Dean Couldn't help it every time they went into a store his eyes automatically scanned the area for rings; on cases his eyes trailed from the witness' face to their hand observing the bands lovingly placed on their fingers, some were fancy dripping in jewels, some were plain, once he even found himself admiring a plastic sparkling flower one he could get if he simply put a quarter in the slot.
He knew why-of course he did, but that didn't make things better in fact it made it much worst because he knew he had no right to want that, had no right to bound his lover anymore than what he has already, but he wanted to wanted it so much that sometimes he had dreams, beautiful amazing dreams about slipping the band onto his lover's pale finger sweeping the man in a hug finely saying those three words.
Other times he had nightmares terrifying nightmares that the blue eye'd man would laugh in his face throwing the band back at him sneering at Dean's audacity, that he was too good for the likes of him, that he had a pretty face and only good for a fuck. Laughing at his attempt to keep him by his side when he was the one who caused him to fall. Those are the nights he woke up chocking back a sob wetness on his cheeks that he would later claim to be sweat. And then Cass would be there soothing him with soft hand wiping his brow whispering sweet nothings words. Only later with Cass snoring softy on my chest curled around me will he dare slip into sleep.
It was Sam who notice first of course it was Sam if he wasn't already a Moose Dean would've swore he was part Bloodhound the way he sniffed out other people problems. As always he does it in the most unexpected places when he is trying to enjoy a nice leak in the bathroom
"You know you're an idiot right?" Dean jump cursing as his aim went off a bit.
"Dammit Samantha the ladies room is across from here." Sam ignores the jibe.
"He loves you and all you're doing is acting like an asshole-" Sam says and Dean could tell he was gearing up for one of his long tirades " - fuck him every chance you get; rarely in the bed with him in the mornings, flirt with other women right front of him and hardly acknowledge him in public-" Dean stays quite zipping himself up, facing the wall his shoulders hunched subconsciously shielding himself from the words. "- he talks to me tells me how much he loves you and how scared he is that you only want him as around as convenient fuck and once you get tired of him you'll throw him away-" Dean try to speak and deny that claim, Cass Is worth more than a quick fuck more than a quick anything Cass meant the world to me he was everything it pained him to know that Cass felt that way. But Sam continued. "- you know what? You don't deserve him."
Dean froze, his heart shattering when he realized his worst nightmares were coming true; people were starting to see how shitty how broken how unworthy he really was, and he knew that Cass wouldn't be to far behind in the upkeep . That thought alone had him shaking hands clenched tightly to his sides hard enough that his grease stain nails bit hard into his skin and droplets of blood seeped out.
"Don't you think I know that?" Dean say quietly my voice shaking. "Dea-."
Dean cuts him off.
" Don't you think I know how lucky I am that Cass would even consider being with me? Don't you think I wake up each morning still in bed warm and comfortable but scared that if I were to stay he would wake up and be disgusted that I'm in the same bed with him? That he would have come to the conclusion that I wasn't worth it? I know I don't deserve him I made him fall I ruined his life he could be in Heaven with all his Angel Brothers and Sisters but he is stuck down here graceless bound by gravity like the rest of us. He does deserve better than the bastard that ruined his life" At this point tears were pushing at his green eyes threatening to spill over.
Sam tried to speak but he pushed pass him into the musky Bar to afraid to glance at Cass he walks straight out the door gasping in the cold air and quickly making it to my car.
He drove aimlessly down the dusty Oklahoma rode music blaring but even that couldn't keep his self loathing that was all too common now days for Dean at bay. He didn't want Cass to leave him just the thought of him in some unknown man or women's arm letting them kiss him, love him, fuck him, like Dean did made his blood boil. But another dark part of his mind whispered that Cass should find someone else to be with someone who can treat him the way he wants to be; he should have someone who could think 'I love you' and not feel queasy, he deserved someone better but Dean was selfish he wanted Cass all to himself.
He pulled up into a 24/7 sketchy pawnshop and walked in already knowing what he had to do-what he wanted to do.
"Welcome to Marty's Pawn- oh hello Agent Plant." The cheery blond they interviewed early said brightly.
Dean shot her a distracted smile eyes on the display case a frown set on his face, as much as his recent obsession with rings he still didn't know what to pick he knew Cass would be happy if Dean gave him a paper ring, knowing that Cass would be so content with something so cheap and flimsily made him all the more determined to get something special.
Thirty minutes later Dean found him still looking at the same rows of rings growing all the more frustrated as time ticked buy; they were ether too girly, ugly, or expensive.
"Need any help Agent." Dean jumped as the assistant comes from behind him.
"Uhh.." He trails and she lets out a tinkling laugh.
"Let me guess you did something to your blue eye wonder and now you're trying to make it up to him?"
"H-how did you..?" Dean was dumbfounded
"I'm a women trust me." She winks her eyes scanning the case.
