A/N: I REWROTE SOME OF THIS CHAPTER AND ADDED NEW THINGS. IT TURNED OUT SO MUCH BETTER. AND I ERASED REPEATED WORDS. SRY PEOPLE FOR THE BAD BEGINNING. BUT IT'S BETTER NOW SO YA! This story is a little bit on the ED IS A EMO TYPE story but it gets better more into the chapters. And yes later on there will be Ed/Envy pairing because I love it and I think it is like the sexiest pairing. And there will be a little Roy in there. You'll just have to keep reading and find out.

I do not own FMA but I do own this story: ) Hope you enjoy it!!

To you I will always be

Chapter one

The sun beamed throw the frosted windows and hit my face in my nicely destroyed bed.

I groaned and mumbled some curses when the brightness abruptly awoke me out of my peaceful slumber. I opened my eyes and quickly glanced at the clock. I closed my eyes and gave a relieved sigh. 'Good I'm not late.' I dropped my face in my nice squishy pillow and gave a fake sob into it.

'Great the summers over already, another day of school. Why does the world hate me so much?' I gowned and slowly sat up in my bed. I wiped my eyes on the back of my hands and stood up.

The blankets wrapping around my legs and coming too.

I looked at my feet and gasped. To late. BAM! I face planted the wooden floor and laid there.

"Ow..." I moaned and set my head up on my chin. I stared at my door and glanced at the clock. I have ten minutes to get dressed and get something to eat.

I sighed and sat up. I started untangling the sheet from my ankles and threw it back onto my bed. I stood up and stalked over to my dresser. I opened some drawers and stared at the lifeless clothes. It seemed stupid and pointless.

Life, school, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, anything. But mostly just life. It all sucked and seemed pointless and just plain out dumb.

"Ed? You okay in there, it sounded like something feel." Al asked through the door. The blond haired teen got away from his thoughts and pointed his attention to the door his little brother was banging at. The thing separating his brother and him. He laughed and Al opened the door.

He poked his head in and sent Ed a warm morning smile. Ed sent one back and pulled a black pair of hot topic pants he got from their friend Martel for Christmas. And a blood red belly-shirt out from his drawer. He sent Al another smile and walked up to him.

"So did you talk to Hohenheim today, what did he say? How's mom doin?" Al shrugged and shook his head.

"No, dad hasn't called lately." he said, he smiled and closed his eyes. "But I'm sure their both perfectly fine!" I shrugged.

"I really could careless about that bastard. But I hope mom is alright. It's been almost a year since we've seen her. I really hate him for sending her to France for 'family matters'." Al blinked and slowly brought an had towards my face.

"Brother? Are you..." I pushed his hand away and nodded. I grabbed my black trench coat off the chair and walked past him. My shoulder bumping his. I power walked down the hall toward the bathroom. I quickly walked in the room and slammed the door shut. I didn't mean to be so cold and heartless, but just thinking about Hohenheim and mom made me angry and depressed. I felt warm sensations tingle behind my eyes as I stared at myself in the mirror.

"Is there something with the way I look? The way I am? What is it. I can't get a girlfriend without her cheating on me. Can't get a boyfriend because they all thing I'm a killer or something. No one in school talks to me anymore since I beat Hohenheim's ass in the park when he told me and Al he was leaving. And that bastard hasn't called us for three months," I just stared at a slightly chipping blue painting wardrobe in the corner of the room.

"Can't he at least send us a little more money? Maybe if he came back with mom I wouldn't always get depressed at the stupidest things!"

I looked away from the wardrobe and violently ripped the clothes I had fallen asleep in off my body. I quickly threw on my clothes and grabbed a brush nearest to me. I didn't see the point in looking fancy and crap for school. (Not like anyone commented me when I did look nice.) There really wasn't any dress violations, just as long as it covered your private areas. So the school didn't care what I wore. Not like I would care what they though either.

I brushed my hair and threw it up in a ponytail. Making sure to leave my honey colored bangs out so they could dangle in my face. I looked at myself in the mirror again and noticed how red my eyes were. I growled and swiped at them furiously.

