Okay I will probably write a follow up to Beast Beside You but I couldn't help but write a new Marlie story after that horrible eye-burning suck fest between Miles and Rachel (bleh!)
Anyway this is totally AU with elements of the show and is current with the last episode, Song Remains the Same.
Song is by Pink and I own nothing but if I did...anyway enjoy!
White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
"You're a coward."
"I know," he replied.
"Don't be, you can be better than that," she begged.
"You're the only one that thinks it."
Clench shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
"I'm not leaving. I'm right here," he said.
"Promise?" she asked.
"Yeah."
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire and they burn from all the tears
"We need you here. I need you here," she said.
"I can't Charlie. Don't ask me this."
"I'm not asking you Miles. I'm telling you."
I've been crying, I've been crying
"This is so wrong." He said pressing kiss upon kiss all over her soft skin.
"I don't care, you shouldn't either," she sighed.
I've been dying over you
He was busy teaching her how to fight while she was teaching him how to give in.
One wrong twist and she was on top of him, panting and smiling.
Tie a knot in the rope
"I'm getting better, don't you think?" she whispered and kissed the tip of his nose.
"Stop, Charlie. This has to stop."
"Why?" she asked leaning back and eying him curiously.
Tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold
"I'm not good for you."
She groaned. "We've gone over this already, what's bugging you now? Age, relation or that you were once the great General Matheson."
But there's nothing to grasp so I let go
He slid her off him and offered to help her up.
"Miles?"
"Shut up and get up or I'm leaving you here."
She got up on her own and that night he moved his bedroll closer to the edge of the camp and moved hers closer to the fire. She felt cold and lonely despite the crackling flames and the people surrounding her.
He shook his head every night she attempted to scoot closer and eventually she stopped trying.
I think I've finally had enough
"We need to split up differently today."
"Why?" Charlie asked.
"Nora, you and I will get firewood and Charlie and Aaron will search for food and water. We'll meet back here in fifteen minutes."
I think I maybe think too much
"But you were teaching me how to hunt."
"Not anymore, you need someone better than me. Nora will go with you instead and after dinner she'll teach you everything you need to know." He turned to the other woman, "make sure you don't got easy on her, she needs the practice."
I think this might be it for us
She shoved Nora's guiding hand away and stepped up to Miles, "will she teach me everything? Does that include how to handle you? Or is that something I'm suddenly not allowed to learn? Because if this is your way of teaching me about relationships then you need more practice than me."
Blow me…one last kiss
"I'm trying to protect you," he hissed.
"I don't need your protection. I need you to trust me." She hissed back and disappeared into the woods.
"What was that about?" Aaron asked.
"Nothing, we have supplies to gather, let's go," he said gruffly and neither spoke again that night.
You think I'm just too serious
She hadn't meant to eavesdrop. She was just taking advantage of the cool stream to take a much-needed bath since they'd been on the road for three days straight.
"Will you come with me to Texas once we get Danny back?" Nora asked.
"Probably. Once we get him, I'll take him, Charlie and Aaron back to their home."
"Is that what Charlie wants? Her parents are dead, can't she stay with us?"
"Charlie's place isn't with me. She needs to go back home and live a normal life. She won't have that with me, I'm not parent material."
I think you're full of shit
She hid in the water long after they were gone and her skin was as cold as the dried tears on her cheeks.
He wasn't even going to fight for them. She should have known, everybody had told her how selfish he was, even he had told her.
My head is spinning so blow me one last kiss
"I'm a selfish man, Charl. I always have been."
"I don't care," she said and held his hand.
"You will when this…" he motioned to their entwined hands, "blows up in our face. People won't understand it."
"That was when society was still normal." She said stopping him and looking into those sad brown eyes. "Things have changed, we don't have to tell anybody. We'll take Danny and swear him to secrecy."
"Fifteen years is not enough time for people to understand this."
"Go with it for now." She said.
