I've had half of this written and the other half planned for ages and I've only just got the confidence to finish it and post it, I don't really know how people are going to react to Kimmett fics… I've seen a few around and they are all brilliant, which is another reason I was scared to post this one-shot in case mine is crap basically *laughs*. I hope you guys like it because I would hate to disappoint anyone! I love you all, chow!xx

'Brendan Brady to leave Hollyoaks'

He looks at the computer screen, has stared at it every day since it appeared on the E4 website but fuck if it makes sense. He knew it was coming, of course he fucking did - with Emmett being his 'partner' and everything - but it doesn't hurt any less; his heart is still breaking because Christ, he's losing him. Emmett is actually leaving; Brendan Brady will be no more and that means no more filming - no more kissing - with the person he is in love with.

He fell in love the first moment he saw Emmett. Yeah he's with Carl, yes he still loves him but Emmett – well it's just different; he's always loved him. Two and a half years and now he's going – leaving – maybe forever – and it's too much, the pain too acute because he will hardly see him anymore; the man who has become his life is leaving him. He cannot voice his feelings – would be stupid if he did – because everything would change, it would become awkward; Claire and Carl – maybe even Emmett would hate him and he knows the other man doesn't feel the same... he's straight... he would never love him back and that fact – the thing telling him he can never have what he most desires – breaks his heart even more.

Every time he sees the Irishman he just wants to grab him and kiss him; kiss him until his heart is full of it – until his head is swimming and his body is humming and his blood is boiling but he can't. It's destroying him, being so close to the other man every single day and it's been hurting him since day one; makes him cry sometimes, knowing the person he is in love with will never want him back, makes him break down at night. Cries himself to sleep on the sofa at least once a week – blaming it on stress if Carl ever catches him; it's just ruining him and the life he once had, before Emmett walked into it.

He shouldn't but he resents Claire. She was his friend and of course she wouldn't have known but she got with Emmett; is in a relationship with him, gets to wake up with him whenever she wants and it's not fucking fair. Why should he be made to suffer like this? Claire doesn't even realise how lucky she is, how she has everything he has ever wanted and he hates her for it; everything she does just irritates him now because he's jealous – he won't deny it – he is fuckingjealous, but who wouldn't be?

Emmett doesn't have a clue... at least Kieron hopes he doesn't; if he has caught on then he hasn't let it show. Although, Rachel did question it once; asked him if he had a little crush when he was over-excited about the Dublin scenes but of course he flat out denied it, said he had no clue of what she was talking about. He did. He was practically jumping around the set, when he found out how 'Stendan' would be reuniting, how romantic it was going to be and that bed scene – the 'whatever the pleasure' one – that just had his heart pumping a mile a minute and his head blurring until the only thing he could see was Emmett's lips coming towards him; out of all the kisses they have ever shared, the Dublin ones are his favourite and that one is at the top of the scales.

That's why he loves playing Ste because Ste has Brendan. Ste gets to kiss Brendan, gets to hug him, joke around with him and just be with him... if Kieron tries hard enough he can pretend it is actually him and Emmett in the relationship. All of Ste's smiles, his laughs and his love for Brendan... that is all real except for one thing; Kieron is not Ste here because Ste actually has his man... well will do until next week because next week is when Emmett leaves, when Brendan Brady leaves the TV screen – maybe for good.

He has to film the hospital scene today – the last scene he will film – and he knows how that is going to go down, how he has to cry – scream – and it's going to be a release for him; a welcomed one at that because he can actually cry. Not the concealed tears he often sheds at night but the bone-deep, gut-wrenching sobs that he needs to let go of; he can do that now without people looking at him with suspicion and it seems playing Ste actually has a silver lining after all.

He looks at the clock and realises the time – eight am – shit, he has to be at work in the next hour and he hurries out of the living room; running to get in the shower.

–OXO–

"… I just don't understand how you can do this to someone that loves you as much as me." He cries and to the outside world he is just acting – to everyone else he is just doing his job but he knows that's not the truth. He doesn't understand how Emmett can do this to him when he loves him this much; he can't get his head around it because surely he can see this is breaking his heart. He must know how much this is killing him and Emmett certainly cares about him, they've been working together for two and a half years now and to him, his love for the other man is obvious.

He wipes his eyes and tries to steady his breathing; they are not Ste's tears – they're his. "I can't do this without you…" He's terrified of the future now; without Emmett he doesn't know what's around the corner and he doesn't want this – he would do anything to change what is happening because this is their last scene together. This is when everything is going to fall to shit and he gets himself together enough to continue with the scene; he sniffs, walks forward, sits down and places his forearms on the bed railing before speaking. "Nothing's ever going to change… and I'm never going to feel any differently about you."

