Advent Children on Crack


Just a little side note: Again, I own NOTHING here except the utterly pointless story that is about to take place. As of today, I realize that I need a life and have no intentions on getting one. Maybe the next story will have somewhat of a better plotline...

RANDOMNESS!!!

oOoOoOo

THE CHARACTER LIST!


THE MAIN CHARACTERS

Cloud: Emo Milkman
Tifa: Bodybuilder
Vincent: Ballet Dancer/Flower Boy
Aerith: A Vampire
Red XIII: A firefighter/Walking contradiction
Yuffie: Annoying, Bad Lawyer/Superhero in disguise
Cait Sith: A Crayon
Cid: Cancer patient
Marlene: Evil Overlord

THE SHINRA CHARACTERS

Rufus Shinra: Bipolar/Schizophrenic mental institution escapee
Reno: A Singer (Sounds like Gackt)
Rude: Reno's backup dancer (Oh GAWD...)

THE SHM

Kadaj: Housemaid/Jenova's Witness
Yazoo: Transvestite/Cloud's Therapist/Jenova's Witness
Loz: Steroid Advertiser/Jenova's Witness
Sephiroth: Likes to wear baby bonnets
Jenova: A talking box who made babies somehow... Eww.

Now, let's begin.

CHAPTER ONE oOoOoOo

Cloud: -sigh- I hate milk... Almost as much as I hate my life. I want to die. Maybe I should drown myself in milk...

-Cloud knocks on a door to make a delivery-

Tifa: GRRRRRR WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Cloud: -shrinks- Uh... Here's your milk... Uh, Ma'am, I guess?
Tifa: AHH, YES, MILK - ESSENTIAL FOR BUILDING MUSCLES. THANK YOU LITTLE MAN!
Cloud: Uh... Tifa? Are you okay? Your muscles are bigger than your- ... Uh... Nevermind. See ya.
Tifa: GOOD BYE!

-Cloud walks away and continues on his daily route-

Cloud: I wonder... If I smash a milk glass and stab myself with it... Will it kill me? Hmm...

-Wanders up to the next door and knocks-

Vincent: -girly voice- Ooh! Why, hello Cloud! I see you have my milk! -twirls around- I just picked you a nice bouquet of flowers! Here!

-Vincent hands over bouquet-

Cloud: Uh... Thanks. It's not like it matters... They're gonna die if I touch them anyway.

-Cloud touches bouquet-

Flowers: AAAACK!!! WE'RE MELLLLTING!!! HIS EMONESS IS JUST TOO INSANE!!! MELLLTingggg... -dies-
Cloud: -sigh- Sorry, Vincent, I guess my Emo Aura is just too strong today.
Vincent: Oh, cheer up my lovely emo friend! At least the flowers haven't disintegrated completely or anythin-

-Flowers disappear-

Cloud: ...
Vincent: -back to man voice- Okay, go away now. You're worse than I was.

-Cloud walks away-

Cloud: -sigh- Oh well. Maybe Aerith will be able to lift my spirits a little bit.

-Cloud walks up to the door- -Knocks- -The door creaks open by itself. Cloud is greeted by a voice from within.-

Voice: ENTER.
Cloud: ...WTF. Am I in the wrong house?

-Aerith emerges from the darkness wearing completely black-

Aerith: Ah, it's you.
Cloud: ...
Aerith: What's the problem, Cloud? -eerie voice-
Cloud: Uh...
Aerith: -goes all demonic- OUT WITH IT.
Cloud: -shrinks even smaller- Here's your milk byeeeee!!!! -turns around to run out the door-

-door slams shut-

Aerith: Oh, you won't be leaving just yet... MwahahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! -vanish-

-Will Cloud be able to escape the evil wrath of Aerith the vampire? And will he be able to deliver all of the milk before it's too late? And better yet, will he be able to get through the entire story without CUTTING HIMSELF? Find out next time, fools.-