Hello. Welcome to Still Into You.

I normally write for HSM (don't let that turn you off my writing!) but have lost inspiration lately and got obsessed with PLL and Spoby (and Haleb) and couldn't get the idea of this out of my mind.

Anywho, my name is Kay and I am a Creative Writing major in college - going into my senior year next year! Woot!

Summary: She thought if she could box up all his belongings and never see his face again she could pretend as if he never existed, that they never were anything because he wasn't anybody. But that isn't going to be so easy anymore if he is back in town and she has to remember that at one time he meant everything. Spoby. Mentions of Haleb, etc. No A. AU-ish.

There is no A and I am unsure of how Alison is going to fit it in just yet. The gang has graduated from college as well.

Review please! I want to know how this is hitting the readers and if you have any suggestions or questions I will reply to them!

"Spencer!" her best friend called from the living room where she continued to flip through the channels to find something to pique her interest. "Hurry up! You know I love to watch the previews, it's the only part of the movie I can talk through that you don't give me the Spencer Hastings death look," she mumbled on.

"I heard that!" Spencer replied loudly from the bedroom. "And I do not have that look! I just like to hear the movie rather than you go on about how sexy or fugly you find the people in it," she grunted as she tried to find the shirt she had in mind to wear.

She was Spencer freakin' Hastings, her bedroom was organized. Everything had its place and was almost always in that place. So where was this damn shirt?

"Hanna! Did you mess with my clothes again?" she questioned, her eyebrows scrunching together.

"No, last time I tried to hide all your gross business appropriate attire you didn't talk to me for a week, remember?" Hannah answered, entering the bedroom. "That was the same week that Caleb and I had that huge fight about college and I needed my best friend so I came over and-"

"And we organized my closet together and I let you throw away three pieces of clothing to make you feel better," Spencer finished in a breathy voice.

Hanna nodded with a smile. "Yep. And I still tease you about owning a blazer with shoulder pads. Should pads! The nineties were over like ten years ago, Spencer, and you had something that sported shoulder pads!"

"The nineties were over more than ten years ago, Han," Spencer reminded her with a laugh.

"Well, yeah, but you have to remember the overlap years. The nineties don't end as soon as the clock struck midnight, there has to be some time where the ugly 'do's become don'ts and people still need to stop talking about Mariah Carey, okay?" Hanna informed her, causing Spencer to laugh. "What is so important about this damn shirt anyways? Just throw something on, we're just going to the movies and the Grille after."

Spencer sighed. "Fine, I'll be right out," she agreed and went to her dresser to grab something cute, yet casual. In a hurry or not she wouldn't hear the end of it is she wore something horrible or unmatching to the movies with her blonde best friend.

Upon opening the drawer she found it was stuck and would barely open halfway. "What?" she mumbled to herself and reached under to find the problem. She found the snag to be a shirt and so she tugged it out with force that caused her to go tumbling backwards. She expected more of a fight.

She held up the man's gray V-neck t-shirt with wide eyes. That wasn't supposed to be there. It wasn't supposed to be anything and things like this weren't supposed to happen. She did a police-like ransacking of her apartment so things like this would not happen.

But still her mind drifted to a memory of the shirt and the man who once owned it.

"Okay, you stand there and I will move over here," Toby insisted as he jogged backwards in front of her to his assigned spot in the grass. "And on the count of three you run, alright?"

"Why are we even doing this again?" Spencer couldn't help but laugh with her arms crossed over her chest.

When her boyfriend barged into her apartment earlier this afternoon and threw her over his shoulder she wasn't able to put up much of a fight to whatever he was planning. That meant she was left to wear her "fat jeans" as Hanna called them and her boyfriend's gray V-neck t-shirt. It was comfy and she loved wearing his shirts. It provided a source of comfort to her when he was not around. She had never told him that, but was sure he was aware since different shirts disappeared and others took their place like some sort of magic act now and again, but neither would say a word about it. He knew her better than she knew herself, so it wouldn't be a surprise if he knew this before she did.

What did know was that it was one of her best friends who put out the distress call to him—telling him how she was overdoing it with finals so he took things into his own hands, literally, to make her relax.

"Because you need to try and have fun. Now c'mon, let's do this thing!" he stated with a clap of his hands and opened his arms for her.

With a shake of her head she took off running and he attempted to do the lift in Dirty Dancing, but just like in the movie the two fell backwards in a messy heap of limbs. She couldn't help but laugh hysterically as he sat up with a grin.

