The Path to Hell
―
"Very few beings really seek knowledge in this world. Mortal or immortal, few really ask. On the contrary, they try to wring from the unknown the answers they have already shaped in their own minds - justifications, confirmations, forms of consolation without which they can't go on. To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner."
―Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat.
Light actually enjoys to analyze.
It's not that he has to analyze every single thing like an oddly squirming bug, frantic under fluorescent lights, fearing he might take one step in the wrong direction. Sure, it might have started that way, but the habit has turned into something more like a hobby.
It evolved. It unraveled, layer after layer.
He admitted once; without L things did seem easier. He got bored out of his wits. Though... that is not by force a full truth. By nature, Light is a student of the circumstances, and with the circumstances always changing, he is always learning. He will never be done learning. There are plenty of things to analyze. Plenty of things can be amusing; L was not his only source of entertainment.
Though... not all things amusing are beautiful. The picking up and analyzing of facial expressions and hidden meanings(details so subtle yet venomous when mishandled)... in short, is a ruthless battle. Even now, even without L, he's become tense. Others keep him occupied and most of the day he cannot act as himself. He cannot allow himself a single breath of truth or relief.
But he is a God. The prize is worth it.
But even in the life of a God, not all things amusing are beautiful; only a handful. On the one hand, L was amusing, but he was the farthest thing from beautiful as anything could get. He had a way of getting under his skin; of messing his thoughts and raking his fingernails against his brains. He was the dirt under his nail; a shard of broken glass in his eyeball.
It'd been hard to get rid of him.
On the other hand, he has Misa.
Misa is amusing, and fleetingly, he's indulged into thinking that's it's fun to try and imagine what the world would think of her if she was ever revealed as the second Kira. Almost smirking, he imagines shocked, horror-stricken faces. Who would think Misa was capable of killing without a second thought?
...
Actually, was all she ever did a thoughtless move? Like a puppet showing no opposition to the tugging of strings from its master? No. She's proved to not being an absolute idiot before. She thinks, but; what does she think about? Before he met the second Kira, he'd made out Misa as a completely different thing. The way he perceived her ranged from her being an indeed gullible idiot of sorts to a selfish conspirator in favor of little more than her dark fairy tale delusions.
She is scarlet lip gloss on pale lips, black lingerie on alabaster skin. She is sparkly eyes tinged with red and declarations of love from a honey-dripping voice.
Mind and body colliding.
Something dark and selfish resides inside of her and he wants to know what it is. Out of habit or for the sake of his hobby, he wants to know.
Irksome Misa; something about her is her make-up. Her clothes, her manners. Being an extremely whimsical person might as well be her mask. It wouldn't be the first time he's underestimated her, after all. Deceit is nowhere bellow her.
This is troublesome for Light. He likes the puzzle. He likes the analyzing. But he likes certainty better. He likes his surroundings well-lit and clean; that way he can at least know he's cleared everything getting in his way to his best capabilities. He doesn't really want to have to worry about what a single shadow might be hiding from him.
What if he makes the wrong call? What if he fails to foresee the true consequences?
For the sake of certainty, he'll pin her and anyone as equally annoying down on a lab stool and pick at their every irksome trait apart, bit by troublesome bit. He will not be satisfied until he's found Misa's and everyone else's rock bottom. Though, with the circumstances always changing, he wonders if he'll ever be done with them. Human are malleable. What if he's never done?
They couldn't be that complicated, could they?
He can't assume he knows all there is to everyone, can he?
His certainty; his confidence... it won't be his undoing, will it?
Will it?
...
Will it?
If you're interested, I wrote this on a whim a long time ago while listening to the song 'King Ludwig II' by AEIOU. I'm not sure how this came out. Maybe I wanted it to be kind of a love thingy between Light and Misa, but in the end this is what happened. I just didn't want to leave it under a pile of dust in some sad corner. I was in a kind of... mood?XD Anyway, this is my first Death Note fanfic so gimme your thoughts. I'd really appreciate it.
P. S.: I know it may seem kind of random and nonsensical. I don't remember what I really wanted it to be... So be gentle with my baby. If you like it, I might do something else with it. Maybe.
... Also, don't you guys think that if Light had only stopped being so arrogant and self-confident for just a moment, he would have seen his own mistake at the end? I was rooting for him...