"I hate him! I FUCKING HATE HIM!" I screamed it as loud as I could. Alphonse barely even knew him but I did. He was always home along with mom when we were younger. But when I turned fifteen and Al turned thirteen. Hohenheim left, and a couple of years later made mom go somewhere, he said it was for family matters, but I highly doubt that. Family matters don't take ten months to take care of.

I walked over to one of my mom's old straw baskets and opened up the crappy old top. I pulled out a smooth sharp razor that I had found in one of dad's old shaving kits a couple of weeks ago. I grabbed it and sat on the bathroom floor.

I put the razor to my wrist and concentrated on moving it deep and hard. I closed my eyes and just let it sit there. I ignored the sick feeling in my stomach and slowly dug it into my wrist. I had scars not a lot. But I had them, and they were all from different objects I has tried killing myself with.

I stopped when I couldn't do it anymore and opened my eyes. I hissed in pain and threw the stupid razor across the room. I didn't pay attention to my throbbing wrist and the great amount of blood that was running out of it. 'Why I did it. I didn't quite know myself. For some reason when the blood flowed out the depression eased up a little.'

I stared at the bloody blade and started to feel even more depression and angry at myself. I stood up and slid my feet over to the sink. I stared at my self in the mirror my dad had given my mom for a random gift. I hated it, whenever I looked at that mirror it reminded me of him. That, bastard!

I screamed and punched the mirror. I regretted it dearly. But right then I didn't care, As long as I got rid of the item with his name calling out everywhere off of it.

I screamed and cradled my bleeding hand on my chest. Making sure not to push the glass in my hand farther in. The shattered mirror flew everywhere. Onto the floor and all over the sink top.

I couldn't hold it back anymore. The tears formed in my eyes and fell down my face in a fast pace. Everything in my life is crap it never turns out the way I want it to. The only thing in this world that is actually keeping me from killing myself is Alphonse and Winry. Noah use to be a factor but she dumbed me after cheating on me.

I don't have any other friends so I don't have to worry about anyone else missing me. I wrapped my hand up in toilet paper and watched the blood quickly soak throw the paper. I started to panic. The bleeding wouldn't stop, and bleeding to death on the first day of school didn't seem like a way to go.

Someone knocked on the bathroom door and a concerned voice flow in from the other side.

"Ed? Are you okay, please let me in brother!" he said shaking the locked door. I stared at the handle and a weird high feeling groped my brain.

'When did I lock the door?' I tried standing up but felt woozy and unstable. Like a drunken fool who had to many drinks. I stumbled over to the door and opened it. I fell forward as the door's hard wood was the thing keeping me standing. Al caught me and let a gasp escape his lips. He must have seen all the blood and the broken glass.

"Ed! Brother what did you do! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU WANTING TO DO!" He yelled. I gave a small smile and slowly lifted up my right hand. He looked at it and I heard him swallow hard.

"Oh my god, hold on brother I'll call 9-11." He picked me up and put me over his shoulders the best he could. I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier by the second. I glanced down at my still bleeding hand and brought it up to me. I slowly ripped off the soaked sticky pieces of bloody tissue paper and let them fall to the floor as I passed above it. Not clearing making out the words Alphonse was yelling at me.

Al brought us into the living room and laid me down on the couch. I moaned as a flaming pain stayed inside my hand and wrist. It was horrible how one punch to a stupid cabinet mirror and a damn little blade could do so much damage.

Of course the damage was on the same arm. I whimpered as Al came running back into the room with two men who must have been paramedics of something. They ran over to me and lifted me onto a stretcher.

I was starting to breath a little harder and my vision was getting blurry. This was the second time I was going to the hospital because of my anger. I just hoped that one day it would stop, and hopefully that day would come very soon. Maybe even sooner then I expected.

X+X Two days later

I laughed and threw my wrapped hand and arm across Al's shoulders. I punched him lightly in the chest with my other hand playfully.

"You know I'm right Al, You have a crush on Winry!" I mocked with a giant grin. Al blushed and tried pushing me away.

