heartbeat
Mid-spring he goes outside and wanders through the trees. It's for inspiration, he says, and it is, but that's not all. The sight and scent of fresh leaves remind him of Aisling, their first meeting. Though he's too old for games, he sometimes runs, letting the branches slap him, and pretends that he's racing Aisling to the great oak tree. And of course she always wins, she's the fastest, and she races back before he can get a solid glimpse of her.
...But there is no great oak, just smaller ones that are hard to get berries from, now that he can't politely ask the wasps to move aside.
He slows somewhere near enough to the sea that he can hear it, far enough that he can't see it, and lays back to watch the sky turn from blue to pink and red and gold, leaves caught in his cloak like after that first climb.
As stars appear, he puts a palm to his chest and feels the steady pulse of his life.
He wonders was Aisling's heartbeat would feel like. Would it be quick and excited, mimicking her excitement running through the trees, or would it be calm and relaxed, always fearless in her element? He'll know someday. He'll be able to ask, after the Book is finished, when he walks to bring the Book to the people.
...But sometimes he's afraid that he won't.
Sometimes people don't come by their little cell in the clearing in the trees for a while. Which was the point, really-if there aren't a lot of people, there's no reason for the Northmen to target their area. So they're safe, and the Book is safe. Brendan understands that. But it's lonely. And, though he doesn't admit it to Aidan, frightening.
It's long past sundown when he gets back. There are embers in the fireplace, and Aidan is asleep, breath slow and steady. Brendan tucks the blanket around his shoulders and curls up by his side. Pangur leaps from her perch on the table and curls up on his chest, purr rumbling her entire body.
He thinks of Aisling again, and of Crom, and of how she lost every one of her people to it. How her single heartbeat is the last of her kind.
He misses her, and he fears for himself, and for Aidan, for their own loneliness.
What if the only hearts left beating of Ireland's people are Aidan and Brendan's? What if the Northmen wiped everyone out?
...They'd persevere, of course.
Like Aisling did, like Aisling does.
They'd wait, and life would return, as it does after every winter. And he would find her again and show the Book to her, and that would be enough. Her heartbeat would be enough.