Who am I?
I can't remember anything.
Am I all alone?
It always came down to that. Those three things.
There was no "where am I?" even though it was cloudy and white and indistinct all around him. His body knew where he was before he did. It knew where he was because he was breaking out in a cold sweat, because his insides were twisted up, because he was hooked up to something, like bait squirming on a line.
Where was apparent in the three thoughts. Those three thoughts were in the fabric of this place.
Who am I?
Mamoru Chiba. That name didn't feel real. They'd told it to him, either yesterday or many years ago. It had been a stranger to him. A neat little label. It meant nothing.
Who am I?
Was he six or was he a lot older? One of those was right.
Whoever he was, this place has stolen that from him.
I can't remember anything.
How had he gotten here? He knew there was only one answer for that. You didn't end up here unless you'd lost something, someone, everything. How much had he lost?
Am I all alone?
He was if he stayed here. He had a family, he was sure of it, but he needed to find him. The doctors would tell him over and over again they were gone, but they were wrong. They just wanted to keep him trapped here, lonely and crying into his regulation bedsheets. Everyone here came and went, but he would have nowhere to go. If he waited. He had to find his family. They had to be alive. They couldn't be gone.
His body echoed with dull pain but he forced himself to sit up anyway. The IV was like a leash. Keeping his tied to a pole – the needle was like a collar that choked him.
Who am I?
He wasn't a dog. He ripped the needle out, even though it made everything inside him scream
He couldn't just belong to himself. Nobody belonged to themselves. He had to be somone's. He had to be.
I can't remember anything.
He remembered being loved. He had to find that love again.
Am I all alone?
He couldn't be. He remembered an accident, an explosion. Had they been caught up in it? Those people he loved. They had to be alive. The room was so empty. Empty white nothingness. There had to be more than this.
He stumbled up. Everything was black and raw and hurting now, but he lurched forward anyway.
"Mr. Chiba!"
It was a doctor. He wanted to run but he couldn't, his legs were too weak. The man was an advancing giant, a face made of stone. He loomed over the boy.
"No! Get away! Don't talk! You can't take them! You can't take them away!" His words were an incoherent muddle, slurred thanks to whatever drugs they'd pumped into him. The man's brows contracted, making a crevice in his stone forehead.
He'd lie. He'd tell him they'd all died. He'd lie so well, his rock face so impassive, that it would become true. We regret to inform you…
"Mr. Chiba, you need to lie down!"
"Chiba's a fake. Where'd you put my memories?"
"What? You have a concussion…"
No, no, that was a lie. They'd stolen them. Stolen them so he could stay in this hospital, exist in this limbo with no future and no past!
"My family. Where's my family! You're hiding them!" He swayed, pointing at the man. "Give them to me! Don't lie!"
The man frowned. He looked down at his clipboard. "I'm sorry, Mr. Chiba, but it doesn't look like you have any surviving family."
"I'm sorry but it was too late for the couple
But their only son Mamoru has miraculously survived"
Numb, he swayed. No. He hadn't escaped in time. The words, when the doctor said them so casually, became real. He had no family. He had lost them here. Who am I? An orphan. I can't remember. Who my family is or how they died. Am I all alone? I'm-
"Like hell he doesn't!" a girl with dumpling shaped buns and long pigtails stood in the doorway. Her jaw was swollen and her hands were bandaged, but Mamoru recognized her instantly.
Usako?
She was alive. She was here, in the hospital and she was standing right in front of him. The doctor looked affronted.
"Sorry, that was rude," Usagi apologized, bobbing her head. "But, you shouldn't say things like that! I'm Mamo-chan's family."
The doctor frowned at his clipboard. "You're not listed as a relative…"
"Well, I am! I'm his future wife."
The doctor stared at her for a moment, then snorted and rolled his eyes. "Of course. Well, I meant officially-"
Usagi stomped up to the doctor, pigtails bristling. She was only half his size, but he still took a step back, looking nervous. But all she did was thrust her hand in his face, showing him a ring on her finger with a heart on it. She had it on even over the bandages.
