Trust
It was the first lesson I'd ever tried to teach Ichigo. Zangetsu and I both…tried to teach him.
"When two who do not trust each other fight together, the strength in each is diminished; they only damage each other's strength."
I would've thought…he'd listen. Maybe not to me, but Zangetsu for sure…
How stupid.
As if he could actually ever learn a thing, that idiot. As if he'd ever listen. That was my own stupid fault for…believing in him. Even if it was only for a little while I still had thought we could've been partners. Now it was stuck on me, the humiliation of being not only proved wrong but tossed aside as well. Stepped on and treated like a monster; I had every right to fulfil that role! If he wanted me to be a monster then a fucking monster he'd get!
But no…apparently that was wrong too. Trust him and he throws you away, don't trust him and he tries to kill you…so stupid…
And now what? I didn't even know where the hell I was let alone how I was even planning on "appearing again before he died". There was nothing, just nothing. Was this death? I didn't know. I was completely lost. If I wasn't dead then I'd never been in this part of Ichigo's unconscious before. At least not since I'd become me. I guess it was death.
I didn't like it here.
Would I just fade away then? Or would I hang around here forever, until Ichigo died, like I had implied to him I would? Again, I didn't know. Death should have more understanding than this, I thought.
I missed something…
Something I…
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Trust
It was the first lesson I'd ever tried to teach Ichigo.
I…
How stupid…
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Would I just fade away then…?
…Be trapped here forever…
I…
…Not since I'd become me…
…a monster…
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"Take care…!"
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So this was death then…
I…
I didn't like it here.
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I want to go home.
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I want…
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I felt warm. Very oddly warm. I didn't understand it. Wasn't my body temperature usually colder than this? Actually that made even less sense; I shouldn't have a body right now. I should either be a part of Zangetsu or floating somewhere in inexistence. What the hell?
But, no; I was really, really warm. And damn, comfortable too. More comfortable than I'd been since…well, since I wasn't even me. Since I'd been Ichigo- not just a part of him- and his-our mother would tuck me, er…him…us (?) into bed at night.
Weird.
I didn't want to wake up. I could feel the burning light of the sun trying to pry my eyes open, along with a soft beeping sound trying to invade my groggy brain, but I kept my eyes firmly shut. I tried to shove the beeping out and ignore it but it was making my head spin like crazy-another good reason why I didn't want to open my eyes because hell knows how disorienting Ichigo's inner world can be. Seriously, if I didn't know better-which I didn't- I'd say I'd been drugged.
It would've explained things if Ichigo had ever done drugs; Effed up side ways world, Zangetsu (Do I even need to explain that one? Just think of all the stash he could be hiding in that cloak-thing), the stupid half-brained decisions he made sometimes and the list goes on. According to our-his memories he was clean. Unless someone had slipped him something in a drink or in his food…Wouldn't put it past goat-chin to do that. The old bastard was more out to get Ichigo than I was.
I twitched my fingers, just to feel if they were still there then moved my hand up to rub the side of my head. Sloshy was the only word that could properly describe the way it felt. Through the mess that was my mind I could only kind of remember what had happened. Ichigo and I had been fighting, over control no doubt. He had stabbed me and I blew up. And shattered at the same time? Shit, no wonder my head was sloshy.
I sighed. Ah, well, could've been worse. Could've been a lot-huh?
My eyes snapped open and I looked down at my hand. There was a wire sticking out of my wrist. Why the hell was there a wire sticking out of my wrist? I propped myself up and looked at my surroundings. I wasn't in the inner world. There was no Zangetsu here. I wasn't in Ichigo's mind. I wasn't even in his soul. I was…? Oh, fuck no.
My instincts took over then. I tore at the wire attempting to rip it from my flesh. I scratched at the skin and pulled at it. Stuck. Shit. Better using my teeth instead. I tried again. No. Grinding it in half didn't work either. Something sharper? Zangetsu. Not here. A different blade? Glass, maybe. Where was…a window!
I attempted to leap of the bed but quickly discovered I was attached to something. An IV? I had to break it then. If the wire wouldn't break I had no choice. I turned towards it. Just a nice snap should do it. Nice and-
"Shiro!! What the fuck!? What're you doing?!"
Something hit me. Someone. I turned to growl at them for making me drop the IV and for distracting me.
And nearly choked to death.
"Honestly Shiro, I know you don't like hospitals, but get a grip! Lie back down!" He yelled at me. He shoved me back down onto the pillow. "God dammit. Out for that long and you wake up like this? I swear, the people here don't even know what they're doing, they just drug everyone up with whatever crap they find to keep them unconscious." He huffed shaking his head. He righted the dropped IV and sat down onto a chair positioned conveniently close to the bed I was on.
I couldn't breathe. Hell, I couldn't even think. He was looking at me waiting for me to say something and I was staring at him dumbfounded, completely unresponsive, mouth hanging open for the flies to get in. The only thing that interrupted the silence was the weird beeping noise.
"…Ichigo?" Oh freaking wow. This moment was brought to you by 'Inherited stupidity', because you just can't escape it when your other half is an idiot. Now someone- anyone, please; just shoot me now and get it over with.
"What am I doing here?" I asked my throat a little raspy. I am literally going against all my rules acting like this. If it were the king acting like this and I was sitting right there he'd be done, buried, and have 'Idiot' carved directly onto his tombstone. He was looking at me concerned. Never had I seen him look at me with anything more than anger, shock, or disgust; usually all three. To top it all off, he looked like he hadn't slept in days- bags under his eyes and all. Forget me being a little drugged; Ichigo was on some much crazier shit.
"How…?" Oh screw this.
