talking and laughing with his friends, that queer elf Legolas, and that dwarf Gimli, who has made me laugh several times. I notice how handsome he looks whenever he smiles, how his blue eyes twinkle, how his dark hair collapses around his kind, yet stern face.
I constantly feel a strange longing in my heart to be close to him, to snatch every opportunity I have to be with him. How will our relationship turn out in the end? Does he know that I hungered for something much, much more than friendship, right from the moment we first met? My eyes fall to the crystal pendant that is hanging delicately from his neck. I know he loves someone else, that he shares room in his heart for another.
"Where is she?" I remember asking him. "The woman who gave you that jewel?"
How could I ever forget the way he paused, his expression becoming vague, his eyes tuning out, as if he was remembering a far away memory, or perhaps that woman he loved?
"My Lord?" I pressed him.
"She is sailing to the Undying Lands," he answered finally, as she shifted his gaze to meet mine. "...with all that is left of her kin."
I tore my gaze away from his. The Undying Lands, the Valinor, the White Shores. This woman was of elf-kind. I don't recall what I felt in that moment. Longing, yes. Interest, yes. Jealousy?
I sigh, and sink my eyes into the fire before me, melting into its soothing fiery flames, observing how it flickers, and admiring how it brilliantly stands out from the dark that is framing it. I hold my hands out to warm them. Later I feel a soft tugging at my sleeve, and to my delight it is Merry, a halfling I am quite fond of. He has come to try on some of the men's armor. I grasp his small hand and lead him inside the tent, relieved to have something to distract myself from the ranger.
I help Merry strap on the Rohirrim armor, and gently I place a helmet on his head. I step back, and admire how suddenly fearsome this little creature looks. I smile.
"There, a true esquire of Rohan!" I exclaim deeply, as if announcing a famous warrior to a crowd. Merry grins, and unsheathes his sword with surprising speed that startles me for a moment, then afterwards causes me to laugh even more.
"Sorry...it isn't all that dangerous," he apologizes, inspecting the tip of the blade. "It's not even sharp!" he cried with disappointment.
"Well that's no good," I chime in. "You won't kill many orcs with a blunt blade." I lead the little hobbit outside of the tent, where he soon starts lashing his blade about, eager to gain some attention. "To the smithy, go!" I urge him, laughing. I follow his trail, the smile lingering on my face, admiring his unfailing optimism.
My brother Eomer eyes me with a blunt expression. "You should not encourage him."
"And you should not doubt him," I answer back, exasperatedly.
"I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his arm," Eomer replies jestingly. Gamling, who is eating beside him, bursts out in laughter.
I step forward, and my eyes narrow. "Why should Merry be left behind; he has as much cause go to war as you!" I pause, and gaze out into the distance. "Why can he not fight for those he loves?" My brother is quiet, but I can tell he is pondering my words.
My mind clouds with the same, hungry thoughts on my secret love, Aragorn. I feel the blood rise to my cheeks, and I almost choke for breath as I eye the dark ranger in the distance. He is alone, smoking his pipe, as he is engrossed in staring at the fire before him. His eyes have the same far away look, and the flames reflect off the pendant that hangs so vulnerably from his neck. I clench my hands, and I consider going to him, sitting beside him, to engage myself in an everyday conversation, that means so much to me. The hunger to hear his mellow voice overwhelms my soul.
"Why can't I have you?" I mutter angrily under my breath, as my eyes drill holes into the crystal pendant. Sighing once more, I turn the opposite direction, choosing my path carefully to the darkness of the woods, just a fair distance away from where the camp was located. There is a full moon tonight, and I gaze up at it as I walk, the longing in my heart almost turning painful.
"I don't know how to love him, what to do, how to move him," I murmur to myself, running my hands along the rough bark of the trees. I look behind me, and I peer at where he sitting, through the foliage and the bushes. Every time I laid my eyes on him, the love in my heart would grow stronger, stronger than I wanted it to be. "I've been changed," I continue. "Yes, really changed. In these past few days, when I've seen myself..." I recall how I overheard King Theoden conversation with Aragorn.
"She hasn't smiled in a long time," Uncle had told him.
