The Brief History of Everything - OR - Recipe for Plastic Spoon
Chapter 1
Octoberary 20st, 1999
By: Wuckfad
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1 - The 3 o'clock battering ram.
"We replaced your blood with Foldgers Crystals!"
-Some Crazy Asshole
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Good Morning Mr. Phelps. This is the 3 o'clock battering ram. Would
you like coffee, tea, urine, weed, a fine parenting magazine." asked
the stewardess.
"Just the weed and the parenting magazine. Thank you." Mr. Jim Phelps
replied groggily.
The stewardess crawled down the aisle on all fours and handed Phelps
the good weed and the parenting magazine. He promptly whipped out his
cedar pipe and a lighter and proceded to rip a page out of the
magazine, tear it into chunks and stuff it into his pipe. He carefully
folded up his grass and put it in his pocket.
"Good Evening Mr. Phelps. This is HQ. As you might know. HQ is a place
where all the agents of the A-Team convene and play lawn darts." His
pipe explained. "Your services are needed here. The A-Team is losing!
You are the king of the darts. We need you immediately. This message
will flush itself down the toilet in 3 seconds."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
47 seconds later...
"Ratatatatat?" Replied Mr. Jim Phelps as he jumped off the side of the
boat
James Bond theme property of Monty Norman, Monty Python, M, Q and not
so much Moneypenny. Copyright 6,000,000,000 BC.
--------------------------------------
Dear Captain Wuckfad.
In light of the recent dwarf tossing in steerage, I suggest
the addition of a new red light district in 47th class.
No-one.
--------------------------------------
"Bob?" Said Ed.
"What Ed?" Said Ed.
"Where is the cat sauce?" Said Ed.
"I don't know, Bob." Said Ed.
"Oh. Okay." Said Ed.
"But we do have a high concentration of xenon particle in the cupboards
on deck 32 sector 2." Said Ed.
"Is that by the burlesque house?" Said Ed.
"Yeah I think so." Said Ed.
ENTER MINISTRY OF DARKNESS
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Questions? Comments?
Wuckfad
wuckfad@hotmail.com
-or-
wuckfad@bolt.com
Rip Farts, Not War.
Just Speef it.
Reefers for the legalization of Marijuana.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------