"And here I thought you were more built than Patrick Swayze," she teased and ran a hand through his hair, getting a stray twig out.

"I am, you're just less coordinated than Baby," he insisted and she chuckled.

"You know us Hastings; if there isn't a reason for it we don't do it. The most I can do of this kind of stuff is dance in a circle like at prom," she reminded him.

Toby smiled, his blue eyes brighter than ever. "Well, we Cavanaugh's do this thing called fun. I hear all the cool kids are doing it," he stated.

"That's why I love you. You make me have fun," she whispered and pressed their lips together. "Like a Cavanaugh," she added, barely audible between kisses, but was certain he heard. She knew he had when he grinned into the kiss.

In Toby's "no buts" attitude this morning she wasn't able to do something to her hair so it was left in a high, sloppy ponytail with her face free of makeup. She had always felt self-conscious about leaving without looking decent, at least by Hastings standards before Toby. There were so many things she didn't do before Toby.

She was lucky to call him her boyfriend and best friend. And maybe one day not too far into the future she would be able to call him more than that.

"Spencer! Come ON!" Hanna ordered authoritatively as she entered the room, but stopped when she saw what Spencer was holding. "Is that-?"

"Nothing," Spencer answered balling up the shirt in her hands before tossing it into her open closet and then reached into the open drawer to pull out a long, comfortable t-shirt. Hanna just stared at her quietly as she watched her tug on her black ankle boots and then toss her bag over her shoulder. "Hanna, it was nothing. I thought you were in a hurry to get this movie?"

Hanna nodded. "I am, I just- you're okay?"

"Hanna, I'm fine, but I do want to see this movie, so let's go," Spencer insisted before waving her hand for her friend to get moving.

"Okay, okay," Hanna mumbled and made way for her friend to lead, knowing that the t-shirt was not nothing and could never be, no matter how much Spencer convinced herself otherwise.

-:-:-:-

Spencer didn't pay any attention to the movie. How could she? Hanna was texting every other minute and pretending that it didn't bother her what so ever. If there were two things Spencer Hastings hated during a movie it was people talking and texting through it.

She liked focusing on the film, the plot points, the possible foreshadowing, getting caught up in the movie magic, those sorts of things. And she couldn't do that with people breaking her concentration.

One would think that she had an amazing concentration because of how she excelled in her school work, chosen athletics, and numerous clubs, and now her job, and to a certain point she could. But not today.

And it didn't help that ever since they got to the Grille more than ten minutes ago Hanna excused herself to answer a phone call to Caleb. And Spencer could tell they were fighting by the hand gestures Hanna was making. She was always very active in her hand gestures.

The waitress had been over twice and was about to make her third attempt at getting something out of Spencer, something more than a water at least, and it annoyed her to no end. How was she supposed to order without Hanna? They almost always shared an appetizer and usually ended up sharing their entrees as well. They both suffered from food envy and ate more off the other's plate than their own. It was why they were the best dinner dates for one another, neither got annoyed at the over-sharing.

Caleb hated it; it was why he usually ordered something she didn't like so he could eat his all on his own. He said he would rather be full and get an earful than hungry and annoyed which would cause a larger fight and an even bigger earful.

Toby used to- no. She was not going to go there. She had been doing so well. It had been months since her last slip up and she refused to cry into a pint of ice cream and ignore the world for a few days. She was stronger than that now. Finding an old t-shirt that was probably stuck behind the over-stuffed drawer was noting going to cause her to come tumbling down.

She could eat at the Grille and remember how he never was annoyed with her food envy. How he used to ask her what she was thinking of ordering and would often pick one of the two things she was considering so she never had to make up her mind. He was never picky so it worked both ways. They could eat off each other's plates.

Thinking about it was okay, wasn't it?

The pit of her stomach thought different as she felt a deep, agonizing hole began to open up, ready to suck in all her positivity and only leave the despair.

She sucked in a deep breath, hoping not to feed the angry monster that often dwelled in her stomach, but it only caused her heart to drop.

Why couldn't she be over this? It had been two years, two years since he walked out of her life, out of Rosewood, and he still had the ability to make or break her day like he did when he was part of her life. Only the days she didn't think of him were the ones that were good. Any thought of him sent her spiraling into a bad day. And it seemed that was going to be today.

"Dammit," she said under her breath. Something as small as a stupid fucking shirt could do this to her and it was so disappointing.