"Just don't get your hopes up."
"I won't."
Just when it can't get worse
She had really thought that they had been okay. She had thought that he was finally allowing them to be happy but he'd fooled her and she had no one to blame but herself.
"I'll be right back. You stay here."
"Miles, let me come with you. I don't trust that man."
"I know but you can't. We are in Monroe's backyard. I can't have you be seen with me, not if we want to make it out alive."
"Be careful." She said and embraced him. "Come back for us."
"I'll come back for you."
I've had a shit day…No!
But he didn't come back. She was captured and interrogated and terrorized. She found her brother and mother but she also found out an unsettling truth.
"Miles is here?" her mother asked, her tone a little off.
"Yes, he's the reason I made it this far. Dad sent me to him."
"Where did you find him?"
"He was in Chicago…why do you want to know?" She asked suspiciously.
"What happened to your face? Did he hurt you?"
"Of course not. Why would he?"
"Don't trust him. Don't ever trust him." Her mother replied but there was something secret and bitter in the way she said it. Like she was speaking to herself and not her daughter.
Have you had a shit day…No!
"Where is Miles?"
"We have to go," her mother said attempting to drag her away.
"Not without him," she fought back.
"He's not worth your life, Charlie. He's not worth anybody's."
We've had a shit day…No!
"I'm not leaving him. He wouldn't leave us."
"He's the reason I was with Monroe all this time. I missed out on your lives because I trusted him."
"That's not true."
"I know how charming he can be, I know that he seems like a wounded animal you can nurse back to health but that's not the case. Miles is just a ruthless as Monroe, its why they are best friends, its why Monroe wants him back instead of dead."
I think that life's too short for this
"He's risked his life for us…for me." She said.
"I didn't say he was all bad but there is more bad than good, Charlie. I loved him before your father and suffered for it, you kids suffered because I still loved him after I was married and trusted him to protect me from Monroe. Don't give him any of your loyalty, he'll betray you."
I want back my ignorance and bliss
Then the bomb went off and the wall broke open and suddenly she was alone and standing frozen by her mother's revelation. 'She had loved him too, like Nora loves him, like I love him. How many have there been before her? How many will there be after?'
I think I've had enough of this
She ran towards the hole and climbed out but Charlie didn't go right away, she was already collateral damage in the war her mother had waged on Monroe and by some extension, Miles. It wouldn't matter if she stayed a little longer, she was already broken.
"Charlie! Come on!" Aaron yelled but she couldn't move. She wouldn't leave him anymore than she could have left Danny. He was a part of her no matter what, no matter how he many times he lied or shredded her heart with his sharp smile.
The smoke was clearing but still nothing. She felt a tug on her sleeve but she pushed her mother away, she would not abandon him.
So blow me one last kiss
"Run, you idiot!" he yelled hopping through the smashed wall and grabbing her sleeve. She smiled wide and let him drag her to what no doubt would be her death.
I won't miss all of the fighting that we always did
The sound was deafening and she could see the fear written on everyone's faces except his. He looked resigned, like he deserved it. Like he had earned being gun downed by some giant flying machine in an unknown field.
"Run!" he shouted and this time she gripped his hand before he could register it and pull away.
Take it in
The dinner was the closest building around and they ran into it as they dodged the hail of bullets raining down upon them. Charlie saw the freezer first and they ran to it. He was the last one in and she inched as close as she could back to him but Nora stood in the way.
I mean what I say when I say there's nothing left
Nora, who stayed wrapped up in the safety of his arms, taking the spot that had been Charlie's only a few days ago. Taking what she'd worked so hard to bring out in him. He grabbed Charlie's hand but she refused to let her fingers curl around his cheating ones.
No more sick whiskey dick
She saw the other woman kiss him fiercely and the building shook with the force of the attack distracting her from the hollowness in her chest and the way he didn't fight when she slid her hand from his. Charlie burrowed into Aaron's hold and hoped that he would think she was crying because she was scared.