"Whatever brother, I don't have a crush on Winry. She's just a...friend. Just like she is to you." I stopped and put a finger to my lips in a thinking pose. I laughed and sent him a wink.

"You know I don't really like girls Al, and on top of that you two would be great together!" I explained in a hyper voice. My grin just sat on my face as I teased my brother about our long life friend.

"Ed...stop! Please." Al whined. I sighed and laughed.

"Your no fun Al. You know I'm just playin around with ya." I brought my arm back and pulled my bag further up on my shoulder. Everyone was talking about my arm, I knew rumors were going to get extreme and someone would get hurt sooner or later.

But right now I was in a good mood and I just wanted to tease Alphonse and have fun before the lunch bell rang. It was the only time I got to see my sandy haired brother besides before and after school.

The bell rang and I glanced at the bell planted on the ceiling above the people. I sighed and looked over at Al.

He smiled at me and waved. I waved back and started down the hall towards my next class, Science. 'Yay me!' I thought dramatically.

I sluggishly walked through the corridors and ignored all the stares and snotty looks I got from people. I opened the door and was about to walk in when someone touched my shoulder. Not hard and aggressively but softly and gently.

I turned towards them quickly and gasped when Rose's smiling face was what I met. I gasped and stepped back in unease. She was a little too close. Out noses were pretty much touching.

I blinked at her in surprise and gave her a small uneasy smile. She closed her eyes with a bigger smile and gave a small giggle.

"Do you need something Rose?" I asked softly. She opened her eyes and a little bit of worry clouded them. 'Great...pity just what I wanted.'

"I...I know I've never really talked to you Ed, but I just wanted to know if everything was alright. My moms a social worker, and she could help you guys." she said in a sweet quiet voice. I looked at the floor and a wave of anger flashed past me.

"I don't need your help or your pity, thanks." I spat. I turned around and walked into the room making sure the door slammed behind me.

I set my books on my desk in the way back of the room. Maybe a little harder then anyone would have liked but right now I was pissed. Like social services could make my problems better more like worse.

I sat down in the cold hard plastic chair and took a deep breath. This class always had a funky smell to it. But you got use to it after about four or five years. I let my head rest on the top of my science book as chatty students slowly poured into the dull colorless room.

I stared at the brick wall beside me and followed the pen marks left by bored punks. There were doodles, Mike was here, Mike is a fagot with an arrow directed to the Mike was here, and some other stupid stuff that didn't at all catch my attention.

"Will you all take your seats please." the teacher said loud enough to catch my attention from the wall. I looked toward the teacher and sighed. 'Well here we go again, another boring depressing year of high school. Only this year and one more to go and it's all over.'

As the teacher named off the people in the class I slid into my thoughts my dark thoughts that always dragged me down into the deepest depression.

I was thinking of my mom and when her and Hohenheim were always home and playing with us. Taking us to the beach, or to the movies. Maybe even walking us to school sometimes.

"Edward Elric." the teacher said. I lifted my good arm and let it fall back down. I moaned and grabbed my stomach as it growled at me for being retarded and not eating. I moaned and let my head rest on the cool science book with the gay looking yellow frog on the front.

I let my chin rest on the book so I could watch the cute messenger boy come into the room. He doesn't come in here very often and I like it when he does. His name was Russell. He had soft feathered back blond hair, and baby blue eyes. Not to mention a pretty good looking body. A lot of chicks and some guys thinks he's the hottest in the school. 'I will admit I'm crushing on him but nothing to seriously.'

Russell walked over to the teacher and handed her a small note. She read it and sent him a sad pitiful face. They both looked up at my corner and I lifted my head up. 'Great, pity for what? Did my Hohenheim finally keel over? Did our house burn down. Did we get broken into? What?'

The teacher sighed and pulled some papers out of her desk. I got a little happier as she collected my homework. 'Sweet I'm getting out of school! Yes'

"Edward can you please come down here, bring your books with you." I grabbed my bag and my science book. I walked down the isle. Once again ignoring the stares I got from the class.