At least last time her reason was acceptable. She knocked over the box on her closet. It was something her friends had dubbed Pandora's Box because it had the ability to wreak havoc on Spencer's life. She knocked the box over, sending everything to clatter to the floor in a messy heap. Pictures, letters, keepsakes, and other mementos went splattering to the floor causing Spencer to admit he existed and the wound she had been trying to nurse back to health split open as if everything happened mere days before.

"Okay, sorry, but he is an absolute idiot and if he shows up here you're gonna have to hold me back because I don't know if I have the restraint right now," Hanna said, sitting in her seat and immediately opened her menu.

Spencer cleared her throat. "Um, its fine, I was just thinking can we get this to go? I'm kind of tired and would rather get home sooner than later."

Hanna closer the menu and examined her friend. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked, pretending as if she was asking out of mere curiosity.

"I'm fine, Han, I'm just not feeling being out right now," Spencer assured her, or at least tried to.

She nodded. "Okay, Spencer, I am going to ask you again and you're not going to lie this time. How are you feeling?" Hanna questioned.

"Hanna, I'm not-" she stopped at the look on Hanna's face. "I feel like shit and I just want to go to sleep and end this day so I can start fresh tomorrow," she told her.

"Spencer, I know-"

She shook her head. "Hanna, I am not going to fall apart. It was just a shirt. I just want to go to sleep and hope for the best for tomorrow," she cut her off. "I swear, if I start to break I'll call you and you can send in the troops," she promised.

Hanna seemed satisfied and nodded. "Let's hurry up and order it so we can leave before Caleb shows up. I know he is going to try and grovel and I don't want to hear any of it," she stated.

Spencer smiled. She was glad she spent the night with Hanna, had it been Emily or Aria they probably wouldn't have believed that she was alright. It wasn't that Hanna was stupid, she wasn't, but she thought more of Spencer than she was. It was a nice feeling for her friend to think so much of her and it also helped in these types of situations where she was lying through her teeth to get home to could fall apart alone.

She wondered if there was some type of process she could go through. A process that in the end wouldn't cause her to go spiraling out of control at the mere thought of him.

The process, she supposed, was the grieving process. Those five stages she was certain she went through numerous times and then finally when she hit acceptance she dove right into the sixth stage—reversing time. He didn't exist; they were never friends or best friends or lovers. She put herself back in the mindset that nothing ever happened, they never stayed at that motel together to get away from their families, they never shared a first kiss, he never took her virginity because he was not a real person.

And she stuck to that notion for the last two years. She was able to get through the day to day because her heart was never broken. She was able to put it back together so well that sometimes she could even fool herself. It was like the magic glue she used on it did work its magic and she was all shiny and new again.

That was until something would send her over the deep end make her remember. Suddenly that magic glue didn't have the correct hold anymore and every piece was threatening to disengage and ruin everything.

As she paced her apartment after finally getting Hanna to leave (she refused to go anywhere until Spencer ate something—that girl was smarter than she put out in the world and that was one of her biggest strengths, people under estimated her) she wondered if she was going about this all wrong.

Sure, this method was working to an extent, but she couldn't live the rest of her life being afraid of a box in her closet and the shirt that was currently sprawled out on the floor of it. Maybe if she slowly let herself remember everything she kept locked away she could attempt to move on. She had been on two dates in two years and she was starting to get sick of the quiet.

Spencer Hastings sick of quiet? That was something her friends would love to hear.

And so with shaky hands she went into her bedroom and without missing a step went straight for her closet or else she would rethink the whole ordeal. With a click of a light the tiny room was illuminated and the gray t-shirt laid haphazardly on the floor seemed to be a test. Could she go through with this?

It was time. And she had to. So Spencer got down on her knees and pulled the big, brown box out from behind a wall of shoe boxes.

The box had no label but didn't need one. She could pick it out of a mountain of brown, unnamed boxes. With one last shaky breath she opened it and let herself peer inside.

There were stacks of pictures placed upside down on purpose in case it opened on accident, stuffed animals, picture frames, letters, small boxes that contained jewelry or other trinkets, and other small things like movie and prom tickets, the game of Scrabble, and just stupid things that reminded her solely of him.

She picked up the first photograph and turned it over. It was her and him, her on his back, and both looking off the camera as if they saw something amazing in the sky, she was even pointing. She was wearing one of his shirts and some short shorts while he was clad in pajama pants.

She remembered the night it was taken. It was the time the girls decided to have a big sleepover with their significant others after graduation. It was in his loft apartment and entailed all the girls and boys watching movies, eating ice cream, playing twister, and just generally acting like kids trying to hold onto their youths before they went to college. It ended in them all sleeping in random parts of the loft, except for Spencer and Toby that is, who of course ended up in his bed.