Miles gave her a look of pity over Nora's shoulder but she hid from it, she didn't want that. She wanted something he didn't understand and that she should have never given.
No more battles for me
They came out none the worse for wear but they had to get out of Philadelphia. Which was the first thing he said to her though he addressed it to the group. She looked straight ahead and it wasn't until she would have walked into a group of militia did she realized that it was his arm around her stomach that stopped her.
She wiggled out of his grasp and he gave her a questioning glance but her eyes skittered away from him and to the two pairs of hungry eyes skimming his lean form. She saw Nora approach him first and she saw jealousy mirrored in her mother's face at their embrace.
You'll be calling a trick, 'cause you'll no longer sleep
She began to scout an area as soon as they discarded the bodies and the wagon and she was left mercifully alone but the anxiety of what her mother had spilled would not leave unless she confronted the truth and only Miles would be able to tell her everything.
"Why?"
"Why what?" he said tiredly searching for any animal that had not been spooked by the machine guns or the helicopter.
"My mother and you, why didn't you tell me?"
"Because there's nothing to tell," he said turning his back on her.
"There's never anything to tell."
I'll dress nice
After Danny's death everything was a sick blur of shouts and gunfire. The only clarity she could muster was the look on her baby brother's face as the bullets tore through his abdomen.
She didn't want to think or feel or see. She wanted to be blind and deaf and numb to the world and the only way was to look for the one thing that could get her killed.
She grabbed her crossbow and shrugged on her jacket and stepped out into the night.
I'll look good, I'll go dancing alone
Nate or Jason was still where she'd left him earlier in the day. He had a small fire and a juicy rabbit slowly roasting over it. She sat down without invitation and he looked up and offered none. She dug the bottle out of her jacket and passed it to him.
He unscrewed the cap and took a healthy swig. He didn't cough or sputter like she had and she envied his ease. She wondered if she'd be able to do that, if there would ever be a day that she'd stop caring about Miles Matheson and learn to drink and just have a good time.
I will laugh, I'll get drunk
"So he takes the parrot out of the freezer and the parrots is like, 'first of all I'd like to apologize for my behavior and my language. It was uncalled for and it will never happen again. I do have one question.' The old man says, 'go on ask it.' The parrot looks at him and says, 'what did the chicken do?'
Charlie laughs loudly and sways into him and then they're kissing and fumbling with their clothes. She ends up sprawled on the ground and she struggles with her shirt and he helps her out of it and he touches his nose to her collarbone and all the while she desperately tries not to compare him to Miles.
I'll take somebody home.
"I'm not drunk enough for this." He says suddenly sitting up and buttoning his jeans, "and you shouldn't be drunk in the first place." He pulls away completely to both poke the cooling fire and to give her privacy.
"It shouldn't be happening at all. Your father killed my father and brother. I should be gutting you with my bare hands." She replies starring at the sky above them.
"That sounds like something Matheson would say."
"I am a Matheson and I'm all that's left of our family. Whatever goodness existed died with Danny." She said taking her third or fourth or possibly sixth drink. She'd lost track a while ago, "scary huh?"
"It would be if it had but it didn't even if you're willing to do this." He said slipping her shirt back over her head. "I like you, Charlie and I know you can like me but get the poison out before it settles."
I think I've finally had enough
"I miss my father and Danny." She said and lunged into his arms.
He wrapped them around her and she pressed her ear to his bare chest and counted out the beats. "I know you miss them, your father and brother but you have your mother and Miles and they'll do anything in their power not to leave you."
"I love Miles." She whispered.
He said nothing and made her stand up and walk back to her headquarters alone.
I think I maybe think too much
Charlie woke with a headache but it gave her something to focus on as she watched Miles argue with her mother. He looked at her and she hoped that he could see that she was starting to not need him.
He got on his horse and turned it towards her but she pushed off the door and went in search of someone who needed and wanted to include her as a priority and not an afterthought.
