I'm currently laying in bed staring at the ceiling, the only thing I can think about is the nagging sound of the raindrops on the rooftop drip, drip, your no good for me, I don't want you. I had to shake the haunting words filling my head. The memory plaguing my being, I looked at the clock and from the darkness in the room I could tell that it was still early morning the clock read 5:00 am. After about a half an hour of staring at the ceiling and wallowing in self pity I threw my legs over the bedside maybe a little to fast because I had to adjust my eyes from the head rush. I walked over to the mirror and looked at a girl with lifeless brown eyes, pale skin, and dark circles under her eyes she looked like she had been suffering from sleep deprivation and had lost a lot of weight and the sad part is it took me a while to finally admit to myself that this girl in the mirror was in fact myself.

I sighed at the image and made my way to the door I opened it slowly in fear I might wake Charlie, the small hallway that led to our upstairs bathroom was still a little dark so I carefully walked down the slender walk way not wanting to go to the emergency room like last year before prom when I had that incident with jame……. A single tear spilled from my eyes I couldn't think about that not now. I made my way into the small bathroom and walked over the shower pulling the curtain back and twisting the knob for the hot water I stepped away while the hot steam filled the air I stripped off my shirt and sleeping pants and walked over to the mirror taking my hair tie out of my brown locks. I finished undressing and stepped into the shower turning the red knob and making it as hot as I could stand it, I could feel it burning my skin but it only felt numb now a days I cant really feel anything ,that or I don't want to feel anything. I soaked my hair with the scolding hot water and grabbed my strawberry shampoo I popped open the lid and squeezed some into my hand, as I rubbed the shampoo into my scalp and lather up my hair I couldn't help but let my mind wander remembering the time I stood in the shower doing the very same thing but this time Edward wasn't just another room away I couldn't just walk out of the shower and have him here with me. By the time I came back to reality my hair was like straw from the shampoo and I collapsed onto the shower tiles I pushed my knees up to my chest and rested my head down on them feeling that this was the only place I could cry and not know which water droplets are actually my own tears.

I had been crying so long when I was finally interrupted with a knock on the door

"Bella? Are you okay sweetheart?"

"yeah dad I'm fine" what else could I say 'hey dad I've been sitting on the shower floor for about three hours now crying my eyes out so hard that their actually sore and swollen' no I don't think so "okay, well I have to head to work maybe you could go down to la push Billy tells me Jake has been wanting to see you" Jake wanted to see me I know he has feelings for me but could I ever really love again? I don't think its fair that the day after Edward left mike, Eric, and Tyler all asked me out like I hadn't just gotten my heart broken by my one and only love. My thoughts were interrupted by the shrill ring of a phone I stumbled over to the phone and read the called ID "Black, Billy" I picked It up "hello?" a deep gruff voice answered me on the other end of the line

"hey Bella what's up?" his voice was laced with concern like he knew I was moping around "um.. You know hanging out around the house doing absolutely nothing"

He started laughing on the other end of the line "well as long as your hanging around the house doing nothing why don't you come over to my house and we can hang out and do nothing together?" I started giggling and surprised myself it's been quite a while since I've smiled let alone laughed. "okay Jake ill come over and do nothing with you" I heard and exasperated sigh on the other end "great! Come down as soon as you can Billy and Charlie are going fishing later so I wont have any company" I could almost see him pouting "okay Jake I'm getting in the truck now" I said as I was walking to the coat rack and picked up my keys "okay ill see ya" I said as I stepped into the truck

"okay ill see you in a little while" I hung up the phone and starting driving for the boarder to la push, about twenty minutes passed when I got to jakes house stepping out of the truck and walking up the slender sidewalk and admiring the small little red brick house when I got the wind knocked out of me I opened my eyes and found myself in a bear hug tight in Jacobs grasp I swear he grew again at least 5 inches since I last saw him which was four days ago "nice to see you to Jake" I managed to choke out he began laughing and then set me on my feet "hey bells what's up?" I stared up at his face noticing his smooth features for the first time. When you think about it Jake was really good looking his features were so delicate almost feminine but masculine all at the same time. Jakes awkward coughing sent me back to reality he was looking down at me with a confused expression I just shook it off and walked past him into the house.

The day was going by quick maybe a little to quick, me and Jake had watched TV and I had made us lunch which Jake ate like a cow at one point in time I actually thought he was going to swallow his fork. We walked out on the beach line and talked and soon Charlie was home and going fishing with Billy but after Billy and Charlie came back Charlie suggested we go home and of course I agreed, today had really tuckered me out.

But something that scared me was when I hugged Jacob it felt uneasy and he was burning up, after I pulled back from the hug I looked up into his eyes to find weird swirls of caramel were swimming through his almost black eyes. I looked into his eyes and saw worry I knew something was up and for some reason I had a feeling this was the very last time I would ever be this close or even friends with "my" Jacob.