A silly little middle of the night ditty; probably completely unintelligible to anyone under the age of 45; and quite probably to those over 45 as well. (And I am being generous with that age.)
Boogie Wonderland
It was Saturday night at the local disco themed bar; Studio 74. Everyone was dressed in their best polyester; oxymoron though that was. The groove things were shaking, the jive was talking, and the queens were dancing.
Never mind.
The dance floor was crowded as the family entered the dark and loud space.
Angela didn't care, she had the boogie fever, she had to boogie down.
"S.O.S., Tony; it's karaoke night!" Jonathan yelled. They looked at each other in fear. Karaoke night meant the women would be taking the stage for their usual song while the two of them cowered in a corner pretending not to know them. "I am outta here," Jonathan tried to run for the door.
His mother caught him around the collar, "don't rock the boat, kiddo."
"I'm not in the Navy, mom."
"Knock on wood, 'cause I could sign you up."
"I'd rather hang out at the YMCA."
"That can be arranged as well."
"Enough," Tony said, "we're here, we have to make the best of it. Jonathan, you will survive, I will survive, we all will survive." Tony glared at everyone just to make sure everyone understood.
"Oh, you're such a macho man, Tony," Angela dripped with sarcasm as she pushed her way into the disco inferno. It was time to boogie oogie oogie. And no one, not even macho man Tony, stood in the way of Angela and her boogie oogie oogie.
"Hustle, people; now!" She meant that literally, "The Hustle" had just started playing. They hustled.
Tony was having flashbacks, the people, the noise; it felt like December, 1963; oh what a night. But it wasn't December, it was a hot summer night. He had to sit down, away from the crowd and do his best to put himself in his happy place; midnight at the oasis. He closed his eyes and smiled. Yeah, he'd send his camel to bed, and what he'd do after that...
Never mind.
Angela got tired of dancing alone, she went over to Tony, "Tony, how about spending a nice weekend in New England with me?"
"Angela, we live in Connecticut, we spend every weekend in New England."
That wasn't what she meant, and he knew it, and she knew he knew it, and he knew she knew he knew it; she tried to pull him back on the dance floor; "come on, Tony, dance with me; you make me feel like dancing."
She did look like hot stuff, "all right, Angela, let's get physical. Take a chance on me."
"Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, a man after midnight, Tony; I could be your undercover angel."
"Then Heaven must be missing an angel, Angela."
"Love is all around, but nobody gets too much heaven."
"You are more than a woman."
"How deep is your love?"
"You give me night fever."
"If I can't have you, I don't want nobody, baby."
"You're the one that I want."
"I'm hopelessly devoted to you."
"Angela, we gotta get off this love roller coaster."
"Upside down, you turn me."
"Knowing me, knowing you; there is nothing we can do."
The DJ announced karaoke and Angela dropped Tony faster than tickets disappeared for the King Tut exhibit.
"I love the nightlife!" she yelled as she ran to grab Sam and her mother.
"Don't leave me this way, Angela!" Tony begged; but she was gone.
Sooner than he hoped; Mona, Angela and Samantha were onstage, like a chorus line, ready to sing. Jonathan streaked to the corner, searching for anyplace to hide. There was no escape; the incessant beat attacked him as though it were a shark out for a nice afternoon snack.
"Come on, Jonathan," Tony said, "play along like we are two wild and crazy guys."
"Tony, why do we do this? We could go other places, like Chicago for instance; but nooooooooo; week after week we come here and watch Mom, Grandma, and Sam indulge in these follies. Why? It's not like we lack for company."
"I don't know about you, Jonathan, but I always like a little night music."
Angela started, "hi, we're your weather girls, and have we got news for you. Get ready all you lonely girls and leave those umbrellas at home!"
Mona and Samantha agreed; then they all started singing:
Humidity's rising,
Barometer's getting low;
According to all sources,
The street's the place to go.
Mona took a solo:
Cause tonight for the first time,
Just about half past ten,
For the first time in history,
It's gonna start raining men!
Angela and Samantha agreed, "start raining men!"
The crowd roared.
All three continued, "it's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men, amen!"
Mona soloed again, "I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna let myself get, absolutely soaking wet!"
The trio sang:
It's raining men,
Hallelujah,
It's raining men,
Every specimen
Sam: "tall,"
Mona, "blonde,"
Angela, "dark and lean,"
All three continued:
Rough and tough and strong and mean!"
God bless mother nature!
It was Angela's turn for a solo:
She's a single woman too
She took on the heavens
And she did what she had to do
She fought every angel
And rearranged the sky
So that each and every woman could find the perfect guy!
Tony was turned on.
Her cohorts chimed in:
It's raining men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining men, amen!
It's raining men, Hallelujah!
It's raining men! Amen!
Mona took another solo line, "I feel stormy weather moving in."
Angela echoed, "'bout to begin;"
Then Sam echoed, "about to begin"
Back to Angela, "with the thunder don't you lose your head"
Mona interjected," Rip out the roof and stay in bed!"
"Rip out the roof and stay in bed!" Angela agreed.
All three sang the chorus:
God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too!
She took on the heavens
and she did what she had to do
She fought every angel
she rearranged the sky so that
Each and every woman could find the perfect guy,
It's raining men, yeah!
Then is was Sam's turn to shine:
Humidity is rising
Barometer's getting low
According to all sources,
The street's the place to go.
Cause tonight for the first time,
Just about half past ten,
For the first time in history,
It's going to start raining men!
All three finished the song:
It's raining men, Hallelujah!
It's raining men, amen!
It's raining men,
Hallelujah!
It's raining men, Amen!
It's raining men!
The applause went wild. The ladies left the stage to mix with their adoring crowd.
"Jonathan, you can come out from under the table now, they're done."
"No way, there's all this money, money, money under here."
"How much money is underneath there?"
"More than you can imagine."
"I don't know, kid, I can imagine quite a lot."
Angela left the crowd and turned her emotion filled sad eyes toward Tony and sighed, "the man is my Waterloo, he can ring my bell anytime." These lonely summer nights were rough, she turned away.
Tony snuck up behind her, "stayin' alive, Angela?"
"Mamma Mia, Tony!" she yelped.
"Leave the Italian to me, Angela."
"I believe ABBA is Swedish."
"Irrelevant. Angela, does you mother know that you're out?"
"I do, I do, I do, I do, I do; boy do I do; Tony," Mona said, "is no one going to thank me for suggesting we go out tonight?"
"Thanks, Mrs. Loopner," Tony joked.
"That's so funny I forgot to laugh," Angela smirked.