I think this might be it for us…blow me one last kiss
She was barely cleaning up her arm when he returned but she was used to hiding pain. He'd been her teacher and she was an excellent student. She took Jason's words to heart and made peace with her mother but Miles wouldn't get off easy.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked.
"Not right now."
You think I'm just too serious
It was another lovely creek and she preferred it to the cramped showers of the headquarters. She examined her wound, noting that it was little more than a scratch and not the near miss by an axe it had been a few days earlier. She leisurely bobbed in the water until a familiar voice broke her out of her daydream.
"What the hell happened to you?"
"Woods are rough on the back, you know that Miles." She got out of the water, dried off and began to dress.
I think you're full of shit
He turned his head but she knew that he'd seen enough to make his voice a little huskier than normal. "You better be joking, cause I'm not in the mood for your mouth."
"That's a first," she said hooking her bra on without looking at him.
Just when it can't get worse
"How did you get that?" He asked caressing the scabbed over scratches.
She hadn't seen him move and she cursed her inattention. "I told you."
"I'm serious, Charlie."
I've had a shit day…no!
He kissed her shoulder blade tenderly and she made a valiant effort not to tremble.
"Ran into Jason."
"Who?"
"You know him as Nate but his real name is Jason. We had a few drinks and well…I don't think I have to tell you what happens when I get a little tipsy."
"You let that little bastard get into your pants?"
You've had a shit day…no!
"Not like you've been around." She muttered and the words were lost in the fabric of her shirt.
"Need I remind you that Nora and your mother are now with us?"
She shook her hair out, picked up her bow and walked away but she didn't get too far. "Let go of me."
We've had a shit day…no!
"You're not going back to camp until you tell me what he did to you."
"What makes you think he had to force me to do anything?" she snapped yanking her arm from his hold. "Last I checked you are my uncle not my father."
He winced at the title and she smirked with satisfaction.
I think that life's too short for this
"Your father is dead because of that little punk's dad and you went and fucked him cause you drank too much? What the hell is wrong with you Charlie? Ben raised you better, he wouldn't want you getting drunk and losing control like that."
Her smirk fell and her face darkened with anger, "he also taught me better than to fuck someone who doesn't give a shit about me either but that didn't stop me from doing you, did it? And you didn't seem to mind handing me a drink every time I climbed on top of you. Where was your outrage then?"
"That's was a moment of weakness and should have never happe-"
SLAP! "Go to hell, Miles."
I want back my ignorance and bliss
"Already there, sweetheart." He said and kissed her hard.
She slapped him again but he didn't let her go.
He didn't let go of her after the third or fourth slap and she stopped hitting him after the second and third kiss. She stopped struggling all together after a few more landed her flat on the ground with him above her.
I think I've had enough of this
"I can't keep doing this to you." He said lowering his mouth to the rapid pulse at her throat.
"Its my choice too." She replied sliding her hands beneath his red shirt and over the strong and lean back that was as familiar as her own. It bore her nails as testaments of their stubborn love.
"I'm the devil, you know that." He whispered peeling her jeans off and shoving down his own.
The way his body pushed into hers was too heavenly for her to argue, though she would have agreed to his wicked skills and shouted them out for everyone to hear if he hadn't covered her mouth.
Not that she would have been saying anything other than his name as his pelvis aligned with hers over and over again.
Blow me one last kiss
"Last time, I mean it." He said not looking at her as he zipped up his pants.
"You say that every time." She said pulling her shirt back on.
"I'll be leaving in the morning with Nora. So this is the last time."
"Thanks for telling me before you left."
Blow me one last kiss
"I have to…I'm not strong enough to stay around you. What happened right now shouldn't have."
"You always say that too. Did you also tell my mother that after you left her room in Monroe's house or did you have the courtesy to spend the night with her then leave in the morning?"
"I've spent many nights with you Charlie. It was never meant to be this way, it should never have been."
