I lay on my bed, shaking with coughs. My lungs felt constricted, like I couldn't breathe. I, who had been as warm as hell, was now trembling with cold. I heard wolves howling outside. Announcing a death. My death.
Anna sat next to me, her face wracked with pain. I pulled her closer; I couldn't bear to see her in pain. It cut so much deeper then my own. She silently sobbed against my chest and I waited…waited for sweet release.
I had imprinted a few years after Bella left. I attended her funeral. She had supposedly died in a car crash. Her car blew up, leaving no body behind. Billy and I knew better. I cried though. Howled with grief but not for Isabella Swan. I cried for Isabella Cullen and the cold, eternal life she would live with her undead love. I stood in the rain as the church bell rang. The bell toiled and the heavens cried for my love. In that instant three people died. Isabella Swan, Isabella Black, and the Jacob Black that had loved her. I meet Anna at the store. She was an elementary schoolteacher. She was Bella's opposite, blond hair, blue eyes, and tan skin. I was glad, it was the only way I could stand to be around her.
Bella's grave was never barren. Flowers were always lying there. At first from her friends at school, then after a few years just from Charlie and me. Charlie never got over her death. He would hike out to her grave after work and sit and talk to her for hours. Listening to him you would think she never left. When he was sitting there was when Bella was the most alive. Standing in the woods in my wolf form, listening to him I could remember her the most clearly. Her clear brown eyes, the way her hair swirled around her beautiful face, her soft red lips. That was when Bella Swan lived.
I too, would sit by her grave. I never spoke except when I left and then it was a prayer. A prayer for Isabella Cullen. I love you Bella. I sat in silence and waited for a laughing, gorgeous girl to walk out of the woods and take a look at the place she was buried. I sat and remembered and oh, I remembered. The feel of her skin on mine. Cool and perfect. The twinkle in her eyes when we rode our bikes. Shining brightly. The frown on her face when she was angry. So stunning it took my breath away. I remembered her, pure and whole. Alive. Forever seventeen. As much as I tried I could never see her growing old and in a way it was comfort to me. I knew that she would always live, young and perfect. Whole with her vampires. As long as Bella, no matter what part of her, lived, the Jacob that had loved her did too. I wonder how she remembered me, how I would look to her now. In that moment Bella Black had never died.
One day her bloodsucker came to visit. He lay on the ground wracked with sobs. I could feel his pain, it was a much a part of myself as Bella had been. I just stood there and watched, watched as he cried for Bella Cullen. On her grave he placed two things, a bouquet of roses and a picture. A picture of a cold grave in France were Bella really lay. A grave I would never get to see.
He had overestimated his self-control and in the end, it cost Bella her life. I received a letter, barely legible and incoherent. The only thing I knew for sure was that Bella was dead. He had killed her.
A few months later another letter came, this one written by different person. It stated clearly the facts. She was dead. She had died with a smile on her face. My name and the bloodsuckers were the last words she ever said. She was buried in France on a remote chalet. Her gravestone was empty. She had already been buried. Isabella Cullen was dead and with her died the last piece of Isabella Swan.
I was never the same after that. Oh, I lived. I got up every morning and pretended to be happy. I kissed Anna and never let her know that Bella's kiss was the one I was longing for. I watched our children grow up and never let on that when I sat by the door late at night, it was Bella's children, the ones she had seen, that I was waiting for. I knew in the back of my mind it wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be happy and complete with Anna. But something kept me from this, this perfect dream most of the others had found. I already had a soul mate. I had found my second half in Bella. I guessed that once she was gone my second soul mate, Anna became my impression. She never knew that Bella lived through me. Every day, every second of the day, I longed to hear her dance into the house. No one ever factored in the fact that I had never quite gotten over Bella. The others thought I was fine. Leah was the only one who knew my pain, who knew why I howled at the moon. Yes, life was fine. I was living a dream.
Now in the end, she comes to me again. The night when I couldn't remember her exact scent, the shade of her lips against her skin, the brightness of her eyes was the day I died. I couldn't remember her anymore, there was nothing left to live for. But now she is perfect. Exactly the same as in life. She smiles so sweetly and holds her arms out to me, her face is beaming. In death as in life, my pain is her pain and my joy is her joy. I have forgotten Anna lying by my side; Bella is the only thing I see. I know my soul is slipping away from body. I feel Anna awaken by my side but I am running ever closer to Bella. At last I will hold my love. I whisper my last words on earth and slip into the embrace of an angel. Bella. This heaven and she is here. That is all that matters.