"That's right, I haven't. I seem like someone else." I watch Aragorn stand up, and meet Legolas, who is holding a bowl of soup for him. He smiles, and accepts it gratefully. I remember how he actually liked the soup I made for him once before. No one had liked my cooking before, yet here was a man who had. "I don't know how to take this! I don't see why he moves me. He's a man," I say sternly, forcing it into my head. "He's just a man. And I've met many men before, plenty, yes. He's just one more." My words have no effect on me, instead, my yearning for a relationship delves ever deeper. I sigh, and I turn my back on him, making my way deeper into the woods.
"Should I bring him down? What should I do to tell him of my feelings? Should I scream and shout? Should I speak of love? Let my feelings out?" I gnaw my teeth in frustration. "I never thought I'd come to this, so what's it all about?" I cry.
"Don't you think it's rather funny, that I-"I jab a finger at my chest. "...should be in this position? Of all people? I'm the one who's always been so calm and cool, no lover's fool." I pause. "He scares me so," I suddenly realize. I stifle a painful sob as I sink to the damp ground. Closing my eyes, I lean back against the trunk of a tree.
"I never thought I'd come to this! What's is all about?" I breathe, listening to each inhale and exhale. I search my head for any more desperate thoughts. "Yet, if he said he loved me..." I think about my honest reaction. I think of the glowing, crystal pendant that hangs constantly around his neck, of the elf maiden who bestowed it upon him. "I'd be lost," I utter to myself. "I'd be frightened. I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope. I'd turn my head. I'd back away. I wouldn't want to know." My eyes fly open. "Should I bring him down? Should I scream and shout? Should I speak of love, let my feelings out?"
I stand up, and wipe away the wet leaves that cling upon my skirt. I sigh, and gaze up at the glowing moon sitting so peacefully in the dark sky. The stars twinkled brightly, as if trying to mimic the wondrous beauty of the moon that nothing could ever match up to. Abruptly, I panic, as I realize that my brother would have noticed that I was missing, and probably was already sending out men to search for me.
I stumble through the trees, winding my way intricately through them, using the moon's glow to guide me back the path that I had taken. In no time I was back at camp, in time to see Aragorn resheath his sword, and place traveling items upon Brego's back, one of the wildest horses we had at the Rohirrim, yet for some reason the two of them had connected in some way, and now Brego was as tame as any of our other steeds. I take a deep breath, and I approach Aragorn, curious of why he had already packed his things, and was appearing to be departing already. I remember overhearing a conversation of some of my uncle's men. He was departing to approach the Paths of Dead, to wake the ghosts within. The mere thought of the dead scared me, but what scared me even more was his leaving.
"Why are you doing this?! The war lies to the East, you can not leave on the eve of battle!" I was a few feet away from him, and I could tell I sounded desperate. He stares at me, and opens his mouth to speak. "You cannot abandon the men!" I persist.
"Eowyn," he begins. I raised a hand, waving it all away.
"We need you here," I plead with him. I step closer.
He then asks me a question that breaks my heart. "Eowyn, why have you come?"
My preserved, hidden love for him overwhelms me in such a way, I have to catch a desperate breath. I stare at him, unmoving, watching his motions as he packs more items upon his horse. He glances at me, waiting for my answer. I swallow painfully, and my eyes become blurry from tears. "Do you not know?" I sounded so vulnerable and innocent.
Aragorn stops and stares at me, his gaze boring into my soul. At that moment I think he actually read my mind, that he actually realized how in love and how attached I was to him. His unreadable expression morphed into something kind and loving, and his hand inched forward to stroke my face, but only for a fleeting moment. I take in another painful swallow.
His expression hardens, but he answers gently. "It is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I can not give you what you seek."
I gawk at him, and I step back, I slowly back away from him. A pain I've never felt before slaps me in the face. Aragorn's gaze lingers at my figure for a moment, and without another word he takes Brego's reins and walks away from me, departing to meet his friends at the crack of the mountain.
"He scares me so," I whisper. I see Aragorn halt in his footsteps, and I wonder if he has heard me. "I want him so." I watch as he tightens his grip on Brego's reins, and continues down the path. I let my tears come freely, as I come face to face with the truth that haunted me since we first met, and at the same time, I rejoiced of. "I love him so."
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Just review, thanks. All reviews MUST be beneficial, especially criticism. .::Meggin::.