Based off of Peaceful and Painless by Stephaniefan.
I'm sitting at your grave. I keep thinking about you, about us. I keep thinking about how we were going to do things together. Go on trips, fool around, learn about each other. We would've done whatever we wanted. We are still young aren't we? I pictured you as my wife sometimes. I want to know more about you. I want to know about the cute little things you do alone, I want to know what you did for fun, I wanted to know practically everything.
I loved you.
Love is a strong word. People say it carelessly though. It angers me. Why do people do that? This was real love though. The way you laughed at one of my stupid jokes made me love you. The way you kissed me when I was upset. The way you got nervous to tell me you loved me first. The way we fought playfully over silly things. I loved it and it made me love you.
I don't know what to do. I have a bottle of pills. Maybe suicide was a good option. I could leave all the guilt and depression behind.
I'd be with you.
Ten
Depression
After you died I felt nothing. I was useless.
Hopeless.
A waste of space.
A failure.
I had no idea what to do.
What kind of guy can't save his girlfriend? How weak do you have to be to fail so miserably?
Nine
Anger
Those men. They took you and buried you alive. A terrible way to end your life. Your sisters told me about your past; all the psychopaths that took advantage of you, all the pain you went through when you lost a child when you were only Fourteen years old, all the courage it took you to go up to your parents when they found you and you had to tell them about how you were living in a old warehouse, all the pain you went through and the sick psychos fucking ripped away any chance at making your life better. Those maniacs had to pay. One of them is still out there. Ryan shot the other guy.
Eight
Emotions and feelings stop for a brief second
I've only taken two pills so far. Wow.
Seven
Jealousy
I got news about Ryan and Claire being stabbed. There both alive. They were both shanked repeatedly and they survived. They were lucky.
Six
Disbelief
You aren't dead. Your alive and well. We have a date tonight. We're going to watch old movies together and makeout. We are supposed to be at my apartment cuddling on my couch.
Five
Happiness
Only five more pills left in the bottle.
Four
Realization
What the hell am I doing? Why am I taking these pills? I am alive and well! It's not my fault your dead!
Three
Pain
My throat is on fire. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel sick. My head is aching. Tears are streaming down my face. When will this be over? When will all the pain and guilt just end?
Two
Loneliness
I'm thirty six years old and I'm alone. My brothers are all married. My parents live in only friends I've ever hadcan't deal with me anymore. I'm alone.
One
i have one pill left. I take it as I lean against your grave.
Peaceful and painless.
Is that not how every person wishes to die?