"I'm never going to feel any differently about you, I promise you, okay?" Emmett says and those words' leaving his lips sounds weird; they're Brendan's words but this all feels so real. It feels like Emmett is actually speaking to him and of course he isn't, he doesn't feel the same but this pain is so real and acute, it feels like his heart is being ripped out.

After that, everything is a blur. The copper comes in and tells them it's time to take Brendan away, he begs them to let him stay in hospital and then there's the kiss – the kiss he will never forget and they're dragging him away as he screams 'no, no, no' and tears are pouring down his face and it feels so fucking good to just let this all out. He's sick and tired of keeping it all in and when he falls to the floor – screaming out Brendan's name, he really wishes he was screaming for Emmett.

…

That night, he lies in bed and thinks about everything that has happened since he first started filming with Emmett; how they clicked straight away and became best friends and Kieron can't really pinpoint the exact moment Emmett started to become more. It's just the fact he has become more, he should never have let a straight man steal his heart like this because whenever he sees Emmett now, what is he supposed to do? He could avoid seeing him but that would hurt him even more and anyway, it's Emmett's leaving do tonight and he has to be there for his friend.

He sighs and gets out of bed, thoughts of alcohol loosening his tongue tormenting him and he knows it's a possibility; he's come so close to spilling everything when he's been drunk before, of taking Emmett into a corner and just telling him but it was Carl that stopped him every time. He had seen his smiling face out of the corner of his eye and even if Emmett does feel anything for him back, he's not sure he could do that to Carl. Leave him for another man when they've spent so many years together and he knows he will break the other man's heart if he ends their relationship but what is the point in staying with Carl when he's just unhappy? Their relationship will end one day because Kieron doesn't feel as strongly as he did before and that fucking scares him right to his core; he's never been so scared in his entire life and he decides there and then that tonight has to be the night, he cannot live like this any longer.

He steps into the shower and groans, a stress-induced headache starting to grow in the back of his head and he really couldn't do with going out tonight but he can't let Emmett down and besides, he's already decided that tonight is the night he will tell the other man how he feels.

He gets out and gets dressed quickly, throwing on some clothes and spraying himself with deodorant before lighting up a cigarette and walking outside; he gets into his car and begins the drive to Emmett's house, he feels like he can't breathe and by the time he arrives, he is a nervous wreck.

It's a good job Carl is away for the weekend or he wouldn't have the guts to do this and when he walks into the house, spotting Emmett in the corner, the Irishman immediately takes his breath away. He's wearing tight jeans, a red shirt, unbuttoned of course and a cross hanging low on his chest. Since he's been playing Brendan, Emmett has grown to like Brendan's style and he's adopted it; still somehow making it his own and Kieron is just stood there gawping as Emmett comes swaying over to him.

"Alright, Kieron?" Emmett drawls, passing him a beer and Kieron swallows down his nerves before taking the drink off of him and gulping it, swigging it back as though it is water and Emmett is smirking at him as he looks Kieron up and down. Drinking in the sight before him and he looks pleased by what he sees but Kieron must be seeing thing because Emmett wouldn't be… eyeing him up, would he?

"Yeah, I'm good…" He answers and Emmett smiles at him before walking over to Bronagh, leaving Kieron to watch after him and he immediately goes towards the table and grabs another drink, swallowing it down before having another and another and an hour in, he is pissed and stumbling all over the place. "Emmett? Emmett?!" He slurs and the Irishman instantly stumbles towards him, wrapping Kieron in a hug before smiling down at him.

"What?" The other man asks and Kieron suddenly gets a burst of confidence and pulls Emmett towards the kitchen before dragging him up the stairs and walking into the bathroom and he's so fucking drunk and Emmett's laughing and asking what's going on and when the bathroom door closes, that burst of confidence is gone and Kieron just stands there staring at him.

"Urm…–" Kieron starts biting his bottom lip, twiddling his fingers together and he doesn't know what to say; he can't just spit it out because it would sound to sudden and Emmett will just think it's the drink but there's no way he can draw this out any longer because he's been holding it back for years and everything is fucked up and the words are out of his mouth before he can fully comprehend them. "I love you, Emmett…" It's too late, he's said it now and he can feel tears prickling in his eyes as Emmett stares at him, completely dumbstruck but then the other man smiles.

"Come here, Kieron…" He says and Kieron does, walks towards him and looks up at Emmett's face and then suddenly they are kissing; tentative at first before he deepens it and this is a dream come true and he's wanted this more than anything for so long which is why, when the door opens, he is too late to pull away from Emmett.

