Disclaimer: Teen Titans isn't mine.
This one contains lemony content (aka mature stuff not for kids, rated M, all the usual warnings). Please heed ratings.
"Speech"
Thoughts
Earth
Control was a difficult task.
Everything, about control. Trying to fight off fate. Trying to control her emotions - not let them hold too much sway over her, let alone show them. Trying to control the flow of her life. So that it wouldn't be too unexpected. So that she wouldn't have too many surprises.
She didn't want to lose control and be surprised at everything that happened.
Say, if she had lost it that one time and actually killed Doctor Light. That would've been an unpleasant surprise. Or if Beast Boy hadn't stopped her when she was using one of Malchior's cursed spells. Then that girl might've...
She rubbed her temples.
I admit it. I'm a control freak. But with these powers...
It couldn't be helped. If she lost it, everything could be - and probably would be - destroyed. She was almost like a time bomb, only in this case, it was a matter of her own willpower, fighting with the turbulent emotions inside her.
And a fight against the chaotic world, in which random surprises were common.
Not that she had a thing against chaos. No, she certainly appreciated it, and in certain doses, she even enjoyed it. It was just that it was so dangerous for her psyche that she tended to avoid chaotic messes, even if she was half-demon.
Well, not entirely true...
She took a sip of tea and looked up, meeting a pair of cat-like, fuchsia colored eyes. And smiled. Surprises... the world is full of them.
Friends are friends, but even so, most of them still can't really help me with my problems. Beast Boy, Starfire... yeah... Robin has his own issues, and Cyborg's too different. I thought I'd have to deal with this alone, all of my life. But... I suppose I got lucky.
"Want some tea?"
"Would be nice. You look better today."
"Better?"
"That fight yesterday... you seemed kinda weird after. I figured you had some... issues. You know, with your, um..."
Raven nodded. "Slade always makes me nervous. And I didn't get to meditate enough." She held out a cup of tea.
Jinx sighed. "You should take care of yourself more."
"I didn't have time to," Raven muttered. "Too much noise everywhere. People banging on my door every two seconds. And every time they go away, some other asshole tries to rob something."
"Maybe I should leave so you can-"
"Nah. It's fine. I have other ways to deal with my issues too."
"Like?"
Raven's eyes sparkled. "Well, you're here."
Jinx paused for a moment, then grinned. "Yeah, babe. I am."
The violet haired girl smirked. "Don't be too happy now..."
"But you're happy. So I have to be."
Raven rolled her eyes.
Sky
Rage... hatred... fury!
Four red eyes opened but the rest of her body remained still.
Stay back, you demon!
She gritted her teeth, closing her eyes. Fire seemed to burst through her mind, but she repressed it, refusing to let it through.
Foolish daughter. You are demon spawn. Cursed, among those mortals, wretched among my kind, I am the only one who will accept an abomination like you. You have nowhere else to turn. Trigon's voice echoed through her mind.
No! I have friends who accept me as another person-
Fear your and your power-
They believe that I'm a hero!
Afraid that if they upset you, you will turn on them in anger-
Enough nonsense-
Stupid girl. Do you think you can silence me so easily? I am half of your mind and all of your power.
Shut up!
Make me.
She bit her lip, sweat beading across her forehead. Get out of my head.
You know you like it. That feeling of sheer power that surges through you when you invoke the power of rage. You like being powerful-
Get out!
Trigon's dark laughter echoed through her. Dear child, I cannot leave. Rather, you cannot afford me to leave. Else all your strength shall leave you.
Raven shook her head. Ignore him. He just gets stronger if I pay attention to him. I have to...
Did you not enjoy it? That poor kid... what was his name? Gizmo, correct? You enjoyed tearing apart his mind. You enjoyed tormenting him with visions of his own death.
Ignore him.
Face it. You are half demon too. That darkness that resides in you-
"Azarath metrion zinthos," she whispered. "Azarath... metrion... zinthos."
His voice still sounded in her mind, but she, at least, could block out what the specific words were. So now, at least, he was just an annoying sound there. An annoying, demonic rasp that still prickled at the outer edges of her barriers, still resonating with her demon side.
