A/N:

Hello everyone! I was suppossed to be working on homework, but this idea popped into my head. Basically, I heard 'Little Red Riding Hood' and it turned into this. I guess if you REALLY want to you can think of it as Royed, but it was not suppossed to be that at all. I do not support yaoi, its just not my thing. Really I think of it more as a random interaction between Roy and Ed, or Royed!Parental! I like the fatherly relationship between Roy and Ed.

So anyway, why don't you go ahead and read my completely random story here!

-B-E-D-T-I-M-E-S-T-O-R-I-E-S-

"Remind me again why we offered to baby sit Elycia?" Edward asked as he and Mustang met on the steps to the Hughes' house.

Mustang released a sigh and replied, "Because when we attempted to give an excuse he told us how sorry he would be if we missed a moment with her and would gladly show us all his photographs of Elycia so we wouldn't miss anything."
"Yeah, but why are we doing this together? And how the hell did Alphonse get out of this?!"

Roy sighed. It had been two minutes tops and he already had a headache. He was just considering running and dealing with the consequences when the door opened to reveal Gracia Hughes.

"Ah Edward, Roy, thank you so much for doing this; after Elycia was born, Maes and I have had no time to ourselves it seems." As she said this she let the two babysitters in the house and ran off to make sure her husband was ready.

Edward glanced at the door and muttered incoherently while Roy sighed. Again.

"Hi Uncle Roy, Big Brother Ed!" The two turned at the sweet voice to see the cute form of Elycia Hughes smiling brightly up at them. Ed smiled and greeted her, and Roy did the same after wondering when he got old enough to be called Uncle.

After the Hughes left, everything seemed to be going fine. Roy made dinner and whacked Ed every time he started to curse while Ed kept Elycia happy and entertained. She never misbehaved and gave her babysitters no reason to have trouble. But that didn't keep them from being frustrated and tired by the time it came for them to put her to bed.

Roy got her ready as Ed watched and made comments, many of which he had to be stopped by Roy mid-statement due to the fact no one wanted Elycia to develop a mouth like Ed's.

It wasn't until she was in bed and they were turning to leave that the real problem started.

"What about my bed time story?"

Two surprised faces turned back to gaze at her.

"Bed time story?" They repeated stupidly.

Elycia nodded and gave them a look as if she couldn't believe they didn't know what she was talking about. "Yes, Daddy gives me one every night. I can't fall asleep without one."

Edward looked towards his superior and smirked. "Good luck."

The thought that he could demand Edward to tell the story crossed his mind but quickly dismissed it. After all, he didn't want Elycia to lose her innocence at such a young age. Slowly he took a seat next to the bed, while the younger alchemist closed the door and leaned up against it, arms crossed and a smug smirk plastered on his face.

Roy stared at the expectant face of the young girl and began.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-R-O-Y-

Once upon a time there lived a blonde little country girl. She had a younger brother who admired her greatly and a beautiful mother who loved her immensely, and she loved to impress them with her skill of alchemy. This young girl had a teacher in the nearby town that had taught her this skill and though she did not admit it she loved this girl as her own. It was this woman who had given her a red hooded coat. The little blonde girl wore this coat constantly and soon she became known as Little Red Riding Hood.

But this great teacher also had a bad disease, and one day her mother called her. "Come here Little Red. Here is a nice, freshly baked meal and wine. I want you to take it to Izumi-san for she is ill and weak no matter how much she appears not to be. Mind your manners and give her my greetings. Remember, do not leave the path for you may get lost, and do not eat the food."

Of course she had to remind her daughter of both these things because for the daughter was very mischievous and would probably get distracted and she was also nearly always hungry. Little Red promised to obey her mother's instructions. The town her teacher lived in was about a half-hour away from her own house, with a path leading through the woods to it, and so she started on her way.

It was at this point that Edward started to get the hint that Little Red Riding Hood was himself. After all there had to be a reason Roy had added in the 'little' part. He was annoyed and like mad as hell but didn't want to say anything in front of the young girl staring in awe at the storyteller.

"My turn." Two sets of eyes turned towards him and looked at him questionably. Roy gave him a look that clearly said not to say anything that wouldn't be considered child appropriate, and leaned back in his chair as Edward took over.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-E-D-W-A-R-D-

Very soon, a dark black wolf came up to her. Although she was suspicious, she had no idea what a wicked bast-

Roy gave Edward a stern look.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-E-D-W-A-R-D-

-er….colo…nel…he was.

"Like a piece of corn?" Elycia interrupted.

"No. A colonel is a very bad person." Edward answered quickly, while Roy frowned at the indirect insult.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-E-D-W-A-R-D-

The wolf really wanted to eat Red Riding Hood. (Edward made sure not to say 'little' and Elycia gasped, clutching her pillow tightly for comfort.) But to trick her, because he was very tricky and deceitful, he pretended to be nice. "Hello, Red Riding Hood," he said.