I will do what I please, anything that I want
"Should have and never don't apply to you, Miles. You're too used to getting what you want no matter what you destroy in the process. I honestly think you have never loved anybody. You're too afraid of letting someone in and depending on them and I feel sorry for you."
"You're right that I'm afraid but you're wrong as to why I'm afraid." He said donning his jacket. "Me loving anybody puts them in danger and I have enough blood on my hands. This not the time to be discussing what I do or don't feel."
"Anything to keep from hearing the truth right? Cause that's too much baggage and you like to travel light. I do agree its not the time for this but it is time for you to man up and accept what you are."
"And what I am?"
"You aren't strong enough Miles and I need a man who won't cut and run at the first chance. I deserve better than that and if you won't be then I deserve better than you."
"Like who that runt, Jason?"
"You'll be leaving soon so I can do anything and anybody I want. You gave up your say right here." She said pointing around them.
"Charlie," he pleaded.
"I've outgrown your bullshit, so tell it to Nora or my mother. I'm sure both will welcome you into their beds and you sure as hell aren't picky. I'm just sorry I let you into mine."
I will breath, I will breathe
"I love you, you know that this is more than just getting laid, Charlie. I could do that with anybody. You and I are different."
"You don't have to convince me of anything even if you were lying, I'd still believe you."
"When was the last time I was able to lie to you and you not bust me?"
"It's been a while." She said and snuggled deeper into their sleeping bag. "What about Nora?"
"What about her?" he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"You have history. Is that still strong?"
"It's an echo compared to you."
I won't worry at all
"I love you, Miles. I really do."
"Its part of the charm."
"You're so full of shit." She said and turned away from him.
He pulled her back and slid his fingers along her ribs until she couldn't contain the laughter. She squirmed out of his hands but he ended up pined with her above him, "you surrender, Matheson?"
"Never, you'll have to torture me." He said and lightly nipped at the underside of her jaw.
"Very well." She said and ground her jean-clad bottom into his crotch.
"That's cruel, Charl!" he whined.
"I learned from the best." She giggled and slid down and over him in their favorite rhythm.
"Yeah you did." He muttered and flipped them over. "Let me show you a few more tricks."
"Awaiting orders, General." She grinned and he couldn't help but grin back.
You will pay for your sins
She sat in the same spot as the last time.
"You okay?" Jason asked.
"Yeah, I'll be fine." She looked at him, "you can stay with us."
"Miles-"
"Miles has other things to worry about and I'm not one of them."
You'll be sorry my dear
"What is he doing here?"
"He's militia, are you insane?" Miles argued.
"So were you." Charlie said.
"I'm not anymore."
"Neither is he, right Jason?"
"Right, Charl."
All the lies
"Is this your way of dealing with things? Isn't this a bit childish?"
"Jason being here is not about you. I know you find it hard to believe Miles, but my world does not revolve around you."
"It used to."
"And whose fault is it that it doesn't anymore?"
"It was for your own good, I would do anything to keep you from getting hurt."
"Your rules are for us to stay apart. I'm playing by them and we need all the help we can get."
All the why's
"What's the tower?" she asked nibbling on the first fresh meat they'd had in weeks.
"It's where the power was turned off originally." Rachel said.
"You want to go back there but you said that Randall guy was holed up there." Aaron commented.
"He was but now that he's joined Monroe, the tower is our only option."
"Its too dangerous."
"We can all go." Jason said rising and throwing his bones into the fire.
"No, I need you and Miles to stay behind with Charlie and Nora, Aaron and I will go."
"Can I have a word with you." Miles got up and Rachel followed and so did Charlie.
Will all be crystal clear
"I can't stay here with Charlie." Miles said pacing back and forth.
"She trusts you and I know you'll protect her no matter what."
"It's more than that. I can't explain…"
"Miles just protect my daughter."
I think I've finally had enough
"What about you?"
