Ohmygodddd. I really shouldn't be writing this, I'm putting off two or three other things to get this out of my head, which is bad. PLUS I should be going to Wal-Mart!
Yu Gi Oh ruins my life. Blah.

But, I'll get over it. This is Ryou-x-Bakura. Ryou's POV throughout most of it, though I'll probably occasionally switch.

DISCLAIMER: …whatchutalkin'bout? I own Yu Gi Oh :D! … -sob-
Damn youKazuki Takahashi!

Oh, also, this isn't a song-fic, I just love random lyrics. So.


-x-

dues ex machina.

Need more friends with wings.
All the angels I know put concrete in my veins.
I'd always walk home alone,
so I became lifeless, just like my telephone.

There's nothing to lose, when no one knows your name.

I always felt a sick dropping in my stomach, when my alarm clock let out its first thrills at the beginning of each morning. This morning wasn't any different, and as I lay there, listening to the clock beg me to get out of bed and get ready, I began the careful deliberation of not getting myself out of the bed at all. It would be so much easier, after all. Each side of my conscience had a very valid argument though, and I found myself stuck in the middle. Laying here and sleeping till noon would be very, very easy. You have two tests today, and a study review. Then I could get up at noon, go downstairs, eat cereal in my pajamas…What if you actually got sick later in the year, one less absence you would have. Then, I could watch TV till it was time for bed again. Is TV and laziness more important than graduating? One day couldn't hurt, after all. One day could change everything. The smart part of my brain won. I finally pulled my eyes open, staring at the digital clock laying on the end table ten inches in front of my face. 6:05… it was still dark outside, and would be for a while still.

I was awake, my eyes were open, but as I reached across and turned the alarm off, I didn't get up. Instead I lay perfectly still, and listened. The house was big enough, and if anyone were in it aside from me, I would have heard them. Any movement of any kind in this house, it echoed until it filled every room. But, there was nothing but my own even breathing. I was dully unsurprised. My father had better things to do in other countries, things that in no way pertained to me. At least he thought of me now and then, he did send me gaudy jewelry from time to time. Don't get the wrong idea, my father loved me. It wasn't a lack of love for me that kept him away, it was business, and I understood that. He loved me, but he didn't have time for me. That was understandable.

Satisfied to know that no one was in the house besides me, I pulled myself out from between silk sheets, moving into the bathroom that was connected to my bedroom, flicking the light on and walking to the stand-alone sink, glancing only briefly into the mirror above it. I was bored with what I saw, simply because it was so standard. I saw it everyday, and I would see it every day for the rest of my life. White, almost translucent skin, snow-white hair, and dark brown eyes. I was bored. Moving away from the mirror I took a shower, quick and straight to the point.

By the time I stepped out of the bathroom, snowy hair damp, wearing a dark green sweater and blue jeans, it was only 6:23. Walking back to my bed, I sat in the place where the covers were turned back, staring at the two dots separating the hours and the minutes on my clock, watching them flash, counting each flash with a blink of dark eyes. One, two, three… each was a second, right? Sixty. The time changed. I looked up and to the large bay windows across the vast expansion of my own bedroom, it was still dark outside for the most part, but the sun was peaking outside, and what little light was filling the sky, slipped in through my cracked white-washed wooden blinds. It illuminated my room as best it could, which was easy, because there was nothing in the huge space. A king sized bed. An end table. A dresser. A desk with a sleeping laptop. The rest was nothing but an oasis of white carpet the size of a living room and a half. It was a big room, sure, but it was an empty room, and I could really care less.

I sat on the bed and stared at the window as the light increased until my alarm went off again to tell me that if I didn't leave, I would be late.

-o-

School was close enough to walk, just like it had always been, so despite the fact that there was always a limo waiting outside the house, I always bypassed it to walk to school. I was perfectly capable of using my own two legs to get there. Besides, walking to school, especially when it was as cold as it was today, it cleared my head. Not that there was much in my head to begin with. There was nothing much in my life to fill my head mostly. I went to school, I got all As, I went home, I sat in front of a TV so large that it could have been a movie screen, I watched it, I did homework, I slept. It was boring. It was all so god damn boring that I could have ripped my hair out. But, here I was, walking to school, being good, like I did every single day.

I was dazed by the cold by the time the school came into view, my lungs burning not from the walk, but from the cold I was sucking in through my mouth. Maybe breathing in through my mouth would give me pneumonia, and it would put me in the hospital. My hands, both holding onto the strap of my bag, burned with the cold. Every part of me that stuck out, the cold had tried to bite it off, my cheeks, my nose, the collarbones that my sweater didn't quite cover. It was painful, but exhilarating, and it was what dazed me, as if I was looking at the school not right in front of me, but down from one end of a long tunnel. So, when it sounded like someone spoke my name from my left, I didn't look immediately. They couldn't be talking to me? There it was again, my name, clear and sharp through my haze, and I jerked my head to the side.

