Something that just happened after listening to a large amount of music.
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Glee, but I wish I did.
His heart is breaking all over again, the tears are brimming over, running down his face. His breathing picks up as he begins to gasp for air, sobs are racking through his body. He doesn't know what to do, he's never felt this way and never wants to again. He wonders if this is what she felt, if she cried these tears over their tragic ending. His compassionate side hopes she hadn't, his arrogant side wishes she did. He hates her yet, he loves her. Why would she do this to him? Did he not show her he cared? What was it that never allowed him to have a happy ending? Why was he never good enough?
She publicly humiliated him and he was all alone. He had come to see her, he had come to wish her good luck, he had hoped she would run into his arms after the performance happy to see him once more. He had longed to hold her in his arms and let her know how beautiful and how talented she was, that those judges were wrong when they didn't put her team through. Of course he would have known they weren't, New Directions was nothing but a club of amateurs trying to fulfill their dreams of stardom.
She didn't deserve to be stuck in Lima with these idiots, she deserved for people to fall on their knees for her. And Hudson surely didn't deserve her. That bumbling idiotic idiot didn't deserve the grandeur that was Rachel Barbara Berry. He didn't either but damn him if that was going to keep him from loving her. The only thing keeping him alive was the thought she would leave Hudson in the next year. That they would once again get their shot at an epic romance, he was delusional, he knew.
He wouldn't stand a year without her, not again, she was his drug, highly addictive, one taste was all he needed to go insane with need. Her talent was far to grand for her petite frame, her dramatics completely over the top for a diva from Lima, Ohio, her nose the "flaw" she hated (he loved it, he loved all of her), her need for popularity was irrational (yet, understood), her undying love for the stage (the thing that brought them together), and the fact all her dreams were truly just an inevitability did nothing to help his resolve. If she had been in Vocal Adrenaline he would have given her a second look nothing more, probably broken her heart just to steal the solos from her. If he had met her anywhere but that music store he would have been vindictive, he would have ripped her into shreds. For godsakes he had and he regretted it too. He knew he shouldn't, he knew he never truly would, she was standing in front of his dreams. He knew she would have done the same so it was bullshit if she was going to say that she could No longer love him or trust him for that. She had sent the new lead of Vocal Adrenaline to a crack house (inactive but none the less a crack house) all because the poor exchange student was competition. She was just as spiteful as he was and he knew it.
Or maybe he didn't know her at all maybe he was seeing what he wanted to see. Of course she had sung with him, he had missed the perfect harmony created by the mixture of their voices, he knew she had too, she had forgiven him but that didn't mean she still wasn't hurt, she had invited him to go to prom in a group, not a date (he knew better), she had sung My Man from Funny Girl for her audition she knew what it would do to him (he had hoped it was meant for him), she had allowed him to kiss her after he confessed his love for her. He didn't know where he went wrong it was so cliché it disgusted him. Rachel and Jesse were not cliché they were a category of their own and compare them as much to "The Way We Were" they weren't it, as cliché as epic romances are theirs was different it always would be. Epic romances ended in a happy ending and he knew this time it wouldn't. He had hoped that this time he'd get it right with her, for every girl he'd hurt he wanted to make right by her instead he got a slap in the face, theoretically of course, but it was one that would sting for the rest of his life. She wasn't going to carry the heartbreak like Barbara, he was and she was insane if she was going to take that away from him. He still has hope that someday they'll meet again in Broadway when she's free of Franketeen and they will live out their dreams together. He'll be there for her first Tony win and then her Grammy win. He will dream of this every day because just like Rachel's dream it is an inevitability.