It was one of her favorite memories of that summer. And they all vowed to do it every summer, no matter if their significant other changed or they had none at the time. It was a vow they kept no matter how much Spencer now dreaded that night because she had no one to giggle in bed with before finally falling asleep like she did that first time.

She couldn't resist the urge to lift her shirt over her head and replace it with the very one she was cursing a few hours ago. She brought it up to her nose and wished it smelled like him, that mix of cologne, saw dust, and coffee, but only her smell filled her nostrils.

Trying to stay strong Spencer reached blindly into the box and grabbed something else to see how far she could take this experiment before she reached her breaking point.

She opened the necklace box and found the letter S engraved on a piece of wood to resemble a Scrabble piece that he had gotten for her. At one time she wore it almost every day, Hanna said it went with everything and was adorable. On the back a T was engraved much like the front and sometimes she even wore it with the T facing outwards. It was her favorite gift from him.

She didn't notice it until then that tears were slowly falling down her cheeks.

Wanting to keep going she reached in the box again and pulled out a letter he had written her in their first year of dating. She bit her lip and unraveled it, realizing which letter this was.

Sometimes it was easier for him to get his feelings down on paper, at least in the beginning. He wasn't used to opening up, people often teased him in high school before he came back from one summer absolutely ripped and then they just ignored him. One of the only people he would talk to besides her was Emily, having been childhood friends even before Spencer had met her. He was always a loner, so most of the time he didn't mind being on his own, and when he finally found people he could open up to he struggled for a long time.

Spencer looked down at the paper and forced herself to read the words.

S,

I'm sorry about the other night... again. I wish it didn't keep happening like that. It just seems that every time I think I have finally put that part of my life behind me it pops right back in at the most horrible time. When I'm with you. And I hate that, I really do, and I know you know that.

One day I am going to be out of that house, away from my parents, and away from her and hopefully our lives will be so completely separated that she will never have to be a thought in my mind again. But for now she is and I hate that I let it get between us. I know you say you understand and I am so grateful for that, but even I don't understand it. I am finally with someone I want to be with and I won't let myself be with you the way I was with her. I hate myself for that. I know you wish I didn't, but I do.

You are so wonderful and beautiful and God just everything I could have ever dreamed of for myself...I never thought someone like you could ever want to be with me. I love you more and more every day. I promise you that when we finally are able to make love Jenna will be the farthest thing from my mind. I am going to work through this somehow.

I love you for understanding and being there for me. And I'm sorry about everything again. Please know that when we are intimate you are the only one I am thinking about, I promise you.

Love, T

She still hated Jenna for what she did to Toby. She always would even if she and Toby were no longer together. What that girl did to him was beyond horrible and what was worse was that she knew she could do it because he was so sensitive and kind. Even after he put a stop to it he could never be truly mean to her for it, not only would their parents not have it, but he just wasn't that type of person.

It took them mere months to say I love you, but over a year to finally make love with each other, not from a lack of trying on both of their parts. They would get so close and just before the final...act he would pull away and be unable to do it. Before, with Jenna, sex was forced and wrong and shameful and that was all he knew. It took him a long time to give himself to Spencer, to someone who wasn't forcing him, to someone who loved him and wanted to pleasure him, not just herself.

It became even harder on him when Jenna went blind. She tried to make him her personal seeing eye dog and their parents had no objections. She could see the pain on his face every time she took his arm or held out her hand for him. It was like her blindness was a whole new way to torture him. It may have been a genetic condition, but she used it to her advantage.

It took weeks for Toby to put his foot down, to tell her that he couldn't do it and walked away from her. He walked away from her and straight into Spencer's arms, needing comfort and strength and she gave it to him. She gave him everything she had.

Not being able to take it anymore Spencer put the things back in the box and stood with tears now streaming down her face. This was supposed to help, but it seemed like it was just causing the wound to become deeper and more painful. Maybe her way of dealing with things before was better, this was just too much.

As she got ready for bed still wearing his t-shirt Spencer wondered how long it would take for her to finally get over Toby Cavanaugh or if she ever could at all.

Okay, here is the first chapter! Tell me how you like it, want things to change, etc. I know there wasn't a lot of dialogue, but I was trying to give you background and get to know the Toby and Spencer in this story which is a bit different from the show.

The others are all going to make appearances soon, especially our boy, and you will also find out all their jobs and such!

So review please :) I worked really hard on this! And the more reviews the more motivated I am to keep writing!

Thanks so much!

-Kay