"Moi une vrai amour"
Dr. Beverly Crusher went through the ship on here way to the meeting. She knew she was going to be late, but she really didn't care. The Captain had hunted her down some 30 minutes before to tell her that he was going to marry Anji. Now not only did she have to hear him tell it once, but now it would be twice because he was telling everyone at the meeting. Beverly had even thought of sending Dr. Soner in her place, but than decided against it, since Jean-Luc had asked her to help set up the wedding. And she had been the damn idiot and said yes. Now she would have to set the stupid thing up and watch it all happen. At least it wasn't happening on the ship. She could have someone from the ship page her and tell her they needed her and than she wouldn't have to sit through the thing. She walked through the doors to the conference room 10 minutes late. From the stares of the rest of the senior staff, the Captain had already told them what was going to happen. Anji was in her usual chair and that was okay with Beverly. She really didn't want to talk, nor sit next to the Captain. Instead, Beverly walked down the table and sit at the other end, next to Will. Under the table, she felt Will gently tap her leg and than squeeze it. She knew he was trying to make her feel better, but at this moment, nothing would do that.
Captain Picard looked down the table at his CMO. It wasn't unusual for her to be a minute or two late, but ten was pushing it. He decided he would talk to her after about what was bothering her. After all, she was his best friend.
Deanna could tell that her friend was hurting. She had sensed it when she had walked through the door. Of course, she hadn't thought that Beverly knew yet since she had missed the Captain's announcement, but it seemed that she did know.
Will glanced down the table at Deanna and understood everything in her gaze. He also knew what this must be doing to Beverly. He had had to deal with it with Deanna, and now, after waiting some 25 years, Beverly had to hear it from the Captain. Of course, Will hadn't waited 25 years for Deanna, only a few less.
The meeting drew on and Beverly blocked more of it out. She really didn't care about how much longer she was going to have to stay at Ba'Ku. She hated the place, and Jean-Luc Picard was going to make this even more difficult on her. Finally after listening to the conversation go on for some 50 minutes, the Captain was done. Beverly stood up and walked out with Will and Deanna close behind her. They made it to the Turbo-lift before Beverly started to cry.
Captain Picard ended the meeting and was about to ask Beverly to stay, when she jumped up and left the table with his first officer and counselor close behind. Data and Geordi went a little slower and Worf stayed at the table until everyone else had left. Than he got up and walked out. Anji and the Captain were the last ones left in the conference room.
"Why didn't you tell them that you would be leaving the Enterprise Jean-Luc?"
"Because I didn't think it was the right moment. Now if you would please excuse me, I need to go and see my CMO."
Captain Picard got up and left the room. He rounded the corner to the turbo-lift and saw Will and Deanna leading a crying Beverly into the turbo-lift. He hid behind the corner of the wall and listened to their conversation.
"Deanna, Will, you can let me go, I'm fine. Really. I just had something in my eye."
"Bullshit Beverly, we all know the reason you're crying. Let's go down to Deanna's office and talk about it."
"No Will, I want to be alone. If it's okay with you, I'm going to end my shift early and go back to my quarters. I need to think."
"Okay, but you know how to find us if you need to."
"Yes."
Jean-Luc Picard watched as the turbo-lift doors shut and he was left alone.
*Why was she crying.* He thought to himself in his head. He would have to go and ask her in a few minutes, but his first stop would be Deanna's office. He got in the turbo-lift and headed for the deck.
Beverly walked into her quarters and sat down on the couch. She picked up a pillow and hugged it tight against her chest.
*How could he do this to me? Doesn't he realize that I love him? Or is he too dense to see it anymore? I'm too late. That's the problem. He waited 25 years for her, and she never once told him she loved him. But he should know that. He had read her thoughts when they were stuck on Kes Pritt 3.* She picked up the pillow and through it across the room. She picked up the pillow behind her and through it across the room towards the door. It hit the Captain right in the face.
"What the hell are you doing here? Get out now!"
"Beverly we need to talk."
"No we don't, now go."
"Beverly, we really need to talk."
He walked across the room and sat down beside her on the couch.
The Captain had gone to the counselor's office and talked with Will and Deanna. He had had to drag the truth out of both of them, but he had managed to get it. How could he have been so dense to not even think that Beverly might still love him? After leaving the office, he went straight to Beverly's quarters, and when she had not answered the doors, he had used his security over-ride to open the doors. Of course, walking in at that moment was a bad choice. He had gotten hit with a pillow that Beverly had thrown across the room. Catching it with one hand before it fell to the floor, he looked at the figure curled up on the couch. He could now see the hurt and anger behind her eyes. Walking across the room, he sat down on the couch next to her and watched her to see what she might do. Instead of picking up another pillow and hitting him again, she curled farther into a ball and cried. He hated to see her cry. It tore him up inside. Without thinking, he drew her close to him and hugged her. She immediately stiffened at his touch and tried to move out of his grasp. But he wasn't going to let her get away. Instead he held her tighter and looked her right in the eyes.
"Beverly, can we please talk?"
"What is there to talk about? You're marrying Anji in 2 months, and than you are leaving the ship."
"How did you know about my leaving the ship?"
"Because, she isn't going to leave that planet. So it just makes sense that you're going with her."
"I was going to talk to the senior staff about this. But I wanted to talk to you first."
"Why talk to me first. Why not just talk to the entire senior staff and get it over with?"
"Because you're my best friend and I talk everything over with you first."
"You didn't this time."
