WITHOUT YOU: PART ONE

Rehab was a bitch. It was all well and good waking from the dead, but his body wasn't about to let him forget his own mortality in a hurry. Ianto wasn't sure where he was, some days he didn't know who he was. His lungs hurt, his skin itched, his muscles ached and his vision remained unfocussed. Time crawled by in a haze of pain, failed attempts to get mobile and food that just refused to stay down. Perhaps death would've been the better option. He could have stood any amount of the suffering if Jack had been there to hold him. The nurses remained clinically detached, the doctors spoke in whispers and no one told him anything. Ianto was certain that he no longer cared.

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Gwen clung to Rhys' arm as they stepped out of the church. The turn out for Ianto's memorial service had completely taken her by surprise. There were faces she knew, friends of theirs, Ianto's family but there were many others, a number in UNIT uniform and two women in RAF uniforms. Ianto had had many contacts with different agencies during his time with Torchwood, it was decent of them to come, she supposed. She wiped at her damp cheeks and felt comforted by the gentle squeeze of Rhys' hand wrapped tightly around hers. Truth was all Gwen wanted to do was walk away, she had spent the entire service wondering where the fuck Jack had gotten to. She was furious that he hadn't come. Ianto deserved this one thing from him and it made her doubt so many things about the man she thought she knew, thought she loved. In a haze of her own she mechanically went through the process of hugging Martha and Tom and then Rhiannon.

Ianto's sister looked wrecked, having discovered that her brother had left her a veritable fortune, quite frankly she'd rather have her brother back. Rhiannon stepped back from Gwen Williams and thanked her for help in protecting her children, she invited her to visit anytime she liked and of course offered her help as a mum...... It was hard knowing that this woman had survived when Ianto had not. Rhiannon found herself glancing around the many strange faces, wondering if one of them was this mysterious Jack, she ventured to ask Gwen if she'd seen him. Gwen's eyes teared up as she shook her head. Rhiannon smiled briefly.

"I don't know if it helps Gwen, but Ianto he..... he loved you and Jack."

Gwen nodded. "I know he did."

Five months later and Gwen found herself questioning if Jack had ever really loved anyone at all, because once again he was running away and it broke her heart that he wouldn't stay.

Cerys Toshiko Williams was born 7lbs 2oz and 6 weeks later. Gwen forgot about Jack, forgot about Rifts and Weevils and concentrated on raising a daughter with her wonderful husband.

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He wasn't sure how much time had passed, just that he broke into his first smile when he made it to the toilet without assistance. Ianto wobbled through every leaden step, but he made it. Things seemed to move on from that point quite rapidly. He walked slowly, then walked faster and made it down the corridor to the gym and the Swedish physio therapist wasn't half as sexy as the nationality implied. Ianto thought she was the spawn of a warewolf, but he kept that to himself, like everything else in his head. He learnt quickly to keep his talking to a minimum, they were constantly questioning him about his experience of being dead. Ianto had no answers for them. The last thing he remembered was Jack's tears falling on his face and promises to remember. They all knew, they'd seen the security footage, Ianto had seen it and it left him bereft. Jack was out there alone somewhere, grieving. No one seemed to know what had happened with the 456. The children were safe and Jack Harkness had vanished and as far as the world was concerned Ianto Jones was dead. Part of Ianto wondered how long he was going to be in this place, where ever it was. Something in his gut told him he should be worried, but he really wasn't. Jack was gone, Torchwood was most likely non-existent. He'd been notified that his family were well and that a memorial service had been held for him ten months previously. Gwen Williams had had a baby girl, but no one seemed to know her name.

One day seemed just like any other until Martha Jones arrived. Ianto was still a little unsteady on his feet, but when he saw her he practically ran and enfolded her in his arms and burst into tears. Martha, who was still getting over the shock of finding out he was in fact alive and recovering cuddled him back and let him get on with his well earned display of emotion. The staff looked on completely taken aback by the young man's outburst. Eventually the tears were wiped away and Martha and sat with him on his bed and held on to his hands.

"Ianto..... God, I can't believe this was kept from me. I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "I don't even know where I am."

She was smiling and carefully stroking his unruly hair away from his face. He was too thin and pale by half.

"This is a private facility run by the crown. Apparently most of the Canary Wharf survivors were brought here. I guess it's part of Torchwood. I was told about that this morning too. I'm supposed to take you to Downing Street tomorrow for a debrief..... I just can't believe you're alive! I mean how?"

Ianto shrugged. "Jack? Maybe he did something? Have you heard any news of him? Is he alright?"

Martha sighed. "He's gone Ianto. He left Earth 4 months ago. Gwen tried to convince him to stay, but he wouldn't listen. After what happened to you and his grandson....."

Ianto gaped at her. "What do you mean? What happened to Stephen? What happened with the 456?"

Martha looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Ianto, perhaps this......"

Ianto gripped her arms. "Martha, please tell me. What happened?"

"Jack found a way to defeat them but he needed a child in order to do it. The only one available was Stephen. The boy died. I don't know the details, but right after Jack disappeared. We know he went to your house because he left a note and documents for Rhiannon and Gwen told me that one of your journal's was missing, she thought it might have been destroyed with the Hub, but I remember you always kept it at home."

"He killed Stephen?"

Martha nodded. "Perhaps after losing you.... maybe that was too much. Whatever it saved all the millions of children that were being herded up to hand over." She watched the blood drain from Ianto's face.

"Oh, God, Jack. Martha, he'll be so alone and in so much pain. I have to find him."

She tightened her hold on his hands as the tears flowed over his cheeks.

"He's not on Earth, there's nothing you can do."

Ianto stared at her for a long moment and then consciously he drew a blank mask down over his face schooling his features into neutrality. He sucked in a steadying breath and wiped his hands over his face to remove the water.

"You said I had a debriefing tomorrow?" Any sign of emotional uncertainty was gone.

Martha frowned at him, but understood. "Yes. You're officially the head of the Torchwood Institute, after Archie Cavanagh refused to take over and the government wants you up and back in business as soon as possible. You'll be meeting with Bridget Spears and the PM. Torchwood Cardiff is being rebuilt on the old site under the Plas, most of the lower levels of the Hub are still intact because of the blast doors that protected them from the explosion. A team has been put together, representatives from various disciplines both civilian and military. The Queen was adamant that you be put in charge, she's rather fond of you, which is why I was contacted, to break you back in gently and be your personal physician until you are fully recovered. I know this all a bit of a shock for you. As soon as we've dealt with the meetings tomorrow Gwen and Rhys will be taking you to Cardiff."

Ianto hitched a smile at that. "Can you imagine Owen's reaction to that? Does my sister know?"

Unsure Martha smiled back, there was more. "No not yet. I thought you'd prefer to tell her yourself. Firstly though, you're coming home with me. Gwen and Rhys are waiting to see you, well they will be when their train gets in."

Ianto couldn't help it, the tears were back in his eyes. "Thank you Martha." And then he broke down completely. Martha pulled his skinny frame against her and gently petted his head and whispered soothing nonsense in his ears.

"Come on Ianto. Tom's dying to try your legendary coffee and I am quite sure you'd like to get out of here."

AN: I wasn't going to do this.... but hey it's Ianto..... don't expect Jack to make appearance anytime soon though...... hahahahahah... ok that was supposed to be an evil laugh. Dedicated to the BBC complaints department because they sent me a very nice letter back..... To RTD anything IS possible so I am doing a Captain Jean Luc Picard and making it so!.... Ianto, Ianto, Ianto!!!!!