"From I could tell from your man he dresses plainly even for an FBI Agent so he should probly like something that won't disrupt that flow... ah ha! This would work." She hands him a band shiny, silver, and cool to the touch and somehow shes right its perfect yet he couldn't help but think something was missing.
"I know just the thing to spruce it up." She takes the ring back waving her hand for Dean to follow her into the back room.
The back room is freezing with bright lights and only hosted a small machine.
"Its a etcher now tell me what do you want to tell you boy?" She said with a smile and his mind went temporarily blank before the right words appeared.
He whispered them to her and she smiled.
Castiel was worried no that was an understatement when Dean left the bathroom not sparring me a look his face pale and shaking I wanted to get up and follow him but something at the in his newly human body warned him to stay away but it didn't stop him from wanting to stop him and clutch him tight to his person until what ever was bothering his hunter went away. But even if he got up he wouldn't dare engage in any contact that might suggest a relationship especially in a crowed bar full of stereotypical rednecks and truckers; a minute later Sam comes out a guilty look on what Dean called his "puppy dog face".
He gave him a questing look.
"We have to talk." Sam said gravely.
I took it all in without blinking.
"So Dean blames himself for my falling, he blames himself and has been pushing me away because he thinks I desire better?"
"Heh, yeah" He scratches his long hair a sheepish expression on his face.
Dean arrived at the motel two hours later 1,500 poorer and a ring taking up space where the money was; But as he stood staring at the dingy motel gathering up the courage to open the door just when he was about to he could hear moaning filter though the door. What the...?
"Ahhhh harder Cass!" A voice Dean swore was Sammy's.
"Yeah...ugh...right there!" His heart stopped was Sammy and Cass...? The thought was to disturbing to fully comprehend.
Then anger flooded him NO! This wasn't happening right when he was going to man up to l-lo-liking Cass like alot no one-not even his baby brother was going to take his angel right under his nose. He would tie Cass to the bed and show him all the ways he was better than the others until Cass was his again, that thought did interesting things to his anatomy, but he pushed that away no time for that.
"WHAT DO YOU Th-oh." Dean bust through the door fully expecting the scaring sight of his little brother and Angel, only to be greeted with a common sight of Cass giving Sam a back rub-it was something they all did for each other.
"What the hell Dean?" Sam glares at him.
"Er, nothing." he sigh of course not Sam would never Cass would never.
"That didn't should like nothing-." He sounded annoyed he would have been Cass gave the best knowing all tender spots in the human body. "look man I'-"
"Save it." Dean snap of course he wasn't mad if not or him he wouldn't have gotten his head outta his ass until it was two late God he wish he wasn't to late
Dean gulps here goes nothing "Cass do you think you can go for a ride with me?" Cass' faced blanched Dean's stomach twisted maybe this wasn't a good idea, but Cass nodded something foreboding passed though his beautiful ocean eyes.
They drove in quite not even music playing Cass was always silent unless he needed to talk and Dean was to nervous to say anything. He eventually parked in a abandoned parking space, not the most romantic but he assumed it'll work.
Cass was the first to speak "You're breaking up with me." Cass said simply as if it was already a fact.
"Wa- NO No Cass! Why would you say that?"
"Thats how they do it in the movies, the boy takes his partner into a busy place to break up so his partner doesn't cause a scene. Although this is not busy I assume the same rules apply."
"No, Cass I would never-I -God this is not going the way I expected." The green eyed man grips his hair tugging lightly.
"Look Cass I've never done this before... I-I don't know what I'm doing." Dean's words struggle to escape his suddenly constricted throat.
Cass takes his face between his pale hands staring at him with too knowing eyes, Dean felt his eyes water.
"Its not your fault Dean- that I fell. I wouldn't have it any other way, true I miss my siblings but I wouldn't trade this life- I wouldn't trade you for anything."
Tears were really pouring out of his eyes
"B-but me?" Dean mange to choke out.
"Yes you Dean. You can deny I am very much human which means I have free will to chose whoever I want to mate with right?" Dean tries to interrupt but Cass just shushes him "I have chosen you and will always choose you." Cass finishes pulling Dean felt himself pulled to Cass' chest he breaths taking in the unique sent that was purely Cass.
For awhile he just stayed in his angel's arms til he composed himself enough to speak and I pulled back.
"Cass- no you spoke its my turn- I do blame myself-no let me speak- I blame myself I couldn't save you I failed you. I failed you because instead of trying to make this adjustment easier on you I made it a lot harder by treating you like you don't matter flirting with people who I couldn't give two shits about." I pull out the ring the silver glinting in the moonlight, the words on the front clearly exposed, Cass gasps.
"I was scared and tried to push you away and hurt you but the truth is Cass, I-I l." The words flow until the last words.
"I understand...I love you to." Tears fell freely from both their eyes as Cass slipped the ring on, the words 'My Angel, I Need You' written on the inside being covered up the more it went up protecting the heartfelt words from the world.
Their lips met in a slightly wet but nonetheless passionate kiss.
The ring wasn't for marriage no it was more than simple vows it was a promise for something much more.