Naruto's Kill

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. 'Nuff said.

A/N: So I think Sasuke's an ass, so I'm gonna have everybody kill him off. Yeah. He had it coming. Enjoy the Emo bashing fun! Starting with the main character, of course!

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Naruto was angry. It was always Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! And boy, was he sick of it. He was surprised that the producers of the show hadn't yet said, "Aw, hell." and rename the show after him.

"Just look at him," mumbled Naruto bitterly. "He's got all the attention, girls, everything!" He slammed his fist down on the table. Only one solution came to mind.

"Sasuke has to die!"

"He quickly burst out of his apartment, and ran through the streets of Konoha, looking for the last of the Uchiha clan.

He eventually found him being emo and angsty in the shadows under the bridge, much like the trolls from those fairy tales we have all read as children. Apparently, nobody has yet told him that self-pity only destroys you.

"Hello, Sasuke," Naruto said sweetly, a fake grin plastering his face. 'If you are done cutting yourself, would you like to come over to my house for some ramen?"

"What makes you think that I'm cutting myself?" Sasuke the troll asked.

"Gee, I don't know. The kunai at your wrist kind of gives me suspicions though," Naruto replied sarcastically. "So are you coming over, or what?"

"No," Angsty replied as he quickly put the kunai away.

"Please! I'll leave you alone!"

"Yeah, right,"

"I'll let you have my show!" Naruto said, as he crossed his fingers behind his back.

Emo Boy raised an eyebrow. "Really? Fine then."

The Uchiha followed Naruto to his apartment where he began to make ramen, but not just any ramen, good friends, no. He was making killer ramen.

He managed to find some expired ramen and milk way past it's expiration date (We're talking like, the milk was one step closer to being cheese, here.), then he found some mud that he got from the training grounds, should this day ever come. He added it to the rancid ramen, and stirred it around a bit. He then added a whole bunch of other things to the mix, some being thumbtacks, others being rat poison.

Anyways, when he was done making the ramen, which was actually more of a science experiment gone horribly wrong, it would've given Chef Gordon Ramsay himself a heart attack and possibly a funeral afterwards. Naruto smiled at it.

"It's perfect," he said to himself.

He scooped some of it into a bowl, which was proving to be difficult considering that the substance kept eating through the spoon, and carried it out to the Angst Monkey.

"Here you go!" Naruto cried happily.

Whiny snatched it from him. "About damn time," he snapped. He luckily didn't see what Naruto had done to it, for he was too busy complaining about life. Naruto watched with glee as he took bite after bite of the deadly ramen. He finished it all, and then put the empty bowl to the side. He looked up at Naruto.

"What the hell are you smiling - " At this point in time, Emo sat there motionlessly, then fell over. Dead.

To make sure that Ramen Victim was really dead, Naruto yelled at him, poked him, kicked him in places, and cut off all his hair.

Yep. He was undoubtedly dead.

Naruto laughed maniacally. "Finally! I killed of the stupid ass! Now I can be the main character again!" He looked at the body on the ground. "But I just can't leave him there. After all, I do have to live here . . . . I know!"

He ran off to the cabinets and pulled out a Glad brand garbage bag. "Glad. Depend on it!" He then grabbed Sasuke's leg and started stuffing him into it. After he had Sasuke fully inside, he tied off the ends, grabbed a pen, and wrote "Pervy Sage Did It! No Joke!!" on a piece of paper and taped it to the green plastic. He then threw the garbage bag out the window down to the earth below.

"And good riddance!!"

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A/N: So how was that? Besides short. Lol! There's more coming! Next kill? It's a surprise!! Please review!