"Actually…more to the point," a wild grin began forming across my face, "What made you decide not to kill me after all and which crazy-assed person helped you out with this royal screw up?"
Now that was more like it. Ichigo just stared at me.
"…What!?"
"You dumb-ass, you should've killed me while you had the chance. I told you if you let up, you'd die and you go and bring me to a hospital?" I scoffed. I couldn't help myself; I started laughing. "I swear; your intelligence knows no bounds, King! Oh man…"
"Um, Shiro, are you alright?" Ichigo sat on the edge of his chair and looked about ready to run for the door, definately more than a little bemused.
I snickered. "Who's Shiro? Are you mocking me, King?"
He lent over and, to my surprise, placed a hand on my forehead. My laughing stopped almost instantaneously. What did he think he was doing? I smacked his hand away.
"Don't touch me!" I screamed at him, fury tainting my expression. He pulled back in bewilderment.
His supposed concern; it left a vile taste in my mouth. I didn't need his concern. I didn't want it! What was it that always made Ichigo think he had the right to do whatever he wanted? He disgusts me.
In an acid tone I asked him again; "Why didn't you kill me?"
He looked at me with an unsettling expression and then shook his head, torn and defeated. "Shiro, you need help. I'm getting the nurse and you're gonna get some more rest." He began to walk out of the room.
"You're just not making any sense right now, I'm gonna go get Da-"
"If you move one more step it'll be the last ya' ever see of me, Ichigo," I said coolly. The words escaped me and I balked at my own stupid self. Why did I say it? Well fuck, I don't know! To my surprise he stopped where he was. I could feel the weight of the sentence between us. Slowly he turned to meet my eyes. His irises burned bronze flames. They were trying to devour everything, all the oxygen in the air, yet they moved in fear; like a threatened animal. Had that actually threatened him? He'd been wishing for me to disappear since the first he'd met me. How was that a threat? I didn't know what I was saying but I let instinct take over yet again.
I stepped down onto the hospital floor my feet smacking against the cool tiles. I wobbled unsteadily, then righted myself. My legs were unpleasently stiff and a little hard to move. It made me question my non-threat's validity but Ichigo seemed to take me seriously. He moved closer without breaking eye contact with me and sat back down onto the chair. I stood in front of my silenced identical and internally sighed.
"Now answer my question; why didn't ya' kill me?"
He ran a hand through his tousled orange spikes and his frown deepened. "I really don't know what you're talking about, Shiro. Why would I kill you?"
Huh? "Because it's me, that's why. And what is all this 'Shiro'? I really don't like bein' mocked because of the way I look."
"I'm not mocking the way you look! That's your name! You told me not to call you Mashiro and to call you Shiro!" Ichigo retorted.
"When have I ever been called Mashiro? I don't have a name!" I snapped back in frustration. This was really going nowhere.
"Um, since your birth?!" He answered in riposte.
"My birth? What would you know about my birth? You don't know fuck all about me! You were so concerned over your little Shinigami woes, to busy to even realise that a part of you got real fucked over in the whole power returning deal! You didn't even notice I was there!" I snarled fiercely. Damn, I was just that far from killing him. I only needed the stupid wire to reach a bit longer.
"Would you listen to yourself? You're crazy! Shinigami? What the hell kinda shit have they been giving you?"
"That's what I'd like to know too! But no one seems to wanna give me a damn answer when I ask them a simple question, so there's really no use in asking is there?"
"You're insane! I've answered every one of your questions! I didn't realise you were gonna go all suicidal on me when you woke up, but I'm sorry I refuse to kill my twin brother!"
"Are you dense? You haven't answered all my questions! Seriously, you are the most………WHAT!?"
Ichigo twitched in irritation. "I said; 'I'm not going to kill my crazy-ass brother'." He repeated slowly, making sure to enunciate each and every word.
Then out of the blue a meteor came down and destroyed the earth and all its inhabitants. There were no survivors. All the dead spirits, shingami, and hollows were swallowed up by a massive black hole never to be seen again.
I'm sorry sir, can you repeat that? My brain has just imploded due to a malfunction relating to the fact that I've lost my fucking mind! Seriously, where are the flying pink elephants? If I've lost my mind I wanna see some flying pink elephants.
A dream maybe? More like a nightmare. A part of Ichigo's subconscious? But then what, he has an inner world and inner alternate dimension? Or maybe this is what happened when you were killed as an inner hollow; you were forced from one hell hole into another for the rest of eternity because you aren't a complete soul in the first place. I growled and slumped down onto the hospital bed.
I think…I hate this already.
And that's when I finally noticed where the beeping was coming from; a machine close by to my bed, also attached to me. It had a screen where you could watch a little green line rise and fall like little mountains. Each and every flash was preceded by the soft beeping. It was a hypnotizing little thing; a heart monitor.
I had a heartbeat.
I'm not sure where I was going with this, it's probably one of the most half-assed things I've done and liked. A lot of profanity. Drugs mentioned. [Holy crap, did I really write this?] I apoligize.
I edited this chapter a tiny bit. I may edit it a bit more later but for now I'll leave it alone. All the points are still the same though so you don't have to re-read it.
EDITED AGAIN: I have decided (as of chapter six being written). This fic will have no pairings in it, none whatsoever. However there will be a lot of brotherliness on Ichigo's and Shiro's part. If you are okay with that, great, if not, well...I geuss you'll just have to find something else to read. Anyway, to those who aren't concerned with seeing a pairing in this and want to read on, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Reviews keep me writing. Please Review.
P.S. I changed the title of this story from Juxtaposure to Juxtaposed. I liked the old title better because of it's smooth sound but I want this story to be at least a little decent. Hopefully I didn't confuse too many.