"Stop," she whispered. "I know I messed up. I lost control. I..." almost killed him. I got lucky. Just... just calm down. Forget about it. "Azarath metrion zinthos."
Everything faded around her. Her surroundings, her room, her emotions within her body, all into an endless void. Bitter, but empty, completely barren. Tepid, languid, but not tranquil. But the best she could muster at the moment. Calm. Azarath-
"Raven! Hey, Raven!" someone knocked loudly on her door.
Her eyes snapped open. Damn it.
"Go away."
"But Rae-"
"I said, go away!"
"Okay, okay..."
Raven rubbed her temples, sensing the voice return. Sighing, she closed her eyes again. Have to fight it out again...
Earth
"There?"
"Mmmm," Raven murmured. "That's good."
A hand glided across her bare back, warm and comfortable against her cool muscles. Jinx grinned. "So much for not liking people touching you."
"I don't like people randomly touching me for no reason," Raven grumbled back.
Jinx ran a finger down Raven's spine, feeling all the little bumps as she moved lower. "You're such a sucker," Jinx laughed. "When I came over you looked like you were 'bout ready to kill something. But now you're like all happy and stuff."
"Mmm."
The pinkette pushed into Raven's body, feeling some of the tension relieve somewhat. Down the smooth, grey skin, tracing circles on Raven's shoulder blades, then to the girl's lower back, which seemed like a mess of stressed muscles that had not seen any relief for years.
"Mmm - hey!"
Jinx eyed her goodies greedily. "Too tempting," she murmured. "Couldn't help it."
Raven rolled her eyes. "You're so... never mind." And she yelped again as she felt a hand tickle her... sensitive places.
"Don't lie. You love it."
"Ah, well..." Raven blushed. "Normally I'd never-" she broke off again. "Let anyone touch me."
"Normally," Jinx smirked, her fingers slightly sticky as she brought them up again. "But you always make exceptions for me."
"I can't help it," Raven's voice was quieter, a little tighter. "You make me feel... calm."
"This makes you feel calm?"
Raven let out a quiet, but very telltale noise. "Well..."
"Or does it just feel good."
"You know," the violet haired girl whispered. "My powers could randomly go out of control if you keep doing that."
"That's okay. But they haven't before."
"Always... a first time."
"It's worth it."
Raven bit her lip, but not quite keeping silent as a surge of sensation ripped through her.
There was only light everywhere in her mind, even with her eyes squeezed shut, nothing but the feeling of tension, but pleasing tension - lower in her abdomen, and the acute awareness of Jinx's body close to hers... even as chaotic as the other girl was, still calming, a center point for her to focus on in the storm of sensation.
And Jinx's voice broke through. "Relax..."
Raven moved a hand up, moving her hair out of her face. "Hard to when you do that to me," she said breathlessly.
The pinkette smiled widely. "Well you obviously enjoyed it. That didn't take very long-"
Raven turned crimson and put a hand over Jinx's mouth. The cat eyes flashed with amusement and Raven sighed. "You're not the only one who gets to have fun. Look, you're practically dripping with excitement."
"That kinda happens when you have a very pretty girl naked in front of you. And flaunting her goods."
Raven looked down, then pressed her legs together. "Shut up," she muttered, moving a hand toward Jinx.
The pinkette grinned as Raven made contact. She worked in silence for a minute or two, and Jinx's knees trembled as the demoness continued. Another minute later, Jinx stumbled, collapsing forward. Raven caught her and found her leg between Jinx's own - a perfect position, as she pushed her hips against the other girl's crotch, providing a little bit of friction.
Raven leaned in closer. "All I wanted was a nice massage. But you had to do this."
Jinx squirmed a bit. "Massages come at a price," her voice came out forced. "Besides, ten minutes isn't good enough for you?"
"I meditate for hours. Ten minutes is nothing. But I suppose you're right. I should give you something in return. You've helped me so much."
"I... did?" Jinx gasped.