"Hello Mr. Wolf," she replied.

"Where are you going, Red Riding Hood?"

"To my Sensei's house to bring her these treats for she is very sick."

"Where does your Sensei live, Red Riding Hood?"

"In the next town, at the end of this forest. Its a quarter mile from here. Surely you know what I'm talking about."

The wolf needed to find a way to catch Red Riding Hood so he decided to distract her. "Red Riding Hood, have you noticed all the great materials in this wood. You could easily make something out of them."

Now that Red thought about it, she was sure she could easily transmute something for her Sensei to impress her. She began looking for something to use, but each time she saw something good to use, she saw something better a little ways off.

But the wolf underesti-

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-R-O-Y-

Ignoring her mother's warnings-

Edward scowled as Roy interrupted him and continued on the story in his own way, while Elycia hurriedly turned to Roy, eager to hear what happened next.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-R-O-Y-

-Little Red began to wander off farther into the woods, and the cunning, devilishly handsome wolf hurried off towards Little Red's Sensei's house. Upon arrival he hurried up to the door and knocked.

"Who's there?"

The voice replied in a high pitched voice, "Little Red Riding Hood, Sensei. I brought you some food and wine."

"Very well. Come on, just let yourself in." (Edward chuckled at how gullible Story-Izumi was)

The wolf entered and made his way over to where Izumi lay. Normally she would have defeated him, but as she was sick and weak he overpowered her and locked her in a closet. ("Yeah right…," Edward mumbled.)

Reaching in a drawer the wolf pulled out some of Izumi's clothes and put them on, closed the window curtains, and lay in her bed.

"So the wolf spends time in women's clothing…..interesting…." Edward chuckled.

"But he's tricking Little Red, so he has to!" Elycia insisted, and then looked to Roy for more of the story.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-R-O-Y-

By this time, Little Red had created a small sculpture out of wood and was on her way to Izumi's house. When she got there she noticed the front door was open and she felt scared as she made her way into the house and saw that all the lights were off.

When she got to her Izumi's bed she saw that her cap was pulled over her face and walked forward cautiously.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-E-D-W-A-R-D-

(Ed took this opportunity to jump in and tell his version.)

But Red Riding Hood was not fooled, and began asking questions to see what was going on with her Sensei.

"Sensei, what big ears you have!" She exclaimed.

Roy answered as the wolf before Edward was given the chance to continue.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-R-O-Y-

"All the better to hear you with."

Edward took over once again and poor Elycia looked back and forth trying to figure out just who was telling this story.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-E-D-W-A-R-D-

"Sensei, what big eyes you have!"

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-R-O-Y-

(Roy)

"All the better to see you."

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-E-D-W-A-R-D-

(Ed)

"Sensei, what big hands you have!"

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-R-O-Y-

(Roy)

"All the better to hold you with."

Elycia was currently grasping the pillow in horror, and muttered," Run Little Red!"

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-E-D-W-A-R-D-

(Ed)

"Sensei, what big teeth you have!"

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-R-O-Y-

(Roy)

"All the better to eat you with!" The wolf cried as he lunged towards the young girl and-

Edward cut in as he noticed Elycia begin to tear up.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-E-D-W-A-R-D-

-would have eaten her up. But lucky for her a hunter, the best sniper in all the land, was taking a stroll through the forest. She overheard the wolf's yell and barged into the house in time to see the wolf lunging toward Red Riding Hood.

The blonde hunter quickly pulled out her gun and shot the evil wolf.

The wolf was dead and Red Riding Hood was saved. They released Izumi from the closet and the three of them had a celebration to celebrate the death of the evil wolf, eating and drinking the food and wine Red Riding Hood had brought. The hunter took the dark wolf's pelt and left, while Red Riding Hood gave the wooden sculpture to her Sensei who was indeed impressed.

Roy chuckled and took over one last time.

-N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R-:-R-O-Y-

And Little Red Riding Hood thought to herself, "I will never disobey my mother's orders ever again."

The two left Elycia and as they got downstairs Maes and Gracia entered the house. After assuring them everything went fine, the two exited the house.

Edward was exhausted so instead of screaming and ranting about the indirect short remarks he simply scowled at Roy and turned to make his way back to the military dorms where he and Al were currently staying.

"Good night, Little Red!" Roy called after him.

Edward twitched visibly and growled out, "Shut up, stupid wolf."

So, how was it? Stupid? Funny? So stupid it WAS funny? PLEASE REVIEW!! And don't worry, I haven't given up on Forsaken, I just have a major case of writer's block...Instead of figuring out how to continue that one, all I can think up is stupid drabbles and one shots like this one.

Wow....I just wasted so much time going back and changing all the linebreaks, and adding in 'Narrator:So and So'......but I couldn't help it.....I was having this moment where it was bugging me so bad I just had to go back and change it......