Imagine you had to do something you didn't want to, and while you were focused on this thing you had to do, and nothing else in the world, someone suddenly spoke to you in a friendly way, someone suddenly broke through the wall you had put up between your psyche and the rest of the world, speaking to you when you weren't expecting to be acknowledged. That was the feeling I had, and as I turned my head, I almost frowned at the sight of Joey walking towards me. Joey was a nice guy though, he was my friend, and he didn't deserve my disapproval, so I smiled instead, the happiness sincere as I pushed my bitterness back, it wasn't Joey's fault that my life was boring, not really.

"Good morning, Joey."

"Hah! no 'Cheerio', eh Ryou?" Please god, not today Joey. The sensation of the cold around us was making my face tingle with pain, it was enjoyable.

"No, not today I'm afraid," I responded with a hollow laugh, but the hollowness of it was lost on Joey, who only joined me in the laugh and followed me towards the building, his hands resting behind his head. He was so happy, so full of life. I was jealous. It's not to say that I wasn't happy, I was… happy. I was just constantly unsatisfied, with myself, with my life. It was boring, and it was stingingly unfair that Joey's life wasn't as boring as mine. The blonde pulled the door open for me, and the as the heat rushed out of the building at hit me in the face, I felt my knees tremble. I really was cold, wasn't I?

"Doing anything this weekend?" Joey's question caught me off guard, and I looked at him quizzically.

"Not really, why? Besides, it's Monday, why are we all concerned with the weekend already?"

"Well, we're having a gaming tournament at Yugi's shop, and we wanted to invite you."

"I see," I said carefully, mulling the idea of going to a tournament over in my mind. It sounded boring. I put myself on autopilot all at once, my body condition for this, and my responses all cheerful. I think I agreed to go, I can't be sure. My mind was actually elsewhere, studying Joey's face as he spoke, that goofy smile in place.

I noticed a fading bruise around the taller boys' throat, a second one, almost gone, on his cheek, just below his right eye. Looking at Joey, it was hard to believe how often his father beat the hell out of him, how much crap he got, every single day. He was so... happy. I wondered suddenly, what it felt like, to fear for your life. To have someone hitting you so hard, and so often, that there were times when you honestly believed you wouldn't be alive when the next day came… to really think that you would cease to exist. Was it exhilarating?

My stomach dropped and my autopilot flickered off just like a light as I felt sick with my own thoughts. I suddenly wanted to hug Joey, to apologize to him, for things I hadn't even said out loud. He noticed my change in expression and his smile didn't flicker, it disappeared. All at once, he was all worry as he reached out, grabbing my shoulder, his thumb set against my still freezing collar bone. It was hot.

"Ryou? Buddy, you alright? You look sick. Do you need to go sit down, or something?" I tried to compose myself, head reeling from my thoughts. I really was a bad person, wasn't I? Deep down, underneath everything, I was a bad person. I smiled at Joey, but he was unconvinced, and led me over to the nearest bench, tugging me down onto it and sitting next to me. I said nothing to him. What could you say to a person after something like that?

"I'm fine," I said to the floor, to the girl across the entrance lobby of the school who was shooting us funny looks, to the wall, to everyone except Joey. "I'm alright."

"If you're sure, Ryou…" Joey said cautiously. I wasn't looking at him, but I could feel him watching my face, I could feel his worry for me. I didn't deserve his worry, not really. He said something else, but it was incoherent. I was trying my best to work my way back into autopilot. As I tried, I suddenly realized something about the girl across the lobby that I had 'spoken' to before, I realized it wasn't Joey and myself that she was staring at, but the office which was directly next to the bench we were sitting on. I turned my head just as the door opened and someone stepped out, the haze my autopilot created was instantly shattered again as I stared at the creature stepping out, Joey grabbed my wrist suddenly, and I think we gasped at the same time.

He was me.

Well, he could have been. If I possessed the ability to look that good. If I possessed the ability to look that cruel. If I possessed the ability to move with conviction, and passion.

He was there; and he looked like my long lost twin, if my long lost twin had everything that I, as a person, lacked. Joey was obviously thinking all these things as well, or at least that we looked similar, because his grip on my wrist tightened as he turned and glanced at us, dark brown eyes narrowing as he stopped walking and changed direction toward us. I leaned back as he neared, my back hitting the wood backboard as he leaned down to look into my face, my heart beating so hard I knew he could hear it.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" I shook my head feebly as he stood up out of my face and turned away again, walking off and past the staring girl, down the hall and out of sight. My heart was still beating so hard it was painful, I was still breathing as if I'd run a great distance, and Joey was still gripping my wrist in a vice.

Well, there was the excitement for my day.

a/n: Well, there's chapter one! Let me know what you think 3 ;;. I'm pretty satisified with it, but I would like a few reviews before I post the next chapter. I know this chapter is a bit devoid of action, but it is to come! No worries!
3Kiba.