I walked up to Russell and the teacher. She handed me the note and the homework. All I could read out of the crappy ass handwriting was Ed, and mom. It didn't make much sense but it got me a little worried about the mom part. I nodded and ran out of the room. I ran towards the principles office and stopped when Al came walking down too. He looked just as confused as I did.

I stopped him and gave him a confused look. I lifted the letter in my hand and glanced at it.

"Did you get one too?" I asked. He shook his head and sighed.

"No they just told me to go to the office and they were sorry." He stared at the note with an indifferent look.

"what does it say?" I shrugged and told him I could only understand those two words. He looked a little worried and we both darted into the office.

The principle was standing there waiting for us. She sighed and motioned us to go into her office. We all sat down in chairs. We sat across from her with a big brown desk between us.

"We have gotten...bad news from your fat..." I cut her off with a quick and sharp.

"Hohenheim. He's not considered a father to me." She gave a grim frown and continued.

"Hohenheim, called me a couple of minutes ago to inform me to tell you two about your mother. She just recently passed away from an unknown cause. So you boys can take your homework from the secretary and go home. I'm sorry." she said.

I stared at her in shock. Not being able to get what she said into my head. I felt my mouth hang open and my eyes widening in horror.

"Wh...What! She can't be dead. She can't be." Al mumbled beside me. I looked at him and saw tears pouring down his cheeks.

I swallowed a lump in my throat and slammed my palms on her desk. Complete and total disbelief someone would call it. I shook my head and slammed my eyes shut.

"You're lying. How could you say something like that. Is this some kind of sick game? HUH!" I screamed the last part in her face and glared at her sad yet straight face. 'How in the hell can she be so calm about this?'

"I'm sorry Edward but it's true, she died this morning." I sat down and stared at my hands in disbelief.

"She can't be dead. She can't be." I whispered. I bit my lip and let my hands cover my eyes and I burst out in tears. All my pain was showing and it was all coming out at once. I let my head fall and be held up by my hands. Which were throbbing from being abused on the hard wooden desk.

Al was crying loudly next to me. Mumbling things to himself. I hated life. Why did it have to take away my mom. My loving caring, beautiful mom? She did nothing but care for us. She was the one who stayed behind after Hohenheim left. She stayed with us and cared for us with all her heart. But that one day when she got a letter from him she left. She told us we were old enough to watch out for ourselves just for a little bit. It would only take a couple of weeks maybe a month she promised.

She promised me and Al she would come back home. That she would never leave us. And that she would bring that bastard Hohenheim back with her. So we could be a perfect family again. She promised.

"She promised!" I screamed. I stood up and grabbed my bag along with Al's arm.

"Come on Al we're leaving." I said. Al staggered along behind me. I heard him wipe at his tears that were still running down his face. Along with a couple sniffles. I Just bit my lip and let the silent tears stream down my cheeks. I didn't care who saw me cry. Or Alphonse. We were leaving this place and we were never coming back. That was a promise. That I was going to keep.

I would call Pinako and Winry in Japan and we would go there and stay with them until we graduated and were old enough to get our own places. I pushed open the school doors violently and just kept pulling Al along with me. I dragged him to the school parking lot and walked up to my car. I let go of his sleeve and unlocked the doors.

I got in and shut the door. I looked over to the other door and pushed it open. But Al just stood there staring at it as if it was a foreign object and he didn't understand what to do next.

"Get in Al!" I shouted. He jumped and did as I ordered closing the door beside him. I stared at him for a minute or two. He looked like mom so much it kinda hurt. I shook my head and shoved the key into the ignition. I turned it and the car came to life. Exhaust piling out of the exhaust pipe.

I put it in drive and drove out of the parking lot of the school. Our old school. And down the street to our house. Our old house

A/N: I told ya he's a little emo in this chapter. But he isn't going to be through out the whole story. And there should be another chapter coming soon I just have to start on it lol. I have an idea for it so ya. Well please Review I love reviews it lets me know people actually read my stories. Thanks again!

SxS