"Kieron?..." Carl. His fiancé is stood looking at him, pain lacing his face and Kieron turns around just in time to see Carl flee, not looking back as Kieron calls his name and everything is too late now, he's ruined everything.

–OXO–

"Stop calling me, Emmett." He hangs up, throwing his phone across the bed and it's been two weeks since the leaving party, two weeks since Carl packed his bags and left, two weeks since Emmett broke up with Claire, telling her he is gay and can't hide his feelings for someone else anymore but Kieron doesn't want to know. He's been wallowing in his self-pity the whole time but Emmett has been calling him non-stop, leaving dozens of messages every day and just calling and calling but he can't talk to him again; not after what has happened.

His phone goes off and Kieron sighs, he doesn't need to look to know who it is and as he looks at the message, he groans.

New Message – from Emmett.

You can't do this, we need to talk. I'll be at yours in ten minutes.

He gets out of bed and walks over to the wardrobe, pulling on some tracksuit bottoms and sparking up another cigarette because he's gonna need it; he can tell Emmett is going to be angry, he's been ignoring him for weeks and Kieron walks into the living room, sitting down on the sofa but he's only there for a second before the door is being pounded.

He sighs again and stands up, breathing deeply as he walks over to the door and he stands behind it for a second before taking in another breath and opening it. Emmett is stood in front of him, face like thunder and he pushes Kieron backwards before slamming the door behind him; everything that happens after that is too quick to understand. He's shoved against the wall, Emmett crowding in close and then they're kissing again; something so aggressive they are almost ripping each-other's mouths apart and Kieron is fisting his hands into Emmett's shirt, pulling him closer before he is pushing him away.

"What are you doing?!" He shouts,, wiping his mouth and trying to get his breathing under control and Emmett runs his hands through his hair before looking at him, incredulously.

"What do you mean 'what am I doing?' what have you been doing? Ignoring all of my calls, not replying to my messages, just plain avoiding me. You–" Emmett points at him and growls low in his throat, fisting his hands next to him and Kieron doesn't really understand why he's so angry, yes he's been avoiding him but so what? "–What you said, the other week… you said you loved me and now you've just been… do you realise what I've done for you? I broke up with Claire, for you. I told everyone something I wasn't really ready to tell, for you and now you're just fucking…" Emmett walks into the living room and sits down, putting his head in his hands and Kieron follow him before sitting next to him. "If you had just answered my calls…–" Emmett turns to face him and takes hold of his hands, looking into his eyes for the first time tonight and Kieron feels his breath catch in his throat. "–I wanted to tell you that I love you too, always have done but I was so scared to tell you in case you didn't feel the same way and I was terrified to come out to everyone but I'm ready now and I want you, Kieron… I always will…"

Kieron searches his eyes for a second, can't believe what he's hearing and a single tear slips down his cheek as Emmett smiles at him; the other man wipes the tear away and leans forward, kissing Kieron lightly and suddenly everything is heating up and Kieron has his legs wrapped around Emmett's waist as he carries him to the bedroom, flinging him on the bed when they get inside and he instantly crawls on top of him, kissing up his bare chest.

"I love you too, you know…" Kieron mumbles and Emmett smiles at him as he begins undressing; he's thorough in preparing him, taking extra care to stretch Kieron out and they're smiling as they kiss each-other, whispering 'I love you' as Emmett sits back and rolls on a condom.

"You ready?" Emmett asks and Kieron nods, pulling the other man down to kiss him and they are both panting as Emmett pushes inside. It's the best feeling both of them have ever felt, being this connected to the person they love and Kieron holds Emmett closer as his thrusts increase, speeding up to the point where Kieron is screaming Emmett's name and when they come, it is only about a minute apart.

The come down is the best, being wrapped in Emmett's arms and being held tighter and when he looks up into the other man's eyes, he strokes a hand down his cheek and smiles. "So what happens now?" He asks and Emmett kisses him twice before answering.

"Well, right now…–" Emmett kisses him again, settling down to go to sleep as Kieron pulls him closer. "–Right now, we go to sleep and in the morning, we tell people that we love each-other and if they don't like it then fuck them." That makes Kieron laugh quietly and he lifts his leg over Emmett's hip before kissing his chest and closing his eyes. He falls asleep to the sound of Emmett telling him how much he loves him and in the morning, when they wake up in each-other's arms, they get ready and walk out of Kieron's house hand in hand; getting ready to tell the world that they are in love and happy.