"See this? This ring? He gave it to me! It's proof! It's proof I'm always going to be by his side, and I'm always going to protect him no matter what! Are you going to tell me that doesn't make us family?"
"All right, all right!" The doctor waved his hands in surrender. "You're family! I apologize."
Usagi relaxed and gave a sweet grin. "Thank you!" She turned to Mamoru and her smile turned watery. "Mamo-chan! I was so worried, I-"
Mamoru stumbled forward, throwing his arms around her. She nearly fell over under his weight but all he could do is croak "Usako…Usako…you're alive!"
"Mamo-chan! Of course I am!" She sounded panicked.
"I woke up here and it's the hospital and it's the same ceiling and I thought…"
I'm sorry but
It was too late
Mamoru has
Miraculously survived
"I thought you'd gone…"
"Mamo-chan!"
But his knees gave out and he let the sea of unconsciousness wash over him.
This time when he woke up, the first thing he saw was Usagi. His IV was back in, and it hurt worse than ever, but somehow not quite so much with her holding his hand.
"Usako."
"Mamo-chan."
"What happened to your face?"
"You don't remember?"
He shook his head, then stopped because it felt like his brain was about to spill out.
"We were all in a big fight. This was a youma that planted bombs everywhere. And it was strong too! It took a nosedive for a while, though Mako-chan shielded me and took the brunt of it. You…you knew we couldn't fight this monster while worrying about the bomb, so…well, you told us you dis…did that thing where it wasn't on anymore, but really you ran off with it, taking it to a deserted place. We'd just beat the monster when I heard the explosion." Her eyes shimmered and some tears escaped, dripping onto their clasped hands. "That was really mean, Mamo-chan. Don't do it again."
"I'm sorry," he said automatically, even though he still couldn't remember. "What happened to your hands, then? They look burned." He was being very careful not to squeeze them.
"I dragged you away from the wreckage. You were sort of on fire," she croaked.
Mamoru winced. "I didn't want-"
"Hush. Didn't you hear me earlier? We're family. I would do anything for you," she shook her head, tears still spilling everywhere. "If it wasn't for the healing I did with the Silver Crystal…you would have died, Mamo-chan. You can't do things like that! How can you say you love me if you're willing to leave me all alone?!"
"I would never leave you alone," he answered automatically. "I do things like that because I just…I want to help you, and after it's over, I know you'll save me. I trust you, Usako."
She blinked at this, and her tears subsided. Eventually, a gentle smile spread over your face. She leaned over, resting her head on his chest. "Okay. Well, you need to know I'd never die and leave you alone ether. You were worried about that when you woke up, I guess?"
He nodded, and looked back up at the ceiling "I…don't like hospitals."
"But you want to be a doctor, right?"
"That's because I don't like hospitals. I want to help people who feel like me. I…don't wan't any other kid to…"
"Feel alone?"
"Yeah."
"I don't want you to work in a place you hate, though." Usagi pursed her lips. "Isn't there anything you like about hospitals?"
He thought for a minute. Then he smiled softly to himself. "Yeah. There's a big thing actually."
"What is it?"
"The answer to my question."
"What? What question? What answer?"
He let out a long breath, and then he winked at her. "Not telling."
She sprang up, glaring at him. "You meanie!"
"Sorry, dumpling head."
"Hmmph!" She turned away from him, pouting, and then perked up. "Oh! I bought you some food!"
"You want me to stay in the hospital longer?"
"You-!"
The answer to his question, he thought as he chewed on burnt cookie (he had to eat the whole batch right in front of her now, or she claimed she'd never forgive him.) Yes, that was it. Every time he remembered being stuck in this place, she'd been there. And the real recovery had been the answer she'd bought him.
"Am I all alone?"
"No, you're not. You have me."