A/N: Thanks go to the reviewers, who pointed out certain inaccuracies
within this little fic and also gave their opinions. I appreciate it very
much.
You weren't always this way. There was a time when you weren't the calm elf- lord. When you weren't so collected, when you let your emotions flow. A time when you when you weren't so cold.
But times change, don't they? You were a young thing then, half-elf and half-man, and you accepted both sides. Now you can't live with yourself. You curse yourself everyday, because you are counted among the elves. You have immortality. Yet you want nothing more than to die.
You've lost so much. First your parents. You handled it. It was difficult, but you did it. It was the barest consolance, to know that at least they were not dead. Then Elros chose the way of men while you chose the way of elves. And it hurt. You've never gotten over that. You've always felt that he betrayed you, and you've always felt that you betrayed him.
Next came Celebrian and Gil-galad. Immortal, yet. . . gone. The mother of your children, tortured by orcs. None of your healing powers could take away her pain. She faded and went to Valinor. And though you are with her now, it could never be the same. The sight of her face brings you such anguish. And Gil-galad; your idol, your teacher, your friend. Gone. Taken away from you. For the rest of time, they are held away from you. Thus, forever became hell to you.
And then there was the one who left you. Your daughter - your evening star. She chose love and mortality. You could not blame her - wouldn't you do the same thing for love? You would do it gladly! A second of love would be better than this forever of pain. Deep down you wish you could have changed your decision, so long ago; but you made your choice. You chose immortality. And how you've paid.
Yes, there have been times in your life when you've been happy you chose what you did. But the sadness is there. You feel it every day. The hurt of your losses, your memories. What was tragic you remember with pain. What was beautiful brings you only longing, regret, and sorrow. The wistfulness lives in your eyes.
Here you are, in the Blessed Realm. Long ago you left Middle-earth. You crossed the seas to come to Eldamar. You hoped that you would find peace here. That the tales of the Blessed Realm would not be just tales any more, but true. You should never have left Middle-earth. This bright place only makes you darker. You're shattering inside, you know. Falling to pieces. Your sons look at you with worry. They wonder what is wrong with their father. But how can they understand? How can anyone understand? Oh, all the elves know what it is like to carry the burden of immortality. But what are their losses, compared to yours? What are their memories, compared to yours?
What is their knowledge of regret, compared to yours? You could have chosen the way out. You chose life. And for the rest of your life, you'll wish you'd chosen differently. But you could never commit suicide, and there is no other way to die in the Blessed Realm. You'll live but you'll be dead at heart. For all of eternity, it will be this way. Yours is a neverending death.
You weren't always this way. There was a time when you weren't the calm elf- lord. When you weren't so collected, when you let your emotions flow. A time when you when you weren't so cold.
But times change, don't they? You were a young thing then, half-elf and half-man, and you accepted both sides. Now you can't live with yourself. You curse yourself everyday, because you are counted among the elves. You have immortality. Yet you want nothing more than to die.
You've lost so much. First your parents. You handled it. It was difficult, but you did it. It was the barest consolance, to know that at least they were not dead. Then Elros chose the way of men while you chose the way of elves. And it hurt. You've never gotten over that. You've always felt that he betrayed you, and you've always felt that you betrayed him.
Next came Celebrian and Gil-galad. Immortal, yet. . . gone. The mother of your children, tortured by orcs. None of your healing powers could take away her pain. She faded and went to Valinor. And though you are with her now, it could never be the same. The sight of her face brings you such anguish. And Gil-galad; your idol, your teacher, your friend. Gone. Taken away from you. For the rest of time, they are held away from you. Thus, forever became hell to you.
And then there was the one who left you. Your daughter - your evening star. She chose love and mortality. You could not blame her - wouldn't you do the same thing for love? You would do it gladly! A second of love would be better than this forever of pain. Deep down you wish you could have changed your decision, so long ago; but you made your choice. You chose immortality. And how you've paid.
Yes, there have been times in your life when you've been happy you chose what you did. But the sadness is there. You feel it every day. The hurt of your losses, your memories. What was tragic you remember with pain. What was beautiful brings you only longing, regret, and sorrow. The wistfulness lives in your eyes.
Here you are, in the Blessed Realm. Long ago you left Middle-earth. You crossed the seas to come to Eldamar. You hoped that you would find peace here. That the tales of the Blessed Realm would not be just tales any more, but true. You should never have left Middle-earth. This bright place only makes you darker. You're shattering inside, you know. Falling to pieces. Your sons look at you with worry. They wonder what is wrong with their father. But how can they understand? How can anyone understand? Oh, all the elves know what it is like to carry the burden of immortality. But what are their losses, compared to yours? What are their memories, compared to yours?
What is their knowledge of regret, compared to yours? You could have chosen the way out. You chose life. And for the rest of your life, you'll wish you'd chosen differently. But you could never commit suicide, and there is no other way to die in the Blessed Realm. You'll live but you'll be dead at heart. For all of eternity, it will be this way. Yours is a neverending death.