"I'll have Aaron, who is more capable than you think."
"I can't lose you too."
"You won't."
"It's too dangerous-"
I think I maybe think too much
Charlie reared back as her mother and Miles met in a furious kiss. She leaned out of sight and back against the wall hoping to keep her dinner down. She tried not wonder how long it been going on but she was unable to hold off the images in her head and she fell to her knees as she vomited.
The sound brought the two adults running to her but she refused to allow either one to touch her. They could stay together for all she cared. They were both deceivers.
I think this might be it for us…blow me one last kiss
She made her way back to camp and rinsed her mouth as best as she could but the thought of how many times her mother had pressed against Miles like that kept the sourness in it.
Charlie couldn't help but try to wash the taste of him from her memory as well but to do so she would need more water than they had currently, and she needed an excuse to mourn her blind devotion to him privately. "I'm going to refill these." She said holding up the now empty bottles.
"You need any help?" Aaron asked.
"I'll be fine."
"You need any company?" Jason asked.
"I'll be fine.
You think I'm just too serious
She scrubbed face with water hoping to get rid of what she'd seen but the sight of the two of them had been branded into her brain and the scene kept replaying in disgusting detail every time she closed her eyes.
"You weren't supposed to see that."
"I wish I hadn't."
"I'm sorry, for what it's worth."
"Not much."
"You can't keep doing this, Charlie. It's dangerous."
"Doing what? I'm getting water, you're the one that's not minding his own business."
"I know that what you saw-"
She filled up the bottles and rose to her feet. "I don't care what you do anymore."
"Then why are you out here alone?"
I think you're full of shit
She angrily threw the bottles to the ground and spun to face him, "what do you want from me?"
"Charlie…."
"No, you don't get to Charlie me. I left you alone as you intended. I tried to forget everything that happened between us and it's been difficult but I've managed. I'm allowed to have a feeling or two when I catch you with your tongue halfway down my mother's throat. I'm allowed that much so give me some fucking space and leave me the hell alone!"
"I can't…I…"
My head is spinning so…blow me one last kiss.
"You can't what?"
"Your mother and I had a past and its been sneaking up on me ever since she came back but that kiss has shown me one thing."
"I don't care, Miles. I can't." she said and sat on the riverbank defeated.
He sat down beside her and pulled her into his lap. He cradled her and she didn't fight him, what good would it do her, he'd convince her somehow. He always did.
"That kiss showed me that she really is my past." He whispered, "but you are my future. If you'll forgive me for being a man and making so many dumb mistakes, I can't live without you. I tried and it sucks."
Just when it can't get worse
"You can't push me away when it gets tough, I won't forgive you again if you do." she said already relaxing in his warm embrace.
"I'm not going anywhere."
I've had a shit day…no!
"One condition." She said sleepily.
You had a shit day…no!
"Anything." He replied nuzzling her cheek.
We've had a shit day…no!
"Wash your mouth out before you kiss me. I don't want my mom's spit."
"You got anything on you?" he asked with a sneaky smile on his face.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out the newest whiskey bottle she'd stolen from him.
"I was wondering where that had gone."
"I was thinking about having a little party with Jason earlier so it's a good thing you decided to apologize and stop being an ass."
I think that life's too short for this
He snatched the bottle away took a big drink, swished it around his mouth and spit it out. "You are never drinking anywhere near that kid again, you hear me."
"I'm not?" she asked turning and straddling him.
I want back my ignorance and bliss
"Nope. You drink with me or you don't drink at all. That's not negotiable Charlie. I mean it."
She took back the bottle and downed some as well. "I guess you'll have to keep me close."
I think I've had enough of this
His eyes gleamed in the darkness as he took a drink and kissed her, filling her mouth with equal combinations of him and the liquor. She drank with enthusiasm and he tumbled them to the ground, "I'm gonna keep you very close."
Blow me one last kiss
"Show me," she commanded and he obeyed.