He could sense and feel the anger in her voice. He also felt the pain of finding out. He wished so much that he could still read what was going on inside her mind. Over the last few years, he thought he could tell everything about her, but now, it seemed like he lost something. He didn't know why she was so upset and hurt. She was the one who pushed him away. She was the one who didn't want the relationship. But by how she was acting, he could see that all this time, she really had. All this time that he had waited to know if she really loved him, came down to this. This one moment in her quarters, with her crying, or at least trying not to cry, but he could see the tears behind her blood-shot eyes. *Great, now what am I going to do. She loves me, and I have loved her for more than 25 years, and now I'm suppose to marry Anji.*
"Beverly, I think we need to talk about this."
"What is there to talk about. Your happy and I have...never-mind."
"You have what Beverly? Nothing? I don't think so. All this time, all you had to do was say something. Just three little words and you could have anything that you wanted. Why didn't you ever say them?"
"Because Jean-Luc, I was scared."
"Scared of what, loving someone again?"
"No, scared of loving you so much and than having you wind up in my sickbay, sick or hurt with nothing that I could do. Than you had that little thing with Q {Reference to "All Good Things..."}, and you saw the future. We got married and than divorced. I didn't want to lose everything that we had. I love being your best friend, and I don't want to lose that. It would kill me inside if we lost that. But now we are going to lose that anyway."
"So instead of telling me how you felt, you've been hurting yourself inside? And we are not going to lose our friendship."
"Yes we are, because by marrying Anji, and leaving the Enterprise, you're leaving all of us, and me behind. We aren't going to be able to keep in contact because of where Ba'Ku is."
"Do you love me Beverly?"
"What?"
"Do you love me? Do you love me enough for me to tell Anji that I can't marry her and me to stay here and have us try this? Do you love me?"
"What about Anji Jean-Luc, can you just leave her behind and forget about her?"
"She doesn't have my heart Beverly. She doesn't even have my whole mind. Only part of it. Answer my question, do you love me?"
"Jean-Luc, what do you want me to tell you. Yes, that I love you so much that it's killing me watching you marry Anji? Well it is, but I can't let you just hurt someone else because I love you." "What about if I marry her though? I love you. I always have loved you. I have been fooling myself thinking I'm over you, and I'd be hurting her if I went through with the marriage. And if I married her, I'd be hurting you and me in the process. I have to find her and tell her I can't marry her."
"Jean-Luc, are you sure?"
"Are you sure that you love me?"
"Yes I am sure that I love you."
"Tell me, tell me in the exact words."
"Jean-Luc Picard, I love you. I have for some time and I will continue to love you. But are you sure that you love me?"
"Beverly Howard Crusher, God how much I love you. I have loved you for the last 27 years, and I know that I will love you till I die. I can't change how I feel. I don't want to change how I feel."
After saying that, he lifted her head again and kissed her softly on the lips. He gently pulled back and looked into her eyes again. He saw the hurt and pain gone. In its place was happiness. He gave her a quick hug and than leaning back, he let her go.
"I need to go and talk with Anji, will you be here in about an hour for dinner?"
"I don't plan on going anywhere."
Jean-Luc stood up and than helped Beverly to her feet. He took her hand and squeezed it as he quickly kissed her again. He let her hand go and started towards the door.
"Are you sure Jean-Luc? I don't want you to feel bad or guilty about this."
"Beverly, trust me. I am sure about this. I promise I'll be back in one hour and than we can have dinner and forget about this whole thing."
"I don't want to forget about this whole thing. I want to remember this day."
He smiled and kissed her again before walking out the door. He smiled to himself again as he thought about the last few minutes. He finally had what he wanted. His smile slowly faded as he thought about how to tell Anji about all this. Turning in the hall, he walked towards the turbo-lift. Getting in, he asked the computer where she was. He went to the deck with her quarters on it and stood out side her door. Pushing the door chime button, he waited until he heard her tell the computer to let him in and than the doors parted.
"Jean-Luc, what are you doing here? Did you talk to Dr. Crusher?"
"Anji, we need to talk."
"Jean-Luc, what's wrong?"
"It's about us."
"It's your Dr. Crusher, isn't it?"
They both said in unison. Jean-Luc turned and looked at Anji.
"Anji, there is something I have to tell you. For the last 27 years, I have been in love with Beverly. And I know that she loves me back. I thought that by marrying you, I could maybe get over the feelings that I have for Beverly. But I now realize that if I did that, I would not only hurt you, but I would hurt Beverly and myself. And it wouldn't be fair for you to marry me if my heart and mind belonged to someone else."
"You forgot one thing Jean-Luc."
"What's that?"
"She also has your soul. I think I knew all along. I think I could sense it. At least you told me now."
"Are you okay with this?"
"I'm fine."
They talked for a while longer and than Jean-Luc excused himself. He checked in on the bridge and gave orders that should any problem arise in the next 15 hours, they should contact Commander Riker. Than he went to his quarters and changed out of his uniform. Going through his closet, he picked out one of his favorite off-duty uniforms and than went to the hydro-ponics garden on the ship. He picked out a dozen, long stem white and red roses and went to Beverly's quarters. Ringing the chime, he waited for her to say enter. She didn't respond. Ringing again, he waited. When she didn't come this time, he used his security over-ride to open the door for the second time that day. He was going to have to get her to change the door locks to let him in. He looked around the room and didn't see her. He listened and heard music coming from one of the other rooms. He walked into the bedroom and saw steam coming from the bathroom.