My Darling Emma,
I'm sitting here on what's is supposed to be your sixteenth birthday and instead of celebrating with you and watching you become a woman, I'm wondering where you are and even if you're alive. If people knew I wrote to you every year on your birthday they would probably think I needed therapy. But this is my therapy. In my mind somehow these words leap off the page into your heart, wherever you are, whispering to you that I love you and have never forgotten you. I have so many questions as I always do when I write these letters. Do you have a boyfriend? Has he broken your heart? Oh how I wish I was there to wipe away those tears. Everyday I pray that whoever took you did so because they wanted a child to love and after what they saw they thought they could take better care of you. I can't bear the thought of someone taking you to harm you. So that is how I go on. If I can't be with you at least I can imagine someone is loving you. So since you are becoming a woman I guess I should probably impart some words of wisdom but I'm not sure what I have to say is all that wise but here goes. Don't give away your heart too easily. You have time to find that one true love and I pray you do. More importantly, remember that having sex is a big deal, too. Wait until you know it's right. There is no rush to give yourself away, especially when you're so young. That's not to say you should be cynical. Love deeply but wisely. Choose your friends wisely as well because good friends are like precious jewels. Now, you may think you know everything. I certainly did at your age but how soon I realized I didn't. Study hard and make something of yourself. Follow your dream whatever that may be. I wish I had done that sooner rather than later. Always be kind to others and find a way to help them. It always feels good to get outside yourself. Tell the truth because then you never have to remember the lie you told. I've learned that the hard way.
Maybe you don't need to hear this. Maybe there is someone there giving you good advice. Is there someone you call 'Mom'? Someone that took my place? You had just begun to try to talk when you were taken and you had just learned to walk a few months before. I'll never forget that day when your father came home from work and you took a few steps toward him. He was over the moon. In moments like that I thought we had a chance to make it. But we didn't. My darling girl, not a day goes by that I don't ache for you, long to find you. I was at the park earlier today. The one I used to take you to. I know you don't remember but I would put you in the baby swing and push ever so gently and you would throw up your hands and giggle. Your laugh made my heart sing. Those times with you and rocking you to sleep at night were the sweetest of my life. You would look up at me with those big blue eyes, my eyes. So innocent and trusting. Today at the park I saw a girl about your age with beautiful golden blonde hair. Is yours still that color? It was so beautiful when you were a baby. She was having a picnic with friends and seemed so happy and free. Are you happy? Are you loved? That is my greatest wish for you. I pray you feel safe and not afraid. I imagine you with your friends today laughing and celebrating. I imagine God smiling down on you and protecting you. That if I can't be there he gave you to someone who would love you and take better care of you than I did. I wasn't the mother you deserved but I loved you more than life and that hasn't changed. You will be in my heart no matter where you are and as long as I have breath I will love you and keep trying to find a way to get to you. But for now enjoy your special day and when you go to bed tonight dream sweet dreams.
I love you,
Mom