"Of course. You mean a lot to me," Raven murmured. And sent a wave of sensation through Jinx with a jerk of her knee.
Jinx closed her eyes and threw her head back. "I... know."
"Too bad you abuse that," another hard push.
"Do... not."
Raven smirked. "It's okay. I rather like it, you know. Just like you do."
Jinx nodded faintly, consumed by the feeling of Raven's body pushing on her own.
The violet haired girl's smirk widened. "Besides, lust is a double edged sword. You can't work its magic on me without feeling its effects yourself. Can you now..." another jerk into Jinx's secret places.
Raven held the other girl as she shuddered, sending fluids all over the demoness's bare thighs. Jinx clutched onto Raven tightly for several moments, breathing heavily, squirming around, trembling. Silent, but the look on her face was all that was needed in response.
When her eyes finally opened, she found Raven's irises gleaming bemusedly at her.
"You're so evil," she breathed. "Your voice..."
"What? You like talking to me when you-"
"But your voice. It's so..." Jinx frowned, unable to catch onto the right word.
Evocative? Alluring? Enigmatic, soft, but also vivacious? Not necessarily what Raven said, just the mere quality to her voice...
"What about it?" Raven purred softly.
"Never mind," Jinx sighed, resting her head on the violet haired girl's shoulder.
They remained there, locked together in that comfortable position for a couple minutes, and then felt the soft hair of Raven's nether regions brush against her own bare skin as the demoness pushed against her again.
"More?"
"Yes? No?"
Jinx pushed back, grinning. "Yes."
Sky
"Raven, it's not your fault."
"Raven, you gotta come out some time."
"Rae-"
"Go away." Her eyes remained closed, her mind focused on forcing back all of the emotions threatening to break loose of her barriers.
"It's not your fault Star got hurt. You didn't do anything wrong-"
I did. I'm the one who's supposed to be protecting the team. You guys - Starfire - all trust me to guard your backs when we fight. That's my job. But this time... she shook her head. I was too unfocused. I couldn't keep track of everything. My powers... got out of hand and I couldn't trust myself to control them. I couldn't stop those missiles from hitting her. And now she's...
"Starfire's fine, Raven. You don't need to worry-"
How could she be fine after that? I failed her.
"She's recovering. You know Tamaranians are tough. You don't need to brood over it."
And if one of you guys had been hit? What then? Would we be burying what would have been left? Would we have... lost a teammate... a friend, because I failed to control my powers? Just because my emotions got out of hand - someone else got hurt...
"Raven, please."
"Go away," she repeated. "I'm trying to meditate."
"We need to make sure that you're okay."
"I'm fine. Starfire's the one that you should be looking after." Not me. I'm useless. I'm just... dangerous. Not worth your time.
"It doesn't sound like it."
Damn it, guys, why do you have to be so persistent? "I'm fine. Can I please just get some peace and quiet?"
"Alright," there were a few mutters from outside the door, but Robin, at least, seemed to sense that she didn't want to be bothered. "Just tell us if you need anything."
I'm so fucked up. Of course I need something. But it's not help that you can give. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry-
You should be.
You're such a failure.
You should be ashamed at being such a coward.
You lack self-control.
You must destroy them all.
A chorus of voices echoed in her mind, rage the foremost among them. She shook her head, trying to fight them off.
Calm. Calm... A-azarath...
No more bullshit. It is time to act.
Scarlet gleamed dangerously at the edges of her mind.
You don't control me! Raven forced it back. Focus. Center yourself. Azarath, metrion-
Fight me all you want. You cannot conquer me.
Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath...
Slowly, rage's voice dimmed to a low hum in the background as the void began to overtake her mind. Pure emptiness, but still no calm. No tranquility for her - no rest... no rest for the wicked.
No. I musn't think like that. I can't think at all. Keep your mind blank.
"Azarath metrion zinthos. Azarath metrion zinthos."
Her heart still beat unnaturally quickly, but at least her emotions seemed to quiet - suppressed under the weight of the forced numbness. Breathe.
One slow breath, then another, and she fell in rhythm.
Eventually, it all faded away, including the murmur of her own voice, and if not serene, at least everything was blank. At least there was nothing to disturb her.
Somewhere, in the distance it seemed, a door slid open. Faintly, she sensed a presence draw near her. Closer, but not an invasive presence. Curiously not disturbing the void that she still maintained within. But she still had her suspicions.
Opening her mouth to speak, but a finger pressed to her lips.
"I heard what happened. May I stay?"
Raven remained silent. Usually, that was sign that it was okay, even if most people didn't think so. But she had known the demoness for long enough to know that no protest meant that it was okay.
She sat in front of the other girl, cross legged, and closed her eyes, mirroring Raven's own posture. Then brought her hands up and clasped Raven's hands in her own, feeling the cold, ivory skin beneath her fingers. It was like touching porcelain. Deathly cold, unfeeling ice.
Her hands trembled slightly, but she tried to refrain from feeling too many emotions, in case Raven picked up on them.
"Raven... I thought you said... meditating was good for you."
"It is."
"It's not... you're just hurting yourself... at least the way you're doing it."
"I'm not. I feel nothing. I'm perfectly... fine. At least... I'm not a danger..."
"Raven, you can't possibly blame yourself..." Jinx shook her head incredulously. "You actually..."
"Jinx..."
The pinkette squeezed the other girl's hands. "Here. Just... we don't have to talk about this now. I didn't come to annoy you. I just... don't want you to be upset."
"I'm not."
"You're... never mind. Here. Just... try to be calm or something. Calm."
"I'm perfectly-"
"You're like an empty shell right now!" Jinx's voice rose in volume slightly, but she caught herself in the middle of her outburst, knowing that that really was not what Raven needed at the moment. "Sorry," she whispered. "It's just... I hate seeing you do this to yourself."
The dark Titan let out a low, soft breath. "I feel empty. I... this is all so wrong. Maybe I should just... not be here."
Jinx touched her face. "Don't talk like that..."
"Sorry," she murmured back. "I'm sorry for being so-"
"It's okay. Here, just like... don't get too worked up about it. Just relax. Come on, you've done this a bunch of times before. Say it. Azarath..."
"A-azarath... metrion... zinthos. Azarath..."
Raven took a deep breath, clutching back at Jinx's hands. "Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath..."
Calm... calm.
Jinx's body felt warm and comfortable near her own, something for her to latch onto, even as chaotic as the other girl was, but controlled, not wild. She knew Jinx was purposely restraining her own emotions to help her - not without some difficulty - and suddenly she felt a surge of affection for the pinkette... the unspoken gesture of understanding, it was something she could never have dreamed for in a friend, but had been blessed with, by some random chance - luck.
"I... I don't deserve a friend like you," Raven's voice trembled.
"Shh. Don't talk."
Raven nodded, controlling herself again. "Azarath metrion zinthos. Azarath metrion... zinthos." And it fell in rhythm.
A slow, quiet hum in the silence of her room, but this time, even as she felt her emotions fade away, she was still perfectly aware of everything. Her room, her surroundings - her curtains, half drawn, letting in a sliver of moonlight, and Jinx's warm, soothing presence near hers. Starting to get a little unruly - the former thief was not used to controlling herself like Raven did - but that was okay.
Tranquility had already set about her like a soft blanket. Darkness, encroaching on her, was not the terrifying, but necessary void that it had been earlier. Instead, it was the temperate night, still filled with wondrous sensation, floating harmoniously about her, not agitated, not distressed.
Her eyes opened slightly, meeting a tiny crescent of fuchsia beneath Jinx's eyelids as a response. A tiny look, but it was all that was needed.
There's no need to thank me. We're friends.
I know. But still, thank you. Without you, I don't know what I would do with myself.
That's why I'm here for you.
Raven's lips curved, just barely, but like magic, warmth spread from her finger tips, down her arms and through the rest of her body, a pulse of fresh life, renewed in the serenity of the darkness. Finally, finally finding the peace that she needed, when they were at last together, as earth and sky...