A/N: Hope you like this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

WARNING: it's a BL love and if you're not into those things then you probably don't want to read this.

Chapter 1: Prologue

I don't really know what really attracted me to him in the first place. Practically, I don't even know why if you ask me in the first place.

All I know was that 'I just want to be by his side.' That's what I had always thought when we were still young. Maybe it's just my thinking but it's probably his kind and warm personality that were always overlooked by others that pulled me towards him.

I had been his friend since kids until our middle school year... though that's what only last. Entering middle school, he'd change. Not that I'm complaining but the more he change and gain a friend, the more I have been forgotten.

When we decided to hang out, he'd miss it, leaving me all along like an idiot, waiting for him for hours and hours alone until he arrive or call saying his apologies and telling me he couldn't come and continue our plan, for reasons that I don't even know. But being his childhood friend, I overlook all of it saying 'It's fine' and 'that it can't be help since he's busy' when in truth, I don't even know whatever reasons he have even when he'd stop coming for days at school and arrive back after a few weeks or days so.

We had been so close to the hip even since were babies and knowing that he have reasons he couldn't tell me, annoyed me to no end. Didn't we tell each others that no matter what we'll tell the others what reasons or trouble the other have and support each other no matter what? Then where is that promise now?! Is he just making fun of it now that he had gain more friends?! Is he even serious being my friend over all these years?... Or does he even consider I'm his childhood friend?

Those were thoughts that had always played in my mind whenever I'm alone.

And before I knew it I started thinking why I even care that much in the first place. Sure, I care this matter since we've been childhood friends since kids, when he'd been bullied for being no good and a clumsy ditz but even so I had always stayed with him no matter the consequences are. Even for the fact I may not have other companion just so I could stay by his side.

But now, what? Why do I even get irritated over this when I could just move on and have my own circle friends as well and completely change from being the no good friend to having new ones. Why do I even get disappointed and angry over the fact that he couldn't come for our plan to hang out?

Why couldn't I move on?... why do I even want to be with him in the first place?

I had always asked those questions on myself and ended up not having answers on every questions even when I answered few of them but afterwards there's always new questions came popping right up after the others at the end of the day. Always thinking why and why do I even thought of those things which I found were ridiculous even for myself to think about... however those questions stop when I realize that... all this time I have always been in love towards Sawada Tsunayoshi... which I had immediately ridicule at the thought... why?...well... isn't obvious... it's because... we're both male.

I even scoff at the idea. Who would want to be in a relationship with a boy? If Tsunayoshi even found out that I like, no, love him, the more reason he'll avoid me and never hang out with me. I bet even if it was him he'll be disgusted at the very idea...Well... not entirely disgusted, probably embarrassed and be denial at the idea because we're both... boys and can't be in a relationship since those type of things only happen in... mangas.

Those were just fantasies but this is reality and when caught up with it, you can't deny that it's harder than you think it was than it is in those manga where you could laugh and go gaga ga over those relationship because it's only a manga and a fantasy. Well shit, this was reality and reality's hard and impossible when it came to those type of relationship. Even I had tossed those idea in the very beginning when I still didn't know I love him since I had always thought that that would never happen to me but now...

I can't even phantom how to solve this especially... Tsuna have always love a girl ever since he was a stripling and at by chance that girl was a sister his senpai that he have somehow be friend with.

The girl that he'd been in love with was the one and only Sasagawa Kyoko. The school idol in our campus for being pretty and kind, full of sparkles and bright smiles that all boys in our school have a crush on and compared to me... I wouldn't even have a chance in the first place.

But... as long as he's not in a relationship and I could still find a place by Tsunayoshi side and I'm more than satisfied with that. That what I had believe to reassured myself ever since I found out about myself having a feeling toward the brunette just so to ease my aching and longing for the guy but those hopes shattered when I found out they started dating.

Tsuna had invited me on a particular day to come to his house for a party. The reason? I don't know but still came out of my way just to see him and to know the reason why the sudden celebration when there no reason to.

I have actually been planning on how to be alone with him once I arrive at his house deciding that I had already bought enough time to prepare myself and now was the time to confess even though I know what would be the outcome by the end of it but... those thoughts were completely thrown away when I arrive at his house and saw them together with his hand on her waist, showing his possession on her.

Never had I felt so humiliated in my life. Just thinking that I almost confess that day and not even knowing he already achieve his dream love, just made me want to die in shame.

I guess it's a truth to remind me just how impossible it was for the two of us.. being we're both male and others...

It's actually hurt to see something you want but never can you get it especially when you love a person but knowing that you'll never have them for yourself.

And honestly speaking, just giving them a happy congratulation have I never felt so suffocated and painful before in my entire life, no one even hardly notice how fake my smile were.

Since then, I completely distance and isolated myself from him and with everyone I know.

With what reality gave me, I had a hard time struggling healing myself and with the compilation of hearing that I'm not my parents real son and telling me for who I really am... I've become a mess and completely jaded...

I really had a hard time fixing myself afterwards with the additional of going abroad just added on the pressure...

Just how mess up and became twisted I had became at the time, I almost lose and ruined myself...

I guess I have to thank luck were on my side before I completely destroyed myself...

It's hard moving on from what life gave me but after years of healing and somehow completely grasping and starting my life again, I somehow had a life that I would never imagine in my entire life I would have

And now after years have pass...

"K-Kaoru?!" A 24 year-old Tsunayoshi Sawada, the now appointed Decimo, 10th boss of the Vongola family, stared at me, shock.

I blinked, staring at the boy who now have turn into a man over the course of the years, can't help but gape at what was now happening right before me.

I, Akatsuki Kaoru, have yet again been reunited with my first love after 10 years.

A/N: Sorry for wrong grammar that